EVE Online is often said to be a difficult game, one with a learning cliff instead of a learning curve. Of course, as with most difficult things, it's less of a challenge if you actually know what you're doing. For the new players, MinerBumping has generously provided (for free) an EVE Online New Player Guide. So if you gank a miner and he starts whining about being a "newbro" or "new returning player", feel free to link him to that post. But let's go a bit further today, and let us answer the question of how a highsec carebear can learn to succeed at EVE.
Carebears struggle to learn EVE. We know this. And the game doesn't seem to get easier for them with time: Too often, we encounter people who have been mining in highsec using characters created 10+ years ago. To master EVE, mere repetition won't help you. Indeed, repetition causes bot-aspirants to dig their heels more deeply into their well-worn ruts.
Nevertheless, even the most disgraceful bot-aspirant miner can learn to succeed in EVE in just three simple steps:
#1. Read the Code.
#2. Understand the Code.
#3. Obey the Code.
The first step is particularly easy; many miners who have been ganked confess to having already read the Code. Step #2 is more challenging than the first, especially since carebears tend to have poor reading comprehension skills. For example, a carebear who loads the Code on his web browser may suddenly find himself reading Phantom Provisions that aren't even there.
Fortunately, most carebears, if they commit to reading the Code multiple times and--better yet--also reading lots and lots of MinerBumping posts, eventually find themselves understanding the basics of the Code. Then they're ready for that all-important third step, the one whose mention makes rebellious anti-Code carebears howl with a mix of disturbing emotions.
To be victorious at EVE, a carebear must first win an internal conflict: He must conquer himself. His every impulse is to reject the Code and persist in his bot-aspirancy. How can a carebear persuade himself to do the smart thing--to comply with the Code? The most effective method is to allow his mind to marinate in logic. A miner whose brain is filled with reasonable, rational thoughts is much more likely to take a step toward Code-compliance.
Anyone who gives a moment's honest thought to the subject knows that the Code is the best deal in town. Complying with the Code is such an obvious thing to do. It's a no-brainer, but bot-aspirancy tends to deactivate a carebear's brain. Given time, he'll start to live his own life mentally and emotionally AFK! The following are a few quick hits to help jump-start the bot-aspirant miner's groggy mind.
Yes, you're going to get ganked if you disobey the Code.
As of this writing, the mighty CODE. alliance--to say nothing of all the Code enforcers who don't belong to the alliance--have killed nearly 90 trillion isk worth of carebears' assets. How do you think we got to 90 trillion? Our Agents gank everything from the tankiest jump freighters and battleships all the way down to the lowliest shuttles and pods. Yes, you're going to be ganked. Do you think your yield-fit Retriever is special?
Ten million isk for a mining permit is worth it. Period.
To begin with, 10 million isk is practically nothing. It's a token amount. Everyone who has done the math on the economics of permit ownership has reached exactly the same conclusion: Buy a permit. If a permit helps you avoid being ganked even once, it has paid for itself many times over. Our Agents frequently destroy ships worth billions of isk--centuries' worth of permits. Suppose a Code enforcer sees two ships approaching a stargate. One is flown by a permit owner, and the other belongs to someone whose bio lists NPC damage and resistance types. In making a split-second decision, which ship do you think our Agent will assume is untanked and AFK? It's so, so obvious that every carebear should buy a permit.
In spite of everything, it's not uncommon to find carebears whining about the cost of a mining permit. "Ten million is a lot for a new player," they say. Oh? Find me a player who genuinely cannot afford to buy a permit. The truth is, no miner has ever gone bankrupt by obeying the Code. When was the last time you saw someone aimlessly floating around in a sad little rookie ship, and he told you that he can't make any money because he bought a mining permit?
Obeying the Code--the entire Code--works.
The Code works every time. Highsec is filled with living examples. Simply compare those who obey the Code with those who don't. The truth is inescapable. Highsec miners who disobey the Code are miserable. We're surrounded by evidence of this fact. They're angry, irritable, prone to making violent threats, and frequently consumed by hatred and prejudices of all kinds. And that's after they've spent the day engaged in an activity that they claim to find "relaxing".
"But James 315," you say. "Of course miners make real-life death threats and spout racial slurs. That's a natural reaction to having just been ganked." Even if that nonsense were true, the argument fails on its own merits. Miners don't only misbehave in the immediate aftermath of a gank. They often spend long periods ranting and raving. A Goofus may keep up his bitter grudge for days, weeks, months, even years after the gank occurred. Moreover, we see anti-Code carebears engage in this sort of conduct prior to having been ganked. MinerBumping posts are full of examples of carebears who get karma served to them in the form of a gank after they've been mouthing off in local.
And consider messages like this one from a recent edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag:
Our Agents receive EVEmails like this all the time. Carebears' own corpmates can't stand their fellow Code violators. They make each other miserable long before our Agents show up and gank them.
By contrast, consider the miners who do own mining permits. Spend five seconds with them and you can see right away that they're much happier and healthier. They're better people in every way, in fact. Civilization will do that to a fellow. The only exceptions, the only permit-owning miners who don't impress, are the ones who--you guessed it--disobey other provisions of the Code. Interesting, no?
There really is no good reason for a highsec carebear to disobey the Code. None.
So, carebear, you're out of excuses. Get to work!
James 315, the voice of reason in a shitstorm of carebear corruption, criminality, and hypocrisy.ReplyDelete
Truth and Reason came into existence when James 315 has first spoken. We still hear echoes of this event from time to time, like the post above.ReplyDelete
Enid Strict's Voice - "Do you think your yield-fit Retriever is special?"ReplyDelete
James said to be victorious at EVE, a carebear must first win an internal conflict: He must conquer himself.ReplyDelete
But how can a carebear conquer anything if all he can do is fail. If he fai fails to conquer himself, does that mean he finally wins something? Did he just win at being a failure? Or does his fail react with itself, becoming an infinite fail loop?
It just doesn't look good for the carebear either way. ;)
At least he's not living in a trailer in pearl river, screwing his cousin/wife, making 3-eyed kids, and living on welfare because he got kicked out of the military for piddling kids when he was supposed to be 'blowing up tanks' with 'dragons' or some shit. Like some other coonass we know who shall remain a nameless tactical retard.
Exactly who is this article aimed at? New players or CODE's long suffering membership?ReplyDelete
It's aimed squarely at YOU, goofus.Delete
In game CODE is way down on the list of things I worry about when I take my mining ships out. You just don't matter :-)Delete
I always read the blogs of people who don't matter and leave comments to let them know how little they matter to me.Delete
Yep, because it pisses you off.Delete
Oh yah, we are so pissed off right now. It makes us so mad that you are here posting in our comments.Delete
CODE doesn't matter soooo much that the shitter just had to come here and cry.lolDelete
CODE needs miners but miners don't need code. Without the rage anonymous posts generate this site is dead.Delete
Funny you guys act so surprised that people like to come to this site and annoy you. Telling you how little you matter seems to get a response every time.ReplyDelete
Did you guys here why william greer got kicked out of the military?ReplyDelete
Too stupid to quit.
Every time some moron posts on this site crying about how they never worry about gankers or how ganking does not effect them, the Code wins.ReplyDelete
It's probably because they are too low I.Q. to understand how ignorant they look when they do.
You certainly aren't winning in game so I suppose you have to claim victory somewhere.ReplyDelete
WILLIAM GREER PEARL RIVERReplyDelete
When was the last time you saw someone aimlessly floating around in a sad little rookie ship, and he told you that he can't make any money because he bought a mining permit?ReplyDelete
3 simple steps for success in EVE, still too hard for low I.Q. carebears to follow.ReplyDelete
Why do people like that even try to "play" EVE? Is it not obvious after all these years that highsec carebears are lower than the bottom rung, and by hiding in highsec they incur the well deserved wrath of real Players who see highsec carebears as the cowardly shitters they truly are.
The best part is when some spergy shitter goes out of their way to visit this site just to spill salty tears about how none of this has any bearing on them. There's always one, at least, that thinks he's actually making a point other than the fact that James and the Code are all he can think about. Why else post tears here?
Ganking highsec shitters should be at least a weekly requirement for all nullsec and lowsec inhabitants. Cowardly highsec carebears should be ganked until they quit. Like shardani-greer. No one wants them in game, including the people who developed the game. Not true huh? Then why is ganking allowed in "highsec"? It's because even the devs hate cowardly shitters that hide in highsec and actively avoid PVP, in a PVP game, as much as the rest of us.
EVE is PVP, and when the highsec cowards finally figure that out, all they can do is whine and cry and threaten RL violence. I mean really, show me a game, any game, that has had as many spergy cowards spill as much salt as EVE has. You won't find one because EVE is truly unique as a "PVP sandbox MMORPG".
Real players dislike cowardly highsec carebears because they are antithesis to what an EVE player is supposed to be, and always will be.