Sunday, June 2, 2019

Kills of the Week

"How dare you pick on defenseless miners," scolds the anti-Code rebel. "They have no way to fight back." If so, then why don't they buy mining permits? If their situation is so hopeless, it makes no sense for them to resist the Code. Therefore, their resistance must be a result of their bot-aspirancy--which, in turn, justifies their destruction. Thanks for making our case for us, rebels.

Now let us look at some hopeless, helpless bot-aspirants from the week of May 26th @ 00:00 EVEtime through June 1st @ 23:59 EVEtime...

gilgameash chose to put nearly 4 billion isk into her shuttle--all 527 hitpoints of it--and activated her autopilot. It sounds like a crazy decision, but it happens more often than you'd think. Agents like Eva Mavas instinctively gank every shuttle they see.

CCP made it so that PLEX can be teleported from station to station, so carebears need to prove their foolishness by losing items like skill injectors.

Denis Saltykov tanked up his freighter and stuck to the highest of high security systems. But there is no hull in highsec that our Agents cannot breach. Agents Jani Rackner, Jemma Rackner, Phoenix Rackner, Georgia Rackner, Rebecca Rackner, Zoe Rackner, Olivia Rackner, Yan Rackner, Ashlee Rackner, Charlotte Rackner, Adara Gaea, Emily Rackner, Kimberly Rackner, Kirra Rackner, Celestia Rackner, Ivy Rackner, Globby Rackner, eviserater Adoudel, Benji Rackner, and hegils formed a mighty fleet with 19 Taloses. The freighter could not survive their blaster cannons.

Since freighter pilots typically don't bother remaining at their keyboards during freighter runs anyway, why do they insist on saving time by moving everything in one trip? Talon Hawk Estidal packed up a 41.9 billion isk freighter and genuinely thought nothing bad would happen to him. That's Goblok logic!

Agents Silvitni, Origo Lim, Wotka, Lanse Lot, Dry Tears, Yojiro, Gandaraka Tekitsu, LordPepstores, K0mand0 Sperg, Tickle MaBalls, Matt18001, Kon Xanithex, Jake Kusion, Abella Andorra, Jayden Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Terrance Lemmont, Urban Worrier, Justin Kusion, Mark Ormerant, Joseph Kusion, Z for Zena, Perlo Tissant, Jayson Kusion, Ren Sano, Toki Chince, Jason Kusion, Joel Kusion, Potential Impact, Johnathan Kusion, Disposable Cracker, Jackson Kusion, and Jason Yusi managed to field a staggering 32 Taloses in one gank fleet. Carebears, when you're staring down nearly three dozen tech II fit attack battlecruisers, it might be time to buy a mining permit. Think about it.

Zaqwest was, frankly, a typical hauler pilot. He had a paper-thin industrial ship--perfectly gankable by a single ganker--but didn't think twice about filling it with over 3 billion isk worth of cargo. He didn't bother fully equipping the ship, and he casually went AFK. He must be really busy with something, because he certainly doesn't put much time or thought into EVE. A single ganker, Agent Ariku Orenuk, had no trouble blapping the anti-tanked Tayra.

If you think Zaqwest was a one-of-a-kind oddball, think again. Laura Lovely Licks also lost a plain ol' hauler with billions worth of cargo. Incredibly, Laura crammed 8.8 billion isk of cargo into a Wreathe. Like Zaqwest, she got bored and stopped equipping her ship halfway through the job. Laura's wealth was destined to be blown up by someone far superior to her in every way: Agent Ksenya PROXY.

Remember when I said Agents like Eva Mavas shoot autopiloting shuttles on sight? Well, here's another reason why. ForeverBlue went AFK and autopiloted his shuttle, only to be popped by Agent Eva. ForeverBlue wasn't foolish enough to put cargo in his shuttle. Unless, that is, you count the shuttle's pod, which contained 2.6 billion isk worth of implants.

Whether these implants can be properly classified as "shuttle cargo" or not, they're gone now. If only ForeverBlue was smart enough to obey the Code.

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