(Long-time readers of MinerBumping know, sadly, that I'm not making these excuses up; carebears have field-tested all of them.)
It's interesting to consider that these real-life reasons for leaving the keyboard only affect players in highsec. You've never heard of someone losing a nullsec fleet battle because their fleet commander had a real-life emergency. Life only interferes with highsec dwellers, it seems.
Lately, as the New Order has tightened its control over more and more systems, the carebears have grown increasingly creative. Aaron Dontera, for instance, explained that he uses autopilot and goes AFK without a permit because he only has one hand. If any readers can follow that logic, let me know.
In some cases, the invasion of one's country might lead directly to AFK mining. To the carebear, all roads lead to bot-aspirancy.
Agent Chocolate Mooses sent me a report about one of the most baffling excuses for AFK mining I've yet seen. The name of the miner in question has been withheld, for reasons which will become clear in a moment.
Chocolate Mooses > GF mateEverything started out fine, at first. The miner even congratulated our Agents on their gank, as the Code requires. But something was different about this miner. For some reason, he was very confident that he would be reimbursed for his Mackinaw loss.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > nice suicide
Chocolate Mooses > lol thanks
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > but one problem
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > you guys owe me 200mill
Chocolate Mooses > Why is that?
Chocolate Mooses > You were stealing ice from james315The reimbursement petition was appealed to the CEO of The Conference Elite, a fine young gentleman and PvP legend, Agent loyalanon. He would set things right.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > okay then i will talk to the ceo about it
Chocolate Mooses > Please do, want me to invite him to chat now?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > sure
Chocolate Mooses > xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx This is my CEO, loyalanon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 0/
loyalanon > Hello
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > Hey loyal yo corp mates performed a nice suicide kill which will look good on you KBSuddenly, the miner revealed the justification for his reimbursement request. Our Agents were caught off-guard, to say the least.
loyalanon > Ok
loyalanon > and what is the problem
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > but i need my 200 mill back
loyalanon > ok and what makes you think you qualify for reimbursement?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > because this toon is named after my fiancee that died in a carcrash 3 years ago
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > actually you can search googleThe miner linked an online obituary. Sure enough, the deceased individual had the same first, middle, and last name as the miner's character name, and had passed away about three years earlier.
loyalanon > can you link me something
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n= [remainder of URL omitted]
Chocolate Mooses > I'm so sorry to hear about your RL loss, Shev :(
loyalanon > So what does your character name have to do with us?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > well anyone that pods her i always ask first before excalateing
loyalanon > Im not sure I understand this correctlyIn a bizarre twist, the miner believed that the character name of his Mackinaw pilot entitled him to absolute immunity from suicide ganks in highsec.
loyalanon > you want us to reimburse you because of your characters name?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > @loyal YES
Chocolate Mooses > Personally, I am sorry to hear about anyone's RL loss.
loyalanon > but you died in honourable pvp
Chocolate Mooses > Yes, it was a fair fight and there was no way we could know about these obvious outstanding issues.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > I understand loyal but in this case you need to make an exception
loyalanon > you did not have a mining permit and were found illegally mining in James 315 territoryIf the ganker's corp, The Conference Elite, did not reimburse the miner, he threatened to escalate things. But how?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > You cant possibly think eve will just let you suicide folks and have no escalation?
loyalanon > are you threatening us?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > If James contacted me then mabye this would be a different conversation
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > too bad hes offline
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > since your corp is responsible then I will hold you accountable
loyalanon > Well please let me know how you imagine this is going to work outThe miner served up another startling revelation: Though he'd spent at least the last three years mining in highsec, he was actually a PvP'er himself. If he did not get satisfaction, he would kill one hundred New Order vessels, for a total loss of approximately 5 billion isk. (The average gank Catalyst costs 50 million isk, apparently.)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > how about me killing 100 of your ships or 5 billion worth
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > and i will also contact James as well
Chocolate Mooses > James is a really good guy.Our Agents, having much experience with such threats, advised the miner to buy a permit instead. But the miner was too confident in his combat abilities.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > give him a copy of this conversation
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > cant wait to meet him
loyalanon > dont forget a mining permit
loyalanon > before operating in ALL James 315 territory again
Chocolate Mooses > I can get you a permit now, it will help if you plan on talking to James.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > lol after im finished with you guys i will have a free lifetime permit
loyalanon > were you also seeking reimbursement for the capsule?In a display of typical New Order honesty and integrity, loyalanon reminded the miner that he'd also lost a pod worth around half a billion isk. The miner repaid this kindness by increasing the size of his threat. He also admitted that he was multiboxing miners. He didn't say if they were all immune from ganking, though.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > oh shit i forgot about the imp[lants
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > so its 700 mill you owe me now
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > or 8 billion worth of ships
Chocolate Mooses > Did you not find the obvious scout sitting @ 0 meters from you as something that should be a warning sign?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > no im running like 5 toons at once
Chocolate Mooses > no one said EVE was safeEager to get at least the majority of his money back, the miner lowered his offer from 700 million to 500 million isk. Either the money would be paid, or he would exact 8 billion isk worth of revenge. As always, the miner--despite his earlier fixation on character names--focused everything on money money money, isk isk isk.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > not compared to the pain you guys will receive
Chocolate Mooses > Tell me about this pain?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > okay i will make a deal
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 500 mill
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > thats my final offer
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > trust me there is no empty threat here
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > okay you have 60 sec to agree to my 500 millThen came a countdown timer. Unlike previous countdown timers from existential highsec threats like Mine Teck, this one ticked down in real time. Our Agents had to scramble to find the cash.
loyalanon > when did the timer start?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 45 sec
loyalanon > from now or from when you first gave me 60 seconds?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 30 sec
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 15 sec
Chocolate Mooses > Can we start over?In fact, our Agents were stalling for time, just like every single person who ever was told to pay a ransom.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 5
Chocolate Mooses > Give us a min man
loyalanon > wait wait wait lets discuss this again
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 4
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 3
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 2
Chocolate Mooses > we're trying to find the money
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 1Having failed to pay the ransom, our Agents had no choice but to prepare themselves for war. This is what highsec honour requires. And as we wait for the miner to launch his campaign of destruction against the New Order, I'd like to remind everyone of the following:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > 0
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > !!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > Bravo
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > thisn will be alot of fun
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx > you gentlemen have a nice day
New Order mining permits are good for one year, they're valid in all highsec systems, and they cost only 10 million isk--just as they always have. If anyone has a legitimate reason for not purchasing one, I've yet to hear it.