Thursday, November 5, 2015

The Worst Scammers in EVE

Another day, another criminal brought to justice by Agent Tisiphone Dira. She was getting ready to deliver her prepared materials about the Code, when suddenly--
Nomadic Chieftain > How do you destroy me in high sec?
Tisiphone Dira > I was just about to convo you
Tisiphone Dira > I'm here to answer all your questions
Tisiphone Dira > it was your mistakes that caused you to lose your stuff, and your client's. Hope the collateral wasn't too high
Nomadic Chieftain > 50 mill puts me out if business for today.
The carebear in question was aggressive enough to seek answers on his own initiative. Nomadic couldn't believe that his spaceship had been destroyed in a spaceship PvP game. If Tisiphone wouldn't reimburse his loss, what would Nomadic do?
Nomadic Chieftain > Now I'm just going to get everything reinbursed via the game management.
Tisiphone Dira > You can try that friend, feel free. But highsec ganking is a well known thing
Nomadic Chieftain > Well high sec isnt allowed according to the game maanagment.
Tisiphone Dira > Really? You have a citation for that?
Nomadic Chieftain > Thats what they said & they said they would reinbursh me for a previous high sec ganking.
Tisiphone Dira > No they didn't :)
Tisiphone Dira > You might be interested in reading ccp's new player FAQ
Nomadic Chieftain > Ok goodbye
In typical carebear fashion, Nomadic lied. He lied about the EULA and lied about what CCP had told him. When confronted with facts, Nomadic ran away--also in typical carebear fashion.
Nomadic Chieftain > Have you seen my Mammoth wreckage?
Haulin' Ass > I think so yes, I've been taking it from the gankers here
Nomadic Chieftain > It had a plastic wrap in it
Nomadic Chieftain > thats all I want
Nomadic Chieftain > Plastic Wrap it all I want
Haulin' Ass > I grabbed it cause it was small
But Nomadic's luck was about to change. He hadn't been podded by Tisiphone, so he was able to watch as a local hauler pilot scooped the wreck. Nomadic convo'ed the hauler, who turned out to be helpful indeed.
Nomadic Chieftain > Is it still intact?
Haulin' Ass > Yeah I don't crack those open immediately
Nomadic Chieftain > Thank goodness.
Nomadic Chieftain > Where can I meet you?
Haulin' Ass > top station*
Haulin' Ass > how much for it?
As friendly as he was, Haulin' Ass still wanted to be fairly compensated for his services. How much would Nomadic pay for the safe return of the cargo?
Nomadic Chieftain > 2.5 million for it if its intact
Haulin' Ass > Oh come on, I see it's worth at least 50 here, I'm not going to overcharge here but 2.5?
Nomadic Chieftain > 5 million then thats 10%
Nomadic Chieftain > Just for looting someone elses high sec ganking dirty work.
The carebear requested delivery of the package at a 95% markdown. (With those instincts, he'll probably organize an ore buyback program for newbies one day.) Haulin' was stunned by the carebear's greed. When he pointed out the unfairness of the offer, Nomadic scoffed, condemning Haulin' for not working hard enough for his isk.
Haulin' Ass > Right, but at the moment I'm sitting on 50m just for stealing from him
Nomadic Chieftain > 15 million then.
Haulin' Ass > I'll take no less than 25 on one condition, you show me the contract, take a screenshot of it
Haulin' Ass > That way I can see the collateral
If he wanted to, Haulin' could sell the contents of the package on the market for full price. Seized by greed and laziness, Nomadic couldn't see things from Haulin's point of view. Generously, Haulin' offered to sell the package for 25 million isk.
Nomadic Chieftain > Emolgranlan >> Ainaille (39 m³)
Nomadic Chieftain > please I dont have alot of money
Haulin' Ass > 60m collateral? so 25m sounds fair ay?
Haulin' Ass > I wanted half, I could insist on 30
Nomadic Chieftain > I dont have that sort of money.
Nomadic Chieftain > Thats why I haul in high sec.
The package was part of a courier contract with 60 million isk collateral. If Haulin' didn't return the courier package intact, Nomadic would fail the contract and lose 60 million isk. Haulin' would save him from that fate for 25 million isk. But Nomadic didn't have that much money.
Nomadic Chieftain > Because I'm new
Haulin' Ass > screenshot your wallet then to prove that pleae
Haulin' Ass > if you really are that poor I will of course take pity
Nomadic Chieftain > I have 43 million
It turned out to be yet another lie from the carebear. Backed into a corner, he admitted that he had plenty of funds to cover the 25 million isk fee.
Haulin' Ass > But this loot is worth 50 to me you see, and 60 to you
Nomadic Chieftain > Did you not see my ship & its fittings?
Haulin' Ass > Well your options seem to me to be this, 25m loss or 60 to the collateral
Nomadic Chieftain > Fine.
Haulin' Ass > Thank you
Nomadic Chieftain > Hard work for you....
Unfortunately for the carebear, his attempt to deceive Haulin' failed, and he had no leverage. He paid the 25 million isk and was given a Plastic Wrap. Still, he grumbled about how little work Haulin' had done for the money. This from a guy who was AFK'ing courier contracts on autopilot and who had put in zero effort to avoid being ganked. Carebear logic, carebear hypocrisy.

Eventually, the lying carebear opened the Plastic Wrap and discovered that he'd been given a taste of his own medicine.

EVE may be a cold, harsh universe, but there's a place where the good guys win. It's called highsec.

Haulin' Ass didn't have the heart to tell the carebear that he was actually an undercover Agent of the New Order all along. He was Tisiphone Dira's alt, in fact.

Nomadic put him on a "shit list" and returned to mining in a Venture. A few days later, his Venture was ganked and he was podded. By a member of CODE., naturally.

In the end, no one could say Nomadic Chieftain didn't get what he deserved. As we've seen over the years, carebears lie constantly. They complain about scammers and thieves, but they're so desperate for isk that they'll tell the wildest lies at the slightest provocation. The carebears of EVE are almost all scammers themselves. They're just really bad at it.


  1. This was a funny story :)

  2. Knock, knock...

    (Too slow, knock knock guy! Bumped again!)

  3. CODE destroys a poorly tanked industrial likely with no pilot at the controls. This is news?

    I'm underwhelmed with the pilots choice of defensive upgrades, but I'm happy he at least tried. Hopefully in time he will try harder and be more successful.

    A CODE operative rescues the cargo, offers to sell it back to the pilot, but scams him instead. So... congrats I guess?

    1. This is EVE. What part of that are you having problems with? Maybe you should try WoW.

    2. @Abbot
      Indeed, Congratulations are in order!

      Every time the Code wins, it is cause for celebration!

    3. Abbott's values do seem like they'd be more at home in WoW.

      Also, this blog is never gonna work if he keeps completely blowing the lid off of all our fascades.


  4. A 15 day old character no less. Which explains the amount of ISK he had. Was probably just getting into hauling.

    And then he flies out in a Venture to mine and you guys gank him again!?!?!

    Congrats CODE you killed a newb! His killboard confirms.

    And using Neutron Blaster II on a venture??? Good grief you guys really are elite.

    Yay CODE always wins! (against newbs)

    1. winnings still winning and we are good at it

    2. When my first character was 15 days old, I was already planning to rip off my corporation. It was run by players who had been in-game for years.

      At 30 days, my first successful scam was already behind me. 3 billion ISK was a lot to me then.

      At 60 days, I was scamming with Erotica 1.

      At 90 days, I no longer needed to pay real money to play.

      What is this pleb's excuse?

    3. @Bill Dankgank

      If everybody played like you eve would die out in 3 months ;)

      how much you guys whine and cry you need the carebears to buy plexes and keep that open for you to buy and not having to spend "real money" to play you sadistcal nature inside a video game.

      This simply tells allot about everybody supporting the way is build, you already have to be twisted to play this game like you claim its supposed to be played.

      Please by all means kill the game, please do you have already killed it for so many others...


    4. @Anon8:19
      What CCP has proven evidence of, is that the anger we produce when we kill these people keeps them coming back to try to get revenge. Which they can never do because The Code Always Wins. They come back, and join. Or they go to nullsec and fly in big fleets. Sure the more surly quit, but those are people who couldnt have made it in EVE anyway. Then there are those that pay, and we leave them alone, until we find that they violate the Code.

      You see, the New Order ALWAYS wins. And we are good, no, integral for EVE Online, and its continued success.

      We tell people from other games, "You can't deal with us." And other people are either like "Yeah I can" or "Waaaahhhhh I'ma escalate this to a GM" Either way tears are had, and we get what we want.

    5. Ming

      you didn't read what i wrote or you did not understand it either way, you win at killing people that don't pay attention to the game good for you.

      Iv'e ganked for code, iv'e bumped for code and i have sold a whopping 3 permits for code. I just don't care enough to keep doing it.

    6. Manchurian Everlasting - if you look him up you'll also noticed he was biomassed.

      and no not a psycho dear anon.

    7. @Icey3:05

      No, I'm afraid you don't comprehend how the whole Carebears-plex-we-gank-them-we-improve-player-retention thing works. Otherwise you would be wholeheartedly supporting CODE, and by proxy, EVE. You accuse CODE of killing off subscribers, when exactly the opposite is true.

      I absolutely do not believe you've ganked for CODE, or sold permits. Not with that attitude.

      As they say, once you go Code-Compliant, there's no other way to live. Next you'll be telling me you excelled in lowsec PVP before you got tired of it and got into mining ice.

    8. I ganked for code for a while as well. Killed a few freighters.Murdered a few miners. Sold a handful of permits. At first it was fun. Then I felt bad about it, and started paying for the miner's permits myself. It was starting to get boring too. In the end it was the combination of guilt and being bored that led me on to better things. And I am glad I did!

    9. Dear ming,

      Believe what you wish i know what i have done and haven't done and don't need your acceptance for it.

      i did not say that ganking lowers player retention so again your lack of reading is impressive, you are so gungho on shooting down post that you no longer read them.

      now just to clarify what i wrote, in the frail hope of you having the iq to follow.

      "At 30 days, my first successful scam was already behind me. 3 billion ISK was a lot to me then.

      At 60 days, I was scamming with Erotica 1.

      At 90 days, I no longer needed to pay real money to play."

      that you can read and understand i hope...
      "If everybody played like you eve would die out in 3 months ;)

      how much you guys whine and cry you need the carebears to buy plexes and keep that open for you to buy and not having to spend "real money" to play you sadistcal nature inside a video game."

      a) carebear buys plex
      b) carebear tries to sell plex
      c) ganker/scammer (or whatever) buy plex

      So in the simplest version of math, if everybody would do this nobody would buy the plex from ccp then there wouldn't be plexes to buy and this is what i said.
      Now if you have the capacity to read, which you have demonstrated to lack 2 times already today, this would not mean loss of player this would mean there wouldn't be plexes for the gaming style that was talked about.

      TL;DR? you are a moron, ming

  5. CODE always wanks! ALWAYS!!!!!

    1. if they're anything like me they do every day.

    2. chaturbate is a great website

  6. As always James makes my day with another hilarious tale of carebears no understanding the game they are playing. XD

  7. The comments on this site have the best miner tears.
    Yes! thank you CODE!

  8. I'm sad I've yet to actually see Code agents in action yet in game. The in-game composure is excellent. I'm surprised some of the individuals on miner-bumping act so differently.

    1. Then become an agent,

      I wish you the best of luck


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