Highsec Miner Grab Bag #74

Seventy-four Grab Bags in, and miners are still learning the basics of highsec!

As I've said before, never ask an Agent a question if you don't want to hear the answer. And to answer Bigg Meatius' question:

http://www.minerbumping.com/p/the-code.html

If you've ever wondered why it's taking miners so long to master the fundamentals of modern highsec life, look no further. Don't quit at the preamble--dig deep!

In game. He hopes Agent Reginald Poppycock's house burns down and his whole family dies, in game.

That's Anti-Ganker humor for you. On the other hand, there are miners who make their toddlers mine for them. Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Waegen Hoerford heard some disturbing rumors about one of our fine Agents. He was reassured that cyber-bullying was not something the New Order does.

...But Waegen warned him that any day now, the Goons will switch sides in favor of the highsec carebears. File this under "CODE is dying." We're seeing more of this sort of thing lately; it's becoming almost as common as "EVE is dying." Carebears of highsec, I can assure you that EVE will die before the Code does.

As everyone knows, Currin Trading has much to be proud of. However...

...Not everyone in highsec is a patriot. Unsurprising. The PvE'ers don't know what pride is. After all, how could they? Buying a New Order permit and getting right with the Code is the first step.

Another example of the carebear dichotomy: They love to lie, but they can also be made to confess their crimes so easily.

Carebears are so full of contradictions. If they make a real-life death threat, it's only due to evil gankers. If we shoot a Capsule, that reflects a real-life attitude.

Most miners are far from being the "new players" we always hear about. Some are so old that they've become revisionist historians. One claimed that mining used to be a complicated, respectable profession!

Indeed, some miners claim to know the secret history of the New Order. dav Uitra says that before the Code, I made players want to kill themselves. You know, the usual. But this has been censored from the official New Order history books.

The truth is out there, man. Really out there.

Over Five Hundred Seventy-Seven Billion in Shares Sold

Here's a little piece of news that's sure to make you smile (if you're one of the good guys; scowls for everyone else): We've surpassed 577 billion isk worth of New Order shares sold! That's a milestone I've been looking forward to for a long time.

Ra'shan Demaleon purchased her very first 100 shares of New Order stock, taking us over the 577 billion isk mark. In doing so, she earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. That's how it's done, folks.

As long as I'm writing a post, some housekeeping on share purchase policy: As you may be aware, shareholders can transfer their shares to other EVE players or EVE corporations/alliances. There's a limitation, though. Dr Pumo recently ordered 100 shares to be sent to a CCP character. I have been informed that this is not appropriate gameplay; the same goes for GM and ISD characters. Surprisingly, this is the first time the issue has come up.

Since the New Order is a community of non-sociopaths who believe (with all their hearts) in following the rules, purchases made for CCP/GM/ISD characters are invalid. Other examples of invalid purchases would include those made on behalf of non-existent EVE players, etc.

In the event of an invalid purchase, shares are instead directed into the Permabanned Heroes of the Code account. Since Permabanned Heroes of the Code is a non-corporeal entity, those shares cannot vote or be accessed by EVE players. The account holds over 5.3 billion isk in New Order shares as of this post.

Similarly, shareholders who wish to abandon their shares without identifying a beneficiary will have their shares dumped into the Permabanned Heroes of the Code account. A few months ago, there was a case of an EVE player who disclaimed all present and future purchases made on his behalf--a fellow by the name of Veers Belvar. His shares were likewise automatically redirected to the Permabanned Heroes of the Code.

Hopefully this clears up any confusion.

Justice Is Blind, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Iceman Alabel was ganked and put on trial. His public defender, Agent HotShotX Warcastle, took increasingly desperate measures to save his client from himself. At the last minute, his final gambit paid off: He shifted the blame to Iceman's corp, The Blind Eyes. Specifically, he accused the corp's CEO, captill, of misleading its members. With stakes as high as these, an investigation was launched without delay.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Can we please have captill invited into this group chat
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I would like him to answer some questions in front of the investigative committee
HotShotX Warcastle > o7
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > captill we have one of your corporation's capsuleers here, and he has really worked himself into a dilly of a pickle
captill > hello all i have been made awere of whats going on

The head of the investigation, TheInternet, succeeded in getting The Blind Eyes' CEO into the chat. One way or another, the truth would come out.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > captill I'm not convinced that Iceman Alabel has made you fully aware of what he has been charged with.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We need to get to the bottom of some of your corporation's activities, and that is why we asked you to com here capitill
captill > then what do you you wish to charge him with
HotShotX Warcastle > As the defense, I would like to advise you that things have gotten quite dire.

captill claimed to be up to speed on the day's events, but the trial participants found that hard to believe. captill didn't even have the benefit of a multi-part MinerBumping post!

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Can we have members of the Committee please ask their questions relating to the possible anti-CODE activities before we get into peticulars
Chocolate Mooses > Yes.
Chocolate Mooses > https://zkillboard.com/kill/43880883/
Chocolate Mooses > can you please explain this? To me, it looks like a trusted member of your corp attempeting to disrupt New Order enforcement activities.
Kalorned > oh my! In Halaima of all places!
Gaylord Fappington > * bows head at the death record of his TNT comrade

The evidence of The Blind Eyes' corruption was put forward: It was a killmail in which one of their corp members tried to counter-gank a ganker. Since CONCORD appeared on the mail, the counter-ganker had failed. Still, it is treason to even try to interfere with New Order activity. Was there another explanation? Was it an accident?

captill > my brothers kill ya i remember that i praised him for that
HotShotX Warcastle > I'm out of faces to palm.

Clearly, captill was cut from the same cloth as Iceman.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > captill so you admit that you have encouraged your corp members to engage in anti-CODE behavior?!?
HotShotX Warcastle > captill as Iceman Alabel's attorney, I hold you squarely responsible for the charges brought upon my client today.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > So it is as we suspected from the beginning of this Committee: there is, indeed, a larger plot here than just one minor miner mining.
HotShotX Warcastle > You have mislead your corpmembers into poorly fitting ships and losing corp assets at an alarming rate.
captill > we as a corp agreed we are not scard of the code and will not follow it
Skipper Blue > /emote gasps

The CEO confirmed everyone's worst fears. The Blind Eyes was indeed an anti-Order corp.

captill > i must admit ice should have never tqken that ship alone
HotShotX Warcastle > WAS THERE A VOTE?
HotShotX Warcastle > WHERE IS EVIDENCE OF THIS?
captill > it was all in chat no need for recorads
HotShotX Warcastle > OBJECTION, THE CHARGED ATTEMPTS TO PASS BLAME ONTO MY CLIENT WITHOUT EVIDENCE
captill > we are all friend in our corp

HotShotX was outraged. captill refused to accept responsibility for his corp members' actions. The CEO claimed everyone was on board.

HotShotX Warcastle > captill, no "friend" would teach someone to fly a fully defenseless barge.
Iceman Alabel > like i told HotShotX Warcastle we are an anti code corp
Chocolate Mooses > /emote gasps!
Iceman Alabel > he didnt know i was going out
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote throws hands up in air

Coordinating a space legal defense for Iceman proved nearly impossible. Miners love to lie, but they also love to confess. A curious people, these miners.

captill > ya have anothe member online who will agree w/ me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Let's invite him here, it might even things up a little bit.
captill > will all feel the same way about the code
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I want to get to the bottom of what happened today
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > No stone must be left unturned
captill > Aria Ito invite him
HotShotX Warcastle > The defense is quickly running out of options.
Aria Ito > Right. Whats this about?

A third member of The Blind Eyes, Aria Ito, was brought into the convo. At this rate, TheInternet was going to get all of the rebels in highsec on record.

HotShotX Warcastle > We can only assume at this point that Iceman Alabel and his fellow corpmates have been brainwashed, and captill is their puppeteer.
Aria Ito > Yeah we are a crazy group of marionettes that follow our evil leader Captill in the pursuit of killing off ganking wankers.
HotShotX Warcastle > The defense would like to submit Aria Ito's comment as proof of my client's innocence.
Iceman Alabel > for this mate
Iceman Alabel > but i stand by Aria Ito
Iceman Alabel > and till
captill > i brain wased no1

The public defender made a valiant effort, but it was no use. Plainly, no one from The Blind Eyes was going to escape justice this day.

Lynne Ekanon > I have never in my day, heard such blasphemy... I am appalled Aria Ito
Lynne Ekanon > your mother would be ashamed
captill > my mother is proud of me staning up agenist the like of james and the code
Aria Ito > You disrepectful pups need your head viciously ripped from your Posteriors.
Aria Ito > You guys got a real power trip off of this didnt ya? Freak show.

Iceman was now a veteran of the New Order court system. He had learned to keep a respectful silence, at least some of the time. His corp members were rougher around the edges. They raged.

captill > and Lynne Ekanon what is you role in these hearings?
Lynne Ekanon > I am but a pedestrian... watching this horrible event
captill > then your role is to shut the fuck up and watch
Chocolate Mooses > How rude.
captill > what rude is you killing my corpmembers then have the ball to ask them to buy a permit

Thanks to all of the excitement, the convo was filling up with random New Order audience members, who gawked at the bot-aspirants. The Blind Eyes' CEO, like a caged animal at a zoo, spat back at them.

captill > TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet if you are really a 3ed party why are you trying to flip my members into informates?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I need to get all of the facts straight
captill > then you will ask him in front of the cort so we all can be let into waht you find out
Aria Ito > Sneaking around shows weakness and need of guile.
captill > we have been nothing but honset so you could do the same

Finally, captill realized that it might not be a good idea to have all of his corp members dragged into the convo to make confessions. That's not standard OpSec protocol in most corps.

Gaylord Fappington > Are you aware captill that your corpmate was offered a plea deal by me where he apologizes and buys one permit and all other charges would be dismissed?
Gaylord Fappington > And he refused my offer
captill > ya and he did well to refuse
Gaylord Fappington > I destroyed his barge because I wanted to help him. I wanted to show him mercy in this court as well
captill > help him by killing a 30mill barge dont make me laugh
Gaylord Fappington > I think we have found the real criminal here, and its name is The Blind Eyes
Aria Ito > I belive we have found the pompous have no remorse.

The confessions shed new light on the situation. Now even Gaylord Fappington, who had performed the gank against Iceman, believed the corp was to blame. The Blind Eyes created an environment in which bot-aspirancy could thrive. It was a classic case of structural carebearism.

captill > the only thing he did wrong was take out a defless barge
HotShotX Warcastle > captill the barge was defenseless, because you as CEO, FAILED him, and brainwashed him into thinking this failure of a barge was acceptable for flight.
captill > theyshould know idk why ice took that barge out and i will have a talk w. him about it later
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Well, would any committee members object to getting started with perhaps some light punitive measures in the hopes of spurring compliance?

The CEO began to regret his cooperation with the tribunal. Seeing the New Order crowd turn against him, captill shifted the blame back to Iceman. But TheInternet had heard enough. He was laser-focused on The Blind Eyes corp. Its fate was about to be decided.

To be continued...

Kills of the Week

The New Order is blazing a trail across highsec. EVE's most populated area is now becoming increasingly focused on the Code. As a result, the highsec community is moving forward by leaps and bounds. Don't fall behind! You don't want to end up like the carebears featured in these kills from the week of March 8th @ 00:00 EVEtime through March 14th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

KILLMAIL

In hindsight, I think we can probably all agree that it wasn't a good idea for Demon Lom to stuff over 800 million isk worth of ore into an un-fit industrial ship. With the aid of the Code, Demon wouldn't have needed hindsight to tell him that. When Agent HotShotX Warcastle isn't defending wayward miners in court, he's contributing to the community in other ways. In this instance, he put Demon Lom's Miasmos to death.

KILLMAIL

The only thing worse than an un-fit ship is an anti-tanked ship. Alekc Rodomir saw little use in worrying about hitpoints when he had so much stuff to move. What kind of stuff, you ask? In a word, everything. This kill amounted to 22 billion isk. Alekc spared no expense--except for the 10 million isk permit he needed. And boy, did he need it.

Agents Rakeris, Himari Nakano, Emotion Sasen, Bratok Srayona, Dr Raholan, Diasho Shorin, BAE B BLUE, Industra, Chocolate Mooses, Dias Rajashi, Dashio Sariana, toshoo, Dios Rajash, Dios Rojosh, Carcass Jack, Dhuleh Idolatrine, Yojiro, Amyclas Lacedaemon, Daishi Saria, Diaz Serine, Freja von Dusk, Unfit ForDoody, YA0-XJ Beacon, Pretty Ordinary, and Anderton Faln scored this impressive kill. Their PvP was all the more elite, since it took place in a 0.8 system, where freighter pilots often flout the Code.

KILLMAIL

Did no one tell Dennis Spreinies that Hulks are out of fashion these days? Agents John E Normus and Capt Starfox had to remind him. The Hulk was fail-fit and included an expensive mining laser upgrade. One billion isk later, the Skiff option was probably looking a lot better.

KILLMAIL

Balem Abrasax made Hulk pilots look smart when he fit out an anti-tanked mining battleship. By now, everyone should know there's a rule against mining battleships in highsec, right? Agents Booster Mirax Terrik, Lady Ati, hellyeaz, allen allen, and Willbee Killed were more than happy to take care of the problem.

KILLMAIL

Hyperdunking pioneer Globby has left for nullsec, but the carebears of highsec still feel the sting of his legacy. Future Industries XII corp left some assets unattended in New Order territory. They didn't tell anyone why they did this. In fact, they didn't even get permission to put assets in highsec in the first place. Big mistake. Agents Aaaarrgg and Pod-Goo RepoWoman grabbed a bunch of spare Catalysts and hyperdunked to their hearts' content. The Future Industries XII corp's most expensive loss was its Ship Maintenance Array, worth a billion isk. It contained an Orca, which may have contained other ships--like some kind of Russian doll of bot-aspirancy.

KILLMAIL

Cyndanor was very proud of her full Slave set, which was accompanied by a bunch of other expensive implants... When she first got them, that is. Presumably she began to take them for granted over time. This assumption is based on the fact that Cyndanor went AFK in a shuttle and autopiloted right through a highsec checkpoint manned by Agent Tisiphone Dira. Tisiphone is an experienced Agent who knows that when a shuttle doesn't slow down when approaching your checkpoint, it's time for you to open fire. Pop! There's three and a half billion isk that Cynador will never see again. Tisiphone's commitment to excellence is something the EVE playerbase can take pride in.

Justice Is Blind, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Illegal ice miner Iceman Alabel was ganked and subsequently put on trial for crimes against highsec. HotShotX Warcastle, a public defender, was appointed to represent him. It was the biggest challenge of his space legal career: The unruly miner confessed his guilt and spoke ill of the Code in open court.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > THERE WILL BE ORDER IN THIS TRIBUNAL ROOM
Iceman Alabel > HA that funny
HotShotX Warcastle > THE DEFENSE BEGS FOR LENIENCY FROM THE COURT.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR, THIS COURT REPRESENTS ORDER
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I AM SADDENED
Iceman Alabel > well that a dam shame

Iceman's conduct threw the proceedings into chaos. TheInternet, an accomplished isk-doubler and part-time magistrate, strove mightily to maintain the integrity of the court.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > THIS TRIBUNAL SENTENCES THE DEFENDENT TO BUY 500 MINING PERMITS, APOLOGIZE TO JAMES 315 PUBLICALLY, AND DO 30 LAPS AROUND HIGHSEC, A FORM OF PUNISHMENT FIRST PIONEERED BY JTClone Ares.
Fauntleroy Fappington > My!
Kalorned > A fair sentance if I ever saw one
Gaylord Fappington > Oh My Goodness!
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote jaw drops.
Iceman Alabel > ha thats a laugh
Iceman Alabel > ill do no such thing

The court handed down a severe sentence. Iceman would be forced to endure a brutal punishment, one invented by notorious rebel leader JTClone Ares as a draconian anti-awoxing measure.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > You are required, by court order, to comply with the sentencing terms immediately.
Fauntleroy Fappington > Gaylord, never in a million years did I think we'd get a JTClone.
Gaylord Fappington > I'm literally shaking
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We will have justice, Mr. Iceman.
Iceman Alabel > the code can not = jutice

So it seemed the Fappington family prevailed in court once again. HotShotX was in shock. Had he lost? Was his client doomed to run laps around highsec? He couldn't let that happen. Now there was no alternative but to go to Plan B: Shift the blame.

HotShotX Warcastle > OBJECTION - MY CLIENT CLEARLY STATED EARLIER THAT HE HAS AS AN ACCOMPLICE, WHO MAY BE FORCING HIM TO COMMIT THESE CRIMES
HotShotX Warcastle > THE COURT MUST GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS
HotShotX Warcastle > AND DETERMINE MY CLIENT'S TRUE GUILT, IF ANY REMAINS
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > This Tribunal will assemble a new Committee to determine the full extent of the crimes that have been, and are being committed by the guilty party.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We will get to the bottom of this and the public can be confident in the James 315 compliant space court.

HotShotX threw out the possibility that another guilty party still threatened highsec. The suggestion was like catnip to the justice-craving judge, who launched a new investigation. This gave HotShotX the opening he was looking for. He quickly pulled new evidence from his private convo with his client:

HotShotX Warcastle > I have NEW EVIDENCE TO SUBMIT TO THE COURT
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > /emote GASPS
HotShotX Warcastle > [01:51:36] Iceman Alabel > where are you going with this?
HotShotX Warcastle > [01:51:49] HotShotX Warcastle > You mentioned you were doing this for someone in your corp.
HotShotX Warcastle > [01:52:40] Iceman Alabel > and my corp is anti code
HotShotX Warcastle > [01:52:47] HotShotX Warcastle > Oh shi-
HotShotX Warcastle > Wait, forget that last line.

It was another stunning revelation. Iceman's corp, The Blind Eyes, was a hive of bot-aspirancy. The miner's rebellion was being directed from on high!

HotShotX Warcastle > YOUR HONOR
HotShotX Warcastle > IT HAS BECOME CLEAR THAT MY CLIENT, Iceman Alabel, IS MERELY A PAWN TO A PUPPETEER
HotShotX Warcastle > The Blind Eyes IS THAT PUPPETEER
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We will get to the bottom of this little mystery one way or another

The intrepid public defender pulled a rabbit out of his hat. By broadening the case to include Iceman's whole corp, HotShotX had effectively reset the trial to square one. Maybe.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Chocolate Mooses o/
Chocolate Mooses > o/
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > We have quite the little mystery on our hands
Chocolate Mooses > Really now! How can I help?
Iceman Alabel > i request to know Chocolate Mooses role in this cout
HotShotX Warcastle > Top Dick.
HotShotX Warcastle > Investigator*

Chocolate Mooses was one cool customer. Chocolate casually breezed into the courtroom with a calm that belied the day's earlier pandemonium.

HotShotX Warcastle > The defense submits that the guilt or innocence of my client cannot be determined without investigating The Blind Eyes and holding them accountable, if necessary.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I move that Chocolate Mooses lead the CODEdot side of the investigation so that we may adequately determine the depth of this rabbit hole we stumbled into today
Chocolate Mooses > I would be happy to help. I have taken a look at "The Blind Eyes" and from what the public records show, I have concerns.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > /emote gasps

The court's new investigator wasted no time. Within seconds of being appointed, Chocolate had already uncovered shocking new evidence.

Chocolate Mooses > A high number of ship losses in high-sec, all without permits. I see shuttles on auto, untanked mining ships, mining ships lost during war time....
Chocolate Mooses > I also see members with offensive bios
Chocolate Mooses > but worst of all

The crowd hung on Chocolate's every word. The noisy courtroom had been silenced. You could hear a pin drop.

Chocolate Mooses > I see that this corporation is a rebel corp. I have evidence of members of the corp attempeting to disrupt New Order fleet operations!
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > /emote gasps
Kalorned > /emote drops jaw
Iceman Alabel > such as?
Chocolate Mooses > "cptblur" (who I assume is a alt of your ceo, captill) has been found trying to distrubt New Order operations.
Iceman Alabel > no brother of ceo
Chocolate Mooses > https://zkillboard.com/kill/43880883/ - there he is trying to disrupt New Order opersations.

Yet another incredible twist!

There it was: The Blind Eyes' CEO's brother was on a New Order Catalyst killmail in January. Granted, CONCORD's presence on the killmail meant that the rebel had failed to successfully interfere with the gank. But he intended to.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > So this could be part of a broader plot??!
HotShotX Warcastle > It is clear that the CEO of this corporation, captill, is leading new players down a dark path.
Iceman Alabel > that my boy fucking up the code
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote facepalms

Just like that, the case had been blown wide open. Of course, HotShotX could barely celebrate before his feral client embarrassed him again.

Chocolate Mooses > I fear the only solution will to be holding the entire corp responsible via administrative warfare. That is my sugession to the court.
HotShotX Warcastle > The defense has no objections to the court's suggestion.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Can we please have captill invited into this group chat
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I would like him to answer some questions in front of the investigative committee

A new chapter began. The New Order court, led by TheInternet, would stop at nothing to discover the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about The Blind Eyes corporation.

To be continued...

Justice Is Blind, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Gaylord Fappington caught and killed a suspected bot-aspirant who was engaged in unlicensed mining in an ice anomaly. The miner, Iceman Alabel, demanded satisfaction. Gaylord referred the matter to an impartial arbitrator, TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet. The stakes were incredibly high for both sides. Since the miner had no background in space law, experienced public defender HotShotX Warcastle offered his services. The trial was about to begin.

Iceman Alabel > if this was a real trial not i have no hope in
Iceman Alabel > the code doing anything other than ganking rithg*

Iceman was skeptical of hiring HotShotX, who admitted to being an Agent of the New Order himself. But the miner didn't have much of a choice. Space lawyers weren't exactly lining up to take a gank victim's case pro bono.

Gaylord Fappington > Sirs of the court, I am asking to be represented by my lawyer
Gaylord Fappington > The honorable Fauntleroy Fappington esq
Fauntleroy Fappington > Hello your honor, hello court
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Iceman Alabel since you have not chosen a defender, HotShotX Warcastle will take the case.
Fauntleroy Fappington > Your honor I have been briefed on the deatils of this case

Seeing that Iceman was represented by the formidable public defender, Gaylord decided he had better get lawyered up, too. He brought in the patrician but well-regarded Fauntleroy Fappington, of the highsec Fappingtons. Who would prevail?

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Alright, let us please begin with opening arguments, gentlemen. If I could also have the baliff read the charges, please.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > #Justice
Iceman Alabel > ill save you the trouble i was minnig with no permint cause fuck that
HotShotX Warcastle > The defense asserts that the My client, Iceman Alabel was..... admitting to the charges.
HotShotX Warcastle > Damnit.

There was no case HotShotX couldn't handle. He considered himself a dream team of one. But things got off to a rocky start when his client blurted out a confession--without even consulting his space lawyer first!

Iceman Alabel > Gaylord Fappington came in and ganked me h
Fauntleroy Fappington > OBJECTION!
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > SUSTAINED
Fauntleroy Fappington > He was also speaking ill of poor defenseless Goons
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel stand down!

Things got out of hand. Additional court personnel were called in. Before long, the trial convo was a packed house. TheInternet struggled to regain order.

Kalorned > It says here in small print that he is also chard with discrimination against minorities as well as racism
Iceman Alabel > ya but the goon have not relavince in this "court:"
Iceman Alabel > i have been at war with the goons i didnt reize that was raceism
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel ssh, we've got to play this carefully. I know you don't trust me, but let me at least TRY.
Iceman Alabel > but they can change side they dont have to be goons and then id have no problems witrh em
HotShotX Warcastle > THE DEFENSE REQUESTS A 5 MINUTE RECESS TO DISCUSS THE TRIAL WITH MY CLIENT

HotShotX took advantage of the chaos and confusion by requesting a recess. His client needed coaching, badly. TheInternet agreed to a short break so he could restore order. A few minutes later, Gaylord's attorney was ready to speak for the prosecution.

Fauntleroy Fappington > We are ready at your request your honor, with my trademark brevity
Fauntleroy Fappington > Your honor, My client was on a standard patrol in the Uotila system
Fauntleroy Fappington > While checking bios for mining permits he came across a bio reading simply 'I wanna be a minner when i grow up!!!'
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > /emote gasps
Fauntleroy Fappington > Acting quickly upon the discovery of a minor miner breaking the Code, Gaylord liquidated the miner's ship without warning and with extreme prejudice
Fauntleroy Fappington > We put forth that Gaylord's enforcement of the Code was thus both justified and timely
Fauntleroy Fappington > The prosecution rests

Gaylord's attorney delivered a highly competent, if predictable, opening statement--exactly what you'd expect from a Fappington. HotShotX, on the other hand, didn't have the Fappington name or the isk that comes with it. All he had were his wits, the wits that had brought him out of lowsec as a newbie and elevated him to the rank of New Order Agent. The case wasn't an easy one. He knew his client was very probably guilty. But he had a duty. To win this case, he'd need to pull a rabbit out of his hat.

HotShotX Warcastle > My client, the humble Iceman Alabel was introduced today to the law of the New Order. The New Halaima Code of Conduct
HotShotX Warcastle > It has been in his ignorance and surprise to have been graced with such a, vibrant introduction.
HotShotX Warcastle > As such
HotShotX Warcastle > He initially lashed out
HotShotX Warcastle > In anger, frustration, and a curious awe.
HotShotX Warcastle > A curiosity, that has been piqued.

Frankly, he struggled. He played for time, searching the recesses of his mind and memory to find something, anything, that would help his client.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Is this going somewhere, Mr. Warcastle?
HotShotX Warcastle > Yes sir.
HotShotX Warcastle > In the brief time I have had a chance to speak with him, he has expressed the interest of learning more. He wishes to make amends, admit his wrongdoing, and learn what following the Code has to offer.

At last, HotShotX found his answer--in the Code. Of course! His client's only hope of salvation was to begin following the Code from that very day.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Am I to take it then, that the defendent begs for James 315's mercy?
Fauntleroy Fappington > I have spoken with my client, and he has told me that he is willing to drop all charges as a gesture of kindness if Iceman Alabel purchases a mining permit and apologizes.
Fauntleroy Fappington > If it pleases the court as well, we believe this to be a fair plea arrangement

Out of nowhere, a miracle! It was an eleventh-hour plea deal from the prosecution. HotShotX could scarcely believe his luck. All his client would need to do is buy a permit and apologize to the ganker.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Has the defense consented to this arrangement?
HotShotX Warcastle > The defense has no objections, assuming we can resuscitate the client.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I understand. AFKness is a very frequent problem for defendents in this court.
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel are you there? It's going to be alright, mate.
HotShotX Warcastle > We got you.
Fauntleroy Fappington > Sir, my client confirms that Iceman Alabel , while afk, is docked in the same station as my client
Fauntleroy Fappington > And is not breaking the Code currently

The only problem: HotShotX's client was AFK. Still, it seemed Iceman's chances of survival in highsec were much greater than they had been a few moments earlier. He simply needed to return to his keyboard and accept the deal. HotShotX breathed an enormous sigh of relief.

Iceman Alabel > on anothe toon
Iceman Alabel > still readin
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Iceman Alabel do you consent to the plea arrangement that the legal teams have worked out?
Iceman Alabel > no
Kalorned > /emote gasps
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote facepalms
Fauntleroy Fappington > * gasps
HotShotX Warcastle > OBJECTION

Some clients are easier to save than others. The same goes for highsec miners. HotShotX could only stand by and watch in horror as his client refused the deal. All his hard work was going right down the drain. Was this really happening?

Iceman Alabel > ill never follow the code of worship james
Kalorned > Oh come on
Gaylord Fappington > * coughs on water
Iceman Alabel > follow the code or worship*
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > GET THE DEFENDENT UNDER CONTROL,! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel You fool
Iceman Alabel > GOOD FUCK THE CODE
Iceman Alabel > and i spit in fappington face too
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote throws head into hands

To be continued...

Justice Is Blind, Part 1

Some days, it ain't easy gettin' justice done in highsec.

Aria Ito > Extortion is trying to help People?!
Aria Ito > Im a EMT I help ppl. Fuck you.

Two hours earlier...

The day began with a promising enough start for Gaylord Fappington, Agent of the New Order. He discovered an ice anomaly and eliminated a threat that was lurking within. After extinguishing the miner, Gaylord offered to sell him a mining permit. As an Agent and a member of GoonSwarm, Gaylord was used to dealing with unruly miners. Iceman Alabel gave him a piece of his mind. It was a bad decision--he had little to spare. Gaylord agreed to refer the matter to an impartial mediator.

Gaylord Fappington > Hello
Gaylord Fappington > getting mediator in here one second
Iceman Alabel > ill never buy a permit
Gaylord Fappington > We have a miner here who is filing a greivance against me
Gaylord Fappington > He says I did not follow the Code because I did not warn him
Iceman Alabel > thats right
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Oh dear

Luckily, a man of honour was not difficult to find.

Iceman Alabel > if i remember right i should get bumped b4 i get poped
Gaylord Fappington > Kill: Iceman Alabel (Covetor) for reference, this is the incident in question
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Iceman Alabel if you have any facts you would like established lets hear them now
Iceman Alabel > lets see ishowed up to the belt mined not even one cycle and was poped
Iceman Alabel > no warning that i was "breaking" your code rules

The miner told the story from his perspective. As the killmail confirmed, Iceman didn't get any ice from the anomaly. That's how efficiently Gaylord was able to gank him.

Gaylord Fappington > I admit I dispensed justice quickly
Gaylord Fappington > But the Miner's bio alarmed me
Gaylord Fappington > I checked his bio for his permit info and saw this:

At the outset, it seemed like an open-and-shut case. Instead of proudly sporting a mining permit in his bio, Iceman proclaimed himself a miner-aspirant.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Ah yes, I see that there is a bit of an issue with the bio, now that you point it out.
Gaylord Fappington > And yet, there he was mining, recklessly and with no permit
Gaylord Fappington > I said to myself, 'here is a minor miner, and he's already breaking the rules. I need to act fast before he grows into an afk miner'
Iceman Alabel > on person on and alt account trying to bring in a little ice for cash in not reckless minning

The New Order is filled with problem-solvers. We fix things when they're broken--but we also try our best to stop problems from getting worse.

Gaylord Fappington > I tried to explain that having a permit would help him calm down, but he just got madder
Gaylord Fappington > He insulted The New Order, Agents, and even poor defenseless Goons in his tirade
Iceman Alabel > ha im over that but iv told you and other agents that il never buy a permit
Gaylord Fappington > [00:40:37] Iceman Alabel > that and the goons are fuckasses too
Iceman Alabel > dam right

You know what they say about judging a book by its cover? All Iceman knew about Gaylord was that he was an Agent of the New Order, a Goon, and that he'd ganked him. Based on nothing else, Iceman condemned Gaylord. He didn't bother getting to know him.

Iceman Alabel > but to be fair my hatrid toward the goons comes from b4 the NO was even a thing
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Let's not discriminate against any minorities in this chat, please, Iceman. That would include reaffirmations of the prior inflammatory statements you have made.
Iceman Alabel > is was just explaning that comment
Gaylord Fappington > How long have you been playing Eve?
Iceman Alabel > 4 years

The risk/reward imbalance in highsec continues to take its toll. Even though Iceman was a relatively new alt, he admitted that he was a veteran EVE player. And still, he was mining highsec ice with a fail-fit Covetor. He needed Order in his life.

Gaylord Fappington > And yet you're still confused on the rules of The Code?
Iceman Alabel > iv been living here longher the the NO
Iceman Alabel > no i know the rules for the most part im just not folling for james bull
Iceman Alabel > the NO coming into my home and telling me to fall in line is like the nazis invading france or poland
Gaylord Fappington > Oh my
Iceman Alabel > none of my isk is ever going to james bich ass

Snap judgments seemed to be Iceman's specialty. Without even meeting me, he was sure he didn't like me. Also, Nazis.

Iceman Alabel > how was i the biggest threat when you had someone multiboxing in the same belt?
Gaylord Fappington > I bet TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet could sell you a shiny new permit right here on the spot
Iceman Alabel > ya im not paying gankes either
Gaylord Fappington > Iceman Alabel , I just took the liberty of getting you an attorney
HotShotX Warcastle > Good Evening.
HotShotX Warcastle > May I have a moment with my client, please.

In spite of everything, Gaylord took pity on the miner. Knowing full well that he could be jeopardizing his own position in the mediation, Gaylord located an attorney for Iceman. Not just any attorney, either--it was HotShotX Warcastle, a hotshot space attorney.

Iceman Alabel > ya a code lawer in a leagle battle agenst the code, ya that wont do
HotShotX Warcastle > To be upfront, I am indeed a Code Agent, but I do believe that if Code or one of its Agent was wrong, I would want them help accountable.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > This isn't going to be decided by the CODE. lawyer
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I'm an independent third party and I take my responsibility to be impartial very seriously
Iceman Alabel > TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet and no offence to you either but your prob code too

HotShotX was a public defender. Mostly he defended the public by ganking bot-aspirants. Though HotShotX had a great record, Iceman wasn't sure he trusted him, due to his affiliation with the New Order. Another book judged by its cover. HotShotX assured the miner that he could get results.

TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > It's actually a very smart system. I don't get paid unless there is a negotiated settlement. It's actually very progressive and European.
Iceman Alabel > so you guse with all the isk pay him to tell ppl like me who just lost there ship tough shit should have bought a permit
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Iceman Alabel if you do not choose a defender the tribunal will appoint one for you.
Iceman Alabel > ya no need for one
HotShotX Warcastle > Is the defendent choosing to self-represent???
Iceman Alabel > the judgement will be agenst me nomatter what
HotShotX Warcastle > (Not advised)
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote sighs

...But like I said, some days it just ain't easy.

To be continued...