Or maybe, "I should've been there. I was AFK."
Let's look at some battles that took place during the week of April 3rd @ 00:00 EVEtime through April 9th @ 23:59 EVEtime.
Eratiander's capacitor tanked, anti-tanked, mining Apocalypse looks like it belongs in a Hieronymus Bosch hellscape. It took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in highsec instead. Agents Pod-Goo Repairman, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, and Aaaarrgg sent it back to whatever nightmare it came from.
Narthex Chastot's Iteron Mark V hardly had any hitpoints left after he hollowed out its hull for more cargo space. To be on the safe side, he equipped a cloak. This would've kept the ship safe, had Narthex chosen to cloak up for the day instead of AFK autopiloting through a trade route. Agent Eva Mavas gracefully blapped the hauler with a Moa.
When Damian Gund purchased a Catalyst, he was almost ready to become a Code enforcer. Highsec would've rejoiced! But Damian chose a very different path. Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri was mortified when he saw the destroyer being so misused. Long story short, the Catalyst was blown up and generated a 2.3 billion isk killmail. So, dear reader, was it filled with PLEX or skill injectors? Take your pick.
Just keeping you on your toes.
Beloved Satour was a member of an NPC corp sitting in a rookie ship in a 1.0 security system. Was this, at long last, an example of a new player being picked on by CODE.? Guess again. Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri was responsible for this gank, and he loves new players.
The doe-eyed "newbie" was actually hauling a five-pack of PLEX. The bad news for Beloved Satour is that the PLEX were incinerated. The good news is, if he quits the game, he won't need them.
CCP Fozzie did everything he could to make sure that freighter pilots have enough hitpoints to travel safely through highsec. AppleJack Isu looked him in the eye and said, "Good sir, you cannot patch my stupid." To be honest, I don't know for certain whether that conversation really took place. Doesn't it ring true, though? Agents Perlo Tissant, Sasha Cohenberg, SynthiaGreey, Ganku Desu, dAbOsSlAdY77, Jack Fizzleblade, Fritz Fizzleblade, Hold my pleb, Antiganks Won'tsaveyo, Anthologee, and Assassn Gallic didn't need to worry about the freighter's extra EHP, as the carebear was thoughtless enough to fritter it away on cargo expanders.
Beo Isagar had what she believed to be a very clever plan: Mine illegally in the Metropolis region. Everything appeared to be going to plan, so Beo declared victory and went AFK. But Agent Jack Van Impe was on the case--and he was wise to the shenanigans going on in Metropolis.
That's almost as bad as a pod can get. Jack Van Impe reports:
The depravity in the region was worse than I feared! Twenty minutes after I arrived I had found an AFK, permitless miner flaunting a Michi's Excavation Augmentor, an Inherent Implants 'Highwall' Mining MX-1005, and a Harvest implant set! Needless to say, I will keep up patrols in the area to make sure this is not common practice for the barbarous locals of this backward region.
Yours in the Code,