Thursday, November 21, 2013

One True Agent

Highsec carebear 1trublond was puttering around one day, gathering space rocks in an essentially untanked Hulk. If she wanted to do that in nullsec, fine. In lowsec, so much the better. But she chose to mine in highsec--without a permit, even--and that made her actions illegal. The consequences of her folly were predictable:


Agent Guybertini reported to the scene and tore her Hulk apart in seconds. Just like that, 227 million isk evaporated, and the New Order chalked up another impressive PvP victory.


Several minutes later, 1trublond finally returned to her keyboard. She was expecting some free AFK ore, but she got a free AFK lossmail instead. Guybertini's good deed was punished with a threatening EVEmail topped by a subject line that simply read, "DIE".

(On the other hand, 1trublond might be an Aryan-themed name. In which case, the subject line could be translated to read "THE".)


Most people would disregard a frothy-mouthed illegal miner like 1trublond, mentally assigning her to a steaming garbage heap of irrelevant carebears who aren't worth saving. But Guybertini isn't most people. He's an Agent of the New Order. That means he's not just elite at PvP; he's elite at compassion.


Guybertini stepped up to the plate in a big way. He sized up 1trublond's problems, devised a solution, offered it to her for (nearly) free, and prepared to welcome her to the New Order family.


...but 1trublond still needed some time to figure out where she belonged.


Perhaps 1trublond was in a place in her life where she needed to "find" herself. She could take some time off EVE to try backpacking through Europe, assuming she didn't already live there. The speedier alternative is to pay an Agent 10 million isk and follow the Code. This was the option Guybertini recommended, as he'd seen it work wonders on so many other troubled miners.


An hour and a half later, 1trublond worked up the courage to return to the asteroid belt and confront Guybertini. She found her own wreck, as well as the wreck of Guybertini's Catalyst. In her own precious way, 1trublond reached out with curiosity, inquiring about the methods of our Knights. She didn't understand why Guybertini blew up his own Catalyst during the suicide gank.


Guybertini was happy to explain everything, but decided against doing so. He knew there was plenty of time for 1trublond to read the Code at her own pace, after she'd forked over the money she owed.


Yet confusion reigned in the mind of 1trublond. A day after the righteous execution of her Hulk, she was still hurt and angry about it. Most people would look at Guybertini's kind face and mention of me in his bio, and they would deduce that he's one of the good guys. I suspect 1trublond understood this--she only treated him as an enemy because she didn't know that she could be one of the good guys, too. Perhaps if she loses more mining ships, she'll learn. The improvement of highsec continues.

44 comments:

  1. I really admire G's willpower to save these carebears from their delusional belief that EVE is meant to be safe.

    If I was g, I'd keep on ganking him until he quits eve. Or until he mans up and fight me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was the fitted civilian shield booster that was the clincher for my decision to go ahead with the enforcement action.

      Anyone who fits one of those needs to be shown the error of their ways.

      - Guybertini

      Delete
  2. Unrelated, but I was reading that there was a Concord buff in Rubicon. Is this accurate and, if so, what does the buff entail?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This was worthy of a post?
    Ganker says 'pay,' miner says, 'f u.' Pretty weak, even from you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your response was even worse. Please try to practice what you preach.

      Delete
    2. When I create a blog that does nothing but mask my pathetic existence by self-congratulating my alts (as James does) than I will consider your worthless advice.

      Delete
    3. multiple bingo!!!!!

      Delete
    4. You would consider self-congratulating your alts to be something that would mask your pathetic existence? Wow. Your actual existence must be really awful, then. I would strongly advise you to join the New Order, things can only get better.

      Delete
    5. Public school, right? Your teachers were too busy sexually assaulting your fellow students to spend enough time making sure you fully understood that whole, reading comprehension thing? You must be an Obergruppenf├╝hrer for The Order with your level of attention to detail.

      Delete
    6. Why are you insulting me, I don't like the Order either?

      Delete
  4. Impressive PvP...
    ROFLKOPTER
    pathetic indeed!
    No skill needed to steal lollies from babies or bullying kindergarden childen as a grownup!
    PvP an unarmed ship is not impressive!
    Well 200 documented sad existences documented in KOT aliance will in 10 years be where they are now. Griefing the weakest.
    hehe "fast cummers" since you have fap to your victory in less than 20 seconds before CONCORDE shows what belongs to you guys!
    xD
    Well, yes i am a miner and no i havent been butfucked, insteed i could watch some nice Fireworks with griefes as "Amuntion" !
    I agree the picture is needed to see who is the boss of this laughubng stock!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "griefers" as in "gankers"

      Delete
    2. i tried to think of an smart response to the post of anon 9:34, but then i realised, just every response is smarter than that.

      ohh and if you are trying to hide your butthurtness (a new word creation \o/)
      dont use "xD", "ROLFCOPTER" and other "cool kid" internet language.
      people could start thinking that you are stupid.

      Delete
    3. Rakesh from Tech SupportNovember 22, 2013 at 3:49 PM

      If you had to think about that at all just to make that realization then you belong in the same retard boat with your target, Selina.

      Delete
    4. I sunk your retard boat.November 22, 2013 at 7:21 PM

      Rakesh says thinking makes you a retard...but how would he know, he's never tried it?

      Delete
  5. Oh my little Selina.
    Well you tried hard but(t) failed epic.
    You wanna tell me how and what to write?
    MAKE ME!
    :)
    hehe and no one needs to be hurt in the butt to look down on a group of dimwhits.
    As i said, no luck in ganking me until now. (means no butthurt and no tears from me)
    Your are indeed verrrrrryyyy smart (note zynism)
    I use "xD" selina uses "\o/" In Selinas own words some ppl could start thinking Selina is stupid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi anon 1:20, what ship did you have blown up?

      Delete
    2. You guys *are* literaly stupid and illiterate (you cannot or dont want to read)...
      *No* ship lost, just having fun with wannabe tough guys.
      %P
      But gankers got blown up in front of me by Concorde
      ^^

      Delete
    3. Space Grammar TutorNovember 22, 2013 at 7:17 PM

      "You guys *are* literaly stupid and illiterate (you cannot or dont want to read)..."

      If you're going to accuse someone else of being illiterate, try doing so without so many errors of your own.

      1. 'literaly' is not a word.
      2. 'dont' is not a word.
      3. Using 'cannot' next to 'dont't would still be awkward, why contract one and not the other?
      4. 'Not wanting to read' is not actually what being illiterate means.
      5. An ellipsis which ends a sentence should have 4 dots, not 3.

      All that grammar aside, you're wrong as to content as well: they didn't miss what you said, they just think you're lying.

      Delete
  6. These stories never get old. Makes me itch to get back out in the belts and enforce the Code.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes thank you for your confirmation of how you lowlifes work!
      ^^
      Someone tells you the truth (tm) right into your face and you get ashamed and angry. So next natural thing to do for such scum is:
      look for another poor and unarmed target, that cant defend itself and make it pay for your own disgusting self!
      Dont forget to go out and kick some kindergarten children and boast how great it felt and how good the tears were!
      (popcorn anyone?)

      Delete
    2. It never ceases to amaze me how people blur - no, smear - the lines between fantasy and reality. It's pixels in a game about shooting spaceships.

      Delete
    3. Anon 2:30 pm...I hope you never try to score a goal when you play football...you know, that could make the other team feel sad.

      And stop insulting miners...they CAN defend themselves, they're not all self appointed victims with no ability to understand EVE like you are.

      Delete
    4. I'm enforcing my sperm on the the rocks I love fucking boulders they are so loose and dry

      Delete
    5. Anonymous November 22, 2013 at 4:29 PM
      Well miners who can defend them self? Of course, i am one of them.
      However ganking and bosting it like this is pathetic.
      @Heywood Djiblomi
      The excuse of "roleplay" is pathetic too!
      xD
      Under this rp-cover CCP will tolerate organised harrasing, but if it get out of hands and to many player whould be driven of, everything would be closed immediatly.

      Delete
    6. Stating the ObviousNovember 22, 2013 at 7:23 PM

      It's not an "excuse of roleplay", it's a simple fact: EVE is a game. It's not about "roleplaying", it's about "gameplaying". Idiot.

      "everything would be closed immediatly."

      Yes, you and your ignorant ilk have been saying that for 10 years. You're wrong.

      Delete
    7. Anon 6:14, there is nothing pathetic in the New Order...on the contrary, it's one of those emergent gameplay entrepreneurships that make EVE what it is and bring new players to the sandbox. Only in EVE you can build something like this. You know what is pathetic? Telling people who play the game by the rules that they're "scum" and that they would kick children in real life. You are pathetic for insulting people over a videogame.

      Delete
    8. http://imgur.com/YZj2z8S

      Delete
  7. Look James I'm mining in high sec and I'm not ever gonna buy a permit. And you will never gank me cause I fly an invincible venture.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice, you're really showing James who's the boss! But I think you should declare your character's name and the system you mine in...that will be the ultimate defeat for New Order because you are invincible and can't be ganked!

      Delete
    2. Adeno Sin, Hedion come get me bitches

      Delete
    3. I wave my floppy penis in the face of all you new order fagots

      Delete
    4. "I wave my floppy penis in the face of all you new order fagots"
      I have a new winner for stupidest things written on the internet!

      Delete
    5. Trolling you fuckers is fun.

      Delete
    6. Here I fixed your web banner http://imgur.com/t7gD0vT

      Delete
    7. AnonymousNovember 22, 2013 at 4:33 PM
      Give name and place to show he is a man?
      You mean like James?
      So first you have to dive through the pacific from japan to san francisco and then jump over the moon and bring some moon cheese.
      The invicible James who last fights where years ago and he L-O-S-T.?
      This bigotry of you guys is realy entertaining.
      "Name the Kindergarten where you are and me and my grown up friends will beat you up"
      xD
      *munches more popcorn*
      :)

      Delete
    8. Yes, I mean exactly like James. You know his character name, you know the ship he flies, you know the system you can find him in. You can attack him anytime. But you decide to contribute comedy to the blog he created instead.

      Delete
    9. oh baby can I have another reach around? oh look a frog time to masturbate

      Delete
    10. AnonymousNovember 22, 2013 at 10:12 PM
      No fight and no kills in years...
      yeah right...
      very impressive this is!
      You are right
      Kot Alliance is a comedy club!

      Delete
  8. So the other day I was stroking my rod in the bus station restroom. Well sure enough I forgot to lock the stall. This old scruffy hobo walked in on me right when I was about to cum. The shock of that door swinging open sucked my man juice right back into my nut sack. Oh oh pardon me the old hobo said, then looking with a twinkle in his eye said I could help you out with that if you'll let me drink that sweet love goo of yours. Now I'm no fag but damn the though of that food crusted beard rubbing my shaft and tickling my balls was just too much. I sad sure go at it, as by penis thickened in my hand. The old hobo was true to his word he slobbed my nob good and I let him lick up all that man juice right off the toilet seat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, someone ganked this guy so hard I think it broke his brain...

      Delete
  9. I was that hobo. I was there. Eve is real. vov

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah dude your beard felt so awesome on my balls. Next time will you toss my salad?

      Delete
  10. You know a minerbumping blogpost is successful when there are more tears in the comment section than in the post content itself.
    o7 Guybertini

    ReplyDelete

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