Friday, July 5, 2013

Why Carebears Choose to Play EVE


Illegal miner Antart Liberatori chose not to fit any tank on his Retriever. Instead, he went for maximum yield, stole into a 0.5 sec New Order system, and carried away as much ore as he could get his mitts on. That is, until Agent Ophidia Black showed up and put him out of business. His Retriever and Capsule went pop. Antart confessed his crimes, threw a "GF" in local, paid for his permit, followed the Code, and went on to live happily ever after, right?


...Not this time. Antart raged against Ophidia and the Saviour of Highsec. He excused his AFK mining by saying that he was a new player (despite being nearly a month old). In the same sentence, he admitted his guilt by saying that he couldn't reply in local because he was reading the EVE Wiki to learn more about the game. Well, Agent Ophidia certainly taught him about the game--no Wiki needed. Finally, Antart claimed he had no more money for another ship. Ophidia responded, helpfully explaining the need to watch local at all times.


Antart dug himself into a deeper hole. He thought it was far wiser to continue mining while reading the EVE Wiki (or whatever else he was actually doing). The problem is, you can't mine if someone ganks your ship.


Still harping on the Wiki as if it's a "get out of Code compliance free" card, Antart descended into a series of miner clich├ęs. Pro tip for new Agents: If a carebear starts talking about his superior patience, don't buy it. Patient people don't rage at Agents for doing their job.


Antart claimed that he had all the time in the world. He wasn't in a hurry at all. He would be having "fun" in no time. But Ophidia cleverly pointed out that mining in highsec isn't fun.


Antart responded with more contradictions. While he refused to outright confess that he wasn't having any fun mining, he admitted that he wanted to get money so he wouldn't need to mine anymore. Protip for new Agents: If a carebear expresses his desire to repent and leave his mining lifestyle behind, don't believe him. Everyone in EVE can run Level 1 missions or do isk-begging in Jita. Antart touched on another pet peeve of mine--the idea that people pay CCP so they can "do whatever they want". Balderdash. It costs isk to fly a Retriever, so that isn't covered in the subscription fee. And it costs 10 million per year to mine in highsec. Subscription fees are only the beginning.


Now Antart was getting to the heart of things. He explained that one of the reasons he chose to play EVE is that he can "play the game" while watching his kids. In other words, carebears play what ought to be a cutthroat MMORPG because they heard they could "play" the game AFK. They come here to be away from here. Would it be impolite to suggest that if carebears want to be AFK so much, they shouldn't download EVE in the first place?


Antart's confession continued. Gone was any pretense of a patient carebear who had all the time in the world. In fact, he had so little time available that he needed to multitask. Who mines AFK at 1:30am to "relax"? You know what's relaxing? Sleep! The one consolation is that he has two small children. Though raised by carebear(s), such children often rebel against their parents by becoming gankers and bumpers.


Antart let off one last burst of steam and camped on the "relaxation" square on Miner Bingo a bit more. I reject the argument that New Order Agents keep people from relaxing. We keep them from breaking the law. There are plenty of relaxing activities in EVE that are legal. For example, you could bump some miners. In any case, I had no way to verify that Antart actually had a "hard day of work". Given the inherent laziness of AFK mining, he was probably goofing off and wasting his employer's time.


Although Antart previously claimed that he lacked the money for a new ship, he lost another ship the very next day. It seems Ophidia successfully encouraged him to mine in lowsec, where he was killed by a random ganker (unrelated to Ledrian Saisima, as far as I could tell). He then returned to highsec, where he was ganked again a few days later. I feel bad for the guy. Maybe things would have turned out differently, had the official EVE Wiki included a section about paying one's mining fees.

20 comments:

  1. Why does your new friend self-censor 'fuck' but drop so many more offensive words in his mails :(

    -Benny Ohu

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  2. Carebears are the most angriest and bitterest of players we are likely to come across.

    No wonder they need to relax - they're just doing it wrong by mining. PvP can be very peaceful with the right mindset.

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  3. I came onto this game three days ago, I immediately fell in love.

    However, then it happened. . .

    Slowly, as I grasped my perception to adapt to the user interface I was brainwashed by the propaganda of "The Carebear".

    My sense of right and wrong was subtlely manipulated, I was led to believe that whilst I was learning the game and figuring out my "career path" that being able to finance myself would be the ideal thing to do and the "BEST" way to do this was mining. . .
    It wasn't long until I realised the majority of my time was spent mindlessly traversing the stars moving from Scordite asteroid to Scordite asteroid, to the nearest station only to engage in mindless conversation with regards to making more ISK through mining, so I can continue to buy mining equipment in order to mine even more! I even lied to myself and said I enjoyed mining!

    Mining.

    It doesn't require much effort, the tutorial missions even give you EVERYTHING you need to get started, however all is not what it seems readers! The individuals that say it is the "BEST!" way to achieve early currency fail to mention how you hinder yourself. . .

    "But Mitsushige Shingen, how does it hinder me? I need all this ISK in to enjoy the game!"

    My brothers and sisters this is all a part of the propaganda that has been fed to you in order to poison your mind, body and soul! Have you noticed how many people mine, mine, mine and continue to mine in order to fund a mining operation with the sole goal of mining only with the objective of accumulating ISK? IT IS EVEN COMMONPLACE TO MINE AFK! TO NOT MINE AFK IS CONSIDERED ALIEN IN THE EYES OF THE MALICE - FUELED MINER ELITE!

    The universe is infinite, these same individuals also believe that in order to enjoy the universe of EVE online, one must mine, INDEFINITELY and infinitely, this is NOT the case.

    I'm proud to say I've set myself free my brothers and sisters. I created a new account, bought another starter pack for the +9 stat booster and have immediately invested my skills so I can join my brothers and sisters of the stars in awakening other fellow members of our glorious species.

    The New Order is the ONLY way humanity can reach its apex.

    James 315 I salute you, you have my eternal gratitude, humanity salutes you!

    We must ALL acknowledge the glorious union that we are all a part of! We must continue to spread The New Order to help our fellow man with their awakening due to being brainwashed by individuals that have suppressed their limitless potential for their own selfish, damaging, hurtful malicious self-gain !

    -Mitsushige Shingen

    New Order Agent
    Enlightening souls one Capsuleer at a time all in the name of a truly benevolent society.

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    Replies
    1. Miners, behold your beloved "new player". A new player very different from your degrading idea of how a new player should be.

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  4. I can't understand how James and his James find the strength to react calmly to such rabid dogs...

    I feel sorry for Antart's family. If this is how he reacts when he lose something in a game, I can't imagine what he could do after going through real losses.

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  5. "Though raised by carebear(s), such children often rebel against their parents by becoming gankers and bumpers."

    Never a more true statement. They soon realise that the way of the Hisec miner is nothing to be proud of.

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  6. What would EVE be without such fine carebear rage? To all the Antarts of New Eden, your sacrifice of rage and tears is one more smile for other players. Thank you.

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  7. Another one that actually thought he could make ISK in this game with absolutely no risk involved. Antart Liberatori try to park your barge into a lvl4 mission, an Incursion site or simply go try to mine in lowsec or nullsec... see what happens (as I see you already had an out of highsec experience), and then you'll have an idea of what I'm talking about. And yeah, never put a tank on your ship, because tanking is too mainstream for you !

    P.S. : Please show respect for New Order agents, today Ophidia Black taught you a valuable lesson, I hope someday you'll realize that ...

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    1. "Another one that actually thought he could make ISK in this game with absolutely no risk involved"

      LMAO. Do you even play EvE? There are literally hundreds of ways to make ISK in EvE that involve zero risk. Take station trading for example. You don't even have to be logged in to make ISK! Far worse than mining. Maybe you should wake up and think for yourself a little bit instead of swallowing all of James' dishonest rhetoric. I know thinking may hurt but give it a go, you might be able to hack it for more than 5 seconds this time.

      Delete
    2. "There are literally hundreds of ways to make ISK in EvE that involve zero risk. Take station trading for example. "
      Antart Liberatori, may have the brain of an ant , but you sir are absolutely retarded...
      Trading involves some serious PvP in this game: market PvP ! Also there's the risk to lose quite a lot of the invested ISK in assets.Same thing applies to industry, as for R&D agents and PI , in high sec the profit is so small, that it barely covers the cost of faction ammo !
      On the other hand, in case of highsec mining there isn't such thing as risk or any form of PvP.

      Delete
    3. I love it when people resort to personal insults. You know they have no valid point when they do.

      Trading only involves risk if one is a "retard" as you might say. There is no getting away from it, trading is more worse than AFK mining - it doesn't even require the trader to be logged in, yet they are still making ISK.

      Your only defense to this is to hurl insults and mention irrelevant things. I accept your most ungracious defeat, but it was hardly a challenge.

      Delete
    4. Badger, margin trading recquires a significant ISK investment to pay off with large profits. Granted, the profession generally enjoys lower risks but the ISK/hour is crap unless you know what you're doing. Hence why only a small portion of the player base engages in it on a large scale.

      Delete
  8. Oh I can't wait to get in on this. My toon (Melany Melkan) should be ready soon.

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  9. "Antart touched on another pet peeve of mine--the idea that people pay CCP so they can "do whatever they want"."

    I must object to this point. Subscribers -can- do whatever they want within the EULA. The key point is that New Order agents are also subscribers.

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    Replies
    1. The context in which carebears use the quoted sentence is "we pay to do whatever we want undisturbed".

      The last word is implied but important. They mean gankers have no right to gank them because if they lose their ship in high sec they can no longer "do what they want". It's a close-minded and selfish way of thinking.

      Delete
  10. Anonymous 05:08 (Melany Melkan) Ready Soon? Have you not heard of the boxcutter hero set up?

    A 24 hour trained character with 200dps and of course non t2 mods. Very impressive. Of course at that time you will need allies or an AFK corp member (non npc corp), but this is an MMO game so having allies is not a bad thing.

    Add an another 48 hours and your gankability increases dramatically too.

    It's something I've done for myself and never had so much fun - don't get me wrong I've been an industrialist since playing Eve and my main character has 107+M sp, balancing an industrial chain is a different kind of fun though. It can still fit t2 battleships for fleet pew pew, but the old clone costs were stupidly high, just because a character CAN mine, refine, build and trade it doesn't mean it can't do ship to ship pew pew. Heck mission runners are more anti pvp than some miners out there :(

    My accounts are expired as I type but when my employment status changes so too will my eve online accounts change.

    Oh and Market PVP is some of the riskiest available depending on how tight you tie in to the market via buy orders and sell orders.

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    Replies
    1. 107M+ sp and you still pay for game time?

      Shouldn't you be able to earn enough for a plex rather quickly?

      Delete
  11. i thought antart's grammar and punctuation were pitiful. i ffel better that hes brazilian.
    there is not, however, any excuse for his logic. its more of a wreck than his retreivers are.
    badger - you and that random anonymous were both insulting each other. i just thought it was worth mentioning.

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  12. I heart you Code. I thank you for helping my KB.

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