Tuesday, April 26, 2016

The Curse


It's not uncommon for highsec carebears to produce tears, but what does it take for one of them to put a curse on the Agent who ganked them?


A billion isk podkill will do the trick. To be honest, though, an unfit Retriever would probably be more than sufficient.


The Code is the anti-curse of highsec. It's good for warding off bot-aspirancy and all other kinds of bad juju.


Philip Oliver Holz wasn't interested in reading the Code. He decided he'd rather spend his time wishing in-game car accidents and in-game deaths upon Agent Pod-Goo RepoWoman and her family.


From the moment she was cursed, Pod-Goo RepoWoman knew that it would be difficult to get Philip to buy a mining permit. At this point, she'd count it as a minor victory if she could get Philip to stop wishing in-game death upon her--or her family, at least.


I don't know where carebears get the idea that shooting pods is somehow off-limits in EVE. Pods are spaceships, and EVE is a game about blowing up spaceships. Besides, how else are you going to destroy a carebear's implants?


After a few hours of silence, Philip renewed their correspondence to tell Pod-Goo that he wasn't a miner. Of course he wasn't. Nobody's a miner these days, not even the pilots whose mining ships we gank. This raises some interesting questions, though. If there are no miners, why do the rebel carebears complain about the New Order's treatment of miners? Also, haven't we always been told that if there were no miners, we'd have no ships? Why do we still have ships?


(As the author of MinerBumping, part of my job is to anticipate my readers' needs. So here's your link to the Wikipedia article about necrotizing fasciitis. I wouldn't recommend viewing this on a full stomach, however.)

Some might say Philip was a rude carebear for wishing in-dream pain and disease upon our Agent. I would caution against relying too heavily upon dream interpretation, though. Tomorrow night Philip could just as easily dream about our Agent being paid 10 million isk.


As anyone in marketing will tell you, the most difficult customers are the ones who hope you suffer beyond description--even if said customer otherwise fits neatly into your target demographic. This explained why Pod-Goo was having such a hard time selling Philip a permit. But was Philip at least willing to walk back his earlier in-game death wishes?


Technically, yes. Perhaps inspired by his dream, Philip no longer wanted Pod-Goo to die (in-game). Progress. At this rate, Philip will be the proud owner of a mining permit in no time at all.

20 comments:

  1. "Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them." - Hebrews 7:25 NIV

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  2. I have a dream... of 100% Code compliance! Forwards to victory!

    Oh, and death to carebears: the cancer of eve.

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  3. Agent Pod-Goo RepoWoman handled this beautifully. His calm and considered responses to Mr Holz contrast sharply with that gentleman's own language and delivery.

    I think the carebear miner's 'YOU POD KILLED ME' quite sums up his overall attitude. Tears, nothing but tears.

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  4. Another victory for CODE. Word of advice, if carebears want to mine, and actually make profit, then there are some cool Arkanor/Bistot anomilies in nullsec. All you need to do is join a nullsec alliance. It's that easy. In fact, last I heard, Dreddit is recruiting.

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    Replies
    1. Don't forget about Horde, they will take anybody. No API nessesary.

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  5. Why fly around in a training clone? Mistake #1
    Why fly around in just your pod? Mistake #2
    And importantly, why fly around in high sec without a mining permit? The gravest of mistakes.

    Those tears were funny, MOAR please.

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  6. Replies
    1. Hey Loyal, it has been a pleasure flying with you. Anytime I would get bored, I would look to see if you had a fleet going. Your fleets were fun to be in. Fly safe brother.

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    2. Carebears are the anal cancer of eve and CODE. agents are the shit that irritates ones intestinal track. This eventually leads to eve community wanting to cure the cancer and keep the shit flowing without pain.

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  7. What is your involvement with world war bee?

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  8. "As anyone in marketing will tell you, the most difficult customers are the ones who hope you suffer beyond description"

    :D

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  9. With interaction of this quality I can only assume it's part of the reason why the concurrent online numbers have been consistently falling for the last several years.

    It also seems that these carebears in buffed mining ships are getting more and more vitriolic in their hatred against anyone engaging with them.

    If I showed these articles to a person who was thinking about trying out Eve, they'd be running for the greener and saner hills of Space Engineers, Elite Dangerous or a totally different title.

    Yes you get rage in many online games these days, but I think Eve Online takes the whole damn bakery when it comes to the level of rage at losing assets.

    I can understand there is a higher attachment to in-game items that take a while to obtain, but CCP must do more to ingrain the concept that whatever, and where ever you un-dock you are likely to lose it.

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  10. Phil seems like the kind of carebear that'd kill his kid

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  11. This is something I can't wait to share with my grandchildren!!

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