A Most Educational Channel, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Anti-Code rebel Zacharen Andromalis accidentally invited Agent Lewak to his "Mining Tutorial" channel. Zacharen was trying to use the channel to teach miners not to buy permits, but Lewak learned that the rebel was growing disillusioned with the effort.

While Lewak was speaking with Zacharen, the rebel invited Sharkbite to join the channel.

Sharkbite had just been ganked while in a covert ops frigate. Apparently Zacharen was using the mighty CODE. alliance's killboard to find people to invite to the channel.

Agent Aaaarrgg was the ganker responsible for the Buzzard kill. Aaaarrgg quickly followed up the attack by popping Sharkbite's 253 million isk pod, too.

Realizing what was happening, Lewak decided to intervene by arranging for Aaaarrgg to join the conversation. It was a public channel, after all.

Our Agents soon came to dominate the conversation. The "Mining Tutorial" channel was being repurposed for a worthier cause.

Zacharen tried to regain control by interjecting some comments about how mining permit isk supports ganking. But he didn't exactly make it clear that funding Catalysts was a bad thing.

Sharkbite had been ganked only moments before, yet he couldn't help being drawn in by the Agents' magnetic charisma.

Zacharen was speechless. Clearly, the Agents of the New Order knew something about leadership that he did not.

Our Agents also know something about the Code...

...Namely, that the CODE always wins. Always!

Sharkbite was ganked by Aaaarrgg and invited to join a channel designed for the purpose of discouraging people from buying permits. Once there, he was persuaded to buy a permit from Aaaarrgg. That's karma in action.

And as for Zacharen?

Inspired by the example of our Agents, he expanded his EVE activities.

When good people do good things, good things happen. And why not? Highsec is worth saving, after all.

A Most Educational Channel, Part 1

Would you trust this face?

Of course you would. It's a very trustworthy face.

...At least, that's as good an explanation as any for the way anti-Code rebels sometimes treat Agent Lewak. Despite his bio and his years of membership in various corps of the mighty CODE. alliance, Lewak routinely gets invited to join random anti-Code "intel" channels.

Lewak was minding his own business when he found himself invited to lepro incin's den of villainy. Our Agent immediately sized up the situation and went undercover.

During his covert operation, Lewak sought to test the miner's loyalty to highsec's legitimate government. It soon became obvious that the miner had none. In fact, lepro incin was a total traitor.

Eventually, Lewak's cover was burned--but not before our Agent had gathered valuable intel.

It wasn't long before our Agent discovered another nest of rebel activity.

Anti-Code rebel Zacharen Andromalis created the misleadingly named "Mining Tutorial" channel so that he could indoctrinate his fellow miners against the Code. For whatever reason, Zacharen thought Lewak would be interested in joining the channel.

He was.

Zacharen realized his mistake more quickly than lepro incin had. However, our Agents are trained to take full advantage of whatever opportunities present themselves. Maybe there was some way for our hero to salvage the situation.

Lewak took a look around and saw that the "Mining Tutorial" business wasn't exactly booming. He perceived that Zacharen was struggling to make a go of it. He lent a sympathetic ear.

Zacharen confided in Lewak. Our Agents are insanely easy to talk to, by the way.

Zacharen had created the "Mining Tutorial" channel in order to warn miners against buying permits. Was it possible that a permit sale could take place right there, in that very channel?

To be continued...

Why Do Miners Lie So Much?

Allow me to present to you, dear reader, a hypothetical situation. It's an outlandish one, but never mind that. Just go with me on this.

Imagine that you are a concert pianist. One day, while you are practicing the piano, a bratty 12 year-old enters the studio. It is clear from his appearance and demeanor that this kid lives in his mother's basement. Worse yet, he is unmistakably a Nazi--right down to the Swastika armband he wears. Without bothering to introduce himself, the young Nazi tells you that the piano is lame and that you should become a drummer in a rock band instead. What is your reaction?

No doubt you have plenty of ideas. But allow me to paint a picture of how you certainly wouldn't respond:

While still sitting at the piano, you indignantly tell the child, "I am not a pianist. I don't play the piano. I am a drummer in a rock band--a famous rock band. I have lots of rock star friends, too." When he expresses his skepticism, you make increasingly desperate and embarrassing efforts to convince him that your lie is the truth.

Absurd, right? Of course it is. No one in his right mind would respond this way.

Highsec miners frequently accuse our Agents of being Nazis--of being Hitler himself. Or they'll compare our Agents to Stalin or Kim Jong Un or any number of unsavory personalities. Miners also claim that our Agents are 12 year-olds who live in basements. They make every effort to stress the fact that they have absolutely no respect for our Agents whatsoever.

Then they try to win our Agents' favor by lying to them.

It's no secret that highsec miners lie a lot. It's generally their first impulse. And they tell all sorts of lies. There's the lie of the Self-Denying Miner:

...And countless lies of the "I wasn't AFK, I was just..." variety:

Miners who lie about disobeying the Code are, often, transparently angling for reimbursement isk. We can also ascribe a profit motive to the 10-year veteran of the game who whines about new players and "new returning players". But surely miners can't all think that they're going to be given free money by the very people who gank miners. Do the rebels really think that members of the mighty CODE. alliance go around all day handing out isk to unlicensed miners? If they did believe that, they wouldn't hate CODE. so much.

We also frequently see miners lying about having powerful friends in nullsec. These are obvious efforts to intimidate our Agents. The list goes on and on. Yet all the lies have one thing in common. Whether they lie about their age, about their friends, about not being a miner, or about not disobeying the Code, all of these miners are trying in some way to make themselves look better to the Agents who gank them.

It's clear, then, that no matter how committed the anti-Code rebel is, no matter how much he claims to despise and be disgusted by all gankers and everyone associated with the Code... the miners care. They want our respect. Our approval.

Why?

Because a bot-aspirant is not a bot. Not yet, anyway. This means that there is some small sliver of humanity that remains in him. It may be buried--yes, so deeply buried as to be almost undetectable, maybe unrecognizable even if detected--but it's there. And that humanity must rage against the bot. The rage of a rat in a cage, but still.

So there is conflict within the highsec miner. On some level, deep down, there is a great turmoil. No wonder he says he needs to mine to "relax"!

In short, the highsec miners know they're wrong. They know our Agents are right. Too weak to resist their own bot-aspirancy, the miners make themselves miserable. When an Agent comes knocking--the very picture of what the miner knows he ought to be--the miner can't help but try to cover up his shame.

Miners, you don't need to live like this. The Code and a better life--a better you--await you.

Alternatively, you could quit EVE and play some other game. But then there are CCP's subscription revenues to think of.

Over One Trillion Eight Hundred Seventy-Five Billion in Shares Sold

The New Order continues to sail gracefully to victory--and the bot-aspirants to their destruction.

Koizumi Taira added yet more wind to our sails with her purchase of 3,250 shares. This took us (insert additional sailing metaphor as you please) to the 1,873, 1,874, and 1,875 billion isk marks. Koizumi's accomplishment is further multiplied by a Triple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.


BONUS!

The rebellious miner cries, "Why didn't you warn me about the need to buy a permit?"

As we've seen time and time again, whenever miners do get a warning, they persist in their rebellion.

And it's not just the unruly miners who are condemned when they respond to our Agents this way; they condemn all of their fellow miners, too.

Unlicensed miners have collective guilt. The miners are so similar to one another (see Miner Bingo for proof) that when one miner mouths off in response to a warning, we can reasonably assume that the other miners would do likewise. It is unnecessary to test each individual miner. We're more efficient than that.

Thus, when a miner complains that he wasn't warned, the miner can rightfully be told that his partners in crime ruined it for him. And the miner can apply to his fellow rebels for reimbursement.

EVE Will Disband Before We Do

The year was 2014.

William Galbraith had a problem. Multiple problems, actually--and they all stemmed from his refusal to obey the Code. As a direct consequence, he kept losing ships like this Caracal.

Time and time again, the mighty CODE. alliance brought William Galbraith to justice. But he refused to see reason.

Instead, he went to sleep. As the years passed by, he occasionally dipped his toes into EVE, but only for a moment. Then he would sleep again.

In 2019, the miner returned to EVE, where he indulged his nostalgia in a supremely fail-fit Retriever. Guess who was waiting for him? 'Twas CODE.

Agent Aiko Danuja learned of the destruction of William's Retriever when she and a few friends destroyed William's Retriever. She decided to investigate. As a witness, she was pretty sure what had happened, but she wanted to hear from the miner.

Agents Aiko and Alleil Pollard didn't know William's history. Nor did they care. What mattered was William's present--and the threat he posed to the integrity of highsec.

What was this miner's deal? So far, his motives were shrouded in mystery. But it was only a matter of time before he confessed.

...And there it was.

Like so many other miners before him, William had assumed that the Code was a passing fad, a mere blip on the radar. From the very beginning, plenty of CODE.'s enemies have shared in this delusion. But no matter how long they stay away from EVE--no many years they sit out, waiting for us to leave--they always return to a highsec ruled by the New Order.

Our Agents could've gloated; they'd certainly earned the right. Instead they chose to help the lost miner find his way. With their compassionate assistance, perhaps he could become a productive citizen in highsec and/or real life.

Alas, William wasn't interested. In fact, he was probably already plotting to quit for another five years and wait for CODE. to die.

Five years or five hundred, the Code never dies. It only grows stronger and more powerful. Always!

The same can't be said for cargo-expanded Retrievers, though.

Kills of the Week

Of all of the unlawful emotions displayed by the carebears these days, one of the most outrageous is: surprise. When they get ganked for not obeying the Code, bot-aspirant carebears act surprised. As though we haven't been warning--and killing--them for years! As I said, outrageous. Here's a handful of Goofuses who were shocked to be killed during the week of September 8th @ 00:00 EVEtime through September 14th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

KILLMAIL

Adam Blackheart had an unlicensed jump freighter and 8 billion reasons to be careful with it. Yet Adam chose to autopilot the ship into the Uedama system. He should've known exactly who would be there to greet him: Agents Justin Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jayden Kusion, vernx Ambraelle, Moric Riag, Johnathan Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Darvulia Tepes, Jacob Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Jack Kusion, Maddie Mcbumplug, Jonas Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Nakti Vresha, Quark Valkyrie, and Caution AsianDrivers Ahead.

KILLMAIL

Late last week, Mad Mac19 got caught AFK'ing in a 10.2 billion isk freighter. Our Agents suspected that Mad Mac19 was hiding a secret. The only way to be sure was to gank Mad Mac19 and inspect his pod. So a gank armada was assembled: Agents Alleil Pollard, Karlaina, Ganky, Aiko Danuja, Ukit, AGBee 911, Siepy, Ritina, AGBee 227, AGBee 225, AGBee 001, Shouka, Momiroi, Geronimo Wilson, AGBee 229, AGBee 222, AGBee 230, AGBee 226, Chad Thundercaulk, AGBee 228, AGBee 400, Whadda Badasaz, Krossinaken, Kroppina, AGBee 224, Katrl, Neelee, AGBee 223, Kalypso Kerreria, Kronimal, Krenima, AGBee 221, Keraina Talie-Kuo, Kibbera, Krunallis, and Krominal. Sure enough, after ganking the freighter, they discovered that it concealed a 3 billion isk pod. Naturally, it, too, was AFK.

KILLMAIL

SIPHON ATLANTIS had a dark fantasy: He wanted to make blingy, fail-fit, capacitor-tanked Leshaks a thing. But Agents Ukira Kunero, Rante Charante, Ariku Orenuk, and Vlada Inkunen had a dream of their own, one of light instead of darkness: They wanted to make the Code even more of a thing than it already is. Highsec was blessed when their light overwhelmed SIPHON's darkness. Their dream was beautiful indeed.

KILLMAIL

You thought that Leshak was bad? Quasari Mio had something even worse. In addition to providing Agents Ariku Orenuk, Vlada Inkunen, Zhung Fei, Ukira Kunero, and Rante Charante with a 5.4 billion isk killmail, Quasari's Tempest was even more terrible than the Leshak because it was designed to serve as a hauler. Behold:

No doubt Quasari had sinister plans for the Dominix battleship hulls, too.

KILLMAIL

The drip-drip-drip of blingy Deep Space Transport kills continues unabated. Mascara Lipstick went AFK in her freighter substitute and lost 5.5 billion isk. Agents Ariku Orenuk, Zhung Fei, Ukira Kunero, Rante Charante, and Vlada Inkunen were there to pick up the pieces (after shattering the ship into pieces, of course).

Justice is alive and well in highsec.

KILLMAIL

Some people know what to do with a Talos, and some don't. Rathious Bendus was among those without a clue. After Agent Guybertini destroyed Rathious' 612 million isk Talos with an Attack Battlecruiser of his own, our Agent deftly popped the pod.

Now 3.3 billion isk worth of implants are in a better place. Oblivion is better than being stuck in a carebear's head, I'm sure.