Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Sweeter Than Honey

It's one thing to brag about all the books you've read. It's another thing to brag about books you plan to read.

Richard Keystone fancied himself quite the PvP scholar-to-be. He kept his future battleship and battlecruiser skillbooks in his Retriever. As if their presence made him less of a miner. If you're an AFK ice miner in highsec, an entire library of skillbooks won't save you. Only the Code will.

The ambitious miner had no use for the Code. He said he would be in a battleship Soon™. Sadly, we all know that if we check in on him five years from now, he'll still be camped out in a highsec ice anomaly. Unless an Agent rescues him.
Richard Keystone > Everyone!
Richard Keystone > all miners
Richard Keystone > beware
Richard Keystone > there is an asshole killing people for this "new order"
Richard Keystone > miners
Agent Mildron Klinker wanted to help. But Richard was busy shouting at his fellow miners in local. This is how rumors spread!
Mildron Klinker > Richard Keystone please keep local clean
Richard Keystone > his name is Mildron Klinker
Richard Keystone > he attacks miners
Richard Keystone > beware
Richard Keystone > and fuck you mildron
Richard was huffing and puffing like he'd just finished running a marathon. His warnings fell upon deaf ears. Protip: If you want to get a miner's attention, take away his mining ship. He'll be preoccupied otherwise. It's like trying to talk to someone while they're tapping away at their smartphone.
Mildron Klinker > and congratulations, you've made it to the red pen list!
Richard Keystone > well you can suck my dick
Richard Keystone > beware miner
Richard Keystone > miners
Mildron Klinker > but gf! Kill: Richard Keystone (Retriever)
Richard Keystone > you can all put your permits in your arses
For some reason, Richard thought that if he repeatedly said "miners" in local, that would increase the chances of a miner paying attention. If only it were that simple--we could save a lot of money on antimatter!
Richard Keystone > who are you that you think i should listen to you
Richard Keystone > you're noone
Mildron Klinker > Im a Very Special Agent of the New Order of Highsec
Richard Keystone > not een because you're part of any retarded order
Richard Keystone > you're nothing
Richard Keystone > I repeat: ALL MINERS BEWARE: Mildron Klinker will kill you
Mildron Klinker > not if you have a permit!
If you're watching local and you hear one thing from an Agent, and another thing from a hysterical miner, which one will you believe?
Mildron Klinker > and you where mining in James 315 space without a permit, so your ship had to be decomissioned
Richard Keystone > fuck james
Mildron Klinker > well, he is your and my saviour, so have a bit of respect for the man!
Richard Keystone > i don't know him , i don't care,
Richard Keystone > I repeat: ALL MINERS BEWARE: Mildron Klinker will kill you
Mildron Klinker > well, if you knew him, you wouldn't undock without a permit
If you want to change the world, prepare to have a bunch of people who don't know you saying "fuck you". The world doesn't want to be changed. This is why world-changing men and women must vote on the world's behalf, by proxy. Otherwise we'd all still be living in the stone age, in caves, with no internet. CCP would lose money.
Richard Keystone > how do i ever know that you wont kill me again? huh?
Mildron Klinker > well, if you have a permit and follow the CODE i won't kill you for sure!
Mildron Klinker > Im an Agent of the New Order, not a pirate!
Richard Keystone > and they all say the same
Richard Keystone > you're nothing better
Richard Keystone > even ith a fancy name
Richard conceded the New Order and/or Mildron Klinker had fancy names. A good first step. Yet Richard wouldn't buy a permit. What was he waiting for?
Richard Keystone > what "great" things did james do?
Mildron Klinker > you can read all about that on
Richard Keystone > well i will continue to bring the fight
Richard Keystone > soon
Richard Keystone > you can "try" catching me
Mildron Klinker > did you forget i catched you already? Kill: Richard Keystone (Retriever)
Richard Keystone > you did once
Eventually Richard will have a battleship with enough firepower to destroy the New Order once and for all. Fine. Until then, he can buy a permit like everyone else.
Draxxen Saissore > i don't listen to code nazi's
Richard Keystone > don't ever trust these a-holes
Draxxen Saissore > code reads like hitlers 3rd riech
Draxxen Saissore > EXACTLY THE SAME!!!
Richard Keystone > draxxen i tried warning you
Richard Keystone > and all the other miners
Richard Keystone > too bad noone reads local
As Mildron continued his important work of killing miners, Richard came to realize the fatal flaw in any anti-Order plan: You can't coordinate with AFK people. It took rebel leader Anslo weeks to figure out the same thing.
Mildron Klinker > you should have seen me coming then from a far distance
Richard Keystone > i didn't
Richard Keystone > camera was angled differently
Richard Keystone > sounds off
Mildron Klinker > yeah, i would say so too, watching tv eah ?
Richard Keystone > yep
Mildron Klinker > well, if you watched your miner, you wouldn't loose a retriever
Richard Keystone > a retriever is expendble
Mildron Klinker > yep, the skillbooks in it too, and all the other crap of that retriever also
Richard Keystone > well that one skillbook wasn't
When asked why he didn't see the gank coming, Richard blamed a bad camera angle. What is this, Zelda 64? The real problem was the angle of Richard's eyeballs: They were facing away from his computer screen.
Richard Keystone > if i pay you 10 mil, you ALL leave me alone for a full year?
Mildron Klinker > yes sir
Mildron Klinker > you get the permit, follow the CODE and you'll be fine
Richard Keystone > yes but not convince till i see the permit
Mildron Klinker > well, you should have fate in an Agent of the New Order of Highsec. We are not here to scam or steal. We want all miners CODE compliant.
Defeated, Richard began to seriously consider purchasing a permit. He came so close to accepting the Code!

Alas, at the last moment, Richard was led astray by some bad advice. He chose the path of resistance. It's a path that, as all the other rebels have learned, doesn't take one very far in life. One day Richard Keystone will be back. When he finally does join the New Order, we'll give him some skillbooks to read. Train Code V, everyone.


  1. Even if he did read books I doubt he would learn anything from them. He certainly failed to learn from the ganking he received from Agent Liek Darz only a week prior to this one. If anything the fit got worse.

  2. My my...
    So much blabla and the result still is: anoy some miner and he will still not give any isk to idiots (code-monkeys). So what will come next? An entry about a miner who pays?
    Nobody will believe that anymore. CODE. is fucked since the AT12. Laughing stock of senior minors befor, now laughing stock for newbs also. The next miner who states he was converted will be another code-monkey alt.
    Still this is tagged "victory".
    what a worthless "victory" this is.
    Oh code took a breath of air! VICTORY!

    1. "Miners don't convert!
      Those that do are alts!", said the
      Tautology Club

    2. "The next miner who states he was converted will be another code-monkey alt."

      yes, many miners who convert then start an agent alt to spread the word further. This is a good thing for the Order :) Your criticism lacks temporal sense. An analogy would be criticizing the Nobel prize committee for being a closed small group, because everyone they give a prize to is a Nobel prize winner. Well yes, after they win the prize they are, but they weren't before (usually). Most people understand how time works and aren't confused by this. Anonymous commenters on the internet however...

    3. Neither pseudo haiku nor wannabe smart reply will change that. AT12 marked codies as the idiots they are. Like the lie marathon after the AT12 debacle you are desperatly trying to cover your asses. Like then, it doesn't work. But since you are not the brightest and smartest, you are the last to understand.

    4. "Smart" as an insult
      reveals too much about you
      to care what you think

    5. It is not smart, it is wannbe smart, which means dumb.
      Instead of haiku, better try origami.

  3. And he already learned the truth: Code does not keep promisses.
    Code always wins?
    Ah no...
    Code always lies.

  4. You know the name the road is following?
    It is called "The fail trail"

  5. I bought a permit a few weeks ago, and hung out with them a few days in their main channel. They're cool guys, trying to raise the awareness of people who aren't really playing Eve but sitting there staring at other things. If you're going to be in space, you should really be paying attention to what's going on around you and who is in local. Mining is a passive activity for this reason, to allow you to pay more attention to everything else.... not to go off and watch tv/youtube/etc...

  6. Oi, thats realy following the failtrail to the extreme...
    The lies are getting so stupid that even stupid codies do not believe the anymore.

  7. "Code is impotent!"
    Yes somehow all our critics
    must hide their real names

    1. So maria malukker is your real name?
      You still do not believe that your haiku are bad?
      Not impotence, it was about lack of brains.
      Sylable count over content.
      More proof of code stupidity.
      Sorry but the word ignorance does not cut it for codies.

    2. Slings and arrows, friend
      Before you criticize them
      why not try them out?

      (Communicating effectively in haiku is much harder than it looks. You couldn't do it if you tried)

    3. Oh, it looks hard, seeing you fail so often.

  8. The permit means that you promise to follow the Code. The price on it is not extortion but a means to make the carebear realize that is something of value. Carebears only see things by their value. The permit is not a free-don't-gank-me card. If you have a permit and are not following the Code, then you will be ganked.

    "You get the permit, follow the Code, and you'll be fine."

    It's the plain truth brethren and sisters. No carebear deception or carebear backstabbing here. Look to the Code and be saved.

    1. Or take a shit on code and be better than fine!

  9. The reading material he obviously neglected to have on board was the Code!

    1. *Slowy strokes Revis Owen's bald head.*

  10. I just hope I played a part in getting some gankers banned for good.

  11. Manchurian VendettaOctober 9, 2014 at 8:01 AM

    He got on the red pen list and still the permit was only 10 mill, lousy agent .... red pen triples the cost of a permit does it not.

    The code is a law to be followed and to be administerd, the agents are getting flawed.

    I joined the code, i bumped for the code. Still the code does not work with agents like this Step up your game

  12. Ooooh the red pen.
    To bad codies themself lost the little respect remaining, no one is afraid.
    He did not pay 10, what makes you dream of 30?

    Take your own medicine leave highsec and lean pvp

  13. Code 5 and Awesome 5 are prereq skills for becoming a New Order Agent.

  14. @AnonymousOctober 9, 2014 at 9:02 AM,

    Your weak mindedness has led you to, Perhaps your seeking redemption?

    Being AFK in any game is wrong, if you don't believe so ... please by all means be afk in League of legends, Call of duty (pick your title) or even be afk while in a WoW raid. Your ass is shiney and therefor must be spanked.

  15. Did we miss something? This turd made it to the red pen list, seems a bit shocking... Mistakes do happen, no one is infallible - except maybe the lord and saviour of high sec!

  16. No, no exception, in fact your "fuehrer" is leading in stupid mistakes. Since AT12 you are the laughing stock of eve and you red pen is a brown pen, cause your "fuehrer" keeps it well tucked in his bottom. Thats the reason when you sometimes get a bloody tongue!

  17. I just hope I played a part in getting some gankers banned for good.


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