Wednesday, January 21, 2015

American Miner

When should a new EVE player be expected to begin following the Code? Here's the rule most of our Agents use: If you're old enough to violate the Code, you're old enough to obey the Code.


ryan Penshar took it upon himself to mine in Hek using a fail-fit Retriever. Clearly, this was the handiwork of a new player. Our Agents made a judgment call and killed him.


Luckily, the New Order doesn't engage in senseless violence. Ours are the most justifiable, well-reasoned killings you'll ever see in highsec. To aid in the young Retriever pilot's education, our Agents took time out of their busy schedules to answer ryan's questions about how to avoid being ganked in the future. Yet another service from the New Order, free of charge--and another way we build ties with the highsec miner community.


Agent Perspicacious Bukandara politely requested ryan's killmail. But the miner was prickly right from the jump. He demanded to be called "LT" or "Ryan".


Our Agents taught ryan how to find a lossmail and link it in chat. He didn't bother thanking them. Instead, he said that he would only obey his commanding officer in the Marines. He still wanted to be called LT, which is something he should've considered when creating his character name.


In the midst of his feverish complaints about being new, he mentioned that he had PTSD, and for that reason, he should be called "LT" instead of "sir".


Agent Perspicacious lived up to his name. He patiently explained what kind of game EVE is, and why players can lose ships even if they don't want to. ryan was impatient, though, and didn't seem to want to invest the time needed to learn all of highsec's backstory.


ryan was confronted with evidence that he was an AFK miner. He immediately changed the subject by invoking his real-life military service. Not this again! If ryan really is a soldier, he may have missed his true calling: He deflected like a natural space lawyer.


Perspicacious located the real source of the problem, and his diagnosis had nothing to do with PTSD. The problem was, ryan had never bothered to read the Code before. Our Agent intended to remedy this.


ryan had an answer and an excuse for everything. He even refused to visit MinerBumping to read the Code "because of hacking"...


...and once again, the excuse related to his military service. If anyone in the Marines is reading this, please tell all the IT departments to allow MinerBumping, if they haven't already. This is especially urgent at the one Marine Corps base where no one says "sir".


Our Agents are nothing if not accommodating. Because ryan refused to go to MinerBumping, Perspicacious began systematically copying the text of the Code into the chat window. Guess if ryan showed any gratitude for this service?


ryan expressed his gratitude by reporting Perspicacious to a "friend" who works as a GM for CCP. ryan explained that he didn't like the "changing" rules because he's an Iraq war veteran. He even accused our Agent of not helping him enough. That came as a surprise, considering how much time they were spending on the miner. No good deed goes unpunished.


Agent Tisiphone Dira was amazed. This was the first time a carebear petitioned an Agent for addressing him as sir and "not helping him".


More complaints and demands followed. ryan claimed he came to EVE--a game best known for its unforgiving environment and non-consensual PvP--to "get a break from killing". He also said he was a support agent for Dust 514. You might think Dust 514 is a particularly bad game to play if you want to get a break from killing, the since the whole purpose of the game is shooting people. However, I'm told that after everyone stopped playing Dust, the servers became very peaceful.


Despite our Agents' best efforts, the matter was not resolved to ryan's satisfaction. From his point of view, it's wrong to gank miners without convo'ing them first, because U.S. Marines always give their targets ample warning before shooting them.

It's true, our Agents don't follow the Marines' rules of engagement. We follow a set of rules that we feel is even more suited to policing PvE in empire space. It's called the Code. We're not trying to save Iraq or the Middle East--just highsec. Let's all respect each other by following the Code when we're in highsec. Fair enough?

64 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. No, the rage hunting space whores may have won the sour cock of James the fag ;)

      Delete
    2. Get help, anon@9:18. This obsession with James' sexuality isn't healthy.

      Delete
    3. "DJ EntropyJanuary 21, 2015 at 9:23 PM"
      Go F*CK your self and take your pills ;)
      Not a miner, not AFK so where do you want to go now?
      Call me AFK and miner in the same sentence if we meet in real life and your body might not survive the day ;)
      And that's not a threat that's a promise if you bully in real life as you seems to do in games ;)
      Don't really care if you try to explain that this is a game, I know that allready and I don't play this sick game that allows idiots ;)
      And I know you are RP, maybe I am too, who knows? ;)

      Delete
    4. I think I read the comment sections too often here. I'm starting to recognize these irate anonymous miners by their typing 'styles'. This guy here needs to use a winky face emote after ever single sentence, that other guy uses ellipses for all his punctuation, etc. What that all have in common, however, is a total lack of anything worth reading.

      I've become the most useless detective ever, is what I'm saying.

      Delete
    5. And still you read the comment section?

      Delete
    6. @Anon 9:34PM

      Miner, really, calm down. It'll all be okay. Try to relax and smile.

      Delete
    7. "DJ EntropyJanuary 21, 2015 at 10:25 PM"
      Being a Code. member melts your brain I see ;)
      I don't even play this game so calling me a miner is just an insult :P

      Delete
    8. If it cries like a miner, rants like a miner, makes RL threats like a miner - it's a miner. I call them as I see them. Even if you don't play eve, you are a high-sec miner. You should join in, there's a whole community of angry care bears who would just love you :)

      Delete
    9. @SmileyAnon10:25
      I think it's awesome that you don't even play the game, yet you come here and provide us such wonderful product. Minerbumping.com is serving it's intended purpose, in gathering people like you, EllipseAnon, BuffoonAnon and others to rage so hard at something that doesn't matter in the least to you. Well done. Carry on.

      Delete
    10. "Ming TsoJanuary 21, 2015 at 10:38 PM"
      So what?
      I really don't care about the terrorist in France but I do comment them.
      With you flawed logic they won then?
      All terrorist win when news writes about them?

      Keep playing this EVE game, I still think that's a weird game that allows players flying just under the detection for violation of EULA.
      I have read enought to made my choice not to play EVE ever ;)
      CCP that allows a group to fly so near the violation but just under the radar and players that still claim they not hunt for rage is just wrong game to play.
      If I wanted to hurt players I would play EVE for sure but I'm not the person that hurt people, not in game and not in real life if they don't threaten me.

      So by this you know that the promise is only valid if you threat me. calling me miner and AFK isn't really a threat worth killing you for so.... :P

      Delete
    11. "DJ EntropyJanuary 21, 2015 at 10:36 PM"
      And you are wrong as hell here ;)
      I'm not a person who lives my life safe.
      If I would like to live my life safe I wouldn't do what I do for a living ;)
      And for sure I don't want to be loved :P Trying my best to be a really awful person ;)

      Delete
    12. I gather that the anonymous guy comes here to read and write because he cares. As for the rest of his commentary, it made about as much sense as Sir ryan Penshar.

      Delete
    13. "AnonymousJanuary 21, 2015 at 10:58 PM"
      Just because you are trying to control others life it doesn't mean I can't comment on a game I don't play.
      I bet you comment on rape and robbery even if you don't rape and rob right?

      Delete
    14. DJ good to see you still call it like you see it my friend

      Delete
    15. DJ! Calm down!
      If it ganks like a griefer, talks like a griefer, and walks like a griefer, then you surely are a griefer.
      Good thing ccp had the common sense to remove you from eve :)

      Delete
    16. @WinkyAnon

      "I'm not a person who who lives my life safe!"
      *comments anonymously*
      #minerlogic

      Delete
    17. @Anon 11:17PM

      Awwww, show me on the spaceship doll where DJentropy's catalyst touched you.

      On a related note, any of the fine agents of the New Order can assist you in purchasing a permit for your operations. They are only 10 million ISK per year!

      Delete
    18. Ming TsoJanuary 21, 2015 at 11:18 PM
      @WinkyAnon

      "I'm not a person who who lives my life safe!"
      *comments anonymously*
      #minerlogic

      Dear lord, help ming! he has turned into an owl!

      Delete
    19. DJ EntropyJanuary 21, 2015 at 11:24 PM
      @Anon 11:17PM

      Awwww, show me on the spaceship doll where DJentropy's catalyst touched you.

      No need to DJ, unless you forgot again you have been perma banned?
      I got to mine ore today, you got to cry on here.
      *hands DJ a whine glass* Please fill it with your whine and tears.

      Delete
    20. Tasty tears DJ, very sweet!
      *goes back to mining while you whine more*

      Delete
    21. This idiot sounds like he's 12.
      Does your mom know your on her computer Anon 11:24?

      Delete
    22. Anonymous January 21, 2015 at 10:52 PM

      What threat would have to be made for you to get a character and come and "klll" members of the new order? because I'm making it now :D
      :)
      ;)

      Delete
  2. Got to love how james keeps preaching about how good he and CODE is, yet his killboard dosent have a single kill on it in over 2.5 years!
    http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/combat_record.php?type=player&name=James+315
    What gives james? Hiding in station while your lackeys do the work for you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. James 315 doesn't gank, he bumps. He denies non-compliant miners the ability to mine by bumping them out of mining range. He also cannot be killed, since he flies an Invincible Stabber that is immune to all gank attempts. Unfortunately, CCP did not have the vision of providing killmails for bumping, because if they did, James 315 would be the top recipient of killmails in All of EVE.

      Delete
    2. Now that is stretching the truth to the extreme there Ming...

      Delete
    3. mings telling it like it id. Like all code supporters. James rocks

      Delete
    4. Ming! Calm Down!
      Here is a glass, please fill it with your tears.

      Delete
    5. @WinkyAnon11:15

      When you mimic patented CODE. sayings, such as "Calm Down Miner," you show deference to The Code and The New Order. We are pleased that you find us so fashionable that you attempt to mimic us, and the way that we are so effective at influencing you. We continually consider comments of the type you "inflict" upon us to be entertainment of the highest caliber. Please, continue posting.

      And to continue on the subject of James 315 being Invincible; Just because James 315 flies an Invincible Stabber does not mean it is outside the realm of game mechanics to kill him... He is not a dev with a Polaris frigate, for example. James 315 simply follows the Code. He is never away from his keyboard as he bumps AFK miners away from their asteroids, and as such.. Even if the most highly alphaed battleship were to land on him and attempt to gank, He would be moving, as to deflect most of the damage via high transversal! As you see, James is not some mere cheater who simply relies on developer tricks to maintain His Invincibility, no, he simply tanks the hell out of his Stabber, as all miners should do, and lo, every single person who has ever tried to fight him has died in a ball of agony. The undefeated solo elite PvPer, James 315, our Saviour, and our Invincible Leader.

      Delete
  3. I sense a fake marine here. That really really pisses me off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are easily spotted...

      Delete
    2. We already have space lawyers... now we have space marines?

      Delete
    3. I call BS on this guy being a Marine. All the Marine officers I've dealt with were actually educated and wouldn't spell that poorly. And PTSD? Really? I'd be interested to hear how many deployments he was actually on and where he actually was.

      Delete
    4. Another name added to the 'crush them like a bug' list.
      Fake 'marine' is fake.
      *warms up the wardec button*
      -----------------
      Mike Adoulin

      Delete
    5. There are only one type of Space Marine, and they serve The Emperor!

      Sorry... could not resist Alana, I just love WH40K. Besides... Space Marines follow the CODE.

      Delete
    6. I sense another fake minerbumping story.................

      Delete
    7. fake? every article is backed up by chat logs, kill mails, direct quotes. I'm not sure where you get the idea any of these storied are fake.

      Delete
    8. That guy should have been ganked just for his corp name having an unnecessary apostrophe.

      Delete
  4. I'm sort of surprised the base commander doesn't allow visiting www.minerbumping.com but he's A-OK with some Marine playing Eve on a government computer. Not that the computers the Navy let me use could even handle the graphics but I'm pretty sure we were supposed to be doing military stuff, not mining.

    If he's an LT he should be used to being called "sir". It appears he's not real familiar a computer keyboard though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. whoops. how ironic...

      Delete
    2. That is exactly what I was thinking. More stolen valor BS. Its fun to pretend on the internet, but I don't know how you can survive 5 minutes on base if you can't handle the word "Sir".

      Delete
  5. Is obviously some pimply faced teenager destined for a great career in EVE much like JT Clones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He would fit right in with CODE then huh?
      He could have a circle jerk with DJ and erotica....oh wait, they cant log in anymore.

      Delete
    2. I'm not really comfortable with how much time you miners spend on erotic fantasies about our Agents. Though I guess there is one lesson to be drawn from how consistent these fantasies are among miners:

      Becoming an Agent will make you irresistibly sexy!

      Delete
    3. Anon 12:08 AM is so mad.

      Why you so mad?

      Delete
  6. Everyone please give a jeer for Hiasa, one of CODE's finest fails of gankerdom.
    https://eve-kill.net/?a=pilot_detail&plt_id=1729153

    0 kills and 9 losses? Tisk tisk
    Where are your kills hiasa?

    Ryan Heathen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This from the guy who's spent the last month writing an elaborate fanfic about how he's fighting and killing gankers, despite his killboard showing zero activity since October, 2013.

      Please, Ryan, tell us more about the website you only know about because I linked you to it earlier today.

      Delete
    2. oh my looks like ryans nemesis is the same as every other nemesis the new order has had, all talk and no action.

      Delete
  7. WOW....so much butt hurt from both the miners and new order....
    Amazing people get so upset over virtual space pixels.
    Seriously you all need to turn off the computers and go outside for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you are throwing around multiple diagnoses of butthurt, I fear that you may not have completed all of the coursework to become a certified space doctor. Instead of space medicine, perhaps your talents are more suited for space law?

      Delete
  8. These miners should stop trying to get special treatment in the event they are all personal friends with GM's. I have lots of CCP friends, but I keep that separate from Eve. That said, a real GM friend would suggest you buy a mining permit or stop mining all together. They are only 10 million isk and good for an entire year. If they didn't make such a suggestion, I propose that either they aren't really friends at all or LT Dan or whatever his name is actually lying to his agents, which sure sounds like a Code violation right there!

    ReplyDelete
  9. We are James 315 everytime we undock and dunk a freighter on your face.

    ReplyDelete
  10. As AnonymousJanuary 22, 2015 at 4:43 AM Said,
    Wow! And eve players are supposed to be more mature then star trek online players?
    While eve online is still semi good as a game, it pales to star trek online.
    How? you might ask. Easy.
    Subscriptions: Eve has 350-400k paying accounts. STO has 1.4 million paying accounts, out of a total of 3.4 million playing accounts (as of jan 2014). It has gone up since, its now 1.6 million paying accounts out of just over 4 million playing accounts (as of jan 2015).
    Player base: Its rare to hear about STO players raging or throwing tantrums like i see posted above, simply because there is no griefing, no ganking, no kill stealing, no ransoming, ect ect.
    Players in STO have more things to do then in eve. Yes, i said it, they have more to do. STO has where you can explore the surface of planets, eve hasent even tried to tackle that yet. In STO, you can walk around in stations, eve tried that and it was a total failure. Add to that, STO allows you to walk around in your ship, invite people to your ship, visit and walk around in your fleet star base, fleet dilithium mine, fleet embassy, and fleet spire.
    You might say at this point, well you obviously dont play in space much. Actully we do, we have regular space missions, patrol missions, deep space encounters, invasions, exploration, and survey missions.
    As far as things to fight, in each of the above you have enemies to deal with, and you can either do it solo or team up with other players to accomplish goals together. Very rare outside of ganking and pvp in eve do players team up to do anything.
    Eve has 4 main races to play, which are all branches of the same race. Not very much difference between them all. STO has quite a few more playable races. Human, Vulcan, Andorian, Rigellian, Orion, Klingon, Romulan, Reman, Joined Trill, Unjoined Trill, Bajoran, Betazoid, Benzite, the list just goes on and on and on.
    STO has what we call boffs and doffs, Bridge Officers, and Duty Officers. They have roles in what you do in game, and give alot more flexability to playstyle. Eve has muted unseen crewmen that crew your ships that you blow up on a regular basis.
    I can log into STO, play for hours on end, and not do the same thing twice in a day, simply because there is so many things to do, so much to keep anyone busy. The other day i played for 14 hours, guess how many times i repeated the same thing. Yup, not once. Even after 14 hours of playing i still had things i didnt do for the day, and could have.
    Add to that the players are really friendly, and even if someone from eve would show up and try to cause problems they wouldent be able to do anything. Try to steal a fleet in STO, wont happen, cause you cant. Try to gank someone, imposible to do since you have to request a pvp fight with them and they can ignore you. Try to ransom someone, you cant, they can warp out, especialy since you cant web or scram them. They might stick around and fight you, but if your beating them it dosent amount to anything. You wont destroy their ship, at worse you will cause a little bit of damage.

    In the end, Star Trek Online is beating eve in everything,
    Heck, a large part of the player base comes from eve,

    Best of luck with your game,
    Fleet Admiral Megan Larson from Star Trek Online.

    P.S. if you want to try a better game, down load STO, try it out and look me up, ill be happy to help you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Its rare to hear about STO players raging or throwing tantrums like i see posted above, simply because there is no griefing, no ganking, no kill stealing, no ransoming, ect ect."

      *Brags about how STO has more content than EvE*

      #minerlogic

      Delete
    2. STO is Free 2 Play/Pay 2 win. Which is what all MMOs do... right before they're about to die.

      In EVE we have anger and rage. Which, by your admission of reading this site, is more a more fun motivator than being yet another bland, boring grindfest, virtually indistinguishable from Star Wars: The Old Republic. (which, by the way, is also dying.)

      Delete
    3. Hey i see you over there eating oranges, but you should eat these apples everything about them is better than oranges.

      Delete
    4. Can you do anything in STO that isn't boring carebear shit?

      I'm a big fan of star trek but the picture you paint sounds like a snooze-fest...


      -Oink

      Delete
    5. I've tried STO a couple of times. All there was to do each time was grind boars in a few different ways. Most other MMORPGs are the same.

      EVE is different, eve is not for people who want to grind boars. If grinding boars is what you want to do then go do it, but dont come on here telling people who want something different that they should be grinding boars also

      Delete
    6. roflmao

      The only reason to play STO is to see the saddest Goons on the interwebs, Starfleet Dental. Or if you are a raging Trektard, as evidenced above.

      Also, while I despise what happened to STO (the initial concept was awesome....) I have to give it a grudging respect for being, as far as I know, the best Single Player On-Line RPG out there. You can go from level 1 to level cap and never, ever interact with another human being at all. Ever. And the benefits of subbing to it are minimal...the game is designed for microtransactions.

      --------------
      Mike Adoulin

      Delete
    7. EVE is what you make it, In the big wide real world, we all have choices, I can, If I so wished, just come up to you and punch you in the face, sure, there maybe consequences to my actions, maybe you turn around and beat the hell out of me, maybe I get arrested, maybe nothing happens and I get away with no repercussions, at all.

      The point is, as a human being with free will, I am free to do what ever the fuck I want.

      As in EVE, were are given the same rules to play by, good or bad, and there's repercussions as there is in the real world, concord, other players etc

      There is not enough games that give us this freedom (props to Haven & hearth) but hey, if you want to spend you free time playing some mindless scripted, repetitive garbage, carry on, but you really cant compare the two

      Delete
    8. http://www.havenandhearth.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=17900

      All the crying miners should just read this, its a long read, but relevant

      Delete
    9. I'm going to quote the best part of this:

      "[T]here does not exist a clear divide between offensive and peaceful actions. Every action you do denies another player some potential action. In speaking with von Clausewitz, we can observe that combat, thus, is only the continuation of action denying by other means. If you stand on the tile I wish to plow, I can hurt you to make you go away. If, on the other hand, I can't attack you, then you have the means to permanently and irrevocably deny me particular courses of action for as long as you and your whims see fit. And, in this sense, every potential action is always offensive or, every potential action is always peaceful or the distinction is meaningless, whichever one you prefer."

      Delete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.