A Very Code Christmas

It's that time of year once again. Four years ago, the world of EVE literature was enriched--some would say birthed--by A Highsec Christmas Carol. It's a marvelous tale that only seems to grow more relevant by the year, even though some of EVE's mechanics have changed since the story was penned.

If you've never read A Highsec Christmas Carol before, read it now--you're in for a treat. If you've already read it, read it again--you're in for a treat. Those who live in highsec are strongly encouraged to read it each year. Permit-carrying miners would do well to have a good working knowledge of the story in case an Agent stops by and strikes up a conversation about it.

For those who prefer to get their literature in audio form, Sasha Nemtsov's highly acclaimed reading is for you:

SoundCloud: A Highsec Christmas Carol

If you have young children and want to get them in the spirit, make them listen to the entirety of A Highsec Christmas Carol before they're allowed to open any of their presents. They'll remember it forever.

Kills of the Week

Facts are stubborn things, and so is the Code--because it's made of facts. Carebears can be awfully stubborn, too. But facts and the Code always beat a carebear, no matter how persistently he refuses to comply. After all, when a carebear disobeys, he ends up with a lossmail. Like one of these from the week of December 17th @ 00:00 EVEtime through December 23rd @ 23:59 EVEtime.

KILLMAIL

You have to work pretty hard to lose a destroyer worth 12.5 billion isk. If Xanatos IronSlasher wanted to lose a destroyer, he should've purchased a gank Catalyst and killed a Retriever or something. But Xanatos decided to do something far more sinister, and when Agent Luna Nightblood found out, she punished him for it.

Shocking but true: Xanatos autopiloted with 12.5 billion isk worth of skill injectors. He had a Freedom of Operation License, but it most certainly was not issued by an Agent of the New Order, so it was invalid.

The carebear was greatly displeased to learn that his skill injector gambit had failed.

Unlicensed travel through highsec simply isn't worth the risk.

KILLMAIL

Marscat lost big, too: 30 billion isk in a single ship. She took a more conventional route to poverty than Xanatos did, though. Marscat piled everything into a jump freighter, breathed a sigh of relief when she reached highsec, went AFK, and died.

The gank armada was a who's who of multiboxers: Agents Joel Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Australian Excellence, Tawny Rozei, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Aruka, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Max, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Tax Collector HongMei, Avila Maori, Adela Maori, Taxman Daniel, Justin Kusion, Giselle Rozei, Katy Rozei, Trump The King, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector BokChoy, Sherri Rozei, Johnathan Kusion, Jake Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Christine Rozei, Ruby Rozei, Jeremiah Kusion, Grimhilt Maori, Theudelinda Maori, Jason Kusion, Adelina Maori, Amelia Maori, Ermingard Maori, Erminlinda Maori, Shanade Rozei, Lagatha Rozei, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Gertrud Maori, HSM Fleet Admiral, HSM MasterChief, HSM Chief PettyOfficer, Harletta Quinn, Jayson Kusion, and Lobo El Lobo.

KILLMAIL

Though the New Order of Highsec operates (surprise!) in highsec, you've probably noticed over the years that we don't do much of our killing in Jita itself. Oizys's blingy black ops ship proved to be the exception. Indeed, Oizys got himself killed on the Jita 4-4 undock while playing station games. His fate was inevitable: That's an ORE cargo expander on that battleship. Needless to say, Agents James Poddington, Padme Love, Lawrence Love, Jet Set Milly, Jack Fizzleblade, ClearLove, Hermann Fizzleblade, dAbOsSlAdY77, Mack Poddington, Padre Gankero, Archibald Fizzleblade, Franz Fizzleblade, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Basic Black Bitch, Hagen Fizzleblade, Gottfried Fizzleblade, Skiff Poddington, Collateralized Contracts, Perlo Tissant, Emergent Gameplay, Walther Fizzleblade, ectweak, Yojiro, and Selina Love won the station game.

KILLMAIL

One way or another, a Goofus and his isk will always be parted. Galagon had a nice, expensive marauder, but he didn't know what to do with it. Agents Krig Povelli, Ninjesus Christ, and Shin Dragoran, had a few ideas. It only took the three of them to take Galagon down.

...The three of them, plus some assistance from CONCORD. People always seem to lose pricey ships when trying to gank Agent Krig. It makes you wonder what they were thinking.

KILLMAIL

With these next two kills, we're going to do something a little different. They're both Gnosises, so judge for yourself which Gnosis was worse. murik murashev lost a 1.7 billion isk Gnosis with a staggeringly ineffective capacitor tank. He was killed by Agents Another ShadeOf Whyte, Sophie Whyte, Pure Whyte, Shazna Solta, and Ashley Whyte, whose lasers had no trouble destroying the ship, even if its capacitor was full at the time.

KILLMAIL

Then there's Universe One's Gnosis, ganked by Agents Spine Ripper and Lament von Gankenheim. Not as expensive, true, but what an abomination. People like Universe One shouldn't be allowed to have battlecruisers.

KILLMAIL

If you're floating through highsec in a pod and you have a brain, you should be terrified of the New Order. I mean, your odds of being ganked are pretty close to 100%. KRycaro was That Guy. Before long, he ran into Agent JOKEY ST0NER SMURF, a character who has killed 1,166 ships, of which 1,145 were pods. You can probably guess what happened next.

You guessed correctly, though the inevitable came as quite a surprise to KRycaro.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #147

Still don't get it? Let me make this easy for you.

Without the Code...

...and with the Code. Any questions? If not, let's get started on the latest edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

Miners complain about oppression, but they're the ones who keep themselves down.

I'd make a joke about carebears being used to tasting "da feet", but let's change the subject before this becomes a theme.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Agents of the New Order are the rock stars of EVE.

...Highsec miners, less so.

Again, the miners ruin their own games. No one needs to become a miner when they sign up for EVE. There are so many other, more rewarding careers--even for new players. You could become a Code enforcer, etc., etc., etc. The possibilities are endless.

Yeah, you can tell Element42a Okaski would've been totally on board with buying a permit, had he been asked. I'm sure he would've been really polite about it, too.

Fewer miners run the risk of unlicensed mining these days. Don't worry, we still monitor those who carry permits. A mining permit is not a license to violate the Code.

How can you tell if a permit-carrying miner is merely a Goofus who spent 10 million isk? A gank will result in an embarrassing killmail and some tears.

Fox, Falco, Sheik, Marth... It doesn't matter. With Grous Rivera's attitude, you know he lost.

The Code is a mirror. People who look at the Code and see its glories are glorious people. On the other hand, those who look at the Code and see garbage are trash.

Check out those timestamps. It took Donnian nearly four years to reply. He was probably AFK the whole time.

2018 is already shaping up to be an outstanding year for the Code.

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Sixty-Four Billion in Shares Sold

Ah. A tale of two Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ recipients.

If ever there was an opportunity to snag an easy Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, it was this week. Who would be quickest on the buzzer?

'Twas Comnena, a new shareholder who purchased 50 shares--more than plenty, under the circumstances. Comnena's purchase took us up to and through the 1,559 billion isk mark and earned her a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Of course, timing isn't everything. Some shareholders go for the gold, and they're not willing to wait until the moment is ripe. They shape circumstances by taking bold and decisive action.

Now that's an EVEmail that crackles with energy. If anyone in the Anti-Ganking movement still wonders why they can do nothing but fail--they should ask whether there's a single Anti-Ganker who could write an EVEmail like Black Pedro's.

Black Pedro stepped up his game, purchased 5,000 additional shares, and earned a place in the top 10 shareholders of all time. His victory was made complete with the addition of a Quintuple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™, which was awarded for taking us past the 1,560, 1,561, 1,562, 1,563, and 1,564 billion isk marks.

EVE Online, what a game.

Why Praise James?

If you play EVE for any length of time, you're bound to hear "Praise James!" in local chat. The phrase is a common one these days, and it has become a part of the EVE lexicon. It gained an additional level of notoriety two years ago, when the "Broadcast 4 Reps" movement launched its official video, which concluded with an Agent saying "Praise James."

Though obviously a lot of EVE players praise James, said praise has generated a lot of questions. Today we'll answer some of them.

To begin with, some players wonder, when they see an Agent saying "Praise James!" in local (or in a private convo, or wherever), whether the Agent is praising me, or whether the statement is in the form of a command. Are Agents instructing everyone else to praise me?

Well, it's both. For instance, a ganker praises the Saviour of Highsec for the death of the carebear he just ganked, while simultaneously commanding the carebear to praise me. Makes sense.

And that leads us to the main question: Why praise James?

Some rebels say that it's evidence of the New Order's cult-like atmosphere. This notion can be easily dispensed with, since it's incorrect.

In fact, there are several reasons why people praise me and command others to praise me. Even the most stubborn "resistance" member, when presented with the facts, typically comes to understand how rational it is. So let's get to it.

First of all, when an Agent praises the Saviour of Highsec, it serves as a reminder of how far we've come. It has now been five and a half years since the dawn of the Code and five years since the mighty CODE. alliance was formed. Highsec and EVE were very different before then. Unless reminded, it's easy to forget that. And newer players, especially, are likely to take all that progress for granted, since they probably have no memory of the pre-Code era.

There's also the fundamental issue of attitude. As an MMORPG playerbase, and as a society in general, we've seen a shift from gratitude to entitlement. People expect or demand things, rather than being thankful for them. This attitude makes a world of difference--and reflects a distorted view of the world. The things you value do not materialize out of thin air simply because you deserve them. Rather, they are created through effort, yours or someone else's. Highsec didn't get to where it is today by accident: There are many Agents enforcing the Code, and it all started with the words of the Saviour.

On that note, if someone praises me, then by implication they are also praising the Agents of the New Order. Miners who encounter Agents ought to say, "Thank you for your service." And mean it.

We know, of course, that the Code requires miners to show respect for highsec authorities. But do you realize that the exact phrase "praise James" is not found anywhere in the Code? And yet it's everywhere in the Code, from the first line to the last.

Then there are the practical uses for the phrase. How many bot-aspirants do you think are willing to say "Praise James!" in local? Basically none. (And miners wonder how our Agents are so efficient at identifying the bad guys!) We've seen how the humble mining permit, costing only 10 million isk, serves as an effective filter. There are some non-compliants with fake permits, but they're extremely rare. I suspect that the number of rebellious miners willing to praise me is even smaller. It's hard to fake gallantry when you're a Goofus.

As we've discovered (or rediscovered), a hearty "Praise James!" does a lot of good for a lot of people, in a lot of ways. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a cure-all, but it's about as close as you're going to get with just a few keystrokes. And that brings us to our final question, one which CCP ought to spend a good bit of time thinking about: Should the EVE launch screen present the words "Praise James!" so that everyone in EVE reads it every time they play the game?

Well, it's a smart idea, and CCP is in need of smart ideas right now. I've got a hunch that it would improve player retention, particularly among new players. CCP would stand to make a lot of money doing it--a tempting prospect, given their present situation. In any event, it would definitely weed out a lot of the "problem" players who don't pull their weight. The phrase already does that in highsec.

The Crack-Up

The first few minutes after a miner has been killed are critical.

Agent Pod-Goo Repoman overcame all of the obstacles in his path and achieved an impressive victory over K1LLE8's fail-fit Retriever. The miner laughed. Was he a good sport about the whole thing, or was there something sinister lurking behind his laughter?

K1LLE8 was a long way from offering Pod-Goo a "gf". Still, he was laughing. That could be a good thing or a bad one, depending on what happened next.

Pod-Goo hoped for the best and prepared for the worst. (In either scenario, supplying the miner with a link to the Code was the course of action to take.)

Judging by the miner's anger, his fits of laughter were probably not a hopeful sign. Agent Pod-Goo braced himself for the possibility that K1LLE8's psyche had been shattered along with his Retriever.

Our hero regretted not having told the miner to calm down sooner. It probably wouldn't have made a difference. But still.

By this point, Pod-Goo had reached a firm conclusion: This miner was barking mad.

Detached from reality, K11LE8 drifted through a fantasy world fueled by his delusions. Pod-Goo tried to throw him lifelines, but he doubted the miner could even see them.

What is an Agent's responsibility in a scenario like this one? If he feels like it, he can continue trying to help the miner.

Pod-Goo wanted to be able to say he'd done everything he could for the miner. K11LE8 alternated between bouts of giggling and bitter, resentful rants. Our Agent weathered them all with dignity.

K1LLE8 was far gone now. He sank into the mire of nihilism. He saw no order, no reason. This guy needed the Code, badly.

Pod-Goo Repoman felt genuinely sorry for the miner. Still, he had a job to do. There were plenty of other miners who needed his attention. Our Agent prepared to wrap things up.

The mind of a miner who has spent too long without the Code is a scary place. In truth, K11LE8 was living in a kind of waking nightmare. And to think, the rebels would have us leave these miners to their fate, without even the hope of being ganked. Beastly.

Never Alone

Ah, bitter carebears. They always come up with some reason to be bitter about the power and success of the mighty CODE. alliance.

When Cruz Wolf and his fellow bot-aspirants witnessed a righteous gank, they had to get all grumpy about it--instead of cheering like normal people.

Suddenly, the miners were interrupted by a voice of authority. She would challenge their nonsense.

Agent Alt 00 was on the case. Few Agents love defending the honour of the Code more.

With a simple, deft maneuver, Alt 00 utterly destroyed the carebears' argument. But let's give the miners the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Is it true that CODE. engages in less solo PvP than other warrior alliances do?

According to data from zKillboard, CODE.'s elite PvP'ers have scored over 53,000 solo kills. An impressive figure, but that constitutes only 23% of the total. Maybe those miners were onto something? Let's compare CODE.'s stats to another well-known PvP alliance, just to be sure.

Pandemic Legion, though certainly not as elite as CODE., may be used as a baseline. Only 11% of its kills are solo. Clearly, CODE. is tops when it comes to solo PvP. The raw numbers are also interesting: Though PL has more than four and a half times as many members, it has inflicted less than twice as many solo kills as CODE. (In addition, CODE.'s been around for 5 years; PL's stats go back to 2007.)

The numbers don't lie, though carebears do: CODE. is as good as it gets, even when judged according to the miners' own cherry-picked metrics.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with using multiple gankers to score a kill. Indeed, one of the main perks of joining the New Order is that you're never alone. From the moment you decide to enforce the Code, the Saviour of Highsec will be watching over you. Not in a creep way--though what do you have to hide?

Alt 00 took pity on the miners. She'd seen this sort of jealousy plenty of times before.

Our Agent happened to be visiting Kino. It's a system with a rich history and poor miners.

Still, even a poor miner can afford to buy a mining permit for 10 million isk, so long as he has a shred of integrity.

Speaking of never being alone, Alt 00 was strengthened by the spirit of Agent Bing Bangboom who, though not in the system at the time, had a palpable presence there.

The essence of the New Order family is unmistakable: Elite PvP, good courage, and good cheer. No wonder people think of us when they think of EVE.