Friday, November 1, 2013

Double Your Pleasure, or Over 137 Billion in Shares Sold

Uh oh, another one of these EVEmails landed in my inbox...

Highsec miner yoda knows sent unsolicited EVEmail to a bunch of people, talking about her "fath". I knew that Erotica 1 requires absolute faith to double an EVE player's isk, so I immediately suspected she was somehow behind this.

Then it was confirmed. But just as Erotica 1 was putting yoda through the tests of faith, she was forced to deal with local power outages. Hopefully that wouldn't jeopardize yoda's chance to win big in the bonus room.

Over an hour after her original EVEmail, yoda repeated--indeed, expanded--her professions of faith. She didn't want to be a miner anymore. If anyone was going to win in Erotica 1's bonus room, surely this would be the person to do it.

Two hours later, a series of links. I investigated the EVE-O forum link first.

yoda had been induced to post a thread on EVE-O:
"I was asked to join a fleet to do a level 4 mission. what I did not know was that I was waking into a trap[:evil:][:twisted]. A trap with no way out. I lost my brand new mission ship to the hands of Bihiri Nova. I was not happy I was approached by Erotica 1 with a changes to win her bones round I did not think that i was real i thought i was another trap. I had just lost all my Isk and ship[:ugh:] and how way to get it back but spend hours and hours mining[:(] to try and get my isk back. I had to give up everything and have father that I would win the bones round. after staring the round i started to have more and more faith that everything would work out . the the end of the round i now have total fath that everything will work out and i will be free the inseminate that is mining. I now what to free the next person in line. I what to fill them with fath as i have been filled with fath by Erotica 1 and the NEW ORDER" (emphasis in the original)
When I say "emphasis in the original", that's actually a bit of an understatement. I inspected the post by pressing the "quote" button, and found that the words "NEW ORDER" were actually flanked by multiple, redundant pairs of bold and italics tags. Still, yoda's heart was in the right place, and she was enthusiastic about winning.

But some doubted.

My heart skipped a beat when I read that yoda had been victorious in the bonus room, and now had enough isk to make a generous contribution to the New Order. Could it be?

It could. yoda's wallet jumped up to 1.5 billion isk. Erotica 1's payment comprised the entirety of yoda's wealth, aside from a few sets of 315 isk that had been sent by Agents to help her pay for my EVEmail spam fee.

From her lovely apartment, yoda also took a photo of a written note supporting Erotica 1's rumored bid for CSM.

yoda was excited, and couldn't stop sending EVEmail to people. Many of the recipients of said EVEmails were bright stars in the firmament of EVE.

Not everyone was as happy to read the mail as I was.

But you know who was happy? Bao Xi, who was inspired to purchase 1,000 shares in the New Order. Bao Xi sent us over the 137 billion mark, and he earns a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

How did yoda get so lucky? It's called karma, folks. Just two days earlier, yoda purchased a mining permit from Agent xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 and updated her bio accordingly. From that moment forward, she was a new person. She was unstoppable. Carebears, if you wonder why you have bad luck, take my advice: Follow the Code, and great things will happen.


  1. This story brings a happy tear to my eye. Welcome to the light side Yoda.

    - Guybertini

  2. I love to read those stories , keep up the good work.

  3. 1. buahahahahaha
    2. Yoda, you're pathetic
    3. ahhh, we had yesterday so goood and peasfull mining in high sec. 25 miners in one system, few orcas, unarmed retrivers and hulks, newbie ventures and no sigh of new order brave agents on the horizon. Are you loosing your ground :P

    1. New order agents enforce the code whenever they feel it, it's not labor.

    2. ^ Unlike mining!

    3. 1. Your evil laugh leaves a lot to be desired
      2. Yeah, hes so pathetic he just made ONE AND A HALF BILLION ISK IN FOUR HOURS. Jelly much??
      3. yesterday we had* ; peaceful* ; UNARMED retrievers and hulks???? (ive never seen a miner ARM a retriever, OR a hulk for that matter.) sign* ; losing*
      and finally "losing your ground" what does that even mean???
      i think youve been chewing rocks for so long....all you have are rocks in your head!!
      it saddens me.

    4. *sight I think.

  4. Nice to see Kane appear in these posts.

    If Yoda has any sense at all, she'll listen to his advice too. She should run with him after her. With her new found wealth and freedom from the shackles of minerdom, she should head to lowsec or nullsec.

  5. Anyone else notice 'Yoda Knows' link to 'The Code' is incorrect? Forfeit of his winning? bahahaha

  6. "Erotica1 for CMS"

    Couldn't have said it better myself.

  7. There really is some weird crap that happens in EvE ;)

  8. Erotical 1 for CMS!
    if you think that you have to be einstein to figure out that a simple thing (like a mining permit) leads to untold riches, yoda knows has a story to tell you. and it has a VERY happy ending

  9. it's nice to see the new order making a positive impact


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