Monday, June 15, 2015

The Minting of a New Agent, Part 1

What does it take for the director of an anti-ganking group to see wisdom of the Code? BeBopAReBop RhubarbPie decided to find out.


BeBopAReBop and the anti-ganking director made a pact: They would find a typical highsec industrial PvE corp and slip a newbie alt into it. Then they would test the corporation with a wardec, to see if its leaders truly cared about newbies or not. Was the New Order right about the carebears?


Wendy Valentino, the newbie alt of the anti-ganking director, joined Essence Distribution and Mining corporation. Though only a few weeks old, it had really taken off; it had around 30 members already. BeBopAReBop's alt, Zawaka Inazuma, wardecced the corp. He also ganked Wendy's Venture to complete the disguise. Now a deep-cover spy, Wendy was positioned to feed intel to Zawaka. Would the corp leadership prove to be gallant--or a bunch of Goofuses?


Yoshiyo Solette, the founder and CEO of the industrial corp, was killed in a fail-fit Procurer. He'd been mining during the wardec. With a war-target in local. Zawaka chatted with the CEO in local to see what was up.
Zawaka Inazuma > 2 warp core stabs?
Zawaka Inazuma > I'm suprised you didn't get away
Zawaka Inazuma > it took be a really long time to get scram on you
Zawaka Inazuma > gf though
Yoshiyo Solette > gf mate, yeah, thought u only had 1 warp disruptor
To Zawaka's surprise, Yoshiyo took the loss well. He even gave "gf" in local. Splendid!
Yoshiyo Solette > You scanned me down?
Zawaka Inazuma > well d-scan I guess
Yoshiyo Solette > I see, I see, where'd u go?
Zawaka Inazuma > whats the fun in telling you?
Yoshiyo Solette > LMAO, so proc. v. rupture is all gravy but u won't fight me now xD You crack me up
So far, so good. Yoshiyo wasn't threatening to file a petition or whining about new players. Instead, he offered to fight the wardeccer.
Yoshiyo Solette > You must be from low or null sec?
Zawaka Inazuma > nope, I'm pretty much a high sec gankbear
Yoshiyo Solette > So where are u @? Checked all the belts.
Zawaka Inazuma > p1 station
Yoshiyo Solette > Well get off the station & come fight me mate, asteroid belt 9
Yoshiyo Solette > come fight me mate
Zawaka couldn't resist the invitation to fight someone who could fight back.


...However, the CEO was merely flying a dubiously fit frigate.
Yoshiyo Solette > gf mate
Zawaka Inazuma > gf
Zawaka Inazuma > I really thought you were going to have your friend ship up
Zawaka Inazuma > you going to bring a real fight? I didn't even have to manage my drones
Yoshiyo Solette > lulz, probably not
Yoshiyo Solette > want a corp. to war dec for a real fight?
Now Zawaka began to harbor doubts about Yoshiyo. He hunted down Yoshiyo's pod and killed him. Unfortunately, this sent Yoshiyo out of the system by way of pod-express, so they could no longer chat in local. But Wendy Valentino was still inside the corp. Watching. Waiting.


Two days later, Wendy and the rest of the corp received a shocking EVEmail from their fearless leader. Yoshiyo had decided to resign from his post as CEO and quit the corporation. Having used the corp members to mine for his Orca, Yoshiyo no longer had any interest in them. After all, the wardec prevented him from using the corp Orca. So he simply took the Orca and everything else he could get his hands on--and left his corp members to fend for themselves. Yoshiyo appointed a random newbie as CEO in his place. Enjoy the wardec, everybody!

Wendy couldn't believe it. Everything the New Order ever said about highsec carebear CEOs was true. She passed the EVEmail to Zawaka.
Zawaka Inazuma > sorry to hear about your corp =(
Yoshiyo Solette > What happened to it?
Zawaka Inazuma > well I saw you gave up ceo to a newbie
Yoshiyo Solette > Yeah, not the first time.
Zawaka managed to get Yoshiyo into a private convo.
Yoshiyo Solette > So you just came to say that and rub it in my face???
Zawaka Inazuma > not really
Zawaka Inazuma > I did want to say that I appreciated the fights
Zawaka Inazuma > was dissapointed that you dropped
Yoshiyo Solette > Yeah, well we can still fight
Yoshiyo Solette > It's not like I died.
During their battles, Zawaka had high hopes for Yoshiyo. He'd said "gf" and seemed to be a good sport about the wardec. The former CEO, though grumpy, might still have a chance at enjoying EVE. Zawaka decided to invite Yoshiyo to join an alt's PvP corp:
Zawaka Inazuma > also, you're welcome to join the violet squadron channel if you want to get in on some roams. we usually take small gangs to FW or either Brave or PH's space
Yoshiyo Solette > I don't hang out with assholes, but thanks for the invite
Zawaka Inazuma > do you treat your opponents that way in other games?
Zawaka Inazuma > I mean this is a game that has been famous for scamming and extortion for over ten years
Yoshiyo Solette > That doesn't make it proper =P
Out of nowhere, Yoshiyo threw a tantrum.
Yoshiyo Solette > You're still an asshole dude
Zawaka Inazuma > in other games extortion isn't within the game rules so I don't engage in it
Yoshiyo Solette > You attack defenseless ships
Yoshiyo Solette > =asshole
Yoshiyo Solette > Shut the fuck up
Yoshiyo Solette > You're so fucking dumb nigger
It seemed Yoshiyo had more Goofus in him than anyone realized. Yoshiyo flunked the test. Wendy, meanwhile, found the whole experience to be eye-opening. And she, unlike her former CEO, wasn't willing to give up on the carebear corp just yet.

To be continued...

31 comments:

  1. The New Order brings yet another Agent over to our side! The Light of the New Order is simply inescapable, it seems. Our goal of a 100% Code-Compliant Highsec grows closer with every passing day!

    Praise James!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Darn, I want to read part 2. NAOW!!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Awfully quite in the comments section today. I miss Kalynn and her rageful tears :(

    ReplyDelete
  4. Its ok anon @ 10:11 pm,
    We still got ming and its rageful tears about how it 'supposedly' donated isk and it is 'supposedly' an agent, but those darned mean miners keep saying it is not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Double post above is a sign of a care bear miner ^^^^^

      Delete
    2. Double post above is a sign of a care bear miner ^^^^^

      Delete
  5. way to go CODE... EvE just lost another new player and highsec corp all to satisfy your quest for tears.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And nothing of value was lost. :D

      Delete
    2. Good. Maybe the next person that replaces him won't be bad at this game....

      Delete
  6. Ming has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.
    "I don't know what to do here, " says the devil. " You are on my list. . . but I have no room for you." "You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do." "I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you, I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.
    Ming thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
    The devil opened the door to the first room: in it was Richard Nixon in a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. - Such was his fate in hell.
    "No!" Ming said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."
    The devil led him to the next room: in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
    "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all could do was break rocks all day!" commented Ming.
    The devil opened a third door. In the room Ming saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
    Ming looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
    The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you’re free to go

    Joker Anon

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alana has a sense of humor, as well as being a real agent unlike fake ming the wanabe agent.
      Alana you should take up the nick name of A.C.T., since you act like an agent, and its your initials :)

      Delete
    2. I suppose it might be entertaining if you came up with your own jokes instead of just putting Ming's name in and changing some words around.
      What happens when you get to the bottom of the barrel? Knock knock jokes?

      Delete
    3. Knock, knock...

      Delete
    4. I am the one who knocks

      Delete
  7. meh seems made up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome back to the keyboard miner. Long time no see :D

      Delete
    2. BeBopAreBop RhubarbPieJune 16, 2015 at 7:34 PM

      How I wish it were... Unfortunately I had to live through it.

      Delete
  8. Man carebears are foul.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anti-ganking is non-stop failing daily

    ReplyDelete
  10. And it seemed so promising, right up until the last word.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I logged in to check on Yoshio Solette and possibly drop him a message about his poor manners, but he biomassed a day ago.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shame. A real shame, that. It's really quite unfortunate that he's no longer playing this lovely game with us. I am sure that someone somewhere will miss his presence. A real tragedy.

      Delete
    2. Probably made another Char and right now, as we speak, a new HighSec Indu Corp with him as leader is going to exploit other innocent young players as mining slaves. I hope CODE is not allowing this to happen.

      Delete
  12. Knock, knock...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Zawaka Inazuma > in other games extortion isn't within the game rules so I don't engage in it [in Eve]

    I know how this guy feels. When I play tennis I absolutely refuse to use a racquet because they don't use them in football, snooker, darts, rowing, handegg or dodgeball.

    ReplyDelete
  14. you really are just a bunch of dicks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, you're a "dick." And quite a rude "dick" at that.

      Delete
  15. being called a dick by the biggest "dick" of them all is quite amusing :)

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.