Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Big Data

Who represents the future of EVE? The people who join EVE to enforce the Code.

Agent Colonel Catpetter went on patrol with Minx Mattel, a seasoned Agent who volunteered to show him the ropes. Catpetter was looking for action and found it--quickly. He didn't need to go on some five-hour roam to get a fight; he's a Code enforcer.

Minx and Catpetter ganked an unlicensed Mackinaw piloted by Katsu Tal. Minx provided Catpetter with a standard EVEmail to send to the bot-aspirant.

From that point on, Minx took the lead. She went into permit-selling mode. Katsu didn't bother flying into rage or threatening destruction from powerful nullsec friends. He wanted to resume mining in highsec, and the only way to do that these days is to get a permit.

As Agent Minx developed her rapport with the miner, she noticed some trouble signs.

Minx chose to keep her concerns to herself--for now.

Katsu dutifully gave Minx some isk and changed his bio to reflect the Code's authority over highsec. But would Katsu remain compliant perpetually, as the Code requires?

Alas, mere hours later, Katsu was ganked by another pair of Agents. They were members of New Eden Mining Authority, one of several corporations to join the mighty CODE. alliance in recent months. This time, Katsu was so "at his keyboard" that he was unable to escape with his 785 million isk pod.

The miner insisted that he'd followed every single provision of the Code. Was he telling the truth? Everyone knows how highsec miners tend to lie whenever it suits them. Agent Minx checked the Mackinaw killmail to be sure:

Unfortunately, Katsu had violated the Code with his Mackinaw fit. He'd certainly earned his punishment. But what really left an impression on our Agent was the fact that Katsu has been playing EVE for nearly nine years and is still making these kinds of mistakes.
"In the age of big data, I turned to statistics. What would the numbers from our latest 221 kills tell me?"
Minx had a hunch that miners don't get any smarter with age. She decided to gather some empirical evidence to test her theory.

Our Agent's suspicions were confirmed. In fact, people who spend years mining in highsec only spend more and more money on their mining barges and exhumers. And what about pods?

It was the same story. Now for the most critical question: Did older miners at least learn to invest more of their money in tanking their ships? Minx performed a study of the number of hitpoints the dead barges and exhumers had. Though resistance modules wouldn't be reflected in the raw damage totals, some mining ships have more base HP, and additional HP can be added with shield extenders, rigs, etc. (HP can also be subtracted with cargo expanders.)

What Minx discovered was shocking.

Miners don't get smarter with age. If anything, years of mining in highsec only makes them dumber. The only way to get smarter is with the Code.


  1. Excellent forensic analysis by Minx.

    Now for a quantitative analysis of kill value:tears yield ratios. I know I know, tears are priceless and so uncountable...

  2. High Sec CarebearMay 16, 2018 at 6:27 PM

    Tells me that the favorite is still the mack for mining. *sigh* bot-asparent at its finest. Idiot miners

  3. What an odd assortment of implants.

  4. Astute readers foresaw Katsu's doom when he employed that classic bit of miner logic, "I wasn't AFK, I was just [AFK]", and by the fact that he felt qualified to provide advice about our "business practices". Even I was surprised that he reused the same unrigged, anti-tanked fit that had failed him before.

    Protip for Gallants: always ask your Agent about common pitfalls to avoid. We're here to help. When a miner asks me, I talk about the benefits of Skiffs and Procs, avoiding ostentation, and the importance of docking up.

  5. wow just wow. antigankers failing so hard right now.

    Tetrafinity the laughing stock of uedama cant even show up to timers hahahahahahaha and they got ditched by astecus hahahaha

  6. "If you'd only told me before blowing me up..."



  7. Why would anyone pve in highsec?

    Cowardice is the only explanation. Anyone who lives exclusively in highsec is scared of something or they would be in null doing it for much better rewards.

    I have heard every excuse from "I don't like PVP" to "I can't watch the screen because I'm AFK doing X", but the reality is anyone who can't make it in null is playing the wrong game the wrong way.

    Something something two wrongs don't make a right?

    EVE is not the game for someone who can only live in highsec or who is too scared to fight for what they want. Truly 80% of the people living in highsec should biomass and find something more pink to play in.

    Something something your mom.

    If CCP removed mining and made everything combat/bounty based EVE would thrive, but take away PVP and EVE is dead in a month. So what's the valid playstyle in the sandbox? Pee Vee Pee BayBee! And if you think sandbox means "be a shitter if I want" then you don't understand what a game is. The only reason to play a game is to win. The only reason. And you can't win if you don't play correctly.

    Mining afk while busy elsewhere is not winning so why even play? Sandbox or no, that's still playing wrong. As only a shitter can.

    I have yet to hear a valid excuse for hiding in highsec. I have heard plenty of excuses that are invalid because they all lead back to fear, and cowardice has no place in EVE. Even as subjects of derision.

    All carebears should gtfo, you'll never belong here. Especially that crowd of limp-wristed sjw's that call themselves the "high sec militia". What a bunch of inbreds.

    That crowd couldn't be any less EVE if they tried, which I suspect they do. How else do you explain so many shitters playing wrong in the same group?

    Something something shitters of a feather.


  8. Meh seems made up

  9. Made up, of WIN!

    I guess it would seem made up to someone with a low I.Q. and obvious learning disabilities. But to someone who plays EVE correctly (and on par with it's original intention) the only thing hard to believe is the validity of the carebear opinion. Those who play EVE correctly see this quite often; carebears have a hard time believing it's real because they can't experience EVE while hiding afk in highsec like a coward.

    It must be hell to be so impotent, knowing they are completely powerless to stop gankers, their only recourse consisting of posting the same juvenile sperg repeatedly while they rage and cry IRL over a video game.

    Why do carebears even play a game that makes them so mad? If they know they're inferior why draw attention to themselves? All they accomplish is to highlight their lack of education and unwillingness to correct the situation. Carebears cannot be helped until they are willing to help themselves.

    And that's the reason carebears don't belong in EVE. No effort, no relevance, the measure of one dependant completely upon the stregnth of the other. Weak-willed cowards should just biomass, or if that's still too much effort, just stop logging in.

    That'll show us and CCP how important miners are !!!1!1!1 lulz

    Highsec carebears need to calm down, and sometimes the best way to do that is to not play EVE if it makes you mad.

    Carebears who quit won't be missed.

    Don't forget shardani.


    1. Miner logic. Worshipping a miner and murderer

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