Code Ready Gelhan, Part 34

Previously, on MinerBumping... Mission Ready Mining was bump-drunk after weeks of being pummeled by New Order forces in the Gelhan system. Though MRM had hired several mercenary groups to come to their aid, they somehow managed to alienate The Marmite Collective, which went to war against MRM. A wild rumor took hold among the half-mad miners: The Marmites and the mighty CODE. alliance must be in cahoots!

Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet returned to Gelhan for another day of doing what he'd been doing from the start: Bumping non-compliant miners. Now, however, MRM "intelligence" was convinced that these actions were part of a wider conspiracy.

MRM spymaster Slypher Hekki believed that there was no longer any doubt about the matter. The Marmites and CODE. were guilty of colluding with each another.

TheInternet tried to ignore the chatter, focusing instead on bumping an unlicensed Hurricane. Yet the scandalous charge of collusion cast a pall over Gelhan. Everybody was talking about it now.

According to MRM propaganda, CODE.'s alleged mercenary contract was a violation of the Code. Slypher argued that it's illegal to bump or gank unlicensed miners for pay. TheInternet knew that his motives were pure, so he ignored the conspiracy theories and went about his work.

However, the collusion story wouldn't go away. Agent Georgia B Dixie entered Gelhan only to find that yet another discussion about the Marmite-CODE. connection was already underway.

From Agent Georgia's perspective, the whole thing made no sense. Marmites are mercenaries, so why would they hire mercs themselves? Wouldn't it make more sense to accuse CODE. of hiring the Marmites? Also, the miners' timeline was way off. The Marmite wardec didn't occur until, what, two dozen parts into the story?

Nevertheless, the miners went along with the conclusions of MRM's top analysts: The New Order was intervening in Gelhan for the purpose of helping the Marmites win the war. New Order Agents were obviously getting some kind of payoff, and that made all of their bumping activities illegitimate.

There was one problem with the story that made some MRM members uncomfortable. Ever since the days of the Guiding Hand Social Club, EVE players have had a fascination with mercenaries. Granted, the heyday of the mercs is long past, but some element of it remains. Paul Kirk didn't like the idea of calling Agents mercenaries, even if it was the party line. In his eyes, it would raise their stature.

Over the following days, more MRM members were caught mining just outside Gelhan. They no longer believed in victory; they were deserters. Gankers intensified their patrols in adjacent systems.

Of course, non-MRM miners were also ensnared during these operations. They were duly informed that all mining activities in the Gelhan neighborhood carried heightened risk.

Miners don't like being kept informed, though.

Agents Kalorned and Georgia occasionally spotted tanked miners and subjected them to enhanced bumping techniques. Because so few MRM members dared to undock, it was easier to concentrate on correcting individual miners. At times, a single miner might find himself bumped for an hour at a time--or even longer. Slypher once again threatened to get CCP involved.

Just then, Gelhan received a special visitor. It was the return of Gai Heiyuu, the CEO of Mission Ready Mining.

To be continued...

Kills of the Week

My impression of a bot-aspirant rebel: "Don't worry about getting a New Order mining permit. I've been mining here for years and never seen an Agen--*BOOM*." Want me to do another one? Okay. "Don't worry about getting a New Order mining permit. Just fit a tank and you'll be--*BOOM*."

As you can see from these selected kills from the week of January 21st @ 00:00 EVEtime through January 27th @ 23:59 EVEtime, those impressions are spot-on. Uncanny, really.

KILLMAIL

Carebear apologists accuse our Agents of "torture". It's nonsense, of course. If you want to see torture in EVE, check out what Samiris Duran was doing to this Megathron hull. Disgusting. Agents Pod-Goo RepoWoman, Pod-Goo Repoman, Hek Arbosa, and Aaaarrgg gave the Megathron the merciful release of death. It's in a better place now, far away from Samiris Duran.

KILLMAIL

This is the kind of freighter kill that demands an explanation. Liendao Gregento lost her Charon to Agents Siegfried Cohenberg and Braggs Seyllin. Observant readers will note that Siegfried isn't on the killmail, though. And the elite, eagle-eyed readers will note the damage: Braggs only did half a percent of the total.

Siegfried is one of the most gifted bumpers out there. He quite literally bumped the Charon to death. As for the Guristas NPCs who applied 99.5% of the damage, they're undoubtedly Agent-aspirants. Arguments about sentience aside, those Guristas have more of a soul than most carebears, that's for sure.

KILLMAIL

People often ask: Which is the most elite PvP alliance in EVE, CODE. or Pandemic Legion? I'll let the reader decide, but I think it's worth noting that every time PL and the mighty CODE. alliance have gone head-to-head, CODE. has prevailed.

As was the case here. Miss Jools did her best, but she was no match for Agents Pod Destroyer Molly, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Kittens, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector Alison, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Joel Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jason Kusion, Tax Collector Kimi, Eden Jayne Quiggins, brainlet, Ding Dong MingMong, and Mining Lord 1999.

This was the jump freighter's cargo. In fairness to PL, the pilot was only a member of Sniggerdly. That's like their feeder corp, right?

KILLMAIL

Poor Danny Daraka. Nobody told him about all the jump freighters with ORE cargo expanders who have been dying in the Iyen-Oursta system. Not only did nobody tell him, but apparently he's gotten behind on his MinerBumping reading. Always a costly mistake.

Agents Jayson Kusion, Tax Collector Yuna, Tax Collector Fuemi, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Alison, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Kittens, Jason Kusion, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector HongMei, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector BokChoy, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Shardani, Tax Collector AynRand, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Aruka, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Hill, brainlet, Mining Lord 1999, and Ding Dong MingMong torched the AFK jump freighter and set him back 20.8 billion isk.

KILLMAIL

If you're too poor to buy a jump freighter, you can lose all your stuff in a Deep Space Transport for a fraction of the cost. What a bargain! Drunken Phonebooth wandered into Uedama looking very out of place in his Impel. Agents Jason Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, and brainlet greeted him with the "Uedama hello", which looks suspiciously similar to the "Uedama goodbye".

KILLMAIL

Phugoid was smartbombed by Agent brainlet after losing his 2.5 billion isk Orca. You know you're in for bad times when your pod costs more than your Orca. Phugoid lost all 3.6 billion isk of his implants.

Speed and armor are nothing compared to the Code. Don't forget it--or else our Agents will have to remind you.

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Seventy-Three Billion in Shares Sold

The New Order of Highsec is the most vibrant and vital part of the EVE experience.

...Partly because even when people leave the game, they send us their isk and we only grow stronger. Remind me again why player retention is a good thing?

Zoe Worclaw purchased 875 shares, which took us past the 1,572 billion isk mark and earned the Permabanned Heroes of the Code another Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ by proxy.

Funny story: The Agent commended by Tarth Mikakka in this EVEmail also purchased shares this week, but not enough to earn a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Yet the Agent inspired Tarth, who bought more shares--500 to be precise--which took us past the 1,573 billion isk mark and earned him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. You see? I told you this story would be funny, and I delivered.

BONUS!

Agent Australian Excellence and his fellow gankers have been killing a lot of freighters and jump freighters lately. You may have noticed the carebears' screams.

Streamable Video

One of the ganks was filmed for your viewing pleasure. It's just a nice, casual video hosted by Streamable.

BONUS BONUS!

Someone sent me a piece of New Order artwork by email without leaving an in-game name. Who gets the credit, then, you ask? Maybe it should be dedicated to the Permabanned Artists of the Code. (EDIT: Agent Count Ragnar Danneskjold has taken credit for the piece.)

Click for full-size version

Look at that elite signage. So much for all the miners who claim they weren't warned about the Code.

Unmasking the False Permit Holder

We all know that using a Venture for highsec mining is a strong indicator of bot-aspirancy. The same certainly applies to using a mining frigate for the gathering of highsec ice.

Ellandan Gallix was caught mining ice in a fail-fit Endurance--in Kino of all places! After their round of elite PvP concluded, Agent Lawrence Lawton received a convo request from the miner. An apology, perhaps?

Ellandan immediately protested his innocence, claiming to be a permit-carrying miner. These can be some of the toughest convos to deal with.

Lawrence tried to explain himself, but Ellandan was a bit too huffy to listen.

The rebels cynically claim that a New Order permit means nothing. Actually, our Agents take the permits very, very seriously. Agent Lawrence was eager to straighten things out.

Specifically, Lawrence wanted to straighten the miner out. And while he was at it, he collected evidence of the miner's true nature.

There's a big difference between a Gallant miner and a Goofus who thinks he bought a "get out of jail free" card for 10 million isk. The latter loses his ship and behaves disrespectfully to his superiors, the Agents of the New Order. Ellandan didn't waste any time in proving himself to be a Goofus.

Within seconds of the convo closing, Ellandan made good on his threat to file a petition with the Saviour of Highsec. Ellandan got super lucky. No, he didn't get reimbursed; he got his mail answered in Highsec Miner Grab Bag #148.

As you might recall from said Grab Bag, Ellandan sent Lawrence more evidence of his bad faith. He never intended to be a Code-compliant miner. Not with that attitude.

And as for his reaction to the Grab Bag?

The miner decided to burn more bridges. Actions speak louder than isk: He may have purchased a mining permit, but Ellandan simply wasn't ready to join the New Order family. Highsec is thankful that Agent Lawrence exposed the truth about this miner.

The Orcas of Nakugard, Part 7

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Alt 00 brought justice to the Nakugard system by slaughtering its Orca bots and scattering the survivors. The remaining miners acknowledged her ability to destroy any of them at any time she chose. At first, this led to peace and order. But eventually, the miners' pesky emotions began to reassert themselves.

Haze Tveskoeg wanted answers for the battlecruiser he'd lost months earlier. As he grew more agitated, Alt 00 offered him some calming words. It seemed to work--so far.

No sooner had Haze simmered down than another rebel popped up in his place.

Young Ok Kim wasn't satisfied with the way Alt 00 handled the Haze case. She identified with Haze because she, too, was an unlicensed miner. A classic case of bias. If the Haze matter had been taken care of more privately, perhaps Young wouldn't have been provoked. Transparency comes at a price.

Like a jaded old prisoner who meets a new inmate and tells him the score, Haze cautioned his fellow miner. Alt 00 had enough DPS at her disposal to kill any carebear, no matter how tanked.

Alt 00 eyed the self-destructive miner with compassion. She wondered what her beef was.

Just then, Haze went back for another good wallow in self-pity. Was Young Ok Kim's defiance stirring him up?

The miners grew more uppity. As Alt 00 suspected, they were feeding off of each other.

Our Agent uncorked her italics and quoted the Code, but even this was not enough to subdue the unruly pair.

Alt 00 sighed and drew five Catalysts from her deck of gank alts.

Despite using a semi-tanked Procurer (the kind that rebels say can't be ganked), Young Ok Kim was utterly destroyed. Alt 00 podded her, removing the miner's toxic influence from the system.

Haze still wasn't satisfied. Alt 00 had killed a miner before his very eyes, but the act hadn't won Haze's heart or mind.

Young remained defiant, too--though now she had to share her troubling thoughts by EVEmail.

Alt 00 was genuinely puzzled. She'd brought so much death and destruction to Nakugard, yet it didn't make the miners love the Code. Was it possible that she was going about this all wrong? Then Alt 00 had a realization: She obviously hadn't killed enough miners yet.

To be continued...