Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Grand Theft Orca, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Bot-aspirant Dreanna Synx was mining in an asteroid belt with an Orca and a Hulk. Rather than having an alt pilot the Orca, she simply switched back and forth between the two ships. When her Hulk was ganked by Knights of the Order, she was podded several systems over. The Orca was left empty, and by the time she returned, it was gone.

My Agents were not responsible for the Orca theft. I was contacted by Benjamin Artoriana, who had watched the whole incident go down.


Benjamin was familiar with the scout used by Agents Fawn Tailor and John E Normus. He was eager to watch a gank in person, so he sat cloaked at a distance from where their scout was setting up a warp-in.


According to Benjamin, he had never done a "bad act" in EVE before. As he contemplated this "bad act", his heart began to pound. This is what happens to every person who transforms himself into an Agent of the New Order. He could feel himself coming to life.


Benjamin was now a believer in the Code. He instantly prospered by his new beliefs, having a free Orca dumped into his lap.


At the same time Dreanna and I were ending our series of EVEmails, Dreanna was contacted by Agent Galaxy Pig. He took responsibility for the Orca theft, but offered to sell it back for the low, low price of only 400 million isk.


Dreanna refused the generous offer, pleading poverty. What a cliché.


Luckily for Dreanna, Galaxy is a gallant gentleman. He was flexible on the price.


Galaxy had extended the hand of friendship, but Dreanna slapped it away. (Talk about piling up Code violations!) Their negotiations ended; Dreanna absolutely refused to ever pay Galaxy Pig even one cent.


...At least, the negotiations would have ended, if Galaxy were willing to take "no" for an answer. Agents of the New Order know better than that. Every carebear pays eventually.


Suddenly the picture began to change. Dreanna remembered she had the ability to sell "an extra ship or two" to pay 200 million for the Orca. It's like I always say, my wallet is filled with the isk of carebears who say they'll "never" pay me.


Galaxy Pig graciously accepted 200 million isk from Dreanna, and they worked out the details for the transfer of the phantom Orca.


Unfortunately, the deal hit a snag after the 200 million was transferred. Galaxy Pig, who shared Dreanna's habit of suddenly "remembering" things, realized another 100 million was required.


Only moments before, Dreanna would never pay anything. Then she only had 200 million. Then she had 300 million. That's the trouble with carebears: Unbound by any principles, they drift along with the winds of circumstance. Galaxy Pig sighed, making it clear that he was doing her a favor by accepting her money.


By contrast, Galaxy Pig was securely fastened to the bedrock of EVE principles: The Code. And the Code demanded a sacrifice.


Dreanna didn't have the ability to pay an additional 100 million isk, however. Well... How long do you suppose that sentiment will last?


...Not very long. Dreanna miraculously found the funds needed to pay Galaxy Pig a total of 400 million isk for the return of her Orca.


We all remember the story of the boy who cried wolf. Dreanna had lied so many times about what she was willing to pay. Galaxy Pig could not trust that she wouldn't pay more, so he had no choice but to test her.


Graciously, Galaxy Pig offered to return the Orca for only 12 and a half million more isk. But now Dreanna's greed began to take over, and she refused to pay anything more, even though she had already paid 400 million. Avarice is the only explanation. But at least Dreanna had finally learned to tell him the truth!


Galaxy rewarded her honest with his own honesty. Though he was not able to return the Orca stolen by someone else, he was able to give Dreanna something far more valuable: A lesson, and an invitation to follow the Code. Dreanna lucked out, big time.


Dreanna refused to accept the gift, and she cruelly spurned the Code. I can't help but reflect upon the contrast between Dreanna Synx and Benjamin Artoriana. One followed the Code and gained an Orca; the other disobeyed the Code and lost an Orca. Dear reader, which path will you walk?

46 comments:

  1. I was eagerly anticipating the second part of this story after reading the first. It was more glorious than I could have imagined.

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  2. Galaxy Pig is a fine upstanding gentleman and this story only confirms this, HAIL GALAXY PIG

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    Replies
    1. He is nothing more than a wise guy, but I respect him for that! And that Orca pilot was an idiot.

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  3. I see the story differently. "Dreanna Synx: I thought as much."

    I.e., she knew what was happening the whole time, she openly and knowingly donated over a billion ISK to the Order, happily sacrificed her hulk to free herself from mining, and then wished upon G.P. glorious sexual fulfillment, unaware that he did not share her deviant and bestial appetites.

    Dreanna Synx: Secret hero, and fornicator of horses.

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  4. There is some unfinished business here.

    Apparently Benjamin Artoriana felt that confiscating a non-compliant Orca was a "bad act". No, Benjamin, you need not feel any guilt. Your instincts were absolutely pure, and your glorious actions were nothing but honorable in the eyes of the Code.

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    Replies
    1. Manny Moons: I think you might be mistaken on your interpretation of the "bad act" Ben was perpetrating.

      It was not a bad act taking the Orca, but rather, relieving the glorious Knights in the area of their prize -- which he later overcame by compensating the Knights with their proper due.

      - Danny

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    2. And I can confirm that Benjamin did remit the bulk of the funds to the New Order gankers, he's a real gentleman.

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    3. Correct, and I did actually state in my communication with Fawn and John that had they actually had the possibility to steal the Orca that they probably would have done so. It was mere happenstance that I was curious to see a non-follower get his just reward. So once the Orca was sold I made sure to give them the bulk and keep a little for myself as a small "handling" fee. :)

      //Benji

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    4. FUCK THE CODE! Just steal shit because its fun to be a pirate. Damn you religious nuts.

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    5. Are you envy because you don't have a family like the New Order?

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  5. This is a great example of why I think EvE is the best game going. All the skill training and jumping around is just a setup for the thing that makes EvE great... Player Interaction. You know what? Hats off to Dreanna Synx for not "turtling up" and continuing to try to find a positive result. I wonder if this was her first time "playing" EvE? Much love baby!

    ~John E Normus

    OINK! <3

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    Replies
    1. I'm just upset it wasn't me who got to take that Orca.

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    2. A chance in a life time if you ask me. Glad to be there, glad to help the New Order and the Code of Conduct.

      //Benji

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  6. Greed is good for you! If people weren't greedy the entire study of Economics would be worth no more than the Inquirer magazine.

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  7. I'm considering submitting this to True Stories of Eve, what do you think?

    "This is the story of how I learned important lessons about trust, opportunism and bestiality before I had even got out of bed; thanks to Eve, an iPad and minerbumping.com."

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    Replies
    1. Go for it!

      Galaxy Pig is a gentleman and a scholar.

      Thank you Pig for such an entertaining tale.

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    2. This is epic and there for must be submited!

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  8. This truly made me laugh, GP that was brilliant.

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  9. May this tale be used to spread the Code and steer more people toward the side of emergent gameplay and away from themepark career-paths.

    Also, I'm space-famous! \o/

    -Galaxy Pig
    Oink! <3 <3 <3

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    Replies
    1. Wow some life you got there. What a looser. Waits for snappy comeback by someone.

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    2. Obligatory "it's loser, not looser" comment.

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    3. Apparently those rebels can't get past the "someday, by someone" phase...it's been months by now...

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  10. Goofus: Dreanna Synx
    Gallant: Benjamin Artoriana

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  11. how in the world does someone know how to ghost ride an orca yet not know anything about contracts?

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    Replies
    1. Because contracts don't involve bot-aspirant behavior, obviously.

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  12. im curious about the state of Benjamin Artoriana's permit.

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    Replies
    1. Uhm, I don't think have a formal permit but rather that my deed and the subsequent isk (payout from the sale of the Orca) paved the way. Do you have a problem with that?

      //Benji

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    2. a daring deed, and an appropriate allocation of New Order spoils =/= a permit. do i have a problem with that? absolutely not. your bio is wonderful, your deeds indeed commendable and well in line with the spirit of the New Order and The Code, BUT its well within MY rights to inquire as to the status of your permit without cyber-stalking you. you called yourself a miner. its my job to be sure YOUR compliance is the #1 priority.

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    3. Indeed, and it is my intent to follow that compliance to the letter.
      I don't bot or afk, never have and never will, I am active, present, alert and spreading the word to other miners who wonder what the code is and that their complacency and passive play (and general asshattery) has no place in EVE.

      That is what compliance means to me.

      //Benji

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    4. Rennseslear! Whats the state of your smelly cunt?

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    5. The Code states clearly that every high sec miner is required to buy a permit.

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    6. After an amazing story like this, I'm sure many Agents would fight for the honor of purchasing a mining permit for Benjamin Artoriana.

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    7. Alana, of course they would. Just like i suggested we do on May 9th/10th, for Stephen Leibniz after he invoked the questions three and showed James and the Order tremendous respect.

      > Pootis ManMay - "I paid for Stephen, confirmed by Bing Bangboom."
      May 10th. <

      I will happily pay it myself if noone has done so already!





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  13. Pig, you are a truly magnificent bastard.

    Also, Dreanna sounds like she might profit from playing Erotica1's isk doubling games...as long as she isn't drunk..:)

    - Mike Adoulin

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  14. I've been reading this blog since february but I gotta say this now is my favourite! Why not demand the Orca to be contracted when you can simply GIVE your ISK and then hope you'll actually get your ship back.

    Orca 800mil, Hulk 200 mil, Phantom Orca 400mil. It's beyond belief why someone would want to lose 1,4 billion instead of paying a lousy 10 million for a permit.

    - Robert Leheirault

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  15. General Rule: Trust no one in Eve; Special Rule: Especially don't trust a ganker; Extra Special rule: Never ever ever trust anyone from Code. alliance.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for these rules. I think I could learn alot from you. Where do you like to mine and what's your name? Let's hang out. We can even watch each other's backs when those NO guys show up and one of us is afk.

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    2. The New Order is simply a facade for organized crime. I wish they would just drop all this religious RP shit and just say we are the fuck NO now pay up bitch or will fuck you up.

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    3. It's not the new Order's fault that you can't see why the "RP shit" as you call it is actually very real and based on what really happens in the game.

      Delete
  16. "You know what? Keep it. I'm not going to beg and grovel to get it back. With enough HARD WORK [emphasis mine] I can get another one."

    Using the words "hard work" in the context of a video game saddens me to the core. This is supposed to be FUN, not WORK.

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    Replies
    1. The first bit of "hard work" they need to do is pay their protection money. The code is bullshit and mining permit == protection money.

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    2. Where do they say that they provide protection? Protection of compliant miners ability to mine resources necessary for production of ships, modules, POS fuel and other miscellaneous by shooting passive asshats (botters/afkers) who want to gain a passive income and refuse to take part in EVE. If you want a single player game go play FFVII.

      Delete
    3. Does your driving license give you protection? No, it's just what's required to drive on the street. That's what a PERMIT is. If you don't have it, authorities will punish you. Easy enough?

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  17. Nom nommable tears in this thread.

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  18. code, what code - no honour thieves end of..

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    Replies
    1. Yes, the New Order is made of thieves; they steal people's hearts. That's why bot-aspirants like you dislike them: bots have no heart.

      Delete

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