Tuesday, April 12, 2016

My Dog Ate My Permit

I wasn't AFK, I was just...


Some days it seems like every carebear has excuse for breaking the Code.


In fact, there's such a wide spectrum of excuses that you'd almost think it's really difficult to obey the Code.


Upon closer examination, the excuses don't hold up. Often, they don't even make sense. "I slept in because I have the flu." That might explain why you were late for work, but how does it result in an AFK Mackinaw? Do miners leave their barges parked in an asteroid belt all night and move them in the morning?


On occasion, a miner will attempt to leverage their real life health issue. Invariably, these health issues keep them away from their keyboards during a mining cycle or autopiloting session--but never prevent them from from writing insulting EVEmails.


Then there are the emergencies, which are always timed for the moment before our gankers arrive. Actually, our Agents are very accommodating when it comes to legitimate requests. In addition to docking up or exiting the game, a miner can request an Agent's permission leave their ship AFK and tend to an emergency. Upon hearing that someone's child was burned and in pain, what Agent wouldn't grant a miner permission to go AFK? If the Agent believed him, I mean?


Sometimes the timing of the crisis defies belief. Richard Quill claimed that a pair of gankers landed on grid and ganked him just as he turned to his girlfriend and said, "Yes, please." Impressive. If it's true, then he should've docked up, said yes to his girlfriend, and then undocked to go mining again.


Netflix remains a serious temptation. Still, it's absurd. Would someone go to a movie theater and leave during the movie to go mining?


The quality of customer service continues its downward slide. One can only hope to contact a Gallant customer service rep who gives you his full attention.


"Working on other stuff" is a polite euphemism for who knows what. Filthy miners.


Have you ever met a liar who can't stick to just one lie? Morpheus Atari was in the bathroom peeing while simultaneously helping his mother unload her car. Was her car parked in the bathroom? Was he peeing on her car? The EVEmail Morpheus sent to the other ganker may clarify matters:


That clears things up. The only remaining mystery is how Morpheus' mother's cancer is relevant to a conversation about his Code violation.


Make no mistake: Our Agents are the most reasonable, compassionate people you'll ever meet in EVE. It's not that we don't care about the reasons people violate the Code; we simply want an apology to go along with the explanation. Take QueenAnnebelle Barons, for instance. She told us her excuse for going AFK, but she also admitted it was her fault and made a plan to correct the problem.

As for the rest of the carebears out there, their own logic can be turned against them:

I wasn't griefing, I was just...
I wasn't bullying, I was just...
I wasn't harassing, I was just...

...enforcing the Code.

43 comments:

  1. "Upon hearing that someone's child was burned and in pain, what Agent wouldn't grant a miner permission to go AFK?"

    Well said! Miners only need to ask - Agents are always willing to offer their assistance to James' subjects, especially in an emergency.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do I hear a miner's child in pain? What could possibly be the cause?

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    2. "Honey I'm playing eve go play with the oven or something" Bad parenting 101

      Delete
  2. lol I love how Zopiclone robbed CODE of 40-50 billion and his/her stuff is still showing up. Looks like he/she was a better fake agent than most of the real ones.

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    Replies
    1. Just shows CODE doesn't get butthurt over some ISK like you failbears

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  3. This is one of the funniest posts I've ever read on here!
    I would also like to point out I am extremely nice as quarter of a trillion worth of miners will testament to.
    I'm only here to help everyone have the best time in high sec!

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  4. It's the 1.41trillion worth of kills zopi made happen that upsets you isn't it miner

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calm down Snigie! It's ok. It looks like they killed a lot more than you. Must hurt knowing you lost to a fake agent.

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    2. Keeps me up nights, that's for sure!

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  5. What to do if code catches you without a permit
    http://i.imgur.com/uNE98Jw.png

    ReplyDelete
  6. Is there an AG website? Does it cover all of their victories? Oh wait..... nvm.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you can read about ag's success here: https://www.gog.com/ag

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    2. Fiddly Pop, that website says all you need to see about AG.

      Delete
  7. "Was her car parked in the bathroom? Was he peeing on her car?"

    "Would someone go to a movie theater and leave during the movie to go mining?"

    Wow, you are by far the dumbest person on the face of this planet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. he's asking what we were all thinking

      Delete
  8. There is a problem with the code that makes it so any money badger can't follow it and we should potentially think of you as just a part of the Imperium. -
    first issue The New Order of Highsec continues to recognize The Mittani as the legitimate Chairman of the CSM. This determination remains the rule in all New Order territories.

    Second issue - Prejudice toward minorities is not permitted. For the sake of clarity, this cannot apply to all groups claiming minority status, but only discrete and insular minorities, which are defined as suicide gankers, Goons, and others who oppose highsec mining.


    the Imperium is an enemy opf the money badgers and this applies to all space.

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    Replies
    1. Ladies and Gentlemen of the New Order, it looks like the MBC is going to declare war on the CODE. Thats it, time to biomass ourselves.

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    2. Never said anything about going to war or anything like that. I am just pointing out that you are supporting a group I am currently at war with so it's productive for me to see thouse two parts of the code change or people to become non code compliant.

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    3. I caution patience, The Hidden Ones. The Code is 'a living, breathing reality', and not a slab of rock.

      Events elsewhere in New Eden appear to be in a state of flux and you might well avail yourself of a modicum of maturity by restraining your desire to interpret the words of the Saviour of Highsec in light of those events.

      For has He not Himself said, yea in that very document:

      "...but all of the principles set forth in that thread are timeless. If not, I'll do a quick edit."?

      James 315 alone may change The Code, if and when it pleases Him to do so.

      Delete
    4. Oh i don't live in high sec so james isn't my savior but i do support his anti botting policy. What i do care about right now is the groups the are supporting or could be supporting people I am fighting. james315 is linked in the empire's of eve as the goonswarm historian and he had a lot of great storeis about the great war and the history of eve that were fun to read and would love to hear more of them. However right now though if he is still supporting goonswarm and the Imperium then encouraging people to break the code by not paying or not buying shares would be beneficial to me because it's supporting an enemy i am currently fighting.

      Delete
    5. That's a mighty plan, Mr Hidden Ones. However, it does seem confined to the limits of your own abilities.

      Of course, we've no idea what those might be, since you choose to address us from beneath the skirts of a rather unoriginal nom de guerre.

      Have courage, man! Fight in the open, if fight you must. And do tell us the value of the support you claim is being given to your enemy, and precisely how that is 'beneficial' to you.

      (sigh...)

      Delete
    6. Just a 'quick edit' of my own. My earlier quote should read 'a living working reality', not 'breathing reality'.

      Delete
    7. Oh i'm no one of any importance just a line member fighting in a war. I was just seeing a potential issue for the code and the denizens of low sec and null sec. Would we fight you over there's truly no point none of us truly care about the affairs of high sec. Would we encourage people to not support the code of course. But to wage war you would need to actual have something worth fighting over. In my opinion high sec is not worth fighting over. Besides Jita there is nothing there of any value to me. But spreading a message is easy if anyone actual pays attention to that message or even cares about it is another matter.

      Delete
    8. As for how to counter you gank your machs so they can;t bump people and use smartbombing battleships or other smartbombing ships to destroy the ganking fleets. Collateral damage would happen and you would need to buy security tags but isk is essentially meaningless you would have to clear kill rights as well but thats bit hard.

      Delete
  9. Nobody needs an excuse to break the rule outlined in the code...you are stupid if you follow them...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ain't that just like a miner.

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    2. The CODE is a way of life, the rules contained within it protect us all. Is being afk OK? Is autopiloting OK? Would you do these things in low, null or wh? These are the primary things that get your ship destroyed, but I see it happen everyday. Carebears are the lazyest group of people I see in HS.

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    3. Parts of the code are good. Other parts not so much and thas what I linked and am pointing out. Supporting goons is not necessary. The no afk, no autopiloting is very beneficial.

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    4. I print the code out and use it as asswipe all the time. Maybe I take pictures of it and post them here. Oh, you mean in game...my bad. I break the code all the time. I use bots to mine and I have never been ganked. Of course CCP is free to look at my system, but they never find anything. That's because the bot runs with Admin rights and EvE doesn't. It also helps to be a software engineer who can modify the eve client so it reports fake data back if someone wants to look at my system.

      Delete
    5. You are some sort of ninja wizard.

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    6. CODE Agents must be pretty lazy too. Just F1'ing all day long and losing ISK to spies all day long. lol

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    7. "That's because the bot runs with Admin rights and EvE doesn't. It also helps to be a software engineer who can modify the eve client so it reports fake data back if someone wants to look at my system."

      @Anon3:54: Did you actually pass you computer science III exam?

      Delete
  10. My dog ate my permit! :'(

    Miners calm down!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wow anti gankers are failing hard

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, you failed to keep from screaming when I blew my nuts into your anal bonus room. Now since you are #1 in kills in EVE, why don't you become #1 in something more useful, such as being #1 in command of the English language.

      Delete
  12. A story for the grand-children to hear and relish in.

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  13. Where's Ming these days?

    Has he finally gone away to fit his Cat?

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  14. "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."
    Romans 3:23-24 NIV

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. does god require 10 million isk?

      Delete
  15. This is very fitting, since we are all born atheist, until we a told enough lies.. just like CODE. does.

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  16. Hahhahaha. Its very funny..My dog ate a letter from the Council last week.It was under a branch that he was gnawing on the living room floor, and he doesn't differentiate: branch - paper, all the same to him. But still I love my dog :-)

    ReplyDelete

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