Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #43


I have my own goons? I love EVE. Welcome to the forty-third edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!


liberty sent an ominous message to Agent Bing Bangboom. News about me on Reddit? Let's check it out:


The EVE subreddit was electrified by a report that CCP plans to fire me out of a cannon IRL. But as you can plainly see, I survived the week unscathed and distinctly uncannoned. It was just an idle rumor. In any event, CCP lacked the gunpowder for such a feat; they exhausted their supply by repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot all last month.


Most people understood it was just a joke, but some carebears believed the human cannon rumor. A quick look at liberty's bio and it all makes sense.


A random rebel sent me an EVEmail warning me that she would not go down as easily as all the other miners in highsec. But if anyone ganks her mining ship, she'll no doubt complain about being "unarmed".


After the past few weeks, I'm sure CCP is nostalgic for the days of The Mittani on the CSM. Could a James 315 / The Mittani Co-Chairmanship be the only way to restore the EVE community's confidence?


Agent Runeme Shilter reports that he received 24 copies of this exact same EVEmail from his Russian admirer. Now that's bot-aspirancy: Even the miner's tears were mass-produced!


People don't play EVE in your toilet, so don't go to the bathroom while in our asteroid belts.


This EVEmail was sent to me by the "sean" referred to in the recent MinerBumping post about TDD Dominaters. His message is a real head-scratcher. It appears as though he admits to account sharing, and then immeditely quotes the EULA provision against account sharing. Weird!


Here's a good illustration of why miners shouldn't ask me rhetorical questions. No, Vanguarder, I don't remember you.


Two different visions of highsec mining permits: In one vision, it's just two loads of ice. In the other vision, it's World War II. It's a good thing the anti-Order rebels weren't responsible for fighting the real World War II; Germany and Japan would be linking up in Antarctica by the time anyone fired a shot.


Miner Warpcat tugged at the New Order's heartstrings, declaring himself without a future, condemned to disappointment and fear. But the story had a happy ending. Warpcat sent me 10 million isk and got into compliance with the Code. Now his future is bright indeed!

13 comments:

  1. Even ifs u has a treeway cosharemanship with mitani james and eroticas, that is still only 1 person as chairmen. i no your sekrit and will make missun to get all honist miner u bullee togeter to bring u down!!!! I am in big allyence in nullsec and no lots of person. end of nue order is nere! hahahahahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 0/10 go home mom, you're drunk

      Delete
    2. I also go pick up minors and make u pay. u will reget picking on us. I also know people that r vary powrfull

      Delete
    3. Is this... a joke of some sort? A humorous representation of the angry yet mostly illiterate miner?

      If so, you've captured the essence of the part quite well.

      Delete
    4. NO JOKE. U will never c us cumming. We will all be sekrit and strike frum the shados. U will not be able to deck us. U wil not no hu we r. We are the Rebles. led by no won but drivven by a common gole. U may blow us over and over but wee will still cum and we will stop knot.

      So next time u shoot a minor, stop. look over and over your scholder.

      BEACAUSE I HAVE Ize ON U!

      I KNOW POWURFULL PERSONS AND WILL BE THE END OF YOU.

      U PAY MEE ALL YUR PERMIT MONEES AND i WILL LET THISS PASS.

      I halve sekrit plans for u. I also no things no won else duz. I will give you a bredcrum but I no u r not smart enuf to find it.

      Delete
    5. I like this. The way you capture their baffling anger and non-specific -frankly confusing- threats is top notch. I feel you may have over-egged the pudding a bit in capturing the writing style of the average rebel, but that aside this is quality parodying.

      Delete
    6. Goddamn kids are fucking stupid today :rolleyes:

      Delete
  2. It's really sad that ppl are so stupid to pay u for nothing. I can't understand this entire thing. I'll NEVER pay u to not get ganked. It's pure nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Space Logic TeacherOctober 10, 2013 at 12:59 PM

      It is indeed nonsense, that you would in one sentence say "pay u for nothing", and then contradict yourself immediately by saying "pay u to not get ganked".

      Delete
    2. Dude only people that deserve it get ganked. If u r smart enough u will never get ganked and if u r stupid no ISK will save u from ganking. So basically they r paying for letting them be stupid in other words they pay for nothing. Thats the real nonsense. You guys just feed on stupid ppl, shame on u.

      Delete
  3. CCP lacked the gunpowder for such a feat; they exhausted their supply by repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot all last month.
    10/10. :')

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've always wanted to break into gooning.

    ReplyDelete
  5. https://zkillboard.com/detail/30006698/ This is me awoxing Ace Echo's corp, he even paid me a medal so I would stop shooting his poor miners

    ReplyDelete

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