Sunday, October 2, 2016

Kills of the Week

I think everyone in EVE can agree on one thing: There are some terrible crimes being committed in highsec. People disagree on what to do about it. For the New Order, the answer is simple--the Code. The rebels and skeptics, on the other hand, think the solution is to have more carebearism and bot-aspirancy. With this in mind, take a look at some ships flown by bot-aspirants during the week of September 25th @ 00:00 EVEtime through October 1st @ 23:59 EVEtime. And then ask yourself whether the pilots of such ships can save highsec.

Sin Murasame's sinfully decadent Mackinaw was worth nearly a billion isk, mostly thanks to its set of Crapo--I mean 'Carpo'--mining laser upgrades. Agents Eva Mavas, Lucia, and Snapcase made short work of its paltry defenses. Oh, and in case you were curious, that special sensor booster is called a "Sentient Sensor Booster". It was probably more sentient than the bot or bot-aspirant at the Mackinaw's helm.

The Anti-Gankers always complain that I don't give them enough credit for the ships they save. They say I never highlight their successes, only their failures. MinerBumping is nothing if not fair, so I'd like to take this opportunity to draw attention to one of the Anti-Gankers' greatest achievements over the past few years.

...But let's be honest, the Anti-Gankers don't make it easy. Their continuous nonstop daily failures don't provide many opportunities for praise. The reports of Kaila Cassels' Bowhead's demise were not exaggerated. Agents ThatOleSerpent, Kblickens, Sex K1tten, KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb, Chapo Muerte, Aaaarrgg, Winnie Po0h, Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Allise Soprano, loyal anon, and Scanner Montana gave it a good, solid gank.

Congratulations, Anti-Gankers. You saved a phantom Bowhead that got away while our Agents were busy ganking an actual Bowhead.

Craten Destro wanted to see how blingy he could make his prized faction battleship. He spent 2.8 billion isk spiffing it up. But then he drove it into the wrong neighborhood--Uedama. In no time at all, Agents holdmybeer, Sex K1tten, KoHfeTHbIu TpoLLb, ThatOleSerpent, John E Normus, Fiddly Pop, Milkmypigeon, Jason Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jake Kusion, Kblickens, Jayden Kusion, Ron Chi, Chapo Muerte, Joel Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Australian Excellence, Johnathan Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Tax Collector Kittens, Winnie Po0h, Allise Soprano, Tax Collector Bismark, and Pod Destroyer Molly formed a task force and delivered justice.

Sometimes a killmail is worth a thousand words. Alexis Mayavaltar was spotted in an asteroid belt with this... thing. Despite its impressive capacitor tank, the thing was no match for Agents Get Well Soon, Serpentis Safeguard (a surprisingly strong performance for a belt rat), Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, Beau Filcher, and Blyat Man. What was the thing doing in an asteroid belt, anyway?

Incredibly, it was attempting to mine with drones. Illegally!

Mauro Wynter had an Epithal. Like other industrial ships, it needed a bunch of tank mods to be its best self. Mauro was only interested in anti-tank mods, though--to the extent he had any interest in modules at all. But Mauro was in luck: Agent Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri loves to teach carebears how to properly fit their ships. "Here, I'll make it easier for you," Salah says as he removes the their ship from EVE and allows them to rebuild it in their imagination.

Mauro's ship was carrying a pair of PLEX. No wonder he defended it with nearly 2,000 hitpoints.

AbyssFlames had a nice meeting with Agent Winnie Po0h, but he got off on the wrong foot by using a pod with 2.48 billion isk worth of implants. Whenever you have an encounter with one of our Agents, it's important to make a good first impression. AbyssFlames forgot that.

Our eagle-eyed readers will have already noticed that a Fenrir was listed in the "related" entry for this killmail. AbyssFlames' pod appeared after he lost a 2.8 billion isk freighter. I suppose that means AbyssFlames made a poor first and second impression. Meanwhile, Anti-Gankers were busy helping a Fenrir escape at the very moment AbyssFlames' Fenrir was being ganked.


  1. But antiganking saved that bowhead lel!1

    ps. ANOTHER failure for antiganking.

    1. P.s. Still too busy to care. Still ANOTHER day doing your mom.

    2. Calm down, miner.

    3. I guess the "your mom" jokes are a slight improvement over the Ritalin guy. Still, if this is the best they have, no wonder they're failing non stop daily!

    4. And the AG folks accuse New Order agents of being 12 year old kids. Yet the best they can muster are 'I've f***d yo momma' jokes. Golden.

  2. But where oh where is Ming?


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