Saturday, October 26, 2013

The Hunt for the Truth, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Illegal miner alexhunter seyah was greedily hoarding ice in highsec until Agents of the New Order destroyed his ship. After his threats and profanity failed to move them, alexhunter decided to appeal to the Saviour of Highsec himself, yours truly. I interviewed the young carebear as part of my own investigation into the affair.


alexhunter wasn't interested in taking responsibility for his crimes. He sought asylum as a clueless newbie.


I knew I needed to start from the very beginning, and find out what alexhunter knew. When I asked him about the New Order, he claimed neutrality. No such thing.


I was touched by alexhunter's admission that he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. There are so many lost carebears in highsec who just need someone to tell them what to do. That's where I come in.


alexhunter had spent his months in EVE mindlessly AFK mining. I had bigger plans for him.


alexhunter's reaction sent off some alarm bells: He was still only interested in what he could get out of the deal. He was isk-focused, rather than Code-focused.


It was as I feared: alexhunter's mind had already been poisoned by all the slander and slime spread around highsec by the rebels.


Erasing the lies of the bot-aspirants is a simple matter: I deny everything and affirmatively state that I'm one of the good guys. Because I am one of the good guys--as anyone who knows and supports me will tell you.


Now it was time to find out if alexhunter was still a lying little bot-aspirant, or whether he was willing to turn over a new leaf. The warning bells sounded again. "Less than 15 mil"? Like, 14 million?


Just as I suspected. If you have 9 million in your wallet and someone asks you how much you have, there's no way you'd answer "less than 15 million". He was deliberately giving a figure of less than 10 million, because he didn't want to shell out for a mining permit. But since he'd admitted he was a millionaire, I didn't feel bad about telling him to start giving me what I was owed.


alexhunter again made a comment contradicting his earlier threat to attack my Agents with a battleship.


Getting away with crimes was so much easier before they invented the flashback.


At last, alexhunter confessed one of his lies. He was a broken man. When carebears hit rock bottom, it's time to lead them into the light of the New Order. Would alexhunter follow?

To be continued...

16 comments:

  1. "I want to make sure they know how to play Eve correctly."

    That made me lol. As if there is a correct way to play a SANDBOX game.

    You dolt.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Anonymous 6:54PM, there are many ways to play this Sandbox game; but only one of them is correct. It is the sincere appreciation of this Truth which distinguishes the Code Upholders from the Code Detractors, to the eternal shame of the latter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sandbox: Many ways to play, all correct.

      Like the Internet. Many ways to play. I choose to play by telling you to lick my ass.

      Delete
    2. You never go ass to mouth.October 26, 2013 at 8:32 PM

      "Licking Anonymous ass is not the correct way to play."

      ^Possibly the least controversial statement ever made.

      Delete
    3. Dear Anonymous 8:28 PM, when a large group of people is involved in a single activity - such as mining, it helps enormously if their efforts are gathered together under the benign guidance of an unassailable system of authority - such as the Code. Did you mean 'lick' as in 'overcome (a person or problem) decisively'?

      Delete
  3. I suspect he has at least something in his hangar or that he is flying that is worth at least 1 million. At only 10 million isk, permits do not need to be put on layaway. I am crossing my fingers for a happy ending.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Undock in a pod ... Get free newb ship, Reprocess, Sell Minerals Repeat.

      Delete
  4. When it comes to assessing the net worth of an eve player there is no one more reliable then Erotica 1.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Funny thing. He could buy a New Order permit, and still end up ganked. He'd have to spend a lot more than 10m to buy safety in highsec, because the NO isn't the only group shooting at miners.

    I still like the idea that was suggested a few news posts back; instead of having them pay for a permit with their ill-begotten funds, have them buy a catalyst and gank someone. Not only does it further the NO's supposed goals, but it serves as a much more accurate test of character.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Funny thing."

      Generally after you say "funny thing", you're supposed to follow it with a thing, which is funny. You failed to do so.

      "Not only does it further the NO's supposed goals, but it serves as a much more accurate test of character."

      That would actually mainly be a much more accurate test of whether someone had gallente destroyer, small hybrid turret, and various other gunnery and support skills trained. Since not every miner has those skills trained, this idea, while interesting, is not a viable replacement in all cases.

      Delete
  6. I hope he pays because I'm going to gank him as soon as I find out he did. And of course tell him I am the New Order. - Zeke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, you are the new order?

      The more you know...

      Delete
    2. You are not part of the New Order. You are an asshole.

      Delete
    3. is that like "I am the walrus"? koo koo ka choo

      Delete
  7. I'm still waiting. Just let me know if he has paid and I'll hunt him down like the dog he is. - Zeke

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting, but if you are going to pretend that you are New Order then you might not have stayed up to date with the recent controversies.

      Delete

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