Sunday, September 15, 2019

Kills of the Week

Of all of the unlawful emotions displayed by the carebears these days, one of the most outrageous is: surprise. When they get ganked for not obeying the Code, bot-aspirant carebears act surprised. As though we haven't been warning--and killing--them for years! As I said, outrageous. Here's a handful of Goofuses who were shocked to be killed during the week of September 8th @ 00:00 EVEtime through September 14th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

Adam Blackheart had an unlicensed jump freighter and 8 billion reasons to be careful with it. Yet Adam chose to autopilot the ship into the Uedama system. He should've known exactly who would be there to greet him: Agents Justin Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, vernx Ambraelle, Moric Riag, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Darvulia Tepes, Jacob Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Jack Kusion, Maddie Mcbumplug, Jonas Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Nakti Vresha, Quark Valkyrie, and Caution AsianDrivers Ahead.

Late last week, Mad Mac19 got caught AFK'ing in a 10.2 billion isk freighter. Our Agents suspected that Mad Mac19 was hiding a secret. The only way to be sure was to gank Mad Mac19 and inspect his pod. So a gank armada was assembled: Agents Alleil Pollard, Karlaina, Ganky, Aiko Danuja, Ukit, AGBee 911, Siepy, Ritina, AGBee 227, AGBee 225, AGBee 001, Shouka, Momiroi, Geronimo Wilson, AGBee 229, AGBee 222, AGBee 230, AGBee 226, Chad Thundercaulk, AGBee 228, AGBee 400, Whadda Badasaz, Krossinaken, Kroppina, AGBee 224, Katrl, Neelee, AGBee 223, Kalypso Kerreria, Kronimal, Krenima, AGBee 221, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Kibbera, Krunallis, and Krominal. Sure enough, after ganking the freighter, they discovered that it concealed a 3 billion isk pod. Naturally, it, too, was AFK.

SIPHON ATLANTIS had a dark fantasy: He wanted to make blingy, fail-fit, capacitor-tanked Leshaks a thing. But Agents Ukira Kunero, Rante Charante, Ariku Orenuk, and Vlada Inkunen had a dream of their own, one of light instead of darkness: They wanted to make the Code even more of a thing than it already is. Highsec was blessed when their light overwhelmed SIPHON's darkness. Their dream was beautiful indeed.

You thought that Leshak was bad? Quasari Mio had something even worse. In addition to providing Agents Ariku Orenuk, Vlada Inkunen, Zhung Fei, Ukira Kunero, and Rante Charante with a 5.4 billion isk killmail, Quasari's Tempest was even more terrible than the Leshak because it was designed to serve as a hauler. Behold:

No doubt Quasari had sinister plans for the Dominix battleship hulls, too.

The drip-drip-drip of blingy Deep Space Transport kills continues unabated. Mascara Lipstick went AFK in her freighter substitute and lost 5.5 billion isk. Agents Ariku Orenuk, Zhung Fei, Ukira Kunero, Rante Charante, and Vlada Inkunen were there to pick up the pieces (after shattering the ship into pieces, of course).

Justice is alive and well in highsec.

Some people know what to do with a Talos, and some don't. Rathious Bendus was among those without a clue. After Agent Guybertini destroyed Rathious' 612 million isk Talos with an Attack Battlecruiser of his own, our Agent deftly popped the pod.

Now 3.3 billion isk worth of implants are in a better place. Oblivion is better than being stuck in a carebear's head, I'm sure.


  1. These carebears get a cheap feeling of eliteness by dropping a lot of ISK on the blingiest gear. They've probably played dozens of other games where the optimal path is to grind and level up and upgrade until the endgame content is unlocked. EVE, however, is entirely different from other games. The best gear for a job is often the cheapest, since it can be lost at any time with no recourse, and the endgame content is ensuring that the needless bling of carebears is lost as frequently as possible.

  2. Why would you play a game where you thought being afk was a viable choice? Are today's players that short of attention spans or are they merely falling prey to the apparent rash of personal emergencies that force them from their computers unexpectedly? You guys deserve accolades for what you do; even CCP is joining the fight against afk gameplay by introducing scout Triglavians. Great job!

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