Friday, May 30, 2014

All Strussed Out


Accept no imitations! After unlicensed carebear Lisanna struss witnessed Agent karma balancer killing a bot-aspirant, she warned the New Order to stay out of the system. According to Lisanna, a "mining union" now had control over some highsec systems. Absurd. I don't see their name in the upper-left corner of the screen!


Agent loyalanon volunteered to serve as a fact-checker for Lisanna. His brief investigation confirmed that the New Order, not a mining union, owned all highsec systems. He offered Lisanna the chance to buy a mining permit, but she wouldn't take it.


After a couple "final warnings", Lisanna announced her readiness for war. All highsec braced for a clash between the New Order and an unnamed mining union.


karma balancer happily continued enforcing the Code in the Zimse system. Lisanna was annoyed by this encroachment on the union's "territory". Rather than fight it out, unidentified heroes from the New Order invited Lisanna to a TeamSpeak channel to discuss the matter. An unedited recording of the 10-minute conversation was made available on SoundCloud:


During the peace conference, Lisanna explained her concerns in greater detail. I reviewed the recording in full. Although Lisanna was in a bit of a mood, I am happy to report that no violations of Lisanna's human rights occurred during this particular conversation.


The peace conference was inconclusive. Agent Wolf Soprano reported to the Zimse system to assert the New Order's rights.


The New Order's show of force enraged Lisanna. No longer content with mining, she equipped her finest Drake-class battlecruiser and confronted Wolf in an asteroid belt.


Like another memorable TeamSpeak-dwelling rebel, Lisanna was preoccupied with obtaining kill rights. She demanded Wolf shoot at her Drake. What she didn't realize is that Wolf is a warp-in specialist. He was just providing a place for his friends to land on grid.


Kaboom! Lisanna's shield modules were no match for the power of the Code. Agents loyalanon, Mildron Klinker, Xeihun Khamez, karma balancer, and Inquisitor Armand landed on the grid and shot her out of the sky.


Lisanna wasn't expecting this, it seems. The destruction of her beloved Drake darkened her outlook on Zimse's future as a peaceful, Code-abiding system. They say the best time to negotiate is right after you've won a big victory. Our Agents readily agreed that this qualified as a big victory. So Lisanna was invited to rejoin the TeamSpeak channel for a follow-up conference.


This time, Lisanna had much more to say, so the conversation lasted about a half-hour. She poured out her feelings about the loss of her Drake and her anxieties about New Order rule coming to Zimse. Our Agents were very understanding. They didn't ask her to sing any songs or read the Code (she admitted she'd already read it). And they only asked for what they were owed--10 million isk for a mining permit.


This time, Lisanna came to her senses and bought a permit. Add her name to the long list of miners who paid after claiming they would "never" pay.


Lisanna joined the ranks of the Code-compliant. I was so happy for her when I learned this.


Nevertheless, the path to freedom is not a straight line; there are ups and downs. Somewhere along the way, Lisanna became a lapsed compliant. It may be some time before she returns to the fold. No problem. The New Order is always here to serve.

28 comments:

  1. "According to Lisanna, a "mining union" now had control over some highsec systems. Absurd. I don't see their name in the upper-left corner of the screen!"

    LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Zimse, I know you well. Just a few months ago I was enforcing the code in and around your borders.

    I have wondered what had become of the location, and apparently it's not much good since we left.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOOOOL

    Ohhh my god! Lisanna Struss sounds like the British equivalent of the quintessential neckbeard. You can almost catch the unmistakeable aroma of musty cheetos as you listen to the Teamspeak.

    "What... on earth... did you guys think you were doing locking me up at the same time... [heavy breathing]"

    I must commend our anonymous Agents on their use of enhanced interrogation techniques.

    This recording rivals the Mine Teck and sohkar recordings in sheer hilarity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agent: "Lisanna... please... I have caught you mining in your drake before..."

      LOLOLOL you're killing me here!

      Delete
  4. Ooooh I get the feeling there will be a sequel here!

    ReplyDelete
  5. 100% Torture-Free... ROFLMAO!!!

    James just fucking... DELIVERS! day after day after day!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is 5 stars! First this guys destruction of the English language but then the added bonus of the drake destruction recording was epic!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poor Lisanna. I think deep down he wants to be Code Compliant, but he's just not got the right attitude. He's been influenced by the wrong sort, it seems.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Motoko NishizawaMay 31, 2014 at 12:35 AM

    AAAH Lisanna she was a staple of the Chanoun area always spouting anti code in local while i was busy doing the Code's work. Convoing me every couple weeks to let me know she wont buy a permit. Glad to see she got her own story.

    ReplyDelete
  9. At 5 minutes he turns into BATMAN it seems....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHERE'S RACHEL!!??? WHERE IS SHE?!?!!!

      Delete
  10. SssssssssSSssssssssSssssss

    Yes I know, low hanging fruit. Sue me.

    -EasyKill

    ReplyDelete
  11. And that ladies and gentleman is how karma balancer became the official permit seller for the conference elite.

    I haven't listened to this in ages, hearing loyal try not cracking up when talking is funny as.
    E

    ReplyDelete
  12. Here's hoping they continue with the TeamSpeaks.

    Who knows, one of them may get them permabanned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're like the lonely child watching others having fun on the playground, thinking to yourself, "who knows, maybe one of them will get a timeout from the grownups".

      Delete
  13. Quick! Run and tell Ripard, Champion of Carebears! Oh wait, he's too busy writing "hypothetically" about asinine ideas like "peace-dec's".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Peace-dec's... wait are you serious? o.O

      Delete
    2. Actually if the natural state of corps in Eve is war - be it combat, trade or membership - then a peace-dec isn't that bad an idea.

      I don't know what would be included, perhaps an agreement to not recruit further players, or to only trade between each other on a barter system.

      Delete
  14. How is it possible that Lisanna does not understand that he's being trolled on the 2nd soundcloud clip?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I see. He's really quite special and admits to having aspergers. Err nice one CODE. you're l33t!

      Delete
    2. While he may or may not have aspergers, having made the comment in the first minute of the conversation is a tell tale sign.

      Then he goes on to contradict himself the entire way through, I believe he says things that people want to hear and does the opposite later.

      Delete
  15. This blog has been epic all week!

    Hi 5's to James and our agents.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Juhu, James I'm again. :-)
    Sitting in "your" ice belt and mining what I can.
    "...her outlook on Zimse's future as a peaceful, Code-abiding system." Are you stupid? It was peaceful until your terrorist are coming.

    From http://ctext.org/art-of-war/attack-by-stratagem
    "Sunzi said: In the practical art of war, the best thing of all is to take the enemy's country whole and intact; to shatter and destroy it is not so good. So, too, it is better to recapture an army entire than to destroy it, to capture a regiment, a detachment or a company entire than to destroy them. Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting."

    And by the way: that's are all miners, not an army.
    You and your "agents" have fun to destroy and to badger the players.
    http://i.imgur.com/oU3Pw.gif

    "Wolf Soprano > please be respectful to suicide gankers"
    RESPECT, your gankers want respect?

    Och, another wonderful ice asteroid, only for me... ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. pure fucking gold

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oops. 30 day countdown to a Riptard Teg article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope. He shut down Jester's Trek on 31 May.

      Delete
    2. Wow, it's true! I can hardly believe it, best news I heard in quite a while. The huge tumor of Eve finally in remission.

      I like to think that the backlash from his despicable witchhunt against Erotica1 had at least some part in this. The constant reminders from New Order members and other non-carebears pointing out his intolerable hypocrisy must have finally penetrated his thick skull.

      Delete
    3. Hey, he's free to post an apology on EVE-O GD at any time and lead a public appeal for my unbanning... I'll even let him help me find my first new lucky client.

      Ripard Teg/Jester as escrow agent? Could happen lol

      Delete

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