Friday, May 8, 2015

If a Boeing Lands on Your Skull

When an Agent of the New Order ganks you, it is standard protocol for him or her to send you an EVEmail notifying you of your obligations under the Code. Critics say that this is merely our way of fishing for tears. In fact, it's community outreach. It's also necessary, because when a gank recipient doesn't get an explanation, they usually ask for one anyway. For instance:


I know what you're thinking, dear reader: CCP has already confirmed that ganking improves player retention. AHMED, a bot-aspirant autopiloter, hadn't heard.

And because I know you so well, dear reader, I know what else you're thinking: How was the name "AHMED" not already taken a long time ago? Actually, it was. AHMED is a 2004 player. When Agent Tisiphone Dira ganked AHMED, she knew she would need special assistance in shepherding the wayward carebear to the Code.


Tisiphone enlisted the support of Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri and invited AHMED to join a Code-compliant complaint channel. At that very moment, AHMED was finishing up the EVEmail seen earlier.


For some reason, tempers tend to flare in EVE--especially in highsec. One of the services provided by the New Order is the creation of safe spaces for civilized discourse. Unfortunately, the only "safe space" most carebears are interested in is a 100% risk-free highsec theme park. They actually prefer risk in their conversations.


AHMED was willing to participate in the dialogue, but his motives were suspect. He used the channel as a platform for spreading hate and promoting the 1980s classic, "The Karate Kid".


In the movie, a youngster learns martial arts from an elite PvP'er who teaches him how to defend himself against bullies. The New Order performs a similar function in highsec: We mentor players and demonstrate how to PvP effectively. Also, we stand up to the bullies.


At first, AHMED couldn't grasp how this special training was going to help. He didn't see the benefit in getting his shuttle and pod waxed off by a Thrasher.


Though a bit cryptic, there was no denying that our Agents were filled with wisdom. It was time for AHMED to show some gratitude.


Not every student is a good one, however. AHMED needed much more training.


Then again, sometimes it is the teacher who learns something from his student.


In this particular case, there was nothing to learn from AHMED. He was full of nonsense.


Sadly, AHMED continued to wander aimlessly. A few days later, a group of New Order Agents caught up with AHMED. They struck first and struck hard. AHMED could've learned PvP from the best, but instead he chose to become another 2004 character used for highsec mining. AHMED's potential remains unfulfilled. Will he get a sequel?

49 comments:

  1. The Code ALWAYS wins!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Code always LOSES!!! ALWAYS!!!

      Delete
    2. Bots always repeat the same thing over and over.

      Delete
    3. Anom @ 10:02, Anom @10:19

      Miners, I'm going to have to ask you to please calm down

      Delete
    4. @Anon 10:19pm, with that definition all these code monkeys qualify as bots and not-aspirants...

      Delete
    5. Asia Leigh I am going to have to ask you to please stop being a bot

      Delete
  2. thats you opinion and your entitled to it !!

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    Replies
    1. Not only am I entitled to it, you are entitled to my opinion as well.

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    2. thanks i have enough useless thing i don't need any more.

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    3. Look I know you are trying to troll but if you have to jump right to the rape remarks you have already failed. Be more subtle in trolling and you will reel in more bites.

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    4. Ah, good old censorship... Trying to quiet the carebear opinion. True nazi'ism here... I like these people, they think just like me!Death to all the subhumans!

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    5. I knew that james censored the carebears. I just couldn't prove it till now, yet another fail on Code's record. Code always lie!!! Always!!!

      Delete
    6. Are you saying you want comments about rape in the comments section?

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    7. censorship is censorship and James promised there would be none. Yet an other lie from the mouths of code. Also, I didn't see the comments that got censored so I have to take your word for it. I'd rather lick a toilet seat....

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    8. can you show me where james made this promise?

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    9. http://www.minerbumping.com/2015/04/the-agents-burden.html

      One of Johns butt budies said the following in the comments section

      290xanaotsMay 1, 2015 at 7:46 AM
      I strongly disagree with any call for moderation. Only DOS attacks like spamming hundreds of comments and doxxing should be dealt with through moderation, as has been the case up until now. Minerbumping opened its very first post with a promise to maintain an open and anonymous comment section. It should stand by that promise.

      These comment sections should remain an open forum in which the carebears can hang themselves for all to see.

      Additionally, the New Order should *never* be reactive. We define the way we play for our own reasons and are never dictated to by the carebears. No New Order policy should ever be reactionary to the carebears, lest we give them even a fleeting taste of legitimacy.

      Any other questions code monkey?

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    10. Not really sure whats going on here, but whatever you guys are smoking I would like some. Must be some really good stuff.

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    11. Saviour's Blog; Saviour's Call.

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    12. thats not a promise thats a supposed reference to a promise. Try again

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    13. @anom 9:27

      You are asking a carebear for proof... You stand a better chance talking to the wall sadly.


      While I missed what all this drama was about, I will say that I have known John to never take comments down, so whatever it was must have really been bad.

      Delete
    14. @anon 1251

      Quoting the Saviour himself from his very first minerbumping.com post in August of 2012,

      "To that end, this blog will have an open comments section. Blogger allows you to post comments using various types of accounts, but there's also an option for anonymous comments. Since I believe there is value in candor and the free exchange of ideas, I do not intend to moderate the comments sections of my posts."

      That said, rape is not a topic under discussion within the scope of this blog and, as such, detracts from the real discussions ongoing within this comment section, hindering us from enjoying the wonderful discussions ongoing in this comment section. A reasonable person will agree that this falls well within the "denial of service" clause of my original proposition.

      Hope this helps, anon.

      Delete
  3. Miners sure love their civilian shield boosters!

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  4. We have already given our opinion, life in the free systems of Panorad sure is sweet. No CODE = hassle free isk gathering.

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  5. Man, that Boeing/Fly analogy was deep man ...Ima gonna have to get my bongos & go climb to a secluded mountain top & ponder that one.

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    Replies
    1. At least this carebear fetured in this article used his imagination this time, and came up with something new instead of the tired old usual tears that we get. I have to give him some points for creativity. I give it a 3/10.

      Delete
  6. I think saying "loose" when you mean to say "lose" should be a code violation, or at the least a bingo square. I get horribly confused when I read things like "this game is gonna lose all that's left." How am I supposed to interpret that? Is everything to the left of this game too tight?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. of course, I can't even spell it wrong on purpose... I meant "this game is gonna loose all that's left."

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    2. With an open mind towards others whose primary language ms not be English, and therefore struggle with it's syntax when communicating in it...last I looked there was no single official language in Highsec or in New Eden...

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  7. As an agent of the New Order of Hitler that uses words such as "it" and "subhuman" I hearby declare that AHMED is "subhuman" and should die like the dog "it" is in the gas chamber according to the New Order's final solution.

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  8. Hey everyone I'mmmmm baaaack! So how is my favorite group of nazi's doing today! Just finished working off that 11B isk I got scammed out of! I'm so happy now! Now to work on getting back on the top 10 douche bag list!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you, now get lost... We did not miss you.

      Delete
  9. John E Normus Wins
    With elite PVP skills
    John for CSM

    ReplyDelete
  10. meh seems quite legit

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  11. Haha, I didn't even realize there was a new article up :P Was busy arguing with carebears in other threads. At any rate this guy if moaning over an empty shuttle and a 40m isk pod... Never ceases to amaze at the amount of tears shed over the smallest of things.

    The Code ALWAYS wins!!! ALWAYS!!!

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  12. meh seems made up

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  13. If a Boeing lands on your skull you would be dead!

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  14. good mining today 11 belts under 11 hours :-) what a fleet in high sec :-) always win are you sure:D?

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    Replies
    1. We afraid to post this on our main?

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    2. no he's smart to avoid you douchebags

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    3. Asia Leigh, you are afraid of posting ad your real name?
      Probably for the exact same reason as players here post anonymously.

      Delete
  15. Wow! A new retarded player Asia Leigh thinks it does something good for EVE.
    Smart players don't even think about playing EVE, newly smart players stop playing EVE.

    Really stupid fucktards like Asia Leigh really sucks donkey cock!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AFK, lost barge
      Carebear rages on forum
      Their tears taste so sweet

      Delete
    2. Nitetime Video, I think you mix that up with someone's cock.
      You need to be a cock sucker and play EVE to be able to be AFK.
      We know you play so you must be the cock sucker :-P

      Delete
    3. You seem to be obsessed with something, anonafraidtopostwithname.

      Delete
    4. Nitetime Video, if you start post with your real name I will follow you.
      If you don't, you are a coward like the rest of the Code. followers

      Delete
    5. Miner, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down. You are in violation of the code using such vulgarities.

      Delete
  16. this blog does none of you any favors you know. carebear nor ganker.

    ReplyDelete

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