Saturday, November 28, 2015

Crazy Like a Foxbolt, Part 9

Previously, on MinerBumping... Rarely since the denunciation of Sejanus has a man suffered so great a reversal of fortune as Admiral Foxbolt. The duly appointed sheriff of the EVE community was master of all that he surveyed until his sudden and unexpected permaban. What could explain such a thing, he asked, other than CCP Falcon working as an undercover Goon to protect cyber-bully The Mittani? Yet skeptics questioned whether CCP Cid had ever actually given Foxbolt the keys to the kingdom. To prove his case, Foxbolt rolled a new account and mailed petition logs to everyone in Jita.
* I am requesting the approval of CCP to allow me to use EVE ONLINE as the primary gaming platform to support my LLC. My LLC supports human relations within the gaming community. My LLC wishes to use EVE for this mission, thus my LLC helps EVE maintain player-retention, thus CCP maintains monthly income.

Allowing the gaming community within EVE to give on their own accord will help my LLC support your company wallet. I am simply seeking CCP's blessing's on this project, and I can produce results that show CCP that I mean well if given a chance. (I mean, I'm here exposing exactly what I'm trying to do... not doing it behind CCP's back.) Please take a look at my site, and let me know what CCP thinks of the idea please.
It began in October. Foxbolt was full of enthusiasm for his new idea. He knew, however, that he needed CCP to bless it.
CCP, Please disregard my LLC idea. I have decided to go get a real world job and no to go forward with this project. I do not want to be viewed as going against EULA rules in anyway. Please close this support ticket at this time.
But barely more than an hour later, Foxbolt changed his mind and scrapped the whole project. The story might have ended there, were it not for GM Gamayur's response. It was, shall we say, somewhat flippant. Although I can't print the text of Garmayur's reply, you can use your imagination.
Good Morning GM Gamayur and CCP,

Someone do me a favor and send this reply to anyone you think would be interested in reading it, because I'm going to make it interesting to read.
Admiral Foxbolt was not pleased.
First..... I have been an EVE supporter long enough to suspect a bit of "SmartAssness" in GM Gamayur's manner regarding his mention of "being able to get a job within an hour and an a half". I don't take kindly to this, because it would seem that the GM assumes I'm playing games with my LLC idea to help CCP improve their product "EVE ONLINE". Because yes..... though your product is amazing in graphic design and structure, you're people-relations and monthly retention does remain in poor condition. This has not changed in all the years I've supported EVE, however I do have a plan to change this for the good of everyone even while mostly assholes behind keyboards rule most of EVE.
Foxbolt's sales pitch to CCP turned sour. He had no illusions about the EVE community, its leadership, or even its GMs.
I remember coming into EVE trying so badly to be in a corp that wasn't full of pricks that could be sustainable... I had a dream of meeting and knowing people through EVE for years, but over time your basic game features of mining, missions, and PVP would always hit the walls of boredom...

What does EVE have going for it's self??? Something amazing I think.... it is the perfect platform for improving human relations through gaming that can truly help people in real life. CCP has created a platform (EVE) that has all of the tools to improve humanity as a whole. But someone within the CCP team seems to not caught on to exactly how to deploy these tools.... but it's ok, I have the idea within me that is driven by "Love for my fellow man."
In fact, Foxbolt really didn't think much of EVE the game. He found it boring, really. Even so, Foxbolt saw potential. The game's true worth could be unlocked by the power of his love.
So what have I been doing since 2009 when I started supporting EVE??? I have been training, learning, failing, getting back up.... applying one learned lesson after another in learning the art of an EVE CEO, and somehow I learned the art of "Player Retention".

I HAD hoped that I'd receive the support and blessings of CCP with this project, but I keep getting EULA regs thrown at me from smartass and could give less a shit GM's.... and all of the fucking bullshit EULA red-tape is completely cock-blocking people that truly want to make a positive difference for others in EVE.
We only have access to the petition logs that Foxbolt made available to us. Reading between the lines here, it seems there was a much longer history of Foxbolt unsuccessfully pestering CCP to authorize his project.
So I've decided to not allow myself to be put into a position of having my accounts banned.... but my vision hasn't changed. I am going to improve human relations within EVE, and I suspect CCP will contact me one day asking me how I am able to maintain player retention so well with a product that does get boring overtime without the proper care and treatment of players as "Human Beings".

I love this product.... I love EVE.... I love the team within CCP that maintains and keeps EVE going..... (Besides smartass GM's) So "NO" GM Gamayur... I don't have a job at this time... but I still have a vision to help people through EVE, which will then help CCP maintain their player retention, which will then play a big part in insuring you still get a paycheck.
Foxbolt concluded his response. He foresaw a bright future for his enterprise: CCP would thank him one day, amazed by his success in keeping people subscribed to such a boring game. This time, Gamayur spared him the sarcasm and promised that the proposal would be reviewed.
GM Gamayur & CCP,

Thank you for well rounded and kind reply. Look, I am willing to come to any of your office's, even to Iceland if provided a round-trip ticket (Though I hate flying.) to present my idea's better in person.
Foxbolt then extended an incredibly generous offer: He'd let CCP give him a free trip to Iceland so he could explain his plan at CCP HQ. Thus saving Foxbolt the bother of winning a seat on the CSM.


(Perhaps this is what CCP Fozzie intended?)
I know I don't have everything figured out yet, but I do know the restrictions concerning EULA rules to allow a EVE CEO to run a personal business in real life in which the gaming community is allowed to support the personal business through heart-felt funding (not mandatory funding).... this red-tape is restricting people who wish to become full-time EVE CEO's. Thus this is restricting a EVE CEO from truly maintaining the care and treatment of the player community within EVE on a daily routine as a full-time job.
As long as he had CCP's attention, Foxbolt judged it a good time to discuss the money issue. Months earlier, his mandatory real-life corp fees had made him notorious on Reddit. Foxbolt still felt it was important to get paid, but he'd no longer make the fees mandatory.
Imagine if you could, ..... Those that truly wished to be full-time EVE ONLINE Virtual CEO's in physical reality. These virtual CEO's being allowed to be funded directly from their corp mates .... corp mates that give on their own accord freely to support a virtual leader that is able to support their virtual community.... their virtual family. People need this.
In the past, Foxbolt's corp members faced the problem of having insufficient time with Foxbolt. If he could run his corp as a full-time job, there would be enough Foxbolt to go around. People needed this.
I have met hundreds of people who do not have families, who do not have friends, or human relations support systems in physical reality. I have succeeded many times over in building up a corp that meant something to people... really meant something to them... and every time, because I had to work full-time in physical reality, I could not maintain the care of my people... and I have been forced many times over to see people hurt emotionally over the corp not being able to remain sustainable... all because I couldn't be what they truly needed.. a full-time EVE ONLINE Virtual CEO supported by my virtual community.
Like JTClone Ares, TDD Dominaters, and countless other highsec CEOs, Foxbolt's attempts to run carebear corps had always met with failure. It was because his corp members didn't pay him.
I can do this if given the proper permissions, the proper support, and the blessings of CCP.... I can truly make this work if given the chance. I can solve CCP's and EVE's retention issues.. I can help CCP save money, and grow far more then they ever thought was possible. One idea driven by the passion and love of one person can change the lives of millions..... I am that person. Please consider hearing me out further.
Listening to Foxbolt, it sounds like he thinks he's the Saviour of Highsec or something. What an ego.
Dear CCP,
As a follow up and being a man who believes in "Integrity" and not doing shady shit behind your company's back, I am updating you on the following. I have decided to go forward with my "LLC" passion to help the gaming community with regard to human relations which will in return assist gaming platforms such as "EVE" with their monthly retention levels...

I get to be a full-time community leader supported by willing supporters, and you win on the side of having a full-time EVE virtual CEO taking care of people from a human relations aspect. As far as I know, I am well within the EULA rules in a positive light as I am not actively soliciting, and I am also not making anything mandatory. More so, this helps CCP.
So far, Foxbolt hadn't gotten an official endorsement from CCP Cid or anyone else. Instead, as CCP's best people were busy reviewing his business plan, Foxbolt announced he was going ahead with his business plan. There was no time to waste.

To be continued...

16 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. The only thing I can do other than say the same thing over and over is suck big fat cock

      Delete
    2. Thank you for your input, angry carebear/regular reader of minerbumping.

      I would, however, like to point out that Australians call it "putting a shrimp on the barbie".


      -Oink

      Delete
  2. BeBopAreBop RhubarbPieNovember 28, 2015 at 9:09 PM

    "Listening to Foxbolt, it sounds like he thinks he's the Saviour of Highsec or something. What an ego."
    I cracked at that line.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep, Foxbolts ego is almost as large as Jamie's ego...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spotted the anon who knows that EVE is serious business.

      Delete
    2. He got the joke everybody! (Applause)

      -Oink

      Delete
  4. Anybody have a link to GM Gamayur's response? I have to read it. I MUST READ IT.
    It should be enshrined as one of the great pieces of human literature.

    ------------
    Mike Adoulin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's literally the first thing that comes up when google "admiral foxbolt pastebin" - the reply is damn hilarious :)

      Delete
    2. Some kindly soul posted it in the comments of the last one. CCP Falcon was incredibly professional and patient with this guy.

      Delete
  5. Wow! Honestly I thought when I read the JTClone posts we'd never approach something that could sustain that level of hilarity ever again, yet here we are, two months later, with another saga to rival it. What an absolutely horrible person this is. He scams newbies out of real money, then has the temerity to try to take the moral high-ground. Fantastic job CODE being the catalyst (so to speak) of this sleazy lunatic's banning.

    ReplyDelete
  6. WTF!?

    LOL LOL LOL

    dassfjllljlsjdfahgljsadkjv48eef8iwefdsfasfdjlwkjeflksldvld dfewo f8333333333 (Keyboard Error: Subject laughing too hard on keyboard.)
    sdfa
    dff
    asddgaf

    Damn. I'm still laughing. I read GM Gamayur's response and I fell off the chair and nearly wet myself.

    ReplyDelete
  7. narcissm. the great mental epedemia of the new generation.
    may fate have mercy with us all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oldfarticissim. The great blah blah blah... kids today, hell in a handbasket etc. you get it.

      Also, narcissism* , epidemic* , and lastly, fate would have mercy ON us, not with us.

      Is English your second language? If so, all is forgiven.


      -Oink

      Delete

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