Thursday, April 21, 2016

Call in the Kevlary, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Kevlary Odunen reported to the "Why am I dead?" channel to have a conference with some Agents of the New Order. Their agenda was to explain to the miner why he'd been ganked. But Kevlary had a plan of his own: To behave like a Goofus. In a surprise twist, Agent Lament von Gankenheim offered to tutor him in the ways of the gank.
Bing Bangboom > He is very passionate
Bing Bangboom > for such a calm person.
Lament von Gankenheim > /emote nods
Lament von Gankenheim > how long until you can fly T1 Cat kev?
Kevlary Odunen > In the words of Luke Skywalker.... "I will never join you"
Kevlary showed some reluctance. Peculiarly, he seemed to think he was the hero in this story, rather than the villain. Many miners make this simple but crucial mistake.
Lament von Gankenheim > let me remind you then, that lukes father, threw the emperor down a shaft
Lament von Gankenheim > to save his son
Lament von Gankenheim > James 315 is your father
Lament von Gankenheim > sure, sometimes you fight
Lament von Gankenheim > all fathers and sons do
Lament von Gankenheim > but in the end
Lament von Gankenheim > hes the reason youre still here
Our Agents have a 100% efficiency rating when it comes to verbal PvP. Lament turned Kevlary's own analogy against him!
Kevlary Odunen > True.... could have saved a planet if he did it sooner...
Kevlary Odunen > Could have saved his wife.... and known his children...
Kevlary Odunen > If wasn't so week.... for poewr.
Kevlary Odunen > Power, and the lust for the Emporers knowledge to save his wife... cost him everything.
In a breach of protocol, Kevlary invoked the prequels.
Bing Bangboom > James saves the miner's wives and children.
Bing Bangboom > its right there in the Code.
Kevlary Odunen > And he never did learn how to stop people from dying.
Kevlary Odunen > He was lied to as well.
Kevlary Odunen > Bet he felt like a fucking fool.
The miner burrowed more deeply into his Star Wars comparison. This brought him no closer to the truth of how to succeed in highsec.
Lament von Gankenheim > that was a movie
Lament von Gankenheim > make believe
Lament von Gankenheim > eve is real.
Kevlary Odunen > Emporer said....'perhaps together....we'll figure it out.
Kevlary Odunen > He was used.
Kevlary Odunen > So are you.
Kevlary Odunen > You are fools
The Retriever-less miner scoffed at the Agents, thinking himself superior to those who were crowned by the glory of the Code. Like he'd gone nuts or something.
Kevlary Odunen > And you'll never have a carrier.
Kevlary Odunen > Or a station.
Kevlary Odunen > Or anything that this game, can actually take you to.
Lament von Gankenheim > i am indeed used, to help the poor and misguided mining folk
Bing Bangboom > Kevlary Odunen , I told you we aren't motivated by ISK and possesstions.
The ambitious miner thought that piloting an unlicensed, untanked Retriever would somehow result in his acquiring a station. I don't think that's how nullsec works, though FozzieSov is a strange system.
Kevlary Odunen > If it weren't for minign..... nobody would have a fucking ship dick head.
Lament von Gankenheim > what is minign?
Kevlary Odunen > that's a typo dumbass.
Kevlary Odunen > Don't be so fucking condesending....
Kevlary Odunen > I'm being honest... truthful and with graciousness, showing you the path.
The calm, gracious miner dropped another f-bomb.
Lament von Gankenheim > well, you are a miner
Lament von Gankenheim > thats about as bottom of the food chain as it gets
Kevlary Odunen > First month dick head.
Lament von Gankenheim > mining is like pixking up cans on the side of the road while someone stomps on your fingers.
Kevlary Odunen > Sure.... and you can request a dual dipshit.
Now violence threatened to break out. Would Kevlary unveil his Naga and commit an act of open rebellion against the New Order?
Lament von Gankenheim > a dual?
Lament von Gankenheim > like multiple character training?
Bing Bangboom > (he means a duel)
Lament von Gankenheim > i would accept a duel from a miner
Kevlary Odunen > Then you should.... request one
Lament von Gankenheim > are you offering to duel me"?
Kevlary Odunen > no
Kevlary Odunen > You didn't give me such the luxary of choice.
That was a close one. Kevlary quickly resheathed whatever PvP ship he did or did not possess.
Lament von Gankenheim > no, i did not
Kevlary Odunen > So why the fuck didn't you?
Bing Bangboom > (try to calm him down again)
Bing Bangboom > (you're blowing it!)
Lament von Gankenheim > /emote nods
Lament von Gankenheim > miner calm down
Just as the conversation was going off the rails, Agent Bing Bangboom stepped in to save the day. Classic Bing.
Kevlary Odunen > dick head... wake up
Lament von Gankenheim > so
Kevlary Odunen > sooo......
Kevlary Odunen > we have a corp.... thinks they own shit
Kevlary Odunen > what?
Kevlary Odunen > what?
Still off-balance, Agent Lament stalled for time. The miner's fate could be decided by what happened next.
Bing Bangboom > dead miner
Lament von Gankenheim > well, the ship is
Kevlary Odunen > Can't die dick hea
Kevlary Odunen > dick head
Kevlary Odunen > Go fuck yourself.... and lose a ship in hi-sec, everytime you attack the innocent.
It was now two hours since Kevlary's Retriever had been blown up, and he was still furious. It was the moment of truth. Would the fever break, or would Kevlary descend still deeper into madness?
Lament von Gankenheim > noone is innocent here.
Bing Bangboom > innocent people don't mine without permits.... sort of by definition
Lament von Gankenheim > ^
Kevlary Odunen > Here's a better deal.... I crash your fucking web server.... and your rules... have no links.
To be continued...

29 comments:

  1. So much comedy gold here (from all the players, bar one..). Great narrative, stellar one-liners, sparkling dialogue. Who could ask for more?

    Me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” - John 10:28-30 NIV

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  3. "In a breach of protocol, Kevlary invoked the prequels."

    LOL! Should get ganked again just for doing that.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Replies
    1. We actually aren't "Anti-Gankers" in fact we gank as well from time to time. We're Anti-Code and given the current state of things we're doing quite well. Care to try another line, or are you just going to continue to sit there and pout like a spoiled brat who had his favorite toy taken away?

      Delete
    2. lol still logging into a website dedicated to a game which he got banned from. how touching. delusional but touching.

      Delete
    3. Dont get mad your coup failed

      Delete
    4. @816
      How can you be a ganker without a zkill page? Sure sounds like an AG or miner.

      Delete
    5. @ Darren Kepler

      Hey man, a post above here asked a valid question. How do we know you are not AG, or even worse, one of the many butthurt miners that wish/threaten RL harm?

      Delete
    6. I don't think you're understanding me. I am in fact what *you* refer to as "AG", but that term isn't one we coined not how our philosophy works. Ganking is a legitimate form of combat, and we partake in the act ourselves when combating your bumpers... Case in point.

      https://zkillboard.com/kill/44292644/

      I actually enjoy the player created content that CODE brings, so no... I don't wish RL harm nor am I butt hurt.

      Delete
  5. In a breach of protocol, Kevlary invoked the prequels

    This made me laugh out loud. Didn't remember reading this in the CODE but if James 315 says it, it must be true.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Minging
    (mi-ng-ing) or (ming-ing)

    adj:
    Foul, malodorous, wretched, unhealthy, base, of effluent.

    Examples:
    "That whore is minging"
    "That syphilitic minging miner was salty again"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thursday, April 11, 2021
    Call in the Kevlary, Part 157

    -"Miner calm down"
    -"Buy a permit"
    -"Get cancer and die"

    To be continued...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That cancer part is from "a story for the grandkids. but you won't get that far." - loyalanon

      Delete
    2. he told you that too?

      Delete
  8. "In a breach of protocol, Kevlary invoked the prequels."

    This site and its stories has given me countless chuckles over the years, but this is the very first time where I flat out exploded in laughter. Well played.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "Lament von Gankenheim > what is minign?"

    "Lament von Gankenheim > mining is like pixking up cans on the side of the road while someone stomps on your fingers."

    He should have totally asked what Pixking was, could totally be like the King of the Pixies or something, but now I'll never know... *Le Sigh*

    ~~~~~)\~~~~\0/~~~~~/(~~~~~~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol spelling NAZI CODE?! WUT? That's low even for CODE. They should know better than to try to be a spelling nazi. And then they fuck it up themselves. LVG is a noob. Bring Zopiclone back.

      Delete
    2. Sadly I don't think Zopiclone wants to come back. Unless CODE apologized to him/her maybe and gave him/her more ISK to be CODE again.

      Delete
    3. Noooooooooooooooo! Why did Zopiclone leave? He was the best!

      Delete
    4. Probably because Loyal used that murder/suicide incident as propaganda. I know that many code agents were upset by that.

      Delete
    5. Yeah, I have to admit any that came up I cringed. To use real life tragedy as a propaganda in a video game is pretty crappy.

      Blow up a ship, pod someone...who cares. Bring in that tragedy and make light of it or to make it part of some joke is pretty low. Miner might be bottom of the food chain, but something like that in my opinion puts you below them.

      ~~~~)\~~~\0/~~~~/(~~~~

      Delete
    6. I actually corrected that with c* one second later.
      im not above making mistakes, but in 6 years in eve, I can count on one hand how many times someone has corrected a typo before I correct it myself.
      but thanks for noticing

      Delete
  10. This is something to tell the grandchildren.

    ReplyDelete

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