Saturday, June 15, 2019

When They Hear the Name

Pop quiz, hotshots: How can you tell if a miner is a Goofus?


This is a strong indicator.


And yes, he equipped all three of these. A Venture has three midslots, after all; wouldn't want to waste an open slot. (There was no need to put anything in the lowslot or rigs, naturally.)


Here's another strong indicator of Goofusness.


Agent Lewak found himself in an unplanned confrontation with Will Elfer, a twice-confirmed Goofus.


Will Elfer wanted to get Lewak banned for shooting his spaceship in a spaceship-shooting game. Meanwhile, the miner considered himself totally innocent. Lewak was baffled. What game did Will think he was playing?


Does the EVE tutorial teach new players to think they get a free pass for a few weeks (or months, or years) before other players can engage in PvP with them? Everyone's playing the "newbie" card these days.


Moreover, concern for CCP/Pearl Abyss subscription revenues tends to bloom with alarming frequency among the current generation. Needless to say, nobody was concerned with such things when I was a new player back in 2006.


Could it be that the quality of players attracted to EVE has measurably declined in the last several years?


The solution, as ever, is the Code. If low-quality players are joining EVE, then we must do our best to mold them into proper citizens--or to drive them out of highsec. Agent Lewak deployed the name of the Saviour of Highsec a second time. The miner already showed multiple signs of being a Goofus. Time to confirm it with his reaction to hearing my name again.


The outlook for Will Elfer was poor. Each time he read "James 315", he increased his use of capital letters.


Potentially even more concerning: The word "FUCK" was growing as a percentage of the miner's total vocabulary.

Lewak paused, hoping for the miner to calm down and catch his breath. The miner sent a follow-up EVEmail:


Did a GM really call one of our Agents an "idiot"? Doubtful. If Lewak was considered an idiot for ganking a miner, what would a GM call the guy who lost his triple-afterburner Venture and filed a petition over it?


By this time, our Agent considered that the miner had become deranged. Perhaps Will Elfer would enjoy a nice mobile game instead.

8 comments:

  1. I bet CCP customer service does tell new players to ignore CODE., then they laugh out loud and wait for the next report.

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    Replies
    1. i actually would like to know if they get alot of tickets regarding high sec ganking.

      Delete
  2. I always wondered if the game morons had a template evemail macroed to a key to deal with petitions.


    Imagine a day in the life of a GM in eve.

    Wiping the ass of idiot miners all day. Then you chuck in the ag autism that comes from the help channel and you have one big bubble of ignorance to learn from.

    Just follow the new halaima code of conduct.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I do believe that the quality of the average new player has been decreasing for many years. Seldom do we see players filled with a sense of wonder and awe striving to carve a niche for themselves in the mysterious universe. Now they come with preconceived notions and follow step by step guides on how to min/max their way to 'endgame content' in record time. New players are obsessed with 'passive income' via PI, skill farms, AFK mining and AFK ratting, and are frequently seen on r/eve demanding tips on how to station-trade their way to riches in Jita.

    New player quality took another steep nosedive when the game was made free to play. EVE doesn't really work right unless players are invested and bound up in sunk costs. This new breed of choosing beggar will up and quit at the first sign of hardship.

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    Replies
    1. They even have guides on how to maximally blitz the tier 1 missions. You know, the ones that are so boring because even an untrained frigate can one shot everything?

      Delete
  4. I disagree with GM on that one. Many of CODE. members are capable of efficiently fitting destroyer or even battlecruiser class ship which is not an ordinary task. It takes some well developed cognitive skills and eye-to-hand coordination.

    What is really sad, it doesn't go far beyond "warp to point X, press F1" which puts them on a same level as 19 days old miner. That poor fella will grow in to a beautiful industrial player - reprocessing, ship building, spreadsheets, market PvP, oh god, so much fun! CODE. will not grow.

    ReplyDelete
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