Monday, November 2, 2015

The Hero from Lowsec, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bing Bangboom gave gank recipient Leiah0 Skywalkah a lecture on the Code. W0lf Crendraven saw this happening as he passed through the system, and he sought to rescue Leiah0. Mistaking the bot-aspirant miner for a damsel, he encouraged her to move "a few jumps away", where the New Order couldn't reach her. Then, in defense of Leaih0's honour, W0lf challenged Bing to a duel.
W0lf Crendraven > Vii- belt 6, come and duel me m8
Bing Bangboom > duel? How quaint
For the last few years, many local rebels have sought to defeat Agent Bing. Their efforts failed, mostly because their powerful nullsec friends never materialized. But W0lf was a mighty lowsec PvP'er, and he stood up to the New Order's Agent. All of Kino held its breath.
Bing Bangboom > Hello Boss
W0lf Crendraven > scared
W0lf Crendraven > thought so
Bing Bangboom > well, here I am
Bing Bangboom > I'm looking right at your Orthrus
Bing Bangboom > why don't you shoot?
At first, W0lf assumed that Bing wouldn't accept the duel. He should've known better: The New Order of Highsec never backs down from a fight. Bing accepted the duel and warped to W0lf's location. For some reason, though, W0lf couldn't attack him.
W0lf Crendraven > decloak then
Bing Bangboom > you fight in whatever ship you want... I fight in mine
W0lf Crendraven > "fight"
Bing Bangboom > you have a slim understanding of how to win in Eve, don't you?
Bing Bangboom > we are dueling... you WAY outship me... and yet, you cannnot win
W0lf Crendraven > as long as i dont die i dont care
In a stroke of tactical genius, Bing had cloak-tanked his ship. W0lf's Orthrus wasn't capable of even piercing Bing's shields; he could only flail about in the darkness. Unable to kill Bing and drive him from the system, W0lf slightly adjusted the goalposts.
W0lf Crendraven > cowardice is strong with highsec pvpers it seems
Bing Bangboom > you have no idea what you are doing here, do you?
W0lf Crendraven > if its not a miner you cannot fight can you?
Bing Bangboom > of course I can.
Bing Bangboom > my killboard is full of non-miners
W0lf Crendraven > pvp means nothing if it happens in highsec
As the duel timer ticked downward, W0lf became pessimistic about his chances of killing Bing. He launched an attack on Bing's combat record, but quickly changed the terms of that debate, too.
Bing Bangboom > too bad you don't know how to fighti in highsec
Bing Bangboom > duel... that was a good one.
W0lf Crendraven > i dont care to
W0lf Crendraven > its highsec pvp
W0lf Crendraven > the laughing stock of eve
Bing Bangboom > then go back to lowsec...
W0lf Crendraven > i intend to
The Kino resistance was crestfallen. Perhaps W0lf wasn't the champion they had been waiting for, after all.
Bing Bangboom > you are helpless here
W0lf Crendraven > not helpless
Bing Bangboom > really?
Bing Bangboom > kill something then
W0lf Crendraven > im unable to kill you
As the duel expired, Bing decloaked, presenting himself as a target. Now was W0lf's chance. But like so many others who look down on highsec PvP, he found victory more difficult to achieve than he'd imagined.
Bing Bangboom > and yet, I kill all the time here
W0lf Crendraven > you gank people
W0lf Crendraven > thats not pvp
Bing Bangboom > I'll pull the trigger in highsec... you, not so much
W0lf Crendraven > "the trigger"
Once again, W0lf redefined the terms of an argument he was losing. In frustration, W0lf locked Bing. The Agent's ship was paper-thin. All it would take was for W0lf to activate his weapons.
Bing Bangboom > do you know what the 'carebear stare" is?
W0lf Crendraven > dont really care to know
Bing Bangboom > well, I'll tell you
W0lf Crendraven > no thanks
Bing Bangboom > Its when you yellow box someone but are afraid to shoot
Bing Bangboom > like now
W0lf couldn't bring himself to take the shot. The local rebels turned away from the scene in disgust.
Bing Bangboom > Kill: Korriban Omm (Leopard) Kill: Korriban Omm (Capsule) no permit
W0lf Crendraven > thats not even in this system
Bing Bangboom > its all New Order.
Bing Bangboom > I'm just one Agent...
Bing Bangboom > Kill: Blake R (Retriever) Kill: Blake R (Capsule)
Bing Bangboom > go where ever you choose in highsec... we are there.
Bing demonstrated how easy it is to kill in highsec by linking a few killmails. The New Order rules highsec because we are willing to kill our enemies, even at the expense of our own ships. By contrast, W0lf and all of the other would-be rebel leaders were crippled by their fear of being CONCORDed.
W0lf Crendraven > oh we link kms now without context
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Redhead Daehder (Imperial Navy Slicer)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Froschragout (Tristan)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Hetal (Federation Navy Comet)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Atom Ik (Republic Fleet Firetail)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: M4NOS theGREEK (Exequror Navy Issue)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Arianne Kass (Atron) Kill: Alisa Muzyka (Velator)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Bareza (Algos)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: never vampire (Manticore)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Silence Kit (Imicus)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Silence Kit (Capsule)
W0lf Crendraven > Kill: Dmitrii Mahonkovih (Catalyst)
In retaliation, W0lf went on a frenzy of killmail-linking in local. Bing's ship remained untouched.
W0lf Crendraven > im a free citizien of new caldari, i can do whatever i want and be whereever i want
Bing Bangboom > But you ARE useless here
W0lf Crendraven > you site is literally called minerbumping
W0lf Crendraven > i mean doesnt that just scream pathetic to you?
Bing Bangboom > I shoot people in highsec... you just yellow box them. who's pathetic?
W0lf Crendraven > i dont yellow box random people, why should i
The hero from lowsec opened up a new line of argument. Like the rest, it went nowhere, and W0lf quickly retreated from it.
Bing Bangboom > I agree... you shouldn't engage in pointless activities...
W0lf Crendraven > just saw you spouting such bullshit in local that it made me stop
Bing Bangboom > so, head out and be meaningful again
W0lf Crendraven > highsec should just flat out get removed from the game
W0lf Crendraven > but mostly due to guys like you
Suddenly, W0lf had an inspiration. If he couldn't defeat the Agent in combat, he would put the whole New Order system on trial!

To be continued...


  1. Where was Antiganking to save him? They were failing non-stop daily!

  2. Waiting with baited breath!

  3. "highsec should just flat out get removed from the game'
    best idea i've ever heard from a carebear.

  4. "all of the other would-be rebel leaders were crippled by their fear of being CONCORDed."

    So many lies. But this one! This is a big one!

  5. "It's not real pvp if it's in highsec!"

    Loving it.

  6. On an unrelated note... was anything *actually interesting* released in Parallax? Or is it just more tweaks, more useless ship skins, and more minor graphical upgrades...

  7. Surely that cannot be the legendary W0lf Crendraven, notorious adolescent self-infatuated shitposter on Failheap Challenge? Trust the Agents of the Order to deal with him in the appropriate fashion. No mere respectors of persons, they judge warriors by their actions, and W0lf failed to put up any sort of fight. I look forward to reading the continuation.


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