Friday, November 7, 2014

The New Player Experience, Part 1

Gamers can be demanding. In other games, players urge the developers to improve graphics, fix netcode, add features, release expansions with new content, etc. In EVE, it's a little different. We're mainly interested in improving new player retention, so EVE can get more subscribers and CCP can make more money. With this noble goal in mind, players carefully considered how to improve player retention. The consensus is that we need to make it easier for new players to join good, high-quality PvE corps in highsec. This is a challenge, because there's no such thing as a good, high-quality PvE corp in highsec.


That doesn't stop the CEOs from trying hard to create one. Take TDD Dominaters, for instance. He's a highsec carebear who went to the defunct CAOD subforum on EVE-O to get some advice on how to improve his leadership skills.


At first glance, the CEO of Tactical Stability Union is just what EVE needs to help new players get hooked on EVE. He is passionate and dedicated.


At second glance, TDD Dominaters is a monster. He encourages highsec miners to disobey the Code. As we revealed in Highsec Nightmare, Part 1 and Highsec Nightmare, Part 2, TDD's actual goal is to get as many players into his corp as possible so he can tax them to death.


From his consistent abuse of new players, TDD Dominaters became the poster child for the necessity of awoxing. Enlightened EVE players know the truth: Bad corps need to be destroyed.

For further reading on TDD, see the following epic series...

No Easy Awox, Part 1
No Easy Awox, Part 2
No Easy Awox, Part 3
No Easy Awox, Part 4
No Easy Awox, Part 5
No Easy Awox, Part 6
No Easy Awox, Part 7


Through the magic of awoxing and wardecs, the New Order has frequently thwarted TDD's plans to suck the life out of new players' EVE experience. But TDD isn't giving up, not yet. When he started yet another nightmare corp, it was time to launch an investigation. Agent Capt Starfox volunteered to go deep undercover as Bismarck Koskanaiken, a new player looking for a highsec corp to join.


Once awoxed, twice shy. TDD learned not to automatically accept all applicants to his corps. As a security measure, he interviewed all potential recruits. He didn't know what to ask, so he repeatedly asked the same questions and pretended to be thoughtful about it.


Bismarck expressed his interest in running missions, an activity TDD could tax. So far, so good. But to be extra careful, TDD wanted to get Bismarck on voice comms.


For some reason, TDD was especially interested in getting members with smartphones. Maybe he had an app for bot-mining.


There was no doubt about it, TDD hadn't changed. He was still a slave driver. He wanted to be able to call up his members at home and notify them of emergency mining ops or something.


Bismarck wasn't able to get on voice comms, so he flunked the corp's security screening. That didn't matter, because TDD was too anxious to get more new members for his corp. First, however, Bismarck would need to pass through TDD's testes. Wait, what?


...He probably meant "tests". You see, the corp had an "academy" for new recruits. Allow that to sink in for a moment--an EVE academy designed by TDD Dominaters.

It was enough to make anyone flee in terror, or disgust. But our Agent was ready to put everything on the line for his secret mission in the name of the Code. Now it was time for cadet Bismarck to enroll in TDD Dominaters' academy. It would challenge him in ways he never thought possible.

To be continued...

52 comments:

  1. "intell" - I do not think this word means what he thinks it means.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spelling, logic, and the ability to use a keyboard has never been one of TDD's strong points. The sperg is strong with that one :)

      Delete
  2. TDD Dominaters' Academy sounds like something Ripard Teg should investigate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Remember: Real life death threats are totally cool with CCP. However, if you "be the villain" as CCP advertises you can be, you end up having to proxy your way in to harvest those sweet sweet tears :)

      Thankfully, CCP is totally clueless and and permaban = meaningless. I <3 all you whiners, see you on the grid :)

      Delete
    2. Shame on you. Going around a ban with a proxy is just wrong. Shows the true value of your character, doesn't it? Here CODE-people have been trying to convince that tears are not the goal, and now you, someone James has put on some kind of pedestal, go and go around a ban to harvest them. Shows what CODE is about, doesn't it?

      Delete
    3. why proxy?
      don't get confused, only accounts get banned, nothing else. So what DJames has to do is just to log in with another account on another email.
      No Checksum for you computer is build and its not logged from what pc you play with what account. I do not think CCP thinks this is bad and me neither.
      If you behave with that other account CCP will do nothing, even if you could proof that there is the same person behind.

      Buuuuuut:
      CCP is not as dumb as code-monkeys want them to be. I those RL threats where result of those griefing sessions, CCP wan't do anything, cause those things were said in a spure of anger and most of the time not ment seriously. CCP knows, that code-monkeys try to anger people so hard, so code-monkeys can plead for a ban.

      Delete
    4. My heart is warmed to hear you're still with us DJ! Keep up the good works!

      -Galaxy Pig

      Delete
  3. Everyone's looking at me. I'm sitting in a bank lobby in a very nice waiting area. I got to the "testes" part and broke out into hysterical laughter. I tried to stop, but everytime I'd look back at my phone, I would continue giggling. I think when part 2 comes out, I need to ensure I'm alone when I read it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same here, was at work and broke out into hysterical laughter :P NO ONE UNDERSTANDS US :-)

      Delete
    2. BeBopareBop RhubarbPieNovember 8, 2014 at 8:07 AM

      Pretty sure my laughing woke up my roommate when I got to that part.

      Delete
    3. Good that you have a nice time. Me on the other hand fail to see anything amusing in the blog post. Oh well, I guess I don't have the CODE sense of humour, it seems to be a specific kind.

      Delete
  4. "U need to go throw some testes"
    ...
    "Throw some testes"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Foxxie undercover...I hope this will be more than just pew pew awoxx.

    ReplyDelete
  6. TDD Dominators represents everything we stand against. He must not be allowed to lead a corporation and exploit new players - it is unconscionable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen. Players like him are so toxic to this game.

      Delete
    2. And the people that follows James 315 should be thrown out like garbage.

      Delete
  7. I was at work while reading this and like ero lost it a bit at 'testes' .

    Starfox, head diplo of my heart <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TDD is a endless source of joy. We need to get him, Dryson, JT clone, gorila, and Veers together and we will experience lulz at a power level of OVER 9000!

      Delete
    2. Look in a mirror, should do it.

      Delete
  8. Thanks for the intel, your deep cover agent is now compromised, I'd just informed TDD Dominators. Let this be a grave warning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh noes! A spai! Hide the schedules!

      Delete
  9. TDD Dominaters :Wow after a Few months not interacting with new order and yet you still put me on your front page and make a whole series about me, Something i wonder if you really do hate me or do you guys just have a crush on me , or better yet if u want a autograph all u had to do was ask . hmmmm but after reading this , i still wonder how many fans and enemies i have because all that matters is how the story is going to end!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #ProTip: Read your responses out loud before clicking post. Also, you could learn to spell :)

      Delete
    2. First you print a series of his past mistakes and you STILL troll him to this day!?
      I'm afraid that's a violation of the EULA and I'm surprised you guys at minerbumping aren't in JAIL for Cyberbullying.

      Delete
    3. TDD Dominaters...

      Tell me, how do you like the upcoming removal of awoxing? These code bastards are a bunch of fucking cunts who have nothing better to do with their lives except mess with other people.

      The only way to cure a sociopath is to put a bullet in their head. Remember, the death penalty is like sending a defective product back to the manufacturer. And there's alot of defective people in the new order.

      This is another quality trollific post from your friends at Carebears United.

      We are many. We are strong. The code has fallen. The code has failed. A code free highsec is right here, right now. We have done it, we have saved highsec from the savior of highsec, all carebears rejoice.

      .

      Delete
    4. Butthurt Miner, you forgot to say please.

      Delete
    5. If we could get the Canadian wing of the New Order to stop posting like the rebels that would be great!

      There's Tim Hortons gift cards in it for you guys...

      TIA

      Delete
    6. @ Anon 12:02 AM. Call the internet police and a whambulance, i'll be waiting on the party van to take me to cyber jail for referring to you a fucktarded sperglord.

      Oh, and I love you. <3

      Delete
    7. As a fucktarded sperglord* - pardon the typo :)

      Delete
    8. Good Question Butthurt Miner , an its real easy and simple..... Just don't give a Fuck...... Because later on in eve when you have a good amount of skills point its going to be the other way around...... and we all know New Order weakness is when they can no longer gank you.there Methods of Cheat , Steel and Lies dose not last forever on you.so when they pass by just give them one of the five fingers u have in your hand that u feel suited for to show how you feel about . so that is how you deal with the CODE my friend.

      Delete
    9. DJames sounds angry, there must have been some nice assets on the banned account. All gone...

      Delete
    10. clearly isn't TDD for one his sentence structure and spelling is too good to be his.

      Delete
    11. You clearly are not in position to criticize anyone's grammar.

      Delete
    12. "so when they pass by just give them one of the five fingers u have in your hand that u feel suited for to show how you feel about ."

      Any of my five fingers? Hmm... think I've got it.
      http://i.imgur.com/4a8PDd9.png

      Delete
    13. Dear Merrizon This is TDD Dominaters that is replying to these message . an yea your right i don't have bad grammar i just i type to fast that i forget to check my spelling lol(its a bad habit).And if u still don't think it me just send me a message throw eve online by eve mail and you'll see from there or press my name by this message..... i updated the link of my name of this comment to my statues page and u can post comment or question that u would like to tell me . an yes new order i don't mind if u post your dying questions :)

      Delete
    14. Anon 2:59 "You clearly are not in position to criticize anyone's grammar." criticizing my grammar whilst failing at your own. Goofus

      Delete
  10. Clearly an imposter, not enough misspellings.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm sure getting through TDD's academy is, like, harder than going through TWO or THREE Navy SEAL courses back-to-back. I'm chewing on my nails with the suspense of seeing if Fox could cut the mustard, or if he failed this ultimate challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Where does Veers stand on this issues? Here we have an excellent proven CEO in TDD and he's out there helping the new player experience exactly like Veers would want. Veers should be cheer leading this guy on and offering ample written support over multiple forums. These are NEW PLAYERS which are like fucking gold to CCP

    ReplyDelete
  13. The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You say CODE always wins. Let me remove the New Order's mask and reveal it's real motive.

      http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_Wlsd9mljiU

      CODE will say that the rebels have infected CODE.

      CODE is the rebellion. It's because everything in New Eden is falling apart.

      Delete
    2. Wolf, just saying so doesn't make it so.

      If you really need to convince yourself about it so badly, could you be more quiet while doing it?

      Delete
    3. If I were you, I would stop right now and think about why I am following or even giving support to the new order.

      Because you're asking to be counter ganked.

      Delete
    4. HAHAHHAA Carlvagio had his tengu right next to me and had his goon try to kill me. Short Story? He didnt get me down in my retriever .. So no the code doesn't always win, Tank FTW !! :D A permit is a waste of time, over a year and 3 attempts but you cant bring down my afk retriever but u guys/girls find it fun trying to scare noobies that don't do their homework.

      Delete
  14. if only we had more ppl like TDD, he is the true Saviour of High Sec!!! :) Trying to take back freedom and freeing the slaves one step at a time
    xXx Ri xXx

    ReplyDelete
  15. oooo dont worry my good friend a new freedom Empire well soon come to high sec and then when its too powerful then people wont be able to take peoples freedom away from Eve pla

    ReplyDelete
  16. TDD and all rebel leaders will be welcome in my new alliance which will crush the New Order once and for all. Soon, I will have a blog up to talk about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who? When? Where? How many? How long? 4 days? 3 days?

      I can't wait to see your official announcement, and your inevitable humiliation. It should be Soon.


      Delete
  17. Lol you carebears are too much.

    -Oink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you're not enough.

      Delete
  18. If you want to watch movies, play games or listen to music continuously, consider that your battery life will be much shorter. Adjusting the brightness can help to lengthen your battery life. You’ll probably see that maximum brightness is not necessary to use your iPad.
    http://www.software4airlines.com |

    http://www.belarusforjournalists.info |

    http://www.schmeckts-dir.net |

    http://www.pandoraschmuckshop.com |

    http://www.thedetailsmovie.com |

    http://www.nyyyhg.com |

    http://www.shledexpo.com |

    http://www.lincolnmaineusa.com |

    http://www.bbflatiron.com |

    http://www.literaturesw.com |

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.