Friday, September 27, 2019

Parental Advisory, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agents of the New Order are accustomed to parrying rebellious carebears' excuses for not obeying the Code. But highsec miner and self-proclaimed lawyer Richard The-Crusader raised the stakes when he accused our heroes of violating the EULA by ganking his alleged son.

Though Richard claimed to have a long history in EVE and powerful friends in nullsec, he also wanted to benefit from protections normally afforded only to newbies. Why? Because his son, a supposed newbie, was at the controls when his mining ship was ganked.

But there were complications. Richard accidentally admitted that his son created the character, which was registered a year and a half before the gank.

Faced with a mountain of evidence against him, Richard would need to use every legal trick he could think of to salvage his "newbie" defense.

In a dramatic moment, Richard left the channel. Miners have surrendered in situations less dire than Richard's. But this carebear wasn't ready to give up.

Richard decided that if he was going down, he was going down swinging.

The miner created a new legal theory: It doesn't matter how long a character has existed. It doesn't even matter how many years the player has spent in EVE. A character is still a "newbie" if someone else is sitting at the keyboard.

Richard's theory was expansive. If adopted by CCP's GM team, it would grant newbie protection to virtually every character in highsec--a dangerous precedent indeed.

Setting aside any biases they may have had, our Agents weighed Richard's legal arguments and determined that they didn't hold water. The gank had been legal. Their judgment was a stunning blow to Richard's case.

Richard had two options now: Buy a permit or raise the stakes even further.

Richard went all-in.

The miner unleashed a dazzling and unexpected multipronged assault. He blamed the gank on his alleged son's alleged cancer all while throwing his son's shrew of a mother under the bus. His ex-wife(?) and her poor parenting skills were the reason why his son was so inexperienced at EVE.

Only now did our Agents truly understand what they were up against. It was a fight to the finish.

To be continued...


  1. 9/10 cancers on the internet are just a bargaining tactic. Now we wait for the miner to talk himself through the remaining stages of grief.

    1. I know quite a few cancer survivors IRL. Not a single one of them would even consider using their cancer to get somewhere in a game or win any kind of internet argument. It is an affront against people suffering from cancer for some pleb miner to use it as an excuse to mine without a permit.
      No one is above the Law.

  2. All of us know someone suffering from the vile affliction that cancer is. Abusing your son's (alleged) cancer as a bargaining tool to avoid paying a token amount in a video game is simply insulting to anyone who ever suffered from the disease, whether directly or indirectly.

    Carebears often accuse others of mixing up real life with the game. Yet they are the ones who continuously bring up real life stories to weasel out of following the (in-game) law. Pathetic.


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