Kills of the Week

Imagine if someone told you, "I want a video game that I can play without ever paying attention to it." You might dismiss that person as a bot-aspirant. But if he told you, "I think EVE Online is that game," then you'd know that he is a Code-violating Goofus. And you would know to look for his name on Kills of the Week posts. From the week of May 3rd @ 00:00 EVEtime through May 9th @ 23:59 EVEtime...

KILLMAIL

Sergio Dzyubak took a heavy loss when his 7.8 billion isk freighter was leveled by Agents Jayson Kusion, Jason Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jack Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jessie Kusion, and Josiah Kusion.

But, in fact, that's only part of the story. You see, Sergio was using his freighter to carry out some courier contracts. In addition to losing the freighter itself, Sergio lost the value of the collateral on those contracts, which greatly exceeded the value of the cargo.

Sergio apologized to Bath Towel for failing his courier contract. Sergio had no idea that he was speaking to an Agent of the New Order--one who routinely makes a profit by setting up courier contracts to fail.

KILLMAIL

Blingy battleships make bad hauling ships--especially when they're on autopilot. Gripen ANM learned that the hard way when he lost 5.2 billion isk to Agents Young Loving, FleetJump Jump, Mr Lovinn, Lovin Jr, Caldari Citizen 2116212079, and 1400mm Gallium Cannon.

KILLMAIL

Orcas used to be common hauling ships. After CCP redesigned them, people started using them for AFK mining instead. The Ninja Girl revived the old practice of using an Orca as a freighter. When she drifted AFK into Uedama, she met a family who believes just as strongly in keeping traditions alive. Agents Jonas Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jason Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joshua Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Josiah Kusion, and iPreferPads treated The Ninja Girl to a Kusion-style fish fry.

KILLMAIL

Goddess Aphrodite, a jump freighter, the Niarja system, and a set of ORE Expanded Cargoholds. These ingredients, when combined, could produce only one outcome. Ah yes, and another ingredient to add to the mix: Agents Ashlee Rackner, Georgia Rackner, Rebecca Rackner, Yan Rackner, Kirra Rackner, Celestia Rackner, Jani Rackner, Emily Rackner, Zoe Rackner, Jemma Rackner, Phoenix Rackner, Ivy Rackner, Adara Gaea, Olivia Rackner, hegils, Charlotte Rackner, Kimberly Rackner, eviserater Doudel, Globby Rackner, and Vladimir Puotin. Goddess Aphrodite was left with a sour taste in her mouth. No surprise there--her recipe didn't include a mining permit!

KILLMAIL

Aria Sathana was just your typical member of Silent Company alliance. She believed that isk wins battles, so she spent 5.7 billion isk on her Paladin. But then Aria got into a fight with Agent God Emperor Kane. Kane belongs to Belligerent Undesirables, an alliance with a rather different philosophy about EVE. Aria predictably lost the battle. The very next day, she lost a 2.8 billion isk Paladin to members of the mighty CODE. alliance. Obviously CODE. and Belligerent Undesirables are good, but we mustn't forget that Silent Company really sucks.

KILLMAIL

ashantiavi krystora was enjoying her 2.2 billion isk bling-Hulk when she was ganked by Agents Amora Bunny, Rafa Quinterro, Amelia Bunny, Ship Insurance Liberator, Alana Bunny, Ayda Bunny, and Afifa Bunny. Then ashantiavi opened her mouth. Do you suppose she made things better for herself, or worse?

We'll learn more about ashantiavi later. Good guess, by the way.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #209

You know what this is. Grab Bag time.

Judging by the tearmails our Agents have been seeing lately, highsec miners have little interest in flattening the curve.

Of course, the Goofuses still dream about people getting cancer. That will never change.

Cross over from game to RL in-game, you mean.

I believe this Russian miner is saying "But nobody ever warned me that I needed a permit!"

...And, "I was going to buy a permit, but now I won't."

Violent Nurse is a Former Fan. According to her, our Agents were her heroes--despite the fact that she spent all of her time AFK autopiloting in anti-tanked haulers. I'd hate to see how she'd behave if her heroes were bot-aspirant carebears.

Notice he doesn't deny botting!

What's wrong with making a profit while doing something positive? Haven't you ever heard the expression "do well by doing good"? You should have--it's in that Code you claim to support.

AHTI CICTEM was angry that Agent Ralliana was docked, but he didn't want her to undock, either. There's just no pleasing some people.

I have a strong suspicion that gankers make better parents than miners do.

No, people who shoot spaceships don't belong in prison or Call of Duty. They belong in a spaceship-shooting game. EVE Online, for instance.

Why would you be worried about being bad at speaking English? Have you ever been to highsec before?

Skeptics sometimes ask how we intend to save highsec. We save highsec by saving the people of highsec. We're pretty good at it, too.

Faithless Friend

Can you guess what happened here?

...Well, close enough.

thicc boi2's "friend" was ganked while illegally mining in an unlicensed Venture. thicc hadn't been there to protect his comrade. Now he shed tears on his behalf.

Lewak was skeptical of thicc; our Agent knew that bot-aspirant miners are incapable of true friendship. So Lewak put thicc to the test--by telling him how to help his friend for real.

thicc found himself caught on the horns of a dilemma. He could protect his friend, but it would require thicc to open his wallet and sacrifice a small amount of isk.

A true friend wouldn't have hesitated to purchase a permit for the miner. Instead, thicc frantically scrambled to come up with excuses.

Agent Lewak had answered all of thicc's questions. In a desperate bid to avoid having to pay 10 million isk for his friend, thicc started screaming out of nowhere.

In fact, thicc wanted to torpedo the conversation. Unfortunately, he wasn't smooth enough to do so in a plausible manner. So he simply spazzed out.

On some level, thicc was angry with Lewak for being a ganker and a permit-seller. But thicc's anger was actually a cover for his greed and selfishness.

If I were that Venture pilot, I'd be looking for some new "friends". How can you count on someone who would sell you out for 10 million isk?

thicc walked away from the conversation--and from his so-called friend. What a dismal fellow. There's nothing sadder than a miner without a permit. For a miner without a permit is a miner without a friend.

Defender of the Newbies, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Lots of people talked about wanting to help new players, but the only people who actually did it were Agents of the New Order like Yucie Van Burean. On a routine patrol of the "rookie systems", Yucie was appalled to find long-time player Ads Ford hoarding all of the Veldspar in the system. So Yucie bumped him.

When Ads Ford realized that Agent Yucie was capable of preventing him from stealing ore from newbies, the miner flew into a rage.

On multiple occasions, Yucie invited the miner to buy a permit and move to a non-rookie system. It would have been so easy and so ethical, but Ads Ford refused.

For some reason, the miner took all of the self-loathing that he should've felt and directed it at Agent Yucie. He blamed her for catching him in the act of stealing ore in a rookie system.

Though Yucie was in the rookie system to protect new players, she also felt she could do something to benefit the non-rookies. Our Agent genuinely believed that she could rehabilitate Ads Ford.

Of course, for Ads to improve as an EVE player and as a person, he needed to give the Code a fair shake. If Ads put aside his petty nonsense and dealt with his anger management problem, Yucie's therapy would probably work wonders.

Strangely, the fact that Yucie wanted to help him--the fact at she was so obviously the good guy in the situation--only enraged the miner. He hated Yucie!

With one last refusal to purchase a mining permit, Ads left the system. But the miner wasn't finished with Yucie yet. As time went on, he sulked and stewed over what had happened. So he decided to send an EVEmail to our Agent and let her know how he felt.

Ads was still angry with Yucie. For whatever reason, he now censored his profanity with asterisks. But the substance of his EVEmails was still awful.

In his EVEmail rants, Ads attempted to defend his decision to mine Veldspar in the rookie systems. He failed to persuade our Agent, however. He couldn't even convince himself.

Yucie still hoped that she might be able to sell a permit to the miner, but Ads was pretty stubborn.

Finally, Ads revealed his new plan: He would continue to mine in rookie systems, but he'd make sure to play EVE only when Yucie was offline. Checkmate.

It was clear that Ads Ford had a long way to go before he was ready to join highsec society. But Yucie's faith was unshaken; she still believed in working toward the amelioration of the miner condition. Regardless, keeping someone like Ads Ford away from the newbies was definitely a good thing.

Over Two Trillion Thirty-Four Billion in Shares Sold

Dax Dixon was in a good mood--and good people benefited from it:

Aiko Danuja received 315 shares courtesy of Dax, enabling her to earn a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ by proxy for taking us past the 2,031 billion isk mark.

Dax's generosity paid off. But this is the New Order of Highsec we're talking about. Dax wasn't the only benefactor this week:

Everything is connected. Agent Donatien Alphonse Francois's love of dolphins turned out to have significant ramifications for highsec: His purchase of 3,150 shares on the dolphins' behalf took us past the 2,032, 2,033, and 2,034 billion isk marks and earned the friendly sea creatures a Triple Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

There was more:

Not a bad investment strategy for a four year-old. But Donatien's financial savvy would only reach full bloom later, when he was old enough to play EVE and purchase shares of New Order stock.

As if anyone needed more incentive to invest in the New Order! But they've got it.


BONUS!

Agent Krig Povelli recently assisted a Russian streamer in sharing some content worth streaming. Krig's contribution to the Twitch stream begins at around the 1:01:00 mark.

I don't think I'm spoiling anything in saying that our Agent killed the streamer, who lost a Kronos valued by zKillboard at 1.4 billion isk and a pod worth 376 million isk.

Much better publicity than a bunch of PvE, no?