Thursday, October 24, 2013

Greetings from Gamis, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping...


This. Perhaps the worst suicide ganking fit since the smartbombing Merlin.


After Agent Kalorned successfully bumped Shaka Kamaal De'Zulu out of the ice anomaly, this EVEmail was sent. Shaka's question answered itself: If it's a "grind", you shouldn't be doing it anyway.


Shaka responded to Kalorned's warning by pointing out that he was in the same corporation as two people. No, those two don't have mining permits or anything. They were apparently random people.


As always happens when a carebear argues with an Agent, the Agent won the argument and the carebear resorted to foul language. Kalorned underestimated Shaka's rage: Just two minutes later, the aforementioned worst-gank-fit-ever Hurricane plopped into the ice anomaly and unsuccessfully suicide ganked Kalorned's Stabber.


Having thus engaged in elite PvP, Kalorned emerged victorious. He could have gloated. He had every right to. But instead, he treated the glorious battle as a teachable moment and tried to help make Shaka a better EVE player. What a guy.


...But Shaka wasn't ready to go down the road of self-improvement just yet.


Kalorned kept prodding Shaka in the right direction, but he wouldn't budge. Instead, Shaka directed threats against his new benefactor. I have to give Shaka credit for one thing, though: Most carebears will assign the New Order's doomsday to some point in time weeks or even months in the future. Shaka had doomsday ready to go in four hours!


Shaka chose not to explain what would happen in four hours; he wasn't willing to give up the element of surprise. What did provide was a trio of increasingly bizarre EVEmails. The jibe about Malcolm X is particularly hurtful to the New Order, in light of our struggle for miner rights. Besides, some of my best friends have X's in their names. Agent xxBLACK SKULLxx 929 is even CEO of a CODE. corp.


Just minutes into the 4-hour deadline, Shaka's faith in his revenge was running out. His new plan involved running away to another system and catching Kalorned's steez.


Still, the rebel remains an ever-present threat. Be on your guard, Agents of the New Order: The next time you patrol an ice anomaly, you could be shadowed by Shaka Kamaal De'Zulu. And you don't even want to know how he fits his stealth bombers.

14 comments:

  1. xxBLACK SKULLxx 929October 24, 2013 at 7:29 PM

    LOL


    Black
    929

    ReplyDelete
  2. Stealth Bomber...fit with..........light missiles perhaps? LOL

    I would be interested in finding out what a "steez" is. Sounds like some sort of contagious space carebear disease.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's from a rap song released in 1995, duh.

      It means : "Style with ease".

      He's basically explaining his Hurricane fit. He chose style over combat effectiveness, because his talent is so vast that he needs to handicap himself to give others a chance. ("talentless fool") He actually fired on the stabber to summon Concord to try to duel it, for a real challenge. Everyone give it up for the massive steez of our friend Shaka Kamaal De'Zulu.

      Delete
  3. Foolproof revenge plan:

    1. Bomb Kalorned's invincible stabber in Gamis.
    2. Gloat as the stabber burns in hell.
    3. ?????
    4. Profit
    5. ?????
    6. Get banned by CCP for exploiting to enable use of a bomb (I'm guessing that's what he meant by "warhead", right?) in hisec.
    7. Kalorned's stabber is returned to him by CCP.
    8. A happy ending for Kalorned and his mighty stabber.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be funny to see him ham fisting the bomb launcher key and cursing in local about NO hacking him and preventing him from launching his bomb.

      Delete
  4. I love how those carebears spit with ease curses like "die and take your family with you" or "get cancer", and yet they're convinced that the polite and respectful Agents are the horrible guys. Small, closed minds are amusing but sad.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "The jibe about Malcolm X is particularly hurtful to the New Order, in light of our struggle for miner rights. Besides, some of my best friends have X's in their names."

    Now that is 100% pure gold right there. My keyboard now needs a good cleaning due to the coffee I snorted all over it....

    - Guybertini

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, whatever. I'm officially the Rodney Dangerfield of the NO. I get no respect.

      Delete
    2. We need a +respect button here.

      -EasyKill

      Delete
  6. Confirming stealth bombers are awesome for shooting cruisers and destroyers. I wonder if he'll fit it with drone damage augmenters.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm sorry but "Suck me with the Passion of Christ" ..... I learned something new here today.

    That one liner is got to be worth at least a $1m deposit on the $10m fee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's right up there with "slut down and out"

      Delete
    2. I still don't know what it means...

      Delete
    3. "slut down and out" = " down and out slut " rly how hard is that

      Delete

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