Wednesday, May 30, 2018

The Hauling Consultants, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Siegfried Cohenberg's hauling consultant business was booming--and so were the freighters. When one of Siegfried's clients went boom, our Agent came under verbal attack from the pilot's corpmate, Barf Nader. Barf blamed Siegfried for his friend's freighter loss, and nothing could calm him down.


Siegfried happened to be between corps, and he expressed an interest in assisting Barf's alliance on an ongoing basis.


Despite his erratic behavior and volatile temper--or perhaps because of it--Barf was in a position of leadership in his corp. If Siegfried really wanted to join the corp, first he'd need to win over Barf.


Barf was candid in his assessment of the freighter bumper.


Although his candidacy for membership in Barf's corp got an icy reception, Agent Siegfried knew his value. Any group would be lucky to have him.


As we're often reminded, EVE is a (PvP) sandbox game. There are many different ways to PvP someone in EVE. Siegfried's methods are distasteful to some, but no one can doubt their effectiveness.


Barf wasn't in a hiring mood; apparently it had something to do with his friend's freighter being blown up. Still, Siegfried was confident that everything could be made right.


Siegfried again extended an invitation to have a conference on TeamSpeak. Previously, Barf had expressed anxiety about what sort of things might go on during such a meeting. Now, for the first time, he was willing to entertain the idea.


However, Barf soon got cold feet. Siegfried tested the carebear by name-dropping the name of the Saviour of Highsec. It got immediate results, as always.


Niarja local continued to be treated to Barf's monologues about Siegfried Cohenberg. Our Agent was the subject of Barf's thoughts and prayers, but not in a good way.


Suddenly, a new plan dawned on the carebear: Maybe he could ruin Siegfried's operations by posting warnings in local. On the other hand, freighters tend to be oblivious. I mean, how many years have freighters been blowing up in Niarja?


Barf's plan failed. The only attention he was attracting was the wrong kind.


The rebellious carebear cursed Siegfried. In fact, Barf seemed to be attempting to cast literal curses on the Agent.


As it became clear that Barf had no intention of leaving Niarja until he was satisfied, Siegfried could only wonder what tricks he still had up his sleeve.

To be continued...

22 comments:

  1. "I have a monocle and 10,000 hours of bumping experience".

    Lol 10,000 hours might be low-balling a bit.

    I'm still laughing, I can hear the carebears now, crying over the infinibump.


    The Code always makes shitters cry!

    Always!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whenever a featured player mentions voice in a MB post, I immediately scroll down to see if there is a Soundcloud link below.

    Always!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol me too.

      Always!


      Good SoundClouds are getting harder and harder to find. If the shitter you invite to chat does show up, as soon as you offer some sound advice they start squealing about harassment and bullying and other such nonsense.

      My favorite was the kid who's sister got all up in his shit for being a shitter. That's what your female relatives would think, riptard teg. They would think ykh were a giant vag for crying like a bitch over a game, and probably say stop being a giant shitter.

      It is imperative that we drive these types out of highsec and into the sandbox where they can be properly reprogrammed. You wanna know when a carebear is ready for a permit? It's when he doesn't want to mine in EVE anymore. How can that not be a part of a properly functioning permitting system?

      Beat the carebear out of 'em. I remember some shitter kid many years ago that broke the laws of a country he was visiting. When he found out that the punishment was caning he freaked out and acted like a giant bitch.

      He should have had a permit and not broken the law of the land. I bet his punishment was effective, because I never heard of him breaking the law of that country ever again. Ever.

      That's how you fix criminal.carebears. Beat the shitter oit of them.

      In game OFC!!
      You silly shitters know the drill. Hide your pink parts, triggered incoming.

      Delete
    2. I think you ment "can't read", not "didn't read". Common shitter problem. ftfy.

      It would have just triggered your inner failbear anyway, so it's probably for the best that you can't read.


      Always!

      Delete
  3. Guys, I think we found jesusanon's actual in game character.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank god!
      Let's crucify his ships!

      Delete
    2. He does sound superstitious. Primitive even.

      Savages, go back to wow even.

      Delete
    3. Jesus loves you

      Delete
  4. Apparently the only thing that miner is a "good" at is having a self-serving sense of white knight morality. He must really believe that Highsec is a risk-free theme park where actions don't have consequences. What a Goofus.

    New Order territory is a safe space for suicide gankers. Miners are required to put aside their prejudices and treat gankers with respect.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Highsec carebear corp names irony intended?

    ReplyDelete
  6. "united in mayhem"

    What kind of mayhem are you gonna stir up while afk mining in highsec?

    gtfo

    ReplyDelete
  7. Why do highsec carebears want to play EVE anyway? It's not designed to be played like an uneducated coward and that's why carebears are always so mad.

    The community doesn't support you, the devs don't support you, and the game doesn't support your afk carebear ways. But here you are.

    Now you just look like fools for even logging in. So you should not find it surprising when the whole of EVE looks down on you and tries to blap your afk barges. No one likes a scummy highsec miner shitting up the place.

    Mining in highsec is proof of cowardice and bot-aspirancy, and that's against the Code of Conduct for highsec miners. Your thievery, lawlessness, and aberrant behavior will not be tolerated here.

    Remember friends: The only effective soultion to the carebear question is to gank shitters today, gank shitters tomorrow, gank shitters forevah!




    The Code, and the truth, always trigger ignorant scum!

    Always!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All that reddit spacing though.

      Delete
  8. Someone get that ignorant miner a permit quick! And a hug! Surely that'll fix his lack of education!

    Kumbaya my false lord, kumbaya!


    Always?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks for sharing.I found a lot of interesting information here. A really good post, very thankful and hopeful that you will write many more posts like this one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You sound like a bot trying to establish a history to look human.

      Delete
    2. Or just another third world subhuman shitter.

      He should biomass IRL. Fuk scambots

      Delete
  10. Meh seems made up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of carebear blaping WIN!

      Always triggering skeptical shitters!

      Always!

      Delete

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