Tuesday, March 8, 2016

MalkePigen's Swan Song, Part 1

MalkePigen is a troubled soul. You may know that she has complained about CCP stacking the deck in favor of gankers. That's only the start of it.


You see, MalkePigen has been playing EVE since 2008. By this point, she could be anything: A supercap pilot, a nullsec coalition leader, a market tycoon... If she set her sights higher, she could even aspire to become an Agent of the New Order. Really.


Instead, MalkePigen has wasted her time in EVE. She gets on killmails like this one:


After spending 10 million isk to buy a kill right, MalkePigen attacked Agent Aaaarrgg's rookie ship, which had been undocked to draw CONCORD during an aggression timer. (Personally, I'd have recommended that she invested that money in a mining permit.)


Sadly, MalkePigen dedicated herself to the Anti-Ganker cause. As a result, she became deeply unhappy.


MalkePigen freely admitted in local that the CODE always wins. Always. So why was she bothering with her fruitless anti-Code agenda?


The Anti-Ganker bitterly cursed the state of the game mechanics. She couldn't see a way to win.


Of course, there was an easy way out of this dilemma. MalkePigen, like all the other rebels, could embrace the Code, join the New Order, and win every day. She wasn't willing to do it. Her misery was of her own making.


MalkePigen wallowed. She was self-griefing.


Video games are supposed to be fun. Agents of the New Order are always having fun; Anti-Gankers are always in a bad mood. And they accuse us of playing the game wrong!


MalkePigen was nostalgic for the days before the New Order started fixing highsec. Pretty weird.


Finally, the Anti-Ganker threatened to quit the game. Yet she continued to log in day after day, just to complain in local.


When our Agents saw her, they tried to be kind, warm, and welcoming--in keeping with the New Order's reputation. But MalkePigen was in no mood. She was about to unleash another epic rant. And this time, all of her secrets would be revealed.

To be continued...

21 comments:

  1. Wow, that my friends is one angry carebear.

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  2. inb4 Wolf posts his antiganking is failing comment, and his anon follower replies about his ass!

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    Replies
    1. it's like we don't even have to read the comments anymore!

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    2. It was a blog where there were room for other than people interested in the comment section

      Now all HAVE to read the comment section

      FORCED to read the comment section

      Delete
  3. She was self-griefing

    I loled. That poor pigen

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  4. I can't wait for the secrets...

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  5. wait, wait! don't you need a mining permit to self-grief.

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  6. Looks like antiganking is failing incredibly hard once again!!!!!1

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  7. So, Wolf is trying a new position: He is under my desk sucking my dick. That little red tongue of his does wonders when he polishes my knob. But, when he bends down, he rectum prolapses because of all the attention that I give his ass. So he ends up sitting on his anal rosebud. So after I blow my nuts and he gets his much awaited hot protein milkshake, I stab him in the eye with my dick and fuck him in the eye socket. The only problem with doing this is the possibility of brain damage. When I cum on his brain, the little swimmers disperse inside and cause him to move in a bunch of funny ways. After a few hours, he returns to normal and tells me what I rush I gave him.

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    Replies
    1. Dude.... You need some serious help.

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    2. try to not cut yourself on those sharp internet edges 2:51

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    3. @Anon 2:51

      LMFAO dude you had me rolling with this one! I was just waiting for your post and I must say it was well worth it!

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    4. @ Anon 4:36

      You're very easily impressed. vOv

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    5. anon 2:51 do you write erotic star trek fan fiction? your style seems familiar, do you post on jupiter station?

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    6. It's 50 shades of minerbumping. I am glad to see that our influence has grown. Not only are we the leaders of Highsec content, now we are inspirering people in the real world. Thanks for the CODE. Fan fiction.

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    7. Well, at least he is sublimating his horrid desires here, instead of inflicting them on people close to him.

      This miner really does need to calm down.

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    8. @anon 1153: Nope, I do not write erotic ST fan fiction. Never heard of Jupiter Station until now.

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    9. clearly you're into some sort of erotic fan fiction, care to share?

      Delete
  8. maybe Anon @ 2:51 should give MalkePigen a seeing to, for this episode of MinderBumping(sic) put a smile on there dial so to speak

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