Thursday, March 10, 2016

MalkePigen's Swan Song, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... MalkePigen lit up Uedama local with a litany of complaints about EVE. She resented CCP, felt ganking mechanics were unfair, considered ganks to be harassment, accused gankers of being cowards for remaining docked up during their criminal timers, and vowed to quit the game. When asked why she remained in the game she hated so much, MalkePigen gave a startling explanation.


According to MalkePigen, her subscription fee was repeatedly paid for by CCP due to some kind of problem with the petition system. She'd flooded CCP with frivolous petitions about ganking and harassment. That, combined with MalkePigen's confusing writing style, had baffled CCP and made them unable to answer her petitions. Apparently this resulted in them giving her free game time as compensation.


MalkePigen no longer paid for her subscription to EVE, not even with PLEX. Her account was kept alive solely by feeding on a diet of gnarled, broken petitions. She was something different now, something twisted and monstrous.


...MalkePigen had become a zombie space lawyer.


Fellow Anti-Ganker Rhamnousia Nosferatu joined the conversation in local. Breaking an informal Anti-Ganker policy of silence in local, Rhamnousia urged MalkePigen to stop feeding people tears.


But MalkePigen, despite a killboard full of proof that she was an Anti-Ganker, no longer felt she was part of that movement. Because CCP allowed "harassment" of anyone who tries to stop ganks.


No one could figure out MalkePigen's definition of harassment, not even CCP. Their confused reaction to MalkePigen's petitions made her "quit", but they also paid for her subscription. She existed in a gray area. An undead Anti-Ganker, she played EVE only to complain in local.


A tormented soul with unfinished business in Uedama, MalkePigen could not move on.


Over the years, Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri has built a solid reputation for honesty, integrity, and all that good stuff. He couldn't believe his character was being questioned by MalkePigen. Salah and 50 unnamed co-conspirators were charged with harassment.


Uedama had no choice but to bear witness to MalkePigen's speech in local. After a seemingly endless rant, MalkePigen took a breath, allowing others to offer their input.


MalkePigen wasn't done, though. As Uedama's residents spoke up, MalkePigen accused them of harassment, or at least of being pro-harassment.


Although she'd devoted a lot of time to complaining about unfair game mechanics, MalkePigen didn't consider that to be her main point. What, then?


It was all about harassment. MalkePigen was going to make Uedama understand what that word meant to her. Even if it took all night.

To be continued...

29 comments:

  1. "Even if it took all night"

    That might be just a touch optimistic.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Antigankers fail to stop ganks, fail to stop the tears, they just fail fullstop1!!!! 1.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Failing non-stop continously ALL the time daily!

      Delete
    2. Wolf's ass is starting to look like a well used pussy. He's started to wear an eye patch to cover his cranial fuck hole.

      Delete
    3. So angry! Such tears! So much impotent rage! The buttdevastation displayed by Anon2:24 could truly be called "incredible."

      Delete
    4. Hey Mingaling, why don't you actually undock and do something besides spouting off on these forums when I fuck Wolf Soprano's ass and eye socket.

      https://zkillboard.com/character/2012975004/

      Delete
  3. Anti-gankers are unable to stop with the non-compliance, and this is why the score is:

    New Order: 12,758,224

    Anti-Ganking: 0


    It's pretty damning how big the gap is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure it isn't 0. There have been some prevented ganks. Now understandable it wouldn't be nearly as high of a number but still..it isn't 0. I know this for a fact because I myself have prevented a couple of ganks before.

      Delete
    2. @Anon8:23

      To this day, we await evidence of such a claim.

      But every claim that we are presented with is easily debunked.

      However, it is interesting to note that despite your objection to the lower number, you do not dispute the number of times that the New Order has won.

      Which means, I guess, that you are saying that The New Order Is Winning™?

      Delete
    3. @Ming

      I couldn't care less who you think is winning. As far as I'm concerned I am the one winning because I am doing what I want in the game and having fun.

      The kill I got was a pure ganker kill before he could even shoot his target, thus he didn't even get the chance to get a criminal flag so no concord whoring. Though I couldn't do anything about faction police taking a couple of pot shots.

      And at the risk of you not believing me, which I know is likely since you have the false belief that non of you die, no I will not show you my kill. I would rather keep doing what I want to do and if you find out my name by viewing kills then oh well.

      Delete
    4. 'Anonymous' – in the hypothetical event one of you did manage to prevent a gank, we would simply return at a later time to destroy the target. You would only be postponing inevitable CODE victory, and adding to the cycle of misery that the miner is subjecting themselves to.

      Conversely you would have actually contributed to the New Order, because we have forced you to engage in PVP action with us, in accordance with the spirit of the CODE.

      Praise James! \0/

      Delete
    5. Antiganking: still 0.

      Delete
    6. @Alt 00

      forced into pvp? so you clicked my mouse causing me to engage? Interesting, please tell me how you do that. Because I was under the impression that I willfully engaged a -10 sec status player. I guess since I'm not part of the code alliance I am just a liar huh?

      Delete
    7. offering no proof makes you a liar until you do.

      Delete
    8. @Anon9:05

      For those of us keeping score, the score is now:

      New Order: 12,758,225

      Anti-ganking: 0


      This is because you, as I said, made up a story about beating CODE. and stopping a gank, while providing nothing more than tearful words like every miner before you. Just. Like. I. Said. You. Would.

      Delete
    9. @Anon 11:50 and Ming

      Fuck you, I don't need to show proof. I know what I did and not believing me doesn't make it any less true.

      I will continue to hunt and kill you fuckers because you are egotistical pricks. And you can't say shit Ming, no kills since June of 2014. All talk motherfucker.

      New Order: 0
      Concord: 12,758,225

      How's that for a score? Bitch!

      Delete
    10. Imagine if a lawyer acted the same way anon 11:50 is acting.

      Proof I don't need proof you should believe whatever I say because reasons.

      Delete
    11. @Anon4:59

      No, in fact, you didn't. Because we in the New Order would know. And because we are inherently honest and speak only facts, (why would we ever lie about this stuff) I'm telling you to your face, you have never once defeated a New Order Agent, because if you had, you would not hesitate to provide proof to corroborate to the galaxy that we can be defeated.

      I'm going to recommend that you "calm down," miner, and observe the part of the Code that restricts miners from using profanity. After all, it is not us you are hurting with it; it is only yourself, your standing in the eyes of people who don't know you, and your family
      members.

      So, to conclude, I will chalk this up as another victory for The New Order and update the scoreboard for those keeping track.

      The score is now:

      New Order: 12,758,226

      Anti-Ganking: 0

      Delete
  4. Fuck you Uedama. The system name should be changed to Harassment I lost my ship with PI mats there with all this shit going on. Now I have to pay others to haul for me, someone needs to stand up and stop this starting with ccp.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I see you're incapable of doing anything except whine. This is a common problem. Fear not, for the 500mil per year we can help you out with training, hand holding, petition submission and lacrimation escrow. Please contact us at the URL provided.

      Looking forward to doing business.

      Delete
    2. Pay for a permit. 10m ISK and you are done, and can do PI to your heart's content. And CODE. will cheerfully gank your non-compliant competition for you.

      Delete
    3. Uedama is the Arena son, and code are the gladiators. Step in if you feel like getting pwned.

      Delete
    4. Wolf, that sounds like a new title to put in your bio. "Gladiator of Uedama"

      Delete
  5. This swan song is getting boring. I hope we are not up for another 3 posts of this rubbish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Feel free to provide us with more interesting stories on your own blog.

      Delete
    2. I think this is one of the better stories.

      Delete
    3. Wolf, why don't you tell the story of how much your ass loves the attention that I give it. It's not getting pretty loose. You are going to start having anal leakage.

      Delete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.