Friday, March 13, 2015

Justice Is Blind, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Gaylord Fappington caught and killed a suspected bot-aspirant who was engaged in unlicensed mining in an ice anomaly. The miner, Iceman Alabel, demanded satisfaction. Gaylord referred the matter to an impartial arbitrator, TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet. The stakes were incredibly high for both sides. Since the miner had no background in space law, experienced public defender HotShotX Warcastle offered his services. The trial was about to begin.
Iceman Alabel > if this was a real trial not i have no hope in
Iceman Alabel > the code doing anything other than ganking rithg*
Iceman was skeptical of hiring HotShotX, who admitted to being an Agent of the New Order himself. But the miner didn't have much of a choice. Space lawyers weren't exactly lining up to take a gank victim's case pro bono.
Gaylord Fappington > Sirs of the court, I am asking to be represented by my lawyer
Gaylord Fappington > The honorable Fauntleroy Fappington esq
Fauntleroy Fappington > Hello your honor, hello court
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Iceman Alabel since you have not chosen a defender, HotShotX Warcastle will take the case.
Fauntleroy Fappington > Your honor I have been briefed on the deatils of this case
Seeing that Iceman was represented by the formidable public defender, Gaylord decided he had better get lawyered up, too. He brought in the patrician but well-regarded Fauntleroy Fappington, of the highsec Fappingtons. Who would prevail?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Alright, let us please begin with opening arguments, gentlemen. If I could also have the baliff read the charges, please.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > #Justice
Iceman Alabel > ill save you the trouble i was minnig with no permint cause fuck that
HotShotX Warcastle > The defense asserts that the My client, Iceman Alabel was..... admitting to the charges.
HotShotX Warcastle > Damnit.
There was no case HotShotX couldn't handle. He considered himself a dream team of one. But things got off to a rocky start when his client blurted out a confession--without even consulting his space lawyer first!
Iceman Alabel > Gaylord Fappington came in and ganked me h
Fauntleroy Fappington > OBJECTION!
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > SUSTAINED
Fauntleroy Fappington > He was also speaking ill of poor defenseless Goons
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel stand down!
Things got out of hand. Additional court personnel were called in. Before long, the trial convo was a packed house. TheInternet struggled to regain order.
Kalorned > It says here in small print that he is also chard with discrimination against minorities as well as racism
Iceman Alabel > ya but the goon have not relavince in this "court:"
Iceman Alabel > i have been at war with the goons i didnt reize that was raceism
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel ssh, we've got to play this carefully. I know you don't trust me, but let me at least TRY.
Iceman Alabel > but they can change side they dont have to be goons and then id have no problems witrh em
HotShotX took advantage of the chaos and confusion by requesting a recess. His client needed coaching, badly. TheInternet agreed to a short break so he could restore order. A few minutes later, Gaylord's attorney was ready to speak for the prosecution.
Fauntleroy Fappington > We are ready at your request your honor, with my trademark brevity
Fauntleroy Fappington > Your honor, My client was on a standard patrol in the Uotila system
Fauntleroy Fappington > While checking bios for mining permits he came across a bio reading simply 'I wanna be a minner when i grow up!!!'
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > /emote gasps
Fauntleroy Fappington > Acting quickly upon the discovery of a minor miner breaking the Code, Gaylord liquidated the miner's ship without warning and with extreme prejudice
Fauntleroy Fappington > We put forth that Gaylord's enforcement of the Code was thus both justified and timely
Fauntleroy Fappington > The prosecution rests
Gaylord's attorney delivered a highly competent, if predictable, opening statement--exactly what you'd expect from a Fappington. HotShotX, on the other hand, didn't have the Fappington name or the isk that comes with it. All he had were his wits, the wits that had brought him out of lowsec as a newbie and elevated him to the rank of New Order Agent. The case wasn't an easy one. He knew his client was very probably guilty. But he had a duty. To win this case, he'd need to pull a rabbit out of his hat.
HotShotX Warcastle > My client, the humble Iceman Alabel was introduced today to the law of the New Order. The New Halaima Code of Conduct
HotShotX Warcastle > It has been in his ignorance and surprise to have been graced with such a, vibrant introduction.
HotShotX Warcastle > As such
HotShotX Warcastle > He initially lashed out
HotShotX Warcastle > In anger, frustration, and a curious awe.
HotShotX Warcastle > A curiosity, that has been piqued.
Frankly, he struggled. He played for time, searching the recesses of his mind and memory to find something, anything, that would help his client.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Is this going somewhere, Mr. Warcastle?
HotShotX Warcastle > Yes sir.
HotShotX Warcastle > In the brief time I have had a chance to speak with him, he has expressed the interest of learning more. He wishes to make amends, admit his wrongdoing, and learn what following the Code has to offer.
At last, HotShotX found his answer--in the Code. Of course! His client's only hope of salvation was to begin following the Code from that very day.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Am I to take it then, that the defendent begs for James 315's mercy?
Fauntleroy Fappington > I have spoken with my client, and he has told me that he is willing to drop all charges as a gesture of kindness if Iceman Alabel purchases a mining permit and apologizes.
Fauntleroy Fappington > If it pleases the court as well, we believe this to be a fair plea arrangement
Out of nowhere, a miracle! It was an eleventh-hour plea deal from the prosecution. HotShotX could scarcely believe his luck. All his client would need to do is buy a permit and apologize to the ganker.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Has the defense consented to this arrangement?
HotShotX Warcastle > The defense has no objections, assuming we can resuscitate the client.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I understand. AFKness is a very frequent problem for defendents in this court.
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel are you there? It's going to be alright, mate.
HotShotX Warcastle > We got you.
Fauntleroy Fappington > Sir, my client confirms that Iceman Alabel , while afk, is docked in the same station as my client
Fauntleroy Fappington > And is not breaking the Code currently
The only problem: HotShotX's client was AFK. Still, it seemed Iceman's chances of survival in highsec were much greater than they had been a few moments earlier. He simply needed to return to his keyboard and accept the deal. HotShotX breathed an enormous sigh of relief.
Iceman Alabel > on anothe toon
Iceman Alabel > still readin
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Iceman Alabel do you consent to the plea arrangement that the legal teams have worked out?
Iceman Alabel > no
Kalorned > /emote gasps
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote facepalms
Fauntleroy Fappington > * gasps
HotShotX Warcastle > OBJECTION
Some clients are easier to save than others. The same goes for highsec miners. HotShotX could only stand by and watch in horror as his client refused the deal. All his hard work was going right down the drain. Was this really happening?
Iceman Alabel > ill never follow the code of worship james
Kalorned > Oh come on
Gaylord Fappington > * coughs on water
Iceman Alabel > follow the code or worship*
HotShotX Warcastle > Iceman Alabel You fool
Iceman Alabel > GOOD FUCK THE CODE
Iceman Alabel > and i spit in fappington face too
HotShotX Warcastle > /emote throws head into hands
To be continued...


  1. I hear Veers is a pretty good space lawyer, too bad he never logs into the game anymore.

    1. lol code kangaroo court not worth my time

    2. shame you never login anymore, I guess with code winning and all their is not much to log into?

  2. Oh wow. this is way better than any episode of LA Law.

    * runs out door to get popcorn for next installment.

  3. Oh man, he was so close to being free! Snigie

  4. This is phenomenal.

  5. Those caps hurt my eyes.....on a positive note thou, you are indeed right about code. Of course even code is not spared getting scammed. Ask ming about his 11 billion he is still crying over.


  6. @Anon9:56
    Sure. I donated 11 billion isk to the New Order! You know I did it because my face is right up there on left hand side of the page, proudly beaming out from the #1 spot with the big fat 11 billion under my name. Investing in the New Order is one of the best things I've ever done. It means more Catalysts, more Taloses, more code-compliance, and more stories from James 315! Not only that, but my gift is CREST verifiable!

    Now, not to be outdone, M has countered that he has donated almost quadruple that amount helping the victims of Code ganking!

    However, there is a difference between myself and M!

    I am telling the truth and can provide API verified proof of my transaction!
    And M is lying, hasn't helped anybody, and is completely unable to provide proof of his claims! It would appear that CODE. wins again!

    This, M's loss, is partly due to the fact that he cannot reveal his in-game name. That's okay though- because, if he did, he knows that it would immediately be placed upon the Red Pen List. His permit fee would be tripled! I can understand the desire to stay off that list- it's a real bitch once the New Order has set you red.

    But other than that, it's yet another Victory for the New Order!

  7. This is 300% better than To Kill A Mockingbird! This is one of James 315's BEST legal narratives yet!

  8. Wonderful! Eve needs more space court!

  9. @ ming, as far as the red pen list goes, my main has been on that list almost since james created it. It would not matter to me if his fake permit fee for me was 30 thousand, 30 mil, 30 bil or 30 tril. As far as me needing to provide proof, why? Your not the one i give isk to, so you dont matter :) The people that matter are the ones i give and gave isk to, and they are thankful :) Its quite sad how jelous you are of me ming, really. Its ok thou, im not vain like you are. How much did you say again you have in your wallet atm? Oh, thats right, you wont say. Shame.


  10. I still fail to see how sending 11 bill isk to James was somehow ming being scammed out of money. I mean... If you give 11 billion isk to your alliance it really isn't a scam. I do find the whole broken record thing cute though.

  11. Red pen list sounds much like something that do not belong in a game when kids are allowed to play.
    Wonder when Ming will blow an artery?
    He should really take some time off EVE and internet before it will cost me more money than he and his Code friends already does to mankind.
    But maybe he just buy a med clone and we don't need to send an ambulance to him when his artery blows up...

    1. I have the feeling ming is already very close to blowing an artery. Just look at how much he rages on here every day.


  12. With Code logic a rape is just a way to help women to understand that they are just getting helped being a better person.
    A victim for murder is just getting helped to be a better person in the after life.
    A mugged person is just helped to be a better person.
    Nothing they do can be wrong in any way except that the game mechanics sees them as criminals.

    So as long as the game mechanics sees them as criminals they are criminals that's a fact that no one can deny.

    1. How can you even compare horrible real life crimes like murder or rape with shooting up spaceships in a spaceship-shooting game? If someone shoots you in Call of Duty and then taunts you do git gud, do you also compare it to rape or murder? Or if someone beats you in chess, do you rage and flip the board, because you just wanted to be left alone? EVE is a multiplayer game, not singleplayer. Everyone who undocks has to take into account that he is now a potential target. Just like if you log in to a server in an FPS game or challenge your friend to a game of chess.

      Some carebears think that sandbox means that they can do whatever they want alone and that nobody has the right to interfere. But that is a definition of a singleplayer game, not an MMO sandbox like what EVE is. The New order just wants all players to realize, that this is not WoW or some space-truck simulator or whatever. That in this game you can do amazing things, find friends, blow up spaceships, be the "bad guy" for once or defend the innocent, build empires, let them fall, stuff that you can't probably do in any other MMO out there. Yet many carebears just want to mine ice, be left alone, never interact with anyone or anything that is not a rock and then rage if someone plays the game as it is supposed to be played. This is what the Code wants to change!

    2. They have targeted a specific player group and they do everything to get other players angry. Last time I checked EVE EULA it wasn't allowed to specifically target a group of players and certainly not push them for rage.

      Code use EVE to mock other players, they don't play for the fun game EVE could be.

      Just go back and read what Ming said, he loves to hunt for rage and he doesn't care if it's against EVE EULA.

    3. The real truth is that is what the code and new order are all about...targeting players that they know want to be let alone, knowing they will rage over the action...they are nothing but liars and low life pirates...

    4. Well with some of them it takes a while, but eventully they all do get banned. Unfortunately, they just make a new account and start all over, flaunting it in the faces of those they hurt. The sad thing that none of them notice is james keeps just enough distance from them to claim innocence when one of them gets banned. All james worries about is if enough of those fools keep sending him isk, cause like any carebear all he worries about is hoarding it.



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