The 3800 Dollar Miner

The February Venture-Killing Contest is still going strong. Hundreds of these disproportionately botted mining frigates are going *POP* all over highsec.

Some feel it's inappropriate to shoot a Venture, since it might be piloted by a new player. But a pilot old enough to violate the Code is also old enough to obey it. Consider Shadows Knight, who had been playing EVE for a few days before she lost her Venture.

Agent Jack Van Impe is a chivalrous, gallant Knight. When he discovered that Shadows was a new player, he sent her some money to get a new ship. He even offered to train her how to fly a gank Atron--the same ship he'd used to kill her Venture. This is classic New Order: Helpful, informative, and polite. When you put good out into the universe, you get good back.

...Unless you're dealing with a highsec carebear, that is. Shadows refused the reimbursement money and threatened to get Jack banned for committing the crime of shooting a spaceship in a spaceship-shooting game. The miner wasn't keen on the whole "violence" aspect of EVE. If only she knew about it before she pre-purchased an entire year's subscription.

Jack wasn't intimidated by Shadows' threat to get him banned from the game. Gankers get these kinds of threats all the time. You'd be surprised how many miners truly believe it's against the rules to shoot someone in highsec. Our hero maintained his courteous demeanor and sent Shadows additional information about the game. Now that the carebear had spent some time cooling off, maybe she would appreciate it.

...Or not. Shadows claimed to have spent the last five days trying to complete the tutorial. (I know things have changed since I was a newbie, but I don't recall the tutorial being quite that long.) In addition, Shadows was going to cancel thirty accounts.

Jack kindly pointed out that the carebear was ganked while mining in a 0.7 security system. A detour from the "tutorial", perhaps? Even so, Agent Jack tried to help her understand EVE. This time, Shadows didn't reply for an additional hour. Perhaps she was really giving the matter some thought.

...No, the miner was busy complaining to CCP--probably bending their ears with stories about her thirty accounts.

Jack sent one more EVEmail, this time with detailed instructions about avoiding ganks in highsec. He concluded by telling Shadows that he would help her do something other than mining. Could Shadows Knight become a proper Knight?

...Unlikely. The newbie boasted about cancelling 32 accounts and $3,800 worth of EVE subscriptions. All because of one lost Venture. You know, that's a lot of money to invest in a game you've never played before, especially when a two-week trial is available for free. Jack didn't have the heart to tell Shadows how many Ventures she could've bought with $3,800 worth of PLEX.

The Trial of Krimletch, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Krimletch was given the punishment he deserved for illegal mining in highsec. He dismissed his obligations under the Code, preferring to repeatedly call our Agents "peasants" instead. His informal chat with two Agents expanded into a full-blown trial.

Eventually, Krimletch realized he was on trial. It was probably all the intense questioning by the Agents in the convo that clued him in.

The miner tied himself in knots. First he claimed to be a new player, despite having an EVE account for two years. Then he said he was kicked out of his corp for not playing, but denied having AFK tendencies. Now he had to explain his possession of implants.

Krimletch said that he used PLEX to buy whatever items he thought were "interesting"--even if he didn't understand the nature of said items. Classic RMT behavior. Krimletch looked incredibly guilty.

Krimletch railed against in the injustice of it all. He was a misunderstood miner, mistreated by the system.

In his passion, Krimletch refused a fair plea bargain. He demanded an apology from the gankers. Since the panel of judges consisted entirely of suicide gankers, this didn't go over very well. Nor did the "I would have paid" line.

Still intent on putting the system on trial, Krimletch cast aspersions on the noble Knight who had ganked him so righteously. Not that there's anything wrong with being a pirate. This is EVE, after all.

The Agents who presided over the trial looked upon the unruly miner and shook their heads. His conduct in the courtroom was enough to condemn him.

At last, Krimletch finished his soliloquy about the New Order's cruelty and injustice. No one applauded, though. The speech probably would've gotten a warmer reception in the Anti-Ganking channel; this just wasn't the appropriate venue for it.

Despite the insults, our Agents maintained their objectivity. They considered the case carefully and weighed the evidence. Krimletch was clearly a bot-aspirant, a miner whose sole objective was to mindlessly grind isk in 100% safety. Our Agents determined that the Code had made such a playstyle obsolete in modern highsec. Obsolete!

Krimletch's energy was spent. His oration against the Code had exhausted him, physically and emotionally. He admitted that he had been rude.

Now the miner, like so many others before him, went back on his promise never to pay for a mining permit. He meekly requested instructions for making his payment.

Unfortunately, his bad behavior during the course of the trial had gotten him into more serious trouble. Now he owed 30 million isk.

Parsimonious to the very last, Krimletch chose to pay 10 million isk and await the outcome of an appeal--rather than paying the full 30 million so he could go back to mining immediately.

And so it was that Krimletch wrote his request to be excused from the Red Pen fee. The EVEmail turned out to be the longest such mail ever written to highsec's ruler. Yes, even longer than toad trotter's epic masterpiece. But would it be persuasive? Or would it be a bunch of self-pitying, unrepentant nonsense?

To be continued...

Kills of the Week

The New Order is motivated by many things. Near the top of the list: generosity. If we were only concerned with maximizing profits, we would require everyone in highsec to buy many different kinds of permits. Instead, we only require the purchase of a single, infinitely versatile permit--and at a cost of only 10 million isk per year. On that note, it's worth considering the fact that bot-aspirancy is a disease that also takes many forms. The New Order is committed to combating all of them. For examples, consider these kills from the week of February 15th @ 00:00 EVEtime through February 21st @ 23:59 EVEtime.

KILLMAIL

It was a bad week for bot-aspirant haulers: At least 34 freighters and jump freighters were killed by the New Order. It's pretty obvious that Fp X288 was a bot-aspirant from the moment he chose (or had a computer randomly generate) his character name. Armed only with the assumption that highsec is 100% safe, he put everything he owned into an anti-tanked jump freighter and threw himself into Uedama. He lost over 14 billion isk. How's that 10 million isk permit looking now?

Agents Dirk Magnum, Rakeris, Noll Kion, Nullus Modus, Matou83, Globby, Jean Pagette, Sasha Cohenberg, Jason Kusion, Gunther Cucs, Chocolate Mooses, Burt Plug, Lament von Gankenheim, The Occidental, Oda Nobunaga, Dave Gelinas, Ghuleh Idolatrine, Lisa Tears, ChickenChow Meow, Carter Reichard, PuffPuff Passitleft, and YA0-XJ Beacon performed this impressive kill.

KILLMAIL

Oof. jonnie katz Armer didn't understand that there's a difference between versatility and chaos. His faction battleship fit can only be described by the latter term. And yes, that's a hull repairer in the mids. He went for a shield/armor/hull tank and succeeded at protecting none of them. He should've tried a permit tank. Agents Sasha Cohenberg, Braggs Seyllin, Grumps McGee, Jasion Kusion, Dio Marte, Mildron Klinker, Jimmy Papotte, Nooblet McNoob, Matt18001, Matou83, Allan Vyvorant, Rakeris, Samsa, and SrKotova brought this monster to its proper end.

BATTLE REPORT

Is it possible to be a PvP'er and a bot-aspirant at the same time? You wouldn't think so, but Immersed corporation's 9 Oracles were spotted attacking a POS while completely AFK. An AFK PvP fleet! I appreciate a good highsec POS bashing as much as anyone, but the assumption that one's fleet would be invulnerable to counterattack while AFK? That's bot-aspirancy. Agents Anti-Ganker and hellyeaz systematically ganked all nine Oracles and all nine of their pods!

KILLMAIL

Law Offices of Philly D Lawyer corp was given fair warning when Agent Rollotamasi told them to get compliant with the Code before they started setting up POCOs in New Order territory. According to our Agent,

"Did Philadelphia lawyer recognize the error of his ways and fall under the warm embrace of CODE? Unfortunately no. Instead he hires Failed Diplomacy to fight me off over 44 days of glorious destruction. Failed Corp and Fluffeh Bunneh Murder Squad join the war over time pitting 70+ toons versus one CODE agent...CODE victory was certain at this point of course.

"Of course my aggressors did not realize their loss was at hand. Instead they busied themselves with wonderment... Why would I continue to buy and pit my ships against overwhelming odds? Isn't it all a waste of time and isk? Won't I run out of isk eventually?"

The New Order won the day. Forsaken Asylum forces teamed up with Agent Rollotamasi--flying under the banner of the THE CODE ALWAYS WINS corporation--and took down the POCOs. Proper POCOs were put up in their place.

KILLMAIL

Mining Endeavour corporation was another group this week that learned the cost of failure to pay its dues to the authority of highsec. Its assets went unprotected, since the miners couldn't be bothered. They assumed all their stuff was 100% safe in highsec, regardless of whether there was an active POS shield or not. The New Order cared more about Mining Endeavour's equipment than they did. Agents Mildron Klinker and Zane Arnolles made good use of the hyperdunking technique to tear down the miners' structures. In one SMA, over 2 billion isk of ships and equipment were confiscated. Just two Agents with a bunch of hyperdunk-ready Catalysts were able to inflict over 4 billion isk of damage. Naturally, the carebears were AFK when it all went down.

KILLMAIL

Barbarella B bought into the conventional wisdom that highsec travel is perfectly safe, even if AFK. She boarded a Leopard and went on autopilot. Agent Haleuth taught her a surprising lesson about the dangers of traversing New Order territory without a decent respect for the Code.

5.4 billion isk later, Barbarella had fewer implants--but hopefully a bit more sense.

The Trial of Krimletch, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec carebear Krimletch was discovered mining Veldspar without a permit. His Covetor was promptly destroyed. Our Agents sent him informational material about how to obey the Code in the future. The miner expressed his refusal in a series of increasingly hostile EVEmails, so he was invited to an informal private chat.

In the world of the carebear, everything is upside-down: The miner is the hero, the ganker is the villian, and the mining bot is the ideal. Our Agents sought to liberate Krimletch from that terrible world and show him a better one.

Krimletch seemed impervious to reason. Clearly, an informal private chat wasn't going to help this carebear.

Agent Lord Mandelor began to quietly invite additional Agents into the convo. Studies show that a convo with a higher Agent-to-carebear ratio have a greater chance of success. Krimletch needed all the help he could get.

As more Agents silently filed into the convo, the casual chat was escalated into a full-blown trial. To avoid putting undue stress on the miner, Krimletch was not made aware of the change.

Now the miner was on trial for his life in the game. Rather than go to the trouble of spelling out formal rules and roles, the trial consisted of various Agents questioning the carebear.

The former Covetor pilot remained surprisingly stubborn. He refused to admit that he was in the wrong. He defiantly blamed everyone else for the failure of his highsec mining career.

Critics sometimes accuse me of being self-aggrandizing or attention-seeking. But when a miner gets blown up for violating the Code, the complaint is that the New Order isn't visible enough. According to Krimletch, he needed to see much more publicity about my ownership of highsec. If I am space-famous, it is only to help the carebears--and at their own request.

Krimletch was on the ropes. He was unable to cope with the bombardment of piercing questions. To deflect attention from his own crimes, Krimletch put the whole system on trial. Also, the U.S. government.

But Krimletch's questioners remained laser-focused. Strip miners and ice harvesters ain't got nothin' on our Agents. It was only a matter of time before Krimletch slipped up. When it happened, everyone pounced on him.

It was the "I'm a new player" excuse. When Krimletch reached for it, his hand was caught in the cookie jar. In a panic, he made another crucial mistake.

If this had taken place on TeamSpeak, there would have been audible gasps. Without realizing it, Krimletch made a devastating admission. Now there was serious doubt about whether the miner would be reimbursed for his Covetor.

To be continued...

The Trial of Krimletch, Part 1

EVE is a wonderful sandbox game. It's full of possibilities. The limits are only that of your imagination (and the Code). After two years of playing EVE, Krimletch's imagination brought him here:

...Mining highsec ore in a Covetor. Needless to say, he hadn't gotten very far. Perhaps the miner was simply lacking in creativity. Fortunately for Krimletch, help was on the way--in the form of Agent Lord Mandelor, who killed him.

Unlike the primitive gankers of the pre-Order era, New Order Agents educate the miners they kill. Mandelor made sure Krimletch understood that he was not the victim of random violence. Krimletch had sealed his own fate by refusing to obey the Code. In spite of his rebellion, the miner was invited to put his crimes in the past and join the New Order family. Folks, it doesn't get any more civilized or sophisticated than this.

But the miner was not yet ready to join the future. Like the Veldspar he mined so greedily, Krimletch belonged to the Stone Age.

Then came the threats. Krimletch called his rescuer a "peasant" and warned he would be "tormented for the rest of his days". Never expect gratitude from a Goofus. It was time for a convo.

The Code tells us that the highsec miners are at the bottom of EVE's hierarchy. Krimletch didn't see it that way. If gankers are peasants, what do you call people who spend their time mining Veldspar in highsec with a Covetor? The aristocrats?

Krimletch was greeted by another Agent, GrifterEx. The miner claimed to be unaware of the New Order. Never heard of us. Then again, he doesn't appear to have discovered Kernite yet, either.

The former pilot of the mostly tech I fitted Covetor had all the money in the world. He had no problem paying, but wouldn't pay. He'd destroy the gankers with bounties! It was the ideal revenge plan for Krimletch, since it didn't require him to own a ship.

Years after I told the miners that the bounty system was useless, they still don't get it. If miners won't educate themselves, that leaves our Agents to do the job.

For someone who'd never heard of the New Order, Krimletch was quick to judge. He leveled the exact same accusations that other rebel miners have since the beginning. But if the New Order is like the mafia, why do the miners insult us and show such disrespect? Aren't defenseless civilians usually polite when they encounter the mafia?

For a brief moment, Krimletch had a glimmer in his eye: The idea of a vast anti-ganking movement to defeat the New Order.

However, Krimletch quickly dropped the idea in favor of calling our Agents "peasants" again. It's just as well. Defeating the New Order by organizing a successful anti-ganking movement is impossible. Repeatedly saying the word "peasant" is a much more realistic goal.

Nevertheless, Krimletch vowed revenge. At the very moment our Agents forgot about him, he would strike--or maybe put a bounty on them. This was standard rebel talk. Our Agents weren't satisfied. They didn't want another crazy rebel wandering around the asteroid belts; they wanted a voluntary payment of 10 million isk. And they were willing to go to great lengths to get it.

To be continued...