Monday, August 11, 2014

The New Halaima Code of Conduct Speaks

You asked for it. You repeatedly asked for it. You demanded it.

Today, friend, you got it.

Agent Sasha Nyemtsov's audio commentaries on the Code have made him a household name in educated circles. He's a luminary. Even the foulest of the rebels give him a grudging respect. Inevitably, the public demanded that Sasha do an audio recording of the entire Code, spoken in the way that only Sasha Nyemtsov can speak it.

Such a project is no mean feat, even for someone as gifted as Sasha. You'll recall that many Bonus Round participants struggled with the task of reading the entire Code aloud--despite (generously) being given the opportunity to correct their verbal mistakes without starting over from the beginning of the document.

Sasha's reading of the Code--with a runtime reaching nearly 17 minutes--was all performed in a single take. That ain't duck soup, folks. It's a remarkable achievement made possible only by absolute commitment to the Code. Behold:


This recording represents an important strategic victory for the New Order. Its applications are limitless. Making use of the latest technology, you can download the recording and pipe it into your preferred mobile listening device. Have a job? Listen to the Code on your way to work. Have a non-EVE-playing spouse who hasn't yet made time for a thorough study of the Code? This is your go-to gift for your next wedding anniversary. Have small children? Play the Code as you drive them home from school. Just became U.S. President and looking for tracks to fill the iPod you're presenting the Queen? Sasha's got you covered. Studying up for your next Bonus Round? You get the idea.

Highsec is changing. We can all see it. Now hear it.

33 comments:

  1. This is really good and is exactly how I hoped lucky bonus round participants would read it!

    I encourage agents to link this soundcloud in local and encouraging evemails to permit prospects. Also, maybe toss Sasha some isk for such a great contribution to the New Order, along with a share purchase to celebrate.

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  2. Ok I admit it, I have been sitting on the toilet long after finishing because this is so good.

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  3. That was... beautiful. Like a warm blanket.

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  4. By the Amarrian Gods...

    Get a gig as an audio book recorder, Sasha. That voice... I would proudly sleep with you.

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  5. content good, his voice just BLEH. thene again not everybody can love the same thing :)

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  6. It's like having Charles Dance read the code to me

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  7. Sasha my friend, you did it justice.

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  8. I want you all to know why I want highsec to burn. It's not really about the game, it's not even about the 10 million isk for a mining permit. It's about religion. Is EvE a religion? Yes it is, and it has become a disease, a cancer if you will on our society. The real purpose of the code is to use role-playing to justify ganking players so they will leave the game. If enough miners and haulers keep getting ganked continuously, eventually they will leave the game. If enough leave the game, then there will be no materials for which to build ships, weapons, ammo, or modules. Eventually, the game will come to a halt and fold. My good friend and sociopath Erotica 1 was trying to do this but took it too far, got noticed, and was banned. I for one do my best to operate within the rules of the game as laid out by CCP. Unbeknownst to CCP though, I am using the game against them.

    Why do I hate the game and the community so much? Let me tell you about myself. My real name is James Mycroft. I am a British lad of 47 years old who immigrated to the United States when I was 15 with my parents. I attended John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Maryland in 1992 with a degree in pathology. Before I came to America though, I was slated to become a member of the priesthood of the Roman Catholic Church. When I was an alter boy, however, I was molested multiple times by a highly respected priest who was actually a pedophile. He was never disciplined by the church. This experience has scarred me. I decided that being a priest was not the direction that I wanted to go.

    So I did what was expected of me. I went to school, earned my degree, found a good paying job, started a family of my own. However, my rape that was visited upon me in my youth left me feeling empty. I abused my wife and kids. She, and they, have stretch marks on their faces because of my abuse. I spent some time in jail because of it. While I was in the big house, I was raped repeatedly by my cellmate. The repeated bite marks in my pillow were evident for all to see. But I LIKED it. I liked getting my anal cavity hollowed out by another mans' penis. I liked the feeling of having my rectum filled with seminal fluid. When I was finally released from jail, I was still feeling empty inside.

    That's when I found EvE Online. As I played the game, I thought back to the first time that I was violated by a priest. That's when the idea struck me. If religion has a savior in Jesus, then EvE Online can have a savior in me. It took me many months to write the code. I wanted it to be as awe inspiring as The Ten Commandments from the Bible. When I was finally finished, I christened it 'The Code' and the New Order was born. Many flocked to my banner which promised change. People were looking up to me. People were needing me. People were loving me. People were begging me to lead them to a new level of knowledge and insight. I taught them the art of the suicide gank. I taught them how to manipulate CONCORD. I taught them how to live in highsec with a -10.0 security status.

    As my followers grew, my delusion grew with them. I have now come to the conclusion that I am the chosen one who will be the second coming. I have become the Savior of Highsec. There are many miners out there who are butt hurt over my coming to power, but in time, even they will see that I will personally burn highsec into the dust of the sinful computer code from which it was born. I have become the light. I have become the savior. I have become my own purpose. I have become a god.

    James 315 - Miner Bumping

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    Replies
    1. sick sick man, I may enjoy your group but you are a sick sick man

      Delete
    2. Anonymous August 11, 2014 at 3:44 PM

      Please do not feed the troll its not james

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    3. This James wishes in his wildest dreams he could write as well as the real one.

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    4. at best it's 2/10, too strained and obvious. Needs more subtle and witty.

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    5. -4/10 We're too busy saving high-sec from itself to take time to enjoy your pompousness and indecorum. Troll harder next time.

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    6. "As awe inspiring as The Ten Commandments from the Bible" That is some mighty high praise from a troll post. I guess its true what they say:

      The Code always

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    7. 8/10 You troll pretty good. I'm actually too busy to properly enjoy it though because I'm filling James 315 with my seminal fluid and then eating it out of his ass. Bravo, nice work.

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    8. 1/10 nice try, but everyone can tell that is so not me. It's kinda creepy to have my own stalker, though. At least it's a totally ineffective one :)

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    9. Oh thank goodness that isn't the real you, DJ. That troll *almost* had me convinced that you had decided to abandon your position of esteem within our community to pursue your real passion of writing homoerotic James 315 fanfic. Glad to see it's still just the rebels doing that, though.

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    10. On second thought, I kinda like the idea of writing a homoerotic James 315 fanfic.

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    11. He's still trying, and still failing :) If it was not so lame, it would almost be totally adorable :P Look, guys, I have a fanboy :P

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    12. DJ Entropy, Erotica 1, and Loyalanon. Meet me at code HQ tonight for a little rendezvous. Oh, Loyalanon, we need you to bring your wife again. She needs to film us and she needs more stretch marks on her face. Don't worry. I'll give you all new clones when we are done.

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    13. are you even trying anymore?

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    14. At this point, no. I'm just enticing for more posts.

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  9. Best Ever Listering Honor bestoved upon us

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  10. Wow! Just wow!

    Have to shut my daughter in!

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  11. Sasha, you are amazing! Wonderful read. In lieu of any gifts for any holiday this year, I know my family and friends will just be receiving a copy of this on a USB stick. After all, what greater gift can one receive then the CODE?

    Keep the faith alive!

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    Replies
    1. Unless they play Eve, I'm guessing that will be like giving a basketball player a golf club.

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    2. I agree, Anon 10:26. It could serve as a wonderful introduction to a new hobby to share with a friend.

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    3. They will receive the code and they will like it, just like the rest of the carebear scum.

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  12. WE ARE THE BORG. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND SURRENDER YOUR SHIPS. WE WILL ADD YOUR BIOLOGICAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL DISTINCTIVENESS TO OUR OWN. YOUR CULTURE WILL ADAPT TO SERVICE US. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

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  13. Faggots gonna Fag

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  14. OMG this was EPIC

    - Mace Windsocket

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