Saturday, May 18, 2013

Hayesing Rituals, Part 1

You remember cmdr hayes, don't you?

Yes, that would be him--the fellow in the burning Loki who lost a 1v1 duel with a New Order Agent.

The last time I had seen him, he was swearing revenge against me. When he reappeared, the revenge consisted of Miner Bingo squares.

Though I attempt to present my highsec conversations as crisply as possible, the truth is that there's usually a lot of cross-talk. Like a chessmaster playing multiple opponents, speak with several different rebels simultaneously.

I was having a nice chat with one Code-violator when hayes decided to inject himself into it. He unleashed his latest revenge plot: A counter-bumping Venture. This lasted a few minutes before hayes gave up.

Some rebels will attempt counter-bumping for hours at a time. Before hayes packed his Venture away, he tried copying me, to learn the source of my great power. That's what the rebels don't get: It's not the ships, modules, skillpoints, or catchphrases that makes a hero. It's the man.

hayes may have given up counter-bumping, but he didn't give up his dreams of vengeance. In a cross-over with Mirion Renegade, hayes contemplated the outcome of an anti-Order wardec. You might laugh at someone whose plan is to "wait for someone to wardec" me, but it's actually a very common plan.

When no wardecs were forthcoming, hayes switched tactics yet again. This time, he attempted to undermine the legitimacy of the New Order.

hayes misjudged me. As the moral authority of highsec, criticisms aimed at my honour and/or invocations of the word "bully" have no effect. Questioning my honour is like telling water it's not wet enough.

Then hayes unleashed his ultimate master plan: To hack MinerBumping. Until now, he had held his cards close to the chest. No one had even suspected he was an "IT bro".

The system perked up as the rebels gained a new hope. What could be more powerful than someone who works in an IT department? All eyes were on hayes. Would he succeed in hacking MinerBumping, or would he immediately discard this plan and continue rifling through his sock drawer of revenge plots?

To be continued...


  1. If I remember correctly, the New Order killboard did get hacked once. It involved a .gif of two horses copulating alongside a message something to the effect of, "New Order sucks big horse dick!!!1!"

    As R0me0 Charl1e bluntly put it upon seeing the hacked site, "Yep, that's horse sex."

    We can only hope that any further hacking attempts are as tasteful.

  2. 'I'm going to hack you!' could become a miner bingo square, someday.

    If cmdr hayes's skill as an 'IT bro' is anything like his skill at piloting a Loki or bumping with a Venture, then I think this website will be quite safe.

    1. Chances are he is a first level support bro.

      I don't know many network level or above folk who call themselves "IT bro" sorts.

    2. And not even the friendly, willing-to-help kind of tier 1 tech support bro, either, but the kind that have you repeat the steps you told them you just did. This is gonna be funny to see play out all the way.

      - Fernando MRuiz

  3. Only in highsec would a miner announce to local that he's going AFK to play with himself. Yuck! In nullsec, I'm pretty sure that gets you podded by your own alliance.

    Highsec miners really do need to be taught how to play EVE, starting with a good, vigorous ganking.

  4. So this counter-bumping...was he bumping James? Seems like a wasted opportunity for a knight to have warped to zero on James and blasted that Venture for extra tears. Oh and LOL at bumping with a Venture.

  5. Buy a mining permit, follow the code, mine responsibly and view this as a multiplayer game, not a grinding zynga lifesink.


    Dont buy a permit, mine responsibly, use a tanked and propulsion propped skiff to orbit roids, stay atk and view this as a multiplayer game, not a grinding zynga lifesink.

    Either way, Highsec is saved. Glory to the New Order!

  6. "....continue rifling through his sock drawer of revenge plots?"

    That's gold right there, I actually snorted some of my coffee when I read that.

    - Guybertini

  7. Threatening real-world crimes against the father of the new order? Sounds like he needs to be petitioned.


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