Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Spark of Creation

I don't know what it is about miners who have the word "spark" in their name. In "How to Strike a Spark", we met a carebear named Spark2Universe who shed very large quantities of tears about his dead Hulk. We also witnessed a sizable volume of the same miner's tears in the follow-up post.


Meet Sparkey Itonula. He lost his Retriever while illegally mining in highsec, and he was still quite sore about it a full twenty-four hours later. At this rate I'm going to run out of "spark" puns for the titles of these blog posts.


Sparkey plead ignorance of the New Order's existence, despite having played EVE for three months. Apparently he'd been playing the game with all chat windows minimized, never went to EVE-O, never shared an EVEmail with anyone, ignored all convo requests, never read MinerBumping, and generally spent the last three months walking around with cotton balls in his ears. In three months, he never once set his mind to following the Code or praising me. He even admitted to mining AFK in his EVEmail. Clearly, this was a miner who deserved to die.


Agent Bing Bangboom came to the rescue and gave Sparkey some good news about the Code and how it applied to his new, post-Retriever life. Now the ball was in Sparkey's court. Unfortunately, he would drop said ball.


Sparkey replied with a lengthy EVEmail that revealed some disturbing attitudes and beliefs. But let's jump right to the part where he discusses the Code. First of all, I never described the miners as a "pestilential cancer" in the Code. The New Halaima Code of Conduct states:
"Most EVE players view the highsec miners as a detestable, pestilential cancer. As Saviour of Highsec, I still find the strength to occasionally perform acts of mercy where the miners are concerned."
You see that? I never said highsec miners are a pestilential cancer, only that most EVE players view them as such. Then I pivot, explaining that I am occasionally merciful toward them. Though I do not deny that they're a pestilential cancer, why would I be merciful toward a pestilential cancer? Sparkey didn't think this through. Next, the business about the "wife/child beaters". The Code states:
"For instance, even when the miners spit vile insults at me in local, I do not respond in kind. Why not?... [I]f allowing the miner to vent his profanities toward me in local saves his wife or children one extra beating, that's something I'll gladly take. The miner has to take it out on somebody, and I'd rather it be me than some household full of children out there."
Take note that nowhere in the Code does it describe all miners as wife-beaters or child-beaters. It merely explains that I allow miners to vent their anger at me, rather than responding in kind. Highsec miners are often very angry people, a fact which is well-documented on this blog. Sadly, we can extrapolate that a non-zero percentage of angry miners mistreat their families. I wish that weren't the case, but the math tells us it must be so. Domestic violence is no laughing matter, and it's a shame Sparkey tried to use the subject to score some cheap points to advance his agenda. The New Order, on the other hand, will take no part in gutter politics.


I'll put aside Sparkey's dubious claim that he "enjoys" AFK mining, as Bing will cover that later. Let's focus on Sparkey's further misrepresentations of the Code. He asserts that the Code states "bumping is all that will happen if you mine AFK in highsec". Citation needed! I don't know where Sparkey downloaded his copy of the Code, but it wasn't from MinerBumping dot com. My copy of the Code states:
"Goofus whines in local after being suicide ganked.
Gallant thanks the ganker for teaching him a lesson."
(emphasis in the original text)
Obviously, the Code envisions the possibility of miners being suicide ganked. Otherwise, when would the Goofuses and Gallants do the things mentioned above? Sparkey also complains that he's only allowed to challenge me if he performs "101 tasks". Really? One hundred and one tasks? Someone please check the torrent sites for pirated, inaccurate copies of the Code. The actual New Halaima Code of Conduct states:
"To demonstrate your honour, you must pass one of the following three tests..."
How many tests does the carebear need to pass? One out of three! So one is a hundred and one? Talk about exaggeration. It's amazing how often carebear criticisms of the Code are based on misinterpretations of the Code. This is more proof of the perfection of our Code. Otherwise, wouldn't the carebears devote some of their time to making legitimate criticisms?


More confusion on Sparkey's part. A dictatorship? Pshaw. Although I have absolute authority, the New Order is a representative democracy. In any event, I never claimed to control everything in EVE. Just highsec.


I suppose the Hitler reference was inevitable, unless he was referring to some other German leader in World War II. More misunderstandings of the Code follow. Although it's true that I require the people of highsec to both obey the Code in their actions and agree with the Code in their thoughts, I would never try to make life terrible for those who disobey. How would the New Order accomplish that? By shooting at people's spaceships? If someone played an FPS, surely they wouldn't claim "life is terrible" when other players shoot at them.

Never fear! Bing set Sparkey straight in a polite, but firm EVEmail:


Thank goodness we have a regime in highsec that cares so much about the miners it governs. And thank goodness we have a Code that means what it says--not what a miner happens to feel like it means, on any given day.

31 comments:

  1. Bing Bangboom's final response to the Code violator was both eloquent and succinct. That sort of response is an asset to the Code and its never-ending quest to pacify highsec of the bot-aspirant scourge.

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  2. A Representative Democracy. Hear Hear!!
    I also agree that any close minded, short-sighted, bot-aspirant fool that doesnt take BBB's words to heart WILL have the entirety of the New Order to look out for.

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  3. Agent BBB. Very well said good sir. Your words are an inspiration to us all. Keep up the good work.

    One suggestion however. When dealing with rebel miners I've found it more fitting to refer to them as civilians, and reserve the citizen title for permit compliant miners. Of course these small differences in terminology only further to color the beautiful tapestry that is the New Order experience.

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  4. calling miners close minded is awful ironic considering the fact that bings own mail pretty much states if your in high sec you either play our way or you go play somewhere else or you dont play at all so much for the sandbox effect of eve. but we all know there is a place for minerbumpers to play exactly how they want to play the only problem is they couldnt cut it down in null sec which is why they arent brave enough to venture there.

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    Replies
    1. Your position in this matter does not surprise me given your lack of rhetorical ability.

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    2. "states if your in high sec you either play our way or you go play somewhere else or you dont play at..." -is the Sandbox, welcome to Eve.

      Let me continue to help by explaining this a little further in layman's terms (simple speak): Buy a permit, or don't. If you don't you run the risk of being bumped and/or ganked.

      You should pay more attention on who's in Null-sec.

      Delete
  5. An honourable agent slays an evil illegal miner's internet spaceship and follows up civilly. Fabulous read, like every other article! Hopefully our confused miner accepts the Code soon.

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    Replies
    1. The Code is those who can't PVP worth a nickel
      Molon Labe!

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    2. History and Quotes Corrections AgentNovember 30, 2013 at 1:49 AM

      "The Code is for destroying the barges of those who can't PVP worth a nickel, unless they pledge allegiance to the Code, in which case they shall be spared. Molon Labe!"

      FTFY

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    3. Oh? Is that so? So what, was Leonidas and Themistocles supposed to lay down their weapons because some clown wanted them under his domain? Give up all they work for? Was that how it was supposed to go? As a miner am I supposed to just give in to an egotistical fool with drones of low class players just because he says so? You want my damn barge, Molon Labe, Jerxes and Code, Molon Labe.
      Oh, and by the way, I can PVP. In fact I live in Null Sec on my fighting character (Now I'm not threatening you with "oh my Null buddies will come get you, so spare me your retorts on the matter). I specialize in tackle frigates and hybrid weapons, that I use against people who not only can shoot back, but might actually kill me. So while I mine on one toon and fight in another, I don't believe I am subject to another Code, as the Code is below my Corps. So come and get my barge, in fact come and get all my ships, but you won't, you aren't able to. Molon Labe

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    4. You got it wrong...Leonidas and Themistocles are the New Order, fighting for the freedom of playing the sandbox without NPC security in the way. The Persian with their endless army of bots are the High Sec miners, who wants every high seccers enslaved to CONCORD and to a life of "playing" AFK

      Delete
  6. iv'e read sparky's mails and James way of reading it why must you read it only like you want to read it " 101 " task is not meant as one hundred and 1 tasks, its meant as a 101 class rule.

    Stop pulling things out of contest.

    As to the WWII comparison allot of players seem to be making " which i don't agree with"
    What i see what he was clarifying, " Your code tells people how to live and u will slaughter anybody who does not agree" Again u will take a point to make you're self the better person.
    James will always say i am nothing like Hitler, actually u are allot of Hitlers better viewpoints. u want a better world where u are not needed to act as you do, Yet you persist to be everything you don't want to be and have build a group of people claiming to be knight "valiant and full of honor" But behave like the SS troops killing and pillaging.

    The code is a good thing, a very good thing. but its being enforced by tyrants who claim to be merciful. and even if James is merciful his knight have not been on the path of justice but found a group they can belong to so that can "gank" players who are unaware.

    I am personally active in mining/mission running/hauling, Always honoring the code even in area's where you are not even active. see plenty of afk miners everyday. conversing them to make them aware of minerbumping.com.

    I still see that miners are unaware of the code and i see that more commercials might be needed in the starting area's.

    Sadly i am not a rich enough player that i can donate millions and billions to support your cause.

    i merely ask in order to show that u are what u claim to be a true savior of high sec and not the tyrant/dictator u are becoming, other players see you changing.

    yours truly, one hell of a compliant miner (and no i will not post using my ingame name for the sake of harassment i have recieved about posting here)

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    Replies
    1. > Hitlers better viewpoints

      Which are?

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    2. To be honest, and this is coming from an American who loved how his military whipped Jerry back to the Rhine and then some, Hitler did some pretty positive things and had good intentions for Germany, but we all know what happened in the follow through. What they are, I am not sure I am able to say as I am not a Hitler expert.
      Also, fuck this Code

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    3. > What they are, I am not sure I am able to say as I am not a Hitler expert

      I'd have been very surprised if you could have named just one. I don't blame you though as americans generally tend to know not many details about european history. Things may look positive at first glance but if you look behind the scenes, the intention that's behind it, is pure evil. Hitler is one of the prime examples of this. Secondly, many things, that were percieved as positive at the time, were in fact not Hitler's doing. Many economical programs were planned and started by the Weimar Republic. Hitler wrongly claimed the fame though.

      So, before talking about one of the worst persons in human history in such a way again, please undust your history books and start reading.

      I'm deeply disturbed about Icey though. If he is really a dutchman, as his profile states, he should know much better.

      Delete
  7. The real tragedy is the degree of RL illiteracy exposed here, as the Code's sly reference to Atticus in "To Kill A Mockingbird" goes winging far above the AFK miner's head.

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  8. Bing is eloquent beyond most men.

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. That final reply by BBB. Talk about dropping the hammer. My hat is off to you, sir.

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  11. xxBLACK SKULLxx 929November 28, 2013 at 6:36 PM

    We are at WAR with the non-compliant CareBear element of highsec. I will use any and all aggressive war tactics to win this WAR.

    Black
    929

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    Replies
    1. Good to see your working hard Black 929 :)

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    2. And by "any and all aggressive war tactics to win this WAR", you mean sitting in the station to hide from us???

      Delete
    3. He's sitting in front of the Captain's Quarter's door all day, ready to strike when it opens!

      Delete
    4. I'm sure the CEO of the largest CODEdot corporation has better things to do running his corp than undock simply because some wartargets want him to. Speaking of which, around the time Mr. Anonymous here made this post, I was landing in an anomaly to shoot a mission running wartarget. Props to him for paying attention to local, as he warped before I had him locked. But where were the other 4 corpmates of his in system? They were hiding inside their pos. I was alone, aside for my scout. They could have easily blown me up if they had only worked together.

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    5. The biggest victory of the New Order is getting carebears to complain about hiding in station and dropping corp to avoid war decs...priceless

      Delete
  12. I mean seriously, how long does it take to select a station from overview and press "D" or select a safe from bookmarks and select "S".

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  13. James, are you stupid? Or are you so blinded by your own circle jerk of a group that you can't understand what he meant? Oh, of course you are blinded, you're James. He meant, now hold onto your trousers as this is something you didn't think of yourself *gasp*, that you have to do certain task(s) to challenge you, and saying 101 was just a non-specific way to allude to the 3 tasks of idiocy you want people to do. He didn't misread it you swine, he just didn't copy it word for word. It's like a pronoun used in place of a proper noun. You misinterpreted something you thought was a misinterpretation but really wasn't.
    Oh, and if you want my barge, Molon Labe!

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    Replies
    1. It's one single task, not three. You can choose. One of them is getting a ship destroyed by concord, it's not that hard. And if you don't want to that you can simply try to suicide gank him. It's not that hard. Or you expect other players to duel you at your whim?

      Delete
  14. Carebear miners, they are so disgusting.

    And they think high-sec is safe.. *chuckles*

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    Replies
    1. It is only as safe as the effort you are willing to put into making it, Anon 3:37

      Delete

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