Sunday, March 13, 2016

Kills of the Week

Reality is a wonderful thing. The New Order embraces and enhances it. But the carebears who refuse to obey the Code act in defiance of reality. That's the wrong way to go about things. Luckily, our Agents are experts at forcing carebears to face reality. How about a few examples from the week of March 6th @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 12th @ 23:59 EVEtime?

JANE FONDAR was just another poor newbie on her first day in the game. All she had was a newbie ship. Why did that bully Agent Elise Brinalles have to go and gank her?

Nice try, JANE. Wealthy bot-aspirants hide behind new characters, but there's no fooling the finely honed instincts of our Agents.

ANTARES007 Kado thought he was completely safe in Urlen, a 1.0 security system. Basking in the glow of a hyper-aggressive CONCORD, he decided to indulge every wicked desire that he'd never dream of satisfying in nullsec. Agents Votre Dieu and Narl' Amhar sent him a reminder that all of highsec belongs to the New Order.

Looks like an urgent shipment, no?

Nox Niagara was apparently another fan of the 1.0 security systems. Her triple-anti-tanked freighter, worth 13.5 billion isk, had no chance of being ganked in such a system--if not for the brilliance and boldness of our Agents, that is. Agents Alicia Adler, SynthiaGreey, Jason Kusion, Bob Painter, dude there's my-pod, HipHop Music SMDH, Assassn Gallic, Brudal Aletheias, Yojiro, Dean Wong, Inspector Implant, Kurara Chibana, Open Your Heart, Jack Fizzleblade, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, Synamic, Open Your Pants, Joel Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Shoulda paidthe Ransom, Jackson Kusion, EveIs ABadGame PleaseQuit, Jeremiah Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Turkey Baster, Nice Freighter, Why so Pleb, Joshua Kusion, Freighter Repo, marcusluv stradius, Hold my pleb, Vuhdo Rin, Heck Heckington, and Miker Tekitsu made all gankers proud that day.

At this point, why fight it? Capacitor tanking is a thing now. Mark Hilanen cap-tanked his Raven and charged into battle. He had revenge on his mind and a kill right against Agent Piz Caldera in his grubby mitts. What did our hero bring into the fight?

Once again, the Merlin wins. Because the CODE always wins. Always.

Atlas Retribution was flying a rookie ship, but as I've said, nothing gets past our Agents. Aaaarrgg took aim, popped the rookie ship, and then sniped the pod. It was a juicy one, worth 4.8 billion isk: The pod contained a full high-grade Slave set, along with several expensive implants.

Here's the thing, though. I wish I could tell you that what I described was the Podkill of the Week. I wish I could tell you that the 4.8 billion isk pod, already well beyond the limits of highsec modesty, was the severest example of decadence we saw this week. I wish I could tell you that.

I cannot.

Oof. Varia Net lost an 8.2 billion isk pod because no one told him that autopiloting in a shuttle isn't common practice anymore. Folks, you can subscribe to for free. There are no excuses. Agent Carebears' Nightmare stopped the shuttle and performed a routine check with her Thrasher.

These implants were anything but routine. We haven't seen a Pashan's Turret Customization Mindlink in quite some time. Needless to say, a Pashan turrent implant is no more appropriate for highsec than a Michi's excavation whatchamacallit. Well done, Carebears' Nightmare. That's one less Pashan to worry about.


  1. Another week of failure from AG. Remember if ganking upsets you dont suffer alone #broadcast4reps

    1. Here's an announcement: Myself and Wolf Soprano, along with a few others will be staring in a pornography film called "The Private Pleasures of Wolf Soprano." There are two scenes planned with me and him. Additional scenes are planned between Wolf and Nitetime Video, Wolf and The Colonel, Wolf and chocolatemooses, and Wolf with Fiddly Pop. The final scene will be an orgy with all the above participating. The film will be directed by none other than James 315 himself. So Wolfie boy, it's time we take our lovemaking to the silver screen.

  2. I would like to personally thank AG for honoring the Sabbath and not posting their tears/rage/homoerotic fantasies(you know who you are) until the day has passed.

  3. Agent Carebears' Nightmare lives up to his name!

    Pashan must be rich from selling his mind links at such exorbitant price.

  4. Jeezus, that fukin Raven fit

  5. Ok, that Raven fit is from someone who doesn't know how to fit a ship. Caldari ships are shield tank, so why would you put armor plates on it? Not everyone can fit T2 weapons, so not an issue there, but the T1 meta Power Diagnostic System? Get a T2. Same thing with the invulnerability fields. And those rigs...

    So, for rigs, use a large core shield extender with anti-em and anti-therm to close the EM and Thermal holes. Get rid of the armor repairer and the two armor plates. Replace them with cap rechargers as needed. As for the mids, the WMD is ok as is the LSE, but use T2 if possible or train for it. T2 invulnerability fields to replace the T1s, and I would use two or three of them. The last two slots in the mids I would put either a shield booster with a MJD for PvE, or a web with a wscram for PvP. In the last top slot, the tractor beam is ok for PvE, but put an energy disruptor for PvP to neut the opposing player. I don't know what a multiphasic bolt array is, but I would put a missile damage mod on there. Just my 2 cents.



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