Absolute Trash

Meet Melchezedek. In addition to being a world-class chess player, he's a master strategist in the game of EVE.

Just kidding. Melchezedek is the guy who left one of these in the cargo bay of his Hulk. His 1.1 billion isk loss was featured on the most recent Kills of the Week post.

Needless to say, Melchezedek is not actually a master strategist. And if he plays chess at all, I'm guessing he's really bad at it.

Now there's your strategist. Agent Ralliana is one of EVE's most elite PvP'ers. In case you were wondering, her bio's reference to the High Sec Militia is a joke--much like the High Sec Militia itself. And Rusell, for that matter.

Melchezedek made a grave miscalculation. We know that PLEX and skill injectors tend to encourage carebears to make poor decisions, but rarely are their mistakes so costly as this miner's. Melchezedek kept buying PLEX until he ran out of isk, then liquidated his skill points and ran out of those, as well.

With no money or skill points, Melchezedek was forced to start at square one. What about all of his knowledge and experience, you ask? It consisted of AFK mining in highsec. Not much of a climb up the EVE learning cliff.

Of course, you don't need skill points to invoke the "gankers reduce CCP's subscription revenues" myth. We see new players popping off with that one all the time. They must be teaching that nonsense in the EVE tutorial.

Ralliana offered the miner something far more valuable than isk or skill points: the Code. Melchezedek didn't see the use in it, but it would've saved him.

The New Order attracts the most compassionate people in the game. Agent Ralliana was so sensitive to Melchezedek's plight that she didn't mock him for keeping the skill injector in his Hulk in the first place.

Ralliana gently linked the name of the Saviour of Highsec. Instant tears. Melchezedek was a Goofus!

The miner informed our Agent that he would no longer be able to make his extraordinary contributions to the EVE community. But I believe we'll somehow find a way to survive without him. Ours is a resilient community.

Because, after all, the EVE community is powered by the Code.

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 31

Previously, on MinerBumping... After weeks of having their mining operations shut down by the New Order, Mission Ready Mining corp was out of ideas. With the return of Agent Kalorned to the Gelhan system, it seemed that a new era of Code compliance was about to begin.

On occasion, miners not affiliated with MRM wandered into Gelhan to mine without a permit. Punishment came swiftly--sometimes within seconds.

Not all of the locals were hostile toward the Code. By now, they simply accepted it as a fact of life. Anyone who tried to mine without a license was a fool.

Klown Richness was sore about losing his Mackinaw and pod. Kalorned and his fellow Agents didn't waste the opportunity to make an example out of the miner.

Klown even tried the ol' "I would've paid" line, to no avail. So Klown tried an unusual approach:

The miner appealed to the mercy of Goons. Remember when Goons were thought of as the "bad guys" of highsec? Now they're seen as the reasonable alternative to the New Order. At least the Goons can be negotiated with, reasoned with.

For a brief moment, Klown suggested he might be entitled to some privileges associated with having powerful friends/alts in nullsec. No, the miner had to obey the Code. That was his privilege.

Things had changed in Gelhan. It was clear that no resistance movement was going to get anywhere. Klown wasn't interested in teaming up with fellow unlicensed miners; he'd rather watch them suffer as he had suffered. At least then he would be entertained.

And so the Gelhan system experienced a new phenomenon: Collaboration.

Agent Kalorned ruled the system with an iron bump. He was so skilled at bump-tackling ships that he could detain almost anyone, anywhere, for any reason.

Miner turned against miner. It made far more sense to gain points with the local authorities than to try rebelling against them.

steve mcloud only wanted to warp away from the station where he'd just undocked. He couldn't even do that without getting grilled by Kalorned. steve needed to get permission to travel.

steve protested that he merely wanted to use some station services that weren't available at his home base. Was Kalorned persuaded? Before steve could find out, Kalorned suddenly excused himself.

For the unlicensed carebear, the threat of death was always felt, always real. One could feel its presence at every moment. Such was life in Gelhan under the New Order.

To be continued...

Kills of the Week

The New Order is the conscience of highsec. When a carebear is about to do something really bad, he remembers our Agents and thinks to himself, "Hmmm. Maybe I'd better not." In spite of all this, the carebears continue to do some really nasty stuff. One shudders to think what sort of bot-aspirancy they'd get up to if we weren't around. To answer that dark question, we must consider the worst of the worst--like these reprobates from the week of December 31st @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 6th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

KILLMAIL

ardistante was hanging out at Jita 4-4 in a Leopard, a notoriously speedy class of shuttle. But he wasn't quick enough to escape Agent Ormara Muutaras, who blapped the carebear for the crime of loitering.

We've seen Code-violating shuttles before, but ardistante takes the cake.

Even the Leopards themselves are much more expensive than they once were; our Agents are responsible for making them an endangered species.

KILLMAIL

ORE-fit jump freighters continue to disturb the tranquility of highsec. But our Agents are definitely on their case. Brehin Yngvarr was the latest blingy jump freighter to be ensnared by Code enforcers--losing 32.5 billion isk in the process. Kudos to Agents Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Max, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Yuna, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Shardani, Australian Excellence, and Mining Lord 1999.

KILLMAIL

Talia Varen's garbage heap of an Orca was worth 8.3 billion isk. That's not the most expensive of the Orcas we've seen lately, but Talia's loss was noteworthy for a different reason:

Wasn't she a little young to be piloting an Orca? Maybe she purchased skill injectors from that Leopard pilot. Agents Trump The King, Tawny Rozei, Christine Rozei, Sherri Rozei, Ruby Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Shanade Rozei, Lagatha Rozei, and Katy Rozei checked Talia's identification, determined that she was underage, and promptly killed her.

KILLMAIL

v3n0m4l1y must've been out of his mind to bring ORE strip miners into a Kamio asteroid belt. If he was playing some sort of practical joke, Agents Pod-Goo RepoWoman and Aaaarrgg weren't laughing. Not until after they ganked him and his quarter billion isk worth of mining drones, that is.

KILLMAIL

Melchezedek wasn't a very clever miner, either. His capacitor tank did little to save his blingy Hulk from destruction at the hands of Agents Luna Nightblood and Ralliana. Melchezedek's Hulk was worth over 1.1 billion isk. But eagle-eyed readers will note that his fittings were unremarkable. What was this miner hiding in the cargo bay?

You've got to be kidding me.

KILLMAIL

I don't know Miss Tyv, but if I were to judge this book by its cover, I'd say she fancied herself an elite low/null PvP'er. That's all well and good, but in highsec, our elite PvP is a little more elite. Agents Death Eater 101 and Ngoq TlhamChu' ChutEnforce removed Miss Tyv from her ship and extracted her implants.

4.8 billion isk later, Miss Tyv learned that expensive implants don't do you any good if you don't have a Code to plug them into.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #148

Protip for all you carebears out there: If you don't care about EVE, don't play it.

Our Agents save orphans from burning buildings and it doesn't prevent them from obeying the Code. Why? Because our Agents are elite. Welcome to another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Some of our best work is recorded by petitioners.

Myle went on to lose a 1.9 billion isk Golem. The bumper is still at large.

Circe Terra's EVEmail brings to mind an important point about miners who get ganked: They deserve it. For instance, Circe referred to our illustrious Code enforcers as "cultists". Another protip: If you're going to ask me for reimbursement (or for an opinion), don't leave the word "cultist" in your final draft!

Ellandan Gallix had a milder EVEmail. It certainly wasn't perfect--see the subject line. Ellandan claimed to be a Code-compliant miner. But our Agents always get to the truth...

He couldn't maintain the facade for ten minutes.

Character bios certainly got more interesting after the Code came to highsec.

Anarchist.

In nullsec, people add supercap pilots to their contact list. In highsec, they add Agents of the New Order. We're basically the supercapitals of highsec.

After all these years, the carebears are still trying to understand what motivates us. Protip number three(!): Here's a hint.

For the carebear, every gank represents an opportunity. He can squander it by behaving like a bot-aspirant--or he can choose to rise above his carebear nature.

So far, so good. But only time will tell.

Miners, take note. None of that "nobody warned me," or "I would've paid but now I won't," or "I mined every day for 8 years in Amarr space without a permit and never saw an Agent" nonsense. Just some respect and 10 million isk. That's how it's done.

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Sixty-Eight Billion in Shares Sold

The word for today: Legacy. How will you be remembered? If at all?

Those who have a positive impact on the lives of others, live on in them. The Agents of the New Order--and all New Order shareholders--can take satisfaction in knowing that their legacy will continue forever. A thousand years from now, people will still be talking about the unique, revolutionary movement powered by the Code. It's a fair bet that we'll be remembered long after people forget about EVE itself. To future generations, it won't matter so much what game we came from; what matters is that the New Order inspires everyone to greatness.

The bots and bot-aspirants, on the other hand...

...They don't value life quite so much as we do. After all, bots aren't really alive.

Speaking of life...

Though the New Order is famous for boosting player retention, what some people may not realize is that we're also an extraordinary draw for new players. We've brought more newbies into the game that anything CCP has come up with in years.

Florian Foxheart was one of the countless EVE subscribers who signed up because of the Code. He grew up, learned the game, and is now a shareholder. Well done! Florian's purchase of 1,315 shares took us past the 1,568 billion isk mark and earned him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Talk about endgame content.

I'm feeling generous today. I'll allow it.