Thursday, July 4, 2013

The Rumble in Vattuolen, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... I ventured to Vattuolen to commence bumping operations. Illegal miner caveywavey became infuriated, wishing death on me in real life. I resolved to win him over to the Code.

caveywavey claimed that he played EVE to get away from certain kinds of people. That would be a fine reason to play Tetris or some other single-player game, but why join a multiplayer game to get away from people? When you join an MMO, you gotta deal with the people you gotta deal with.

On this occasion, caveywavey would need to deal with me. He repeatedly called me "self-important". He couldn't be more wrong. I am important not because of myself, but because of the power I was entrusted with by everyone else in highsec. I am humbled by the support of the highsec community and the awesome responsibility they gave me.

It's a common misconception--as old as bumping--that as long as I'm bumping one person, I can't bump anyone else. Because miners rely on being in mining range for very long, continuous periods of time, it's quite easy to "juggle" miners. I spotted an illegal Retriever in the asteroid belt and changed course to intercept.

Every time you bump a miner, it's like opening a new present on Christmas morning. You never know whether it will be a cool gift like a signed portrait of myself, or a less-cool gift like a pair of socks. But if a miner starts yellowboxing you when you bump him, that's a sign that his reaction won't be positive. I still hoped that strightnightmare Ornulf would immediately pay me, but this time I didn't roll the hard six.

As I bumped the Retriever, caveywavey slowly chugged back toward the ore. He was calming down a bit, and we seemed to be making some progress.

Though carebears are a superstitious and cowardly lot, they become emboldened when in groups. Miners started coming out of the woodwork to complain about bumps from earlier in the day.

Zuta Styx had finally checked his EVEmail and discovered why he missed out on some mining cycles. If a miner fails to respond in local, I assume they're AFK, and I send them a lovingly copy-pasta'ed form letter. The letters are all unique; the name of the recipient changes.

caveywavey foolishly lectured the Saviour of Highsec on how to save highsec. Pow! Right in the kisser for his troubles.

This unexpectedly raised caveywavey's stress level again, so I broached the subject of his 10 million isk debt in the most cautious and diplomatic manner possible.

Once more, the mob revolted. They criticized me, so I made sure to bring the topic back to where it belonged. Once CCP fixes the risk/reward imbalance in highsec, then we can discuss less-important matters, such as my alleged imperfections.

With the deftness and grace that one expects from an Invincible Stabber, I effortlessly swooped back and knocked strightnightmare out of range again.

He started to lose his cool. Local chat was about to go sour; I have an instinct about these things now.

And there it was. strightnightmare Ornulf threatened to bring his powerful friends into the system and kill me. Blood was about to flow in the asteroid belts of Vattuolen.

To be continued...


  1. Could strightnightmare Ornulf be associated with the rogue miner Str8nightmare from Abagawa? They share a number of similar bot-aspirant traits.

    This saga will surely shed some light on what future challenges I face in the assimilation of Str8nightmare into the New Order family.

    I eagerly await the next installment.

  2. How can someone think that those rude bad-mouthers are the good guys is beyond me.

    It's like saying that a guy who lost at a poker game and reacted by punching his opponent was a good person, only "provoked".

    Miners, before raging at the New Order stop for a second and think about the fact that this is a game and you may occasionally lose If you don't play it well.

    1. EVE is not a game. If you believe that, you are no better than the miners. In fact, i'm certain you are AFK mining right now since you are reading and posting here. Read the Code and embrace James as your savior. Renounce your bot aspirant ways before you get podded.


    2. Anon 7:07, are you pretending to be part of the New Order to make them look dumb? That's a curious tactic, I suggest doing something in-game instead, for a change.

    3. Anon 11:57, I hope you are not mining right now, and instead are posting this from a station. Don't forget, the only way you can stop being a non compliant, bot aspirant miner is to follow the Code. I urge you to embrace James and the New Order. There is hope for everyone, including you.

      -Bob (the other Bob.)

    4. Try harder Bobbins, is it so frustrating being useless in game that you have to resort to comments war? You're proof that the New Order is damn effective and on the side of justice.

  3. I'm sure his 18 man corp is quite scary lol. Better look out, James!

  4. Oh dear god... another article dedicated to James... seriously, I look forward to the articles when things "actually" happen, not where James does absolutely nothing.

    Articles where Fawn makes great kills are relegated to brief KotW blurbs, yet when James bumps miners and they cry we get days worth of self-important drivel from James.

    Let me guess what happens next:

    1. Their friends come, the all lock you but do nothing about it and slowly go away.

    2. The friends do not come and excuses fly as for the reason why.


    3. They come and attack but get Concorded because The Invincible Stabber is, well, invincible.

    1. You should be Red Penned for these words. James is the True Savior of HighSec, and his exploit are the light that shines in the dark carebear infested space.

      Fawn, like all agents is but a tool in James's work. Never praise the tools, for they are not the ones doing the work. It's the craftsman wielding the tool that claims all the merit and deserves praise, not his tools. You should congratulate a painter, not his brush.

      -Bob (the other Bob)

    2. You surely have a lot of free time to waste Bobbins

    3. "Fawn, like all agents is but a tool"

      I don't think you'll find any argument from most EvE players about that!

  5. Perhaps just one guess would be a more appropriate approach to this game. 3 guesses each would just seem to take the fun out of it.

  6. Sir James - (You are a knight after all!) - you are spot on about Tetris being the best game to relieve stress after a day of work.

    But I thought people did PvP to relieve stress in a multiplayer environment - can they both be true?

  7. Challenge accepted. 8)

    -Galaxy Pig


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