Friday, October 31, 2014

EVE's Content Providers, Saving You

It's Goofus and Gallant time. You ready for this?

Agent karma balancer met a noncompliant miner named kassi Yaken. By all accounts, kassi was a Goofus.

On the surface, karma and kassi were the same. They both had lower-case "k" names. They were both Australians. But when it came to the Code, they were about as far apart as any two people can be.

Agent karma scored a tremendous victory over the Code-violator. And yet, if our victories didn't change the lives of the miners, they would become hollow. The New Order exists to rule highsec. That we do--and we do it well. However, it's not the only reason the New Order exists. We're here to save highsec. What does that look like, besides ganking the kassis of the world?

Agent Arden Elenduil was blowing up some unlicensed Mobile Tractor Units when he came under attack from their owners. The New Order wins every time, so Arden simply put his trust in the Code and killed everybody.

Among those Arden killed was a young miner named Fintarius. After his Merlin was lost in the MTU fight, he quickly returned to the ice anomaly in a Mackinaw. A little too quickly, in fact. The limited engagement timer hadn't expired. Arden was free to use his Claymore to kill the Mackinaw without CONCORD interference. Fintarius' eagerness to grind isk got him killed!

Another day, another bunch of dead miners, you might think. Except for one intriguing clue--those killed by Arden left "gf"s in local. Arden didn't even have to tell them to do it. Was their a sliver of Gallantry in these miners?

Arden continued to kill MTUs and pilots. Defiant as ever, some other local miners tried to suicide gank Arden with a pair of Catalysts. Ganking isn't as easy as the New Order makes it look, so they failed miserably.

Having won the Battle of Ordion, our hero bid the rebels farewell. He was about to jump through the stargate when Fintarius, the overeager miner, said "wait". He had something to say. Was he going to make a death threat? Curse a blue streak in local? Threaten to petition?

When the other rebels tried to gank Arden with a pair of Catalysts, Fintarius was nearby in a Drake. He saw them fail the gank and then killed one of their pods. It was a revelation. Fintarius had never killed a pod before, much less a rebel pod. The experience opened his eyes to the way EVE should be. In an instant, he understood that the Agents of the New Order are not griefers, cowards, harassers, bullies, sociopaths, Nazis, ISIS members, or any other such thing. We are content providers.

Fintarius immediately dropped roles and prepared to change corps. The very next day, he switched. This was the corp he was in when he met Arden Elenduil.

...and this is the corp he joined. No longer would Fintarius be a highsec carebear. He would join the wormhole community and seek the true meaning of EVE. This is how the New Order saves highsec, and for that matter, EVE. Of course, Fintarius' highsec corp lost a member when he left. Maybe this is why carebear CEOs oppose us so much. How ya gonna keep 'em farming highsec ice, after they've seen PvP?


  1. Someone actually "getting it" for a change. Nice!
    Carry on the fine work Arden Elenduil.

  2. This is how I got into the wider parts of EVE. Spent 3 hours mining in a Bantam when it was a mining frigate, jet canning. Got popped by a battle Iteron and realised, the game has so much more to it thats genuinely fun.

  3. What a load of code bullshit. Jimmy boy doesn't write his own blog. Much of it is fabricated for RP crap. And the code is so worthless in game and in real life that I use the paper it's printed on as toilet paper.

    1. You are so lonely.

    2. So who writes jimmy boy's blog for him? who does the fabricating? Inquiring minds want to know.

      Also how is it possible to wipe your ass with an internet document?

    3. Who writes it? DJ Entropy writes it from what I am told. It's easy to wipe your ass with an internet document. Have the document on your screen and wipe your ass on the screen. Of if you want to use your monitor again, you can just print it out, but it's not worth the paper and ink.

    4. "You are so lonely."


      That was perfect.

  4. You should really get some fibre into your diet, Anon 10:53. Maybe some B12 or something to help you relax and come to the conclusion that this is just a game.
    For now, I would suggest breathing... breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.

    There.. feel better?

  5. Eve.

    Be the villain.

    Carebears are better villains than the gankers and griefers it seems.

    Think about it. Over the long term, we are changing Eve itself.

    We are taking your options away. We are making it harder for you to have fun killing other players in a PVP game.

    In short, we are changing the game you love, and not for the better.

    I can't imagine better villainy than that.

    1. My god!!! That is evil! Bastard!

    2. No better form of villainy in a computer game than to actually destroy the computer game! It's like the evil caped bad guys, twirling their excessively long mustaches and laughing maniacally as they build their infernal machine to destroy the universe!

      That's the image I have of carebears in my head now.

    3. I think youre really onto something here EC.
      maybe WE have it all wrong, and CCP IS recruiting the villains FOR US!
      we are the good guys, thats the truth
      so CCP by ruining the game, and nerfing everything thats good about it, THEYRE providing us with the tools to "Be The Heroes" that we truly are!
      "be the villain" isnt even directed at us in the first place, in eve, carebears are the psychotic evil crazies.

  6. Glad to see someone is paying attention to Ordion. That place is a Russian bot haven!

  7. DJ and Erotica 1 take turns writing it. Why do you think E1 appears so often? James can't help but write about his own alts. He's basically that comic book guy who has to appear in all his own movies as various characters. You think Arden, Jerry Rin, and Fighter Jets are separate individuals? HA! These are ALL James 315 alts. And the MARTERS? Yep, ALL James 315 alts. This guy sure does like righting about himself and its SOCIOPATHETIC!

    1. You really need to learn to 'right'


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