Wednesday, September 28, 2016

A Mirror of Your Life, Part 1

Russian Agents KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb and Winnie Po0h were on a routine patrol of highsec when suddenly...


A miner named TC Luke began barking at them.


Upon seeing Agents of the New Order, the miner had enough sense to run away and dock up. Nevertheless, our heroes had a feeling ol' TC Luke might be trouble.


Like so many other miners, TC Luke adamantly denied the charge of being a miner. He sounded sincere enough, casually dropping his denial between various insults. There was one problem, though:


Our Agents had access to a thing called a killboard. TC Luke had been killed while mining.


Did I say "one problem"? I meant two problems. The gank had been performed by none other than KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb and Winnie Po0h, the very same Agents in front of whom TC Luke now declared his non-miner status. Oops!


TC Luke was caught red-handed, but he claimed that he was only a part-time miner; he spends the rest of his days in a Romulan Warbird. In another video game, I guess. He only mines while in EVE, so he's not really a miner, you see.


Though he was confined to a station during our Agents' visit, TC Luke insisted that he was able to do whatever he wanted. By contrast, our Agents--who were actually able to move about the system at will--were "real life loosers".


For the next hour and a half, TC Luke could do nothing but sit in a station and watch helplessly as our Agents quietly went about their business, going blinky red in local every fifteen minutes. Finally, TC Luke gave up and logged off.


Later, Agent Agent GanKsta sent him an EVEmail cautioning him not to repeat his disgraceful performance in the future. TC Luke didn't hesitate to send a reply--in which the bigot expressed zero respect for the New Order's Halaiman roots.


TC Luke announced his philosophy of EVE. Rather than being a role-playing game in which players can explore a wide variety of different roles unavailable in real life, players' in-game actions are "mostly a mirror" of what they do in their real life. For some reason, TC Luke felt that his impotent rants in local and unlicensed mining activities were a stupendous reflection on his actual self.


...To say nothing of his EVEmails. If this was how TC Luke behaved in real life, did our Agents have any hope of molding him into a Gallant?

To be continued...

15 comments:

  1. Well shit, yet another example of why hisec carebears should all be banned and CONCORD removed.

    That would fix EvE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yea...


      Always!

      Delete
    2. Doing your mom!

      Delete
    3. Well said, Anon100. EVE would be much better off without antisocial bigots like TC Luke. Him and many of the people who hang out in the Mining channel are ruining EVE.

      Delete
    4. Why's he playing an MMORPG is he can't handled the M or the RP? He should go play Simcity or read a nonfiction book in his room.

      Delete
    5. Yupps, simcity is where its at for safety and security. Carebear elsewhere, shitterbots.

      Delete
    6. Lol 'miner strike' hahahahahahahaha

      Delete
  2. Отлично сработано Agent Whinne! )))))))))

    ReplyDelete
  3. German Nazis are not what they used to be, hidding from the enemy like that. What would the fuhrer say?

    ReplyDelete
  4. This miner seems upset, he may need to take a moment to read the CODE to calm down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He still would not dock up and miss a chance at easy isk. So he would be afk, tabbed out reading the Code, get ganked, cry more in local, write more salty mails for our entertainment, and learn something usefull while afk.

      This is a win win!

      Hey miners remember to refresh your knowledge of the Code while you are docked up during the miner strike.

      Delete
  5. Antiganking letting down the playerbase one killmail at a time

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Busy doing your mom

      Delete
    2. What anon 7:31 said.

      Delete
  6. The CODE is a bone that needs to be SMOKED

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.