Monday, April 13, 2015

Help Us Help You

Under New Order rule, highsec is a community. We can't return to the days when everyone tried to go it alone. If you want to succeed in modern highsec, you're going to need help. Fortunately, our Agents provide that help, free of charge. Permits cost 10 million isk, but the help is free.

To take advantage of our Agents' services, honesty is key. Carebears lie a lot, but they're bad at keeping secrets.

It's often said that life is what you make of it. Similarly, highsec is as safe as you make it. Carebears who refuse to make highsec safe for themselves have little room for complaint. They're like a man who walks into oncoming traffic and asks why roads are so hazardous.

In all of EVE history, there has been only one highsec revolution--ours. That's all highsec ever needed. There will be no uprising against the New Order.

After spending 10 million isk on a permit, Behe Motho made his kill right available to all for 1 isk and claimed he "misclicked". He certainly did. It was the worst click he ever made.

Behe needed help from the New Order. Despite paying some money, he chose to fight us instead. Protip: If you're trapped in a burning building, don't start attacking the firemen who come to rescue you.

Carebears project their own faults onto others. Duke Singberg hated PvP because he feared death. He threatened Agent Tisiphone Dira with the most frightening thing he could think of. But our Agents welcome PvP in all its forms. No wonder they're such gifted warriors; they have no fear.

Sportsmanship needs to make a comeback in EVE, I feel. It's about more than honour--it's common sense. If someone defeats you in battle, you don't get to look down on them. A carebear might, for instance, accuse gankers of being "bottom in human race". What does that make the ganker's victim, then? This is typical carebear logic, like when they complain that highsec PvP is too safe, and that highsec PvE needs to be safer.

Carebears always show their true colors when ganked. They can only bottle their rage for a line or two.

To become a proper EVE player, carebears must learn to stop being so angry when they lose a ship. As a PvP game, EVE is about losing ships and making others lose theirs. Suicide gankers lose their ships every time they attack. Imagine if a ganker got this worked up each time their Catalyst was destroyed!

Since we understand that EVE is a PvP game, and since PvP requires the possibility of losing one's ship, every carebear is in desperate need of anger management. They're playing a game that makes them angry by its very nature. Our Agents, therefore, have become experts in providing emotional support.

Even so, carebears often look for help in all the wrong places--like the official in-game "Help" channel.

Never trust advice from someone who loiters in the Help channel...

...unless that someone is an Agent of the New Order.

EVE is filled with players offering advice, most of it bad. When in doubt, check it out: If someone's "help" contradicts the Code, steer clear!


  1. This is why, at certain times, I'll create a throwaway alt and insert myself into the "Rookie Help" channel. So many new players asking questions about mining.

    I help them and tell them that there are two kinds of people who start playing EVE Online; the people who choose to the path of the Civilian Gatling Gun, and those who choose the path of the Civilian Mining Laser.

    Those who chose the latter are condemned to be content for those who choose the former. It is the first test of any who would dare play EVE Online.


    I ALWAYS enjoy this URL.

    1. However, the killboard that is ALWAYS more impressive is this one:

    2. Hmm... that's to be expected with suicide ganking, so I would view it as a success and dedication to the job.

    3. Efficiency : 30.1%
      Just sayin... :)

      I think a big L2P can be displayed here.

    4. ship efficiency means nothing to a carebear. isk efficiency now that's a bigger deal hit a rebel carebear where it really hurts. His wallet.

    5. Yup. Efficiency means little to suicide ganking... I'm surprised I have to explain this. I guess that means your just a troll, but in case your not and just stupid, I'll explain... gankers will always lose their ships, that's why it's called suicide ganking. Concord always gets them in the end.

      Now take your typical freighter gank Op, what is it? 15-20+ Cats per gank? Lets say 20 and you kill 3 freighters that night, that's 60 cats... then you have to pull concord with your noobship, that's another 60 ships.

      Seems a lot, but since noob ships are free, and cats are .. what? Couple mill? Maybe? It's still cheaper than ONE freighter lose, by a huge margin. If the loot fairy is kind, then most likely they made back the isk they spent on Cats for the op and then some, if not, that's ok too, because the shares sold are what keep the cats in play and doing their job.
      Now, after all that... do you really think CODE gives a rat ass about how many ships they lose? Hmm?
      So, the lesson here is that CODE's ISK gain/loss ratio is what counts. 1T lost compared to 12T killed.

      Still looks like a win to me.

      ~The Colonel

    6. to code the pixels matter, that and the iskies. They dont understand yet that it is just a game, to them its life and thats sadder then the ganks they do. I feel pitty for code, i really do, they are a sad lot.

    7. I'm afraid to PvP. losing a ship would destroy me in real life. That is why i choose to stay docked up in a one man corp. CODE. can't touch me, Goons can't scam me, sure i get bored and socially isolated but i'm rolling in isk from back when i did incursion about a year ago.

      Fear the Veers

    8. @anon10:51

      Of course it's pixels. Pixel spaceships are ment to go boom. CODE understands this... Carebears though, don't. They get very upset when their pixel spaceship goes boom. Frothing mad and slightly insane over it sometimes. Very weird and disturbing.

      I was just responding to anon6:56 and his obvious confusion.

    9. you code monkeys care just as much about these pixels as you say the bears do
      why else would you be here to crow about blowing those pixels up if you didn't ?

    10. because now you don't have those pixels and feel the need to cry about it.

    11. but their pixels they have no value. none

  3. the new order is just a fart in the wind...wait long enough and there will be no evidence left of the event...

    1. When the miners, as well as our ships, are as farts in the wind, and all of the Highsec belts are silent, then the New Order's great work will finally be done.

    2. Yes ming, and the glaciers are coming too...

    3. @Anon1:43
      As the Saviour has stated, we will continue with our holy enforcement action until all of the New Order's objectives are met. If it takes 8 years for all of highsec to become fully compliant, then the New Order will continue for 8 years. If it takes 12 years, we will take 12 years to be done.

      In other words, the amount of time that it takes the New Order to achieve 100% Code Compliance is completely unimportant. However, the reason you do not have to worry about the Elected Government of Highsec collapsing anytime at all is because Agents' jobs, enforcing the code on the non-compliant, is actually truly enjoyable for Agents. Thus the burden that we carry is light, and makes us happy. And because of this, we could carry that burden for 30 years, if that's what it takes for all of Highsec to become compliant. The Code warms our hearts and souls, opens our minds, and makes ganking; which would normally be considered an evil and reprehensible act, an act of Joy, An act of Giving, An act of Pride.

    4. Its hard to believe how far up his own ass ming has shoved his head.

    5. @Anon3:35
      On the contrary, you're the one who doesn't "get" the Code.

      Look at this miner, who comes to and spends its time trying to argue to New Order Agents that The Code isn't correct.

      The miner may be better off trying to convince us that water isn't wet or that up is actually down. I kind of pity it.

    6. @ ming 3:59
      Thats ok ming, because we all pity you. Your faked donations, your faked pvp, your faked being an agent, we pity you for all of it.

    7. @Anon5:25
      I thought I was "scammed" out of my donation by some miner who claimed to have "provoked" me into donating as I hadn't any shares at that point. It seems that miners can't even seem to get their own stories straight.

      Anyhoo, My credentials as an Agent of the New Order are beyond question.
      Especially to a miner whose only accomplishments in its short life are talking about poop, diapers and coming out with repeated and increasingly frustrated variations on my name.

    8. I pity them Ming. Just think how empty and boring their lives would be without the CODE & MB dot Com.

      Where would they go? Who would they shed tears for? What reason would they have to raise their fists in misguided rage? Where or where would they have to opportunity to show us their forum/blog-fu? Without us, they are nothing, but sad, angry worms, with no cause or direction.

      We serve the public interest, gladly and with hope, that these insignificant wretches, gain a backbone, and take their anger, which is honed here, and transplant it to the empty void of EVE... flinging it out with the help of hot neutrons and missiles. Tis a heavy burden, I know, but they need our help.

      We plant the seeds, and for that flower to grow, the seeds cast here must be nourished, guided, and harvested. We must encourage and hone their anger, direct it, mold it.. in time, for those that are worthy, and accept the back brace, to strengthen their spines, they may grow bold enough to undock in a combat vessel, throw off the shackles of the mining slave... and blow the crap out of some space pixels.

      It will take some time, but there's hope.

      -The Colonel

    9. 100% nor even 50% "code compliance" is ever gonna happen....ever.

    10. @ anon 6.11 pm
      please spout some more sanctimonious,self aggrandising bullshit!! you people are truly laughable.
      especially that ming bloke . you are amusing me though so carry on.

    11. I love the double exclamation marks. You forgot to put everything in caps though...


    12. your not worth caps sorry

  4. so never then i guess

  5. Does James315 even log into Eve anymore? I haven't seen his presence in a long time, was he permabanned?

  6. meh seems made up

  7. MinglelingdingdongApril 14, 2015 at 8:35 PM

    The code ALWAYS scams and loses!!! ALWAYS!!!

    Ming Tso

  8. For the record, carebears are sooooo easy to get wound up around here. LOL!


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