Sunday, April 5, 2020

Kills of the Week

We all know that highsec carebears hate to lose their stuff. From their point of view, EVE is a game about grinding isk while AFK. Their point of view is wrong. And the most effective way to teach a carebear about the importance of PvP is to PvP him. Here are some fine examples of that, from the week of March 29th @ 00:00 EVEtime through April 4th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

ORE cargo expanders and the Niarja system are a bad mix. Rick Oshea autopiloted 14.6 billion isk into a notorious freighter-ganking system and ran head first into the Rackner family: Agents eviserater Adoudel, Ashlee Rackner, Georgia Rackner, Yan Rackner, Celestia Rackner, Jemma Rackner, Emily Rackner, Zoe Rackner, Globby Rackner, Rebecca Rackner, Jani Rackner, Kimberly Rackner, Charlotte Rackner, Adara Gaea, Ivy Rackner, Olivia Rackner, Phoenix rackner, Benji Rackner, hegils, and Vladimir Puotin. Their Catalysts descended upon the freighter. The Rackners don't take prisoners, but they do take plenty of loot.

Oh, a jump freighter pilot lost over 150 billion isk in Jita? You don't say. GoonsSwarm 1DQCYNO must have been terribly surprised that ganking goes on in Jita. But it does, and for good reason: Carebears have been consistently failing to pay their taxes. Imagine how much this carebear would've saved, had he complied with the Code! Agents Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Kittens, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Richard, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Hill, Mining Lord 1999, and Dr Hattrick sent in their Taloses and got the job done.

The cargo was an Alliance Tournament ship valued by zKillboard at 150 billion isk, though it may have been worth even more. It's ganks like these that make the mighty CODE. alliance the winningest competitors in the history of the AT.

It wasn't enough for MADLAXX to throw a Marshal into the jaws of Uedama; she had to lose a fail-fit Marshal. Look at that fit. And can you believe she didn't have a mining permit? Agents Tax Collector hahaGetDunkd, Tax Collector ImTheBest, Tax Collector Rika, Tax Collector Shredlord, Tax Collector YouGonnaCry, Tax Collector Maximus, Tax Collector Markus, Tax Collector GimmeYaISK, Tax Collector GetWrecked, Tax Collector Coronalmao, Tax Collector NeverLoses, Australian Excellence, and I eat RedCrayons happily removed this debris from the system.

No, Samuel Goldblum, even The Bleak Lands region is not a safe place to use ORE Strip Miners. Every system in highsec belongs to the New Order, and every system (even the weird ones) is patrolled by our Agents. Samuel and his contraband were suitably dealt with by Agents Fara Cavin-Guang, Chris Vallantine, Rasputin Kian, and Remis Res.

Agittain Arnolles made the grave error of putting all of his faith in bling. His Vindicator was worth 4.9 billion isk, not counting the two Abyssal mods that zKillboard didn't appraise. The combined weight of the Kusions and Tax Collectors ground this ship into dust: Agents Jason Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Linus Pauling, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, James Prescott Joule, Justin Kusion, Amandus Olson, Tax Collector GetWrecked, Tax Collector IsNumber1, Tim Berners Lee, Tax Collector Coronalmao, Tax Collector ImMegaRich, Tax Collector Herbert, Wolfgang Ernest Pauli, Werner Karl Heisenberg, Tax Collector hahaYourebad, Tax Collector NeverLoses, Tax Collector YoureTrash, Edwin Powell Hubble, Louis de Broglie, Tax Collector GoPlayWoWkid, Erwin Shreodinger, Helen Mary Leese, Tax Collector Kelly, Australian Excellence, DaergaarTWO, and Caution AsianDrivers Ahead. You can debate whether this was overkill, but there's no doubt that Agittain was destined to be killed, one way or another.

Whoops! Agittain Arnolles still had another 4.5 billion isk to lose. Agent Australian Excellence smartbombed the carebear's pod. Unsurprisingly, Agittain had placed his faith in blingy implants, too.

Carebears, bring your bling. Our Agents will bring their Code. And we'll see who wins.

Spoiler alert: The Code always wins. Always!


  1. I've never seen a Marshal do anything besides get ganked.

    1. I have never seen ag actually stop a gank.

    2. Who?

      You mean those minor gankers like shardanigreer?

      Yea, they never stopped shit.

  2. Wow just wow. Antigankers are failing so hard right now


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