Saturday, October 15, 2016

The Great Filter, Part 1

Vrix Nation is a proud member corp of the mighty CODE. alliance. Their specialty? Elite PvP.


The pilots of Vrix Nation are especially accomplished at ganking AFK autopiloting pods--a subset of elite PvP. Roughly 87% of all their kills are pods.


Not every EVE player is a good sport. Chen Joao, for example, tried to excuse his PvP loss, saying it didn't count because he's an "alternate character". If only nullsec had access to this kind of logic. Virtually all supercaps are piloted by specially designated supercap alts, so those kills must not count.


KUN TEWK, too, embraced carebear logic. He claimed that the loss of his pod was convenient, and that our Agent had actually done him a favor by ganking him. He then vowed to get revenge for this favor.


Needless to say, the Agents of Vrix Nation have heard a lot of excuses and complaints over the years. They're not interested in good excuses or valid complaints, because there are none. What they're looking for is contrition--some sign that a carebear has the potential to become a Gallant.


Uppity carebear TrueRoyalty couldn't stop boasting in local about his ability to autopilot. The word went out to Vrix Nation. TrueRoyalty's autopiloting career soon ended in tragedy.


TrueRoyalty's ego could not absorb the lesson he should've learned.


One of the great things about the New Order is that our Agents are not prejudiced or bigoted in any way, shape, or form. That having been said, we all know that if a random EVE player sends you a message in Russian, it's not going to be friendly. According to Google Translate, this message reads, "you fucking cock." But you probably could've guessed something along those lines.


Sometimes Google Translate gives us gibberish, such as: "Not only you fat American Hitler arson just such geeks born." On other occasions, the message provided by Google Translate is surprisingly readable:


"YOU a fucking whore I fucked your nurse with thousands of Chechens."


A carebear may respond with a very brief message to express his anger...


...and other times, carebears send longer messages--to express that they're "not angry".


Dislexyc's EVEmail went on as he encouraged our Agent to change his ways. Of course, we know that the angry EVEmail writer who just lost his pod is the one who needs to reform. The Code is waiting for him, if only he'd read and obey it.


At last. The ganking of thousands of pods is justified if even one EVE player can be nudged in the right direction. Could our Agents find another?

To be continued...

12 comments:

  1. zwork, sometimes dritsch

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol gotta love those lengthy mails that detail exactly how much they don't care.

    -Oink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That one guy really really really don't care.
      I bet he's part of that new militia, an officer even.

      Delete
    2. 624:

      I know right? Those are the responses that totally crack me up. Basically an illegal carebear was upset enough to spend 15min composing an eve mail to tell you how they're not upset at all. Just stealth tears hidden in a wall of words.

      Delete
  3. Just more examples why CCP should remove Highsec space. If these types of nasty little shitters have no where to hide, then they wont be so apt to try sticking around and being a detriment to the EVE community.

    EVE can be great again! We just need some sort of system to keep these highsec shiters out if the game.

    On a more positive note, all the miners featured here today can now join the ranks of the Pandemic Horde anti ganking militia.

    PHags, the lot of 'em

    ReplyDelete
  4. Seems to me your just a bunch of dogs, who like humping miners legs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yeah should be called Minerhumpers

      Delete
    2. Hello anoms1000 and 1001

      Guess what?!?!

      You guessed it, both you highsec carebears are now official members of the Pandemic Horde anti ganking militia.

      Thanks for your application, it looks like you two can post like real PHags!

      And of course you are both elegible for Highsec Online Moderator and Operator training with Kip Winger.
      You guys are gonna make great H.O.M.O.'s.

      Oh and it's 'you're'. It's a contraction of 'you' and 'are'.
      Example:
      You're a couple of PHags!

      Or just one big one.

      Delete
  5. Gotta admit, the line, "make a jumpclone and fuck yourself", is pretty funny.

    ReplyDelete
  6. wow why didn't antiganking stop the ganks?

    ReplyDelete

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