Friday, November 14, 2014

No Tower Can Withstand the Code

The New Order takes a keen interest in the welfare of everyone in highsec. This interest manifests itself in many different ways, but one of the most important is education. We never stop teaching carebears about game mechanics--and busting the myths to which they so often cling.


One might say the New Order's educational services disproportionately benefit new players. Although we care deeply about new players, the truth is that an old carebear knows little more than a new one does. Frankly, the old carebear probably believes a lot of myths that the new carebear hasn't heard yet.


(click image for full-size version)


And so it was that a group of highsec content creators set out to disprove the myth that large POSes are absolutely safe in empire space.


Agent Tengu Grib joined his friends in the Dirty Stinky Pirates corp on their expedition against a group of rebel carebears. The rebels' corp was called Madagascar inc., and it had been reported that they were engaged in acts of extreme bot-aspirancy.


The reports were true, terrifyingly so. The rebels constructed a series of towers in Niyabainen, a 1.0 security system. The towers were surrounded by countless faction modules meant to keep the towers even safer. It was a monument to bot-aspirancy.


There were no defenders, as the towers, each sporting an impenetrably thick skin of EHP, were meant to defend themselves with their endless array of modules. Dirty Stinky Pirates declared war and sent an elite force headed by its CEO, Snucklefruts.


The expedition appeared to be doomed from the start. Though Madagascar inc. had no pilots in sight, the towers' automated defenses were deadly. Like a good bot, the tower had defended itself. Was this the future--a highsec ruled by the AFK?


The New Order never gives up. Not while there are still humans playing EVE at their keyboards. The Dirty Stinky Pirates regrouped and systematically reinforced the towers. There was no interference from Madagascar inc. carebears, who were all AFK. When the towers came out of reinforced, our heroes returned. Then the towers and their faction modules began to fall, one by one.


As I said, there were a lot of faction POS modules on those towers.


A lot. Pages of them, in fact.


In all, 182 structures, including the towers, were destroyed. The damage total was over 22 billion isk.


The Madagascar inc. carebears never did show up, not to aim the guns or even to evacuate their assets. Theirs was an AFK war. They put their trust in bot-aspirancy and the safety of highsec. All of their assets were wiped out. In the end, they lost everything. Well, almost everything. Though they had disgraced themselves, they remain under the grace of the Code. I will still allow them to renounce their carebearism and pledge loyalty to me. When they do so--and I have no doubt one day they will--the former carebears will be allowed to join highsec society as members of the New Order family. At last, they will be a part of something worth building.

27 comments:

  1. The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!!! ALWAYS!!!!!

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  2. Oh my goodness. An unironic Raven doctrine! I'm in love.

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    Replies
    1. There is nothing ironic about the infamous laser raven sir.

      -EasyKill

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  3. Sweet baby jesus what an awesome victory!

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  4. Awesome guys, just awesome. \o/

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  5. This post has literally stunned the care bears into silence!

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    Replies
    1. I can't speak for others, but I personally am quiet about this because I don't see nothing wrong with it. A corp wardecs another and destroys their tower. Cool.

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    2. Nothing to say. I agree with Anonymous 8:49pm. One corp wardecs another corp and blows up their POS. Big deal. They had 24-hours notice before the fighting began. Either take down the tower or stand and fight. Since they did neither, they deserve to get it blown up. Must be a slow day for Jimmyboy to be posting crap like this.

      Delete
    3. Butthurt Miner, winner of the Mr Negative McGrumpy competition in Negative City, Grumpyland 5 years straight !!

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    4. Butthurt Miner November 15, 2014 at 3:54 PM
      Yeah thought so myself.
      No deal, so what?
      And not even done by code-monkeys themself but some other alts...

      Delete
    5. @ Anonymous November 15, 2014 at 3:11 AM - No, not stunned into silence, only a righteous fury at these sociopaths griefing players and exploiting their high sec tower with their terrorist attack.

      A large tower in a 1.0 system should be invulnerable, though better still just have PvP removed from high sec. I hope these pirate scum get banned in the next ban wave for association with code.

      Delete
  6. Perhaps all the members of madagascar inc. were on holiday, or off filming madagascar 4.

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    Replies
    1. Do you film an animated movie though?

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    2. Yeah, you do...well, used to. Not on location though as one would with real actors, but in a studio with special equipment to build each individual frame from pieces called cells and photograph them onto either 16mm or 32mm film.

      Today however, the frame building is done on a computer. It still needs to be photographed as part of the transfer to film.

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    3. Color me educated.

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  7. Well done Dirty Stinking Pirate. I'm sure if Veers had something to say it would go along these lines:

    Once a HS tower goes into reinforced Concord should show up and start removing BPO's and unfinished Jobs to the nearest station. You see new players often setup dick stars with faction mods to protect their T2 BPO's they got in the starter missions after throwing down 30 plex. We need to protect these new AFK industrialist as they can't just reform corps like I do with my chickenshit corp becuase they would loose the tower which has got to be 1000x more then the cost of a few ravens. You see ISK tanking should apply to POS's as well as AFK frieghters, AFK miners, AFK pods (all of which are new players we need to protect). The only good content in eve should be the mindless incursion running with sub par asshole FC's like me.

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  8. ANOTHER GLORIOUS VICTORY FOR THE NEW ORDER!!!

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  9. Carry the CODE in your heart - faith is your armour, conviction your shield, honour your damage control II. Not all the deathstars and dickstars can withstand you.

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  10. Well done good sirs!

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  11. I'm very angry about this actually. This is another disgraceful account of cyber bullying and grief play. High sec large POS should be virtually invulnerable in a 1.0.

    The Carebear community and I will be demanding CCP fix this exploit ASAP so high sec large towers are invulnerable in any high sec system. At the very least the jobs get transferred back to the player when it is killed.

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    Replies
    1. Veers, you are such a shitlord.

      Delete
  12. BOT ALARM, BOT ALARM, BOT ALARM

    AFK BOT ALARM, AFK BOT ALARM, AFK BOT ALARM

    [IMG]http://www.imagesup.net/?di=1614161638213[/IMG]

    http://www.imagesup.net/?di=1614161638213

    ReplyDelete

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